back to article Come, chant with us over a sacrificial goat and predict 2021's biggest tech stories to a high degree of accuracy

This time last year, it would have been a simple matter to predict that the world's supply chain would be disrupted for all things tech, and that it would not be Trump who did it, but a sudden, unexpected pandemic that impacted every aspect of our working and personal lives. Right, Gartner? So what does 2021 hold for tech's big …

  1. Korev Silver badge
    Pint

    Love it!

    A pint for Rupert -->

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Brilliant!

      Still, given 2020, wouldn't 2021 predictions demand the sacrifice of a bull?

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        I think you're off by a couple orders of magnitude. Use the whole hecatomb.

  2. Steve K

    Seconded!

    Brand it "Goatner" and I'd sign up

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      Re: Seconded!

      Your goat-too source of capricious ruminations.

      1. Captain Hogwash
        Coat

        Goat

        Seems a bit of a stretch to me.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Seconded!

        Dammit!

    2. chivo243 Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Seconded!

      Really, that is quite good, now I need to wipe the tea out of my beard and mustache, just missed the keyboard!

  3. Blackjack Silver badge

    Microsoft rolls out a new GUI or Theme

    Gets accused of copying a popular Linux distribution, people download Classic Shell to get the old look back since is faster. A small minority defends the new look and accuses Linux of cloning it despite being the other way around. Then Microsoft rolls a new update so terrible most people stop talking about Windows new paint job and talk about the new update instead.

  4. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Brilliant !

    A fine bite for the Vultures :)

  5. Dr_N
    Joke

    Zunograph

    WOoT!

    Alternatively a GramoZune would be a great xmas gift for 2021.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Zunograph

      85-minute battery life. Simply awesome, exactly what we need while working from home. Every hour on the hour, charge it up baby!

  6. Chris G

    If Google

    Truly shut down, then Faecebook would expand exponentially into a slime breathing, IQ sucking behemoth that will try to take over every aspect of people's lives, nuke it from space now!

    1. Robert Moore
      Pint

      Re: If Google

      You say that like Facebook isn't already "a slime breathing, IQ sucking behemoth that will ... take over every aspect of people's lives"

  7. b0llchit Silver badge
    Devil

    Great Sigh Of Relief

    Google and other Big Tech will probably shut down when most of the workforce unionises. The little wage-slaves are not to be trusted and must be sent a message. Better to shut them out by closing shop than to listen to the demands of a fair workplace and fair pay. Who the hell do these slaves think they are.

  8. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Apple

    Whatever Rupert has been smoking (same as Steve Jobs?), there is no prediction on The Register getting back on Apple's good books

    1. cookieMonster

      Re: Apple

      Oh, there is, right after satan finishes building his new snow palace

  9. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Apple TV

    practically overnight, the company exhausts its petty cash on developing another Apple TV iteration

  10. Danny Boyd

    Marvelous!

    Just... marvelous!

  11. 4whatitsworth

    I for one would welcome the Great Sigh Of Relief.

  12. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    Microsoft Watch

    You forgot to mention the upgrade cycle that causes it to be unavailable for almost a day and to make sure that 32GB is always free on it even though everything on the phone is stored up in the Cloud somewhere.

  13. Roger Kynaston Silver badge
    Coat

    So what about

    The other antisocial media giants. Does Twitter implement IP over Avian Carriers (coo!)? Reddit diversifies into a new delivery platform using cellulose derivatives . The idea that TikTok relocates to Switzerland would be just cuckoo.

    Does Alibaba launch a new open source operating system called OpenSesame?

  14. slimshady76
    Coat

    You obviously left Facebook out of this..

    ... because you have already been assimilated.

    Mine is the one with the tinfoil hat in the inner left pocket.

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