back to article Lay down your souls to the gods of rock 'n' roll: Conspiracy theorists' 5G 'vaccine' chip schematic is actually for a guitar pedal

Bass. Treble. Mid. Volume. Erm, footswitch and... 5G FREQ?! We've got it, people, we've found the top-secret diagram of the "COVID-19 5G chip" that Bill Gates is going to insert into our brains! We imagine this is the thought process of conspiracy theorists who have misappropriated a schematic for Boss's legendary MT-2 Metal …

  1. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Wah Wah Wah Waaaaaaaaaah

    New term to coin, Raise you arm above your head and rotate it: Air News.

  2. Potemkine! Silver badge

    Doh!

    Never underestimate the deep stupidity of conspiracy theorists. They will always be able to astonish us.

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: Doh!

      They aren't deeply stupid. It's just that their thought processes are controlled by electromagnetic waves from Venus, so they suffer from crippling latency.

      1. Blank Reg Silver badge

        Re: Doh!

        What? Since when do conspiracy theorists have thought processes?

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Doh!

        That's the women. Us men get our electromagnetic waves from Mars. There was a tell-all exposé book all about it back in the early 90s, or thereabouts. It sold rather well, so it must have been highly accurate.

        1. Medieval Research Council

          Re: Doh!

          1982/3. I was working in a city with lots of bookstores, GF was working in a remote suburb so I was instructed to obtain a copy. Gave it a quick look-though before handing it over. My opinion of its accuracy was not well received.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Doh!

            Name seems to check out ... Can I borrow your time machine?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Doh!

      Never underestimate the deep stupidity of conspiracy theorists

      HUH??? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING??????

      I mean, it's COMMON KNOWLEDGE that the Boss MT-2 Metal Zone pedal was used by AC/DC's Angus Young1 on the solo of "INJECT THE VENOM"!!!!!!!!

      COINCIDENCE????!!!!!! WAKE UP SHEEPLE2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1Yes I know, in reality Angus wouldn't soil his guitar sound with moshy Boss transistor crassness, the only things he used were valves, valves, and more valves...

      2Obligatory XKCD - https://xkcd.com/1013/

      1. Roger Kynaston Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Doh!

        upvoted for a brilliant xkcd.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Doh!

        The good covid-doubters obviously got the wrong circuit. This is the right one:

        https://xkcd.com/730/

      3. jake Silver badge

        Re: Doh!

        Long before XKCD commented on the subject of sheeple, E. C. Segar used the term in a Popeye cartoon in 1930.

        Given that such terms are often in the common vernacular long before making it into print, the term has probably been used to describe people blindly following [something] without bothering to actually think about what they are following for well over a century. There is a reason that Orwell used sheep the way he did in 1945's Animal Farm.

        1. Ropewash

          Re: Doh!

          Older than that...

          The Lord is a shepherd.

          1. Stoneshop Silver badge
            Angel

            No, The Lord is a cat.

            “Ah!” barked Zarniwoop, “you say ‘The Lord’. You believe in something!”

            “My cat,” said the man benignly, picking it up and stroking it, “I call him The Lord. I am kind to him.”

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: Doh!

            I thought we were discussing the history of word "sheeple" as used in the English Language, not the history of the effect that it is describing. The effect itself goes back to the first proto-shaman separating the ignorant from their meager scavenged food because his cave or hollow tree looked scary. Cushiest job in Africa a couple million years ago, I'm sure.

      4. KittenHuffer Silver badge

        Re: Doh!

        Shirley the XKCD ref should be Rule 34!

        https://xkcd.com/305/

      5. Huw D

        Re: Doh!

        Actually, valves and his Schaffer-Vega wireless system.

        https://bobbyowsinskiblog.com/2016/10/27/secret-acdc-guitar-sound/

    3. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Doh!

      Yes, but the true, diehard conspiracy theorists are now saying that someone intercepted the graphic and reimposed a guitar pedal circuit diagram to make them look stupid.

      Golden Rule #1: Never try to disprove a conspiracy theorist as all you are doing is to confirm to them that everyone really is out to get them.

      1. Snake Silver badge

        Re: Doh!

        "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

        - Mark Twain

        1. Baldy1138

          Re: Doh!

          Actually Cocteau. Jean, not the twins.

        2. Cubical Drone

          Re: Doh!

          There is a variant to that one that I like.

          "Arguing with idiots is like trying to play chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird knocks over all the pieces, craps on the board then struts around like it has won."

          1. gnasher729 Silver badge

            Re: Doh!

            I thought that was about playing chess with Trump

            1. Stoneshop Silver badge

              Re: Doh!

              Trump would keep setting the clock back so he'd have more time to 'think', and having been checkmated already, will put pressure on FIDE to have them declare half your moves illegal .In the end, having received 'no' for an answer after making offers that can easily be refused, he takes a golf club and smashes the board and all the remaining[0] pieces.

              [0] the ones you allowed him to capture are immediately locked up.

          2. KBeee Silver badge

            Re: Doh!

            Or "Never get into a battle of wits with an unarmed man"

            1. Hazmoid

              Re: Doh!

              Or to coin my own phrase, "debating anti-vaxxers is like mud wresting with a pig, you both end up covered in shit but the pig enjoys it"

              1. Hey Nonny Nonny Mouse

                Re: Doh!

                Fits perfectly but hardly your phrase, I've been using that for years after I heard it spoken by a customer at my first IT job 30 years ago

                1. You aint sin me, roit Silver badge
                  Trollface

                  Putin's variant...

                  "Like shearing a pig - lots of squeals, no wool"

      2. CuChulainn

        Re: Doh!

        "Yes, but the true, diehard conspiracy theorists are now saying that someone intercepted the graphic and reimposed a guitar pedal circuit diagram to make them look stupid."

        You've noticed this, as well?

        I love arguing with them on various forums. Their standard MO is to post about ten completely unrelated conspiracies in answer to every single challenge (copious links to the Corbett Report are mandatory), or merely 'hint' at things in answer to complex explanations (i.e. "do your research" and 'wake up" are absolutely genuine favourites).

        The upshot is that you can never, never, EVER get any closer to making them see or admit they're wrong - even with fundamental science issues. It's like trying to pick up Jell-o with a pin.

        They just branch off with new unrelated conspiracies ad infinitum.

        1. macjules Silver badge

          Re: Doh!

          Worse. I met these people last year in Cancun. These are ‘ordinary’ Americans who so totally believe that Trump is 100% right and that the Vatican, Israel, Iran and China are working together to destroy them (why is it always the Jews?). One couple had an amazingly levelheaded and convincing argument as to why Gates, Cook, Clinton and Musk were going to introduce a ‘Nexus 6’ type chip into the vaccines to limit human life once they have retired and are no longer productive.

          Following the ‘play up to them’ aspect both my wife and I showed them our vaccination scars and convinced them that we had already been timestamped for death in 2040 at age 70.

          I love America but by God they make it hard to do so.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Doh!

            I love America but Americans make it hard to do so surely?

          2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

            Re: Doh!

            "I love America but by God they make it hard to do so."

            Au contraire, you should be proud that your country tolerates these fools and their damaging nonsense so indulgently. Lesser countries might just arrest them for bad thinking and put them in a special place where they can be re-educated.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Doh!

        '..Yes, but the true, diehard conspiracy theorists are now saying that someone intercepted the graphic and reimposed a guitar pedal circuit diagram to make them look stupid.'

        No no no, far too simplistic...

        True Diehard conspiracy theorists are now working on a scenario involving lizard people alien technowizardry Inorporated in the femtotech slaver chips contained in the various vaccines only being activated by the sound of a specific '64 SG fitted with pickups made from reversed engineered alien tech recovered from the Roswell crash played through one of these pedals.

        Once a goodly number of the sheeple have been vaccinated, there will be a global hit engineered, most probably with lyrics celebrating the end of the Covid terror (but lyrics with darker, deeper, mocking hidden NWO meanings). This hit will feature the guitar solo which will enslave humanity, played on the guitar, through this pedal design.

        And once activated, the slaver chips (which by this time, should all be in position in all of our brains) will obviously then be controlled by the 5G network.

        I know this all to be very true, as I once read it all in a mate of a mate's photocopy of a photocopy of the Varo Edition of John Dee's original green biro manuscript translation of the very very ultra secret prophecies of Nostradamus...

        (Paging Mr Birnes...paging Mr Birnes...)

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Doh!

        The true diehard Q conspiracists are now saying Biden is JFK Jr and he's been allowed to win by Trump- because he's actually an undercover Trump cabalist who's going to carry on the work of rooting out the satanic paedophiles.

        Don't believe me? It's all out there already and is gaining ground.

        Whoever first imagined this Q conspiracy must be drowning in a lake of piss from all the laughter at the morons who believe it.

    4. Imhotep Silver badge

      Re: Doh!

      I've been reading some comments elsewhere from people that believe the vaccine is inserting nanobots into people. They're not quite clear on to what end.

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Doh!

        If those nanobots are built around this circuit there will be a marked increase in appreciation for heavy metal, which as all good people know has deep ties[0] with Satanism just like the 'music' by those four perverts from Liverpool, Satanism involves child sacrifices and this all needs to be prevented at all cost. Even torching not-5G phone base stations is perfectly fine because you just need to be very very thorough in cases like this.

        [0] and if not directly obvious you should just play the songs backwards.

    5. CuChulainn

      Re: Doh!

      Back in April - when MSN still had a comments forum - I was having fun with several of the resident crackpots.

      Back then, the 'chip-in-a-vaccine' conspiracy was rife, and they even had a patent number - this is the actual patent: https://patentscope.wipo.int/search/en/detail.jsf?docId=WO2020060606

      Try as I might, I could not get them to understand that mind-control was not included - if indeed a vaccination was.

      One particular character would repeat the number in every post, on every article about COVID. He would not budge an inch.

  3. Martin Summers Silver badge

    Each day I am further scared by the creations of my fuck witted colleagues, in humanity.

  4. don't you hate it when you lose your account Silver badge

    Social media

    Getting more like socially mediocre. I'll carry on giving it a miss

    1. Adelio Silver badge

      Re: Social media

      Have you seen the film Idiocracy?

      1. heyrick Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Social media

        Film? God, I thought it was a documentary...

        1. KillStuffMount

          Re: Social media

          Not yet, but sooooooooon [tm]

          1. Steve Kerr

            Re: Social media

            No, I beg to differ - Idiocracy is already here and putting up fortifications and digging in.

          2. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker Silver badge

            Re: Social media

            I hear your comment said by the Epic Voice Guy from YouTube's "Honest Trailers".

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Social media

          It was a live stream of Earth in the year 2020, and now I see they forgot to turn it off.

    2. vogon00

      Re: Social media

      My 4 favourite / most useful lines from my moderately lengthy home dnsmasq [1] config are :

      address=/.doubleclick.net/0.0.0.0

      address=/.facebook.com/0.0.0.0

      address=/.reddit.com/0.0.0.0

      address=/.twitter.com/0.0.0.0

      It's perfectly possible to exist without social media... once you realise it's mostly bollocks, and anything of value can be found in other channels..

      [1] All hail and give thanks to Simon Kelly

  5. Franco Silver badge

    If only this would stop the theorists, but they'll say it's a deep state conspiracy to undermine them and move on. Also if they're proper gear heads they'll argue over whether or not an analog or digital pedal is better and what sort of NOS opamps it should have had and how much better it would have sounded it it was made by hand with germanium transistors and carbon resistors.

    A volume control on these nutcases might not be the worst idea in the world though......

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Flame

      The truest gearheads

      should redo the schematic using glowbottles and size the other components appropriately. You know, those things that become rather hot when in use, and run on 100 Volt DC and up.

      Size leaves little option as to where the devices then need to be 'injected'.

  6. PerlyKing Silver badge
    Go

    Molten guitar leads

    Just don't look at his face: Gary Moore's last live performance of Parisienne Walkways

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: Molten guitar leads

      See also-

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUaevnP1LLg&pbjreload=101

      Moore lays off the shreddies and just jams with some other blues guy.. :)

  7. Genesisjoec

    Rock and roll!

  8. Chris G Silver badge

    That must be

    One helluva needle to get a foot pedal into your arm. I bet it's a painful shot too.

    The most useful effect would be a mute button for a fair percentage of the population.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: That must be

      The most useful effect would be a mute button for a fair percentage of the population.

      Which is already there. You just have to make sure that if the body happens to be found there are absolutely no traces leading back to you.

      1. Chris 15

        Well

        Quicklime and a shovel, as well as knowledge of nearby construction jobs about to do a concrete pour. Isn't that the usual BOFH formula? Don't forget the piece of old carpet!

        1. Cliffwilliams44 Bronze badge

          Re: Well

          Well, the paving and concrete company is owned by your pal Vinnie. Especially if your in the NE US. Every paving/concrete company I ever did work for up there was owned by a guy who's last name ended in a vowel.

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: That must be

      One helluva needle to get a foot pedal into your arm. I bet it's a painful shot too.

      The French will probably take it as a suppository. Possibly a little less painful, but still not ideal.

    3. CuChulainn

      Re: That must be

      "One helluva needle to get a foot pedal into your arm. I bet it's a painful shot too."

      Even more fun once it reaches the aorta.

    4. ibmalone Silver badge

      Re: That must be

      And that's without the pedalboard. You can't tell me they're running on battery.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    what process node is this fabricated on? I'm super excited that someone has managed to implement a 10uF electrolytic capacitor in silicon.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Boffin

      what process node is this fabricated on?

      I'm super excited that someone has managed to implement a 10uF electrolytic capacitor in silicon.

      Could be a thick-film circuit[0], with 10uF ceramics in 0805.

      [0] very appropriate when dealing with conspiracy thickos.

  10. Patched Out
    Joke

    These kinds of devices must be stomped on!

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Now their secret is known, I bet they're back peddling like mad...

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Megaphone

        Biggest problem is the feedback loop.

        1. jake Silver badge

          I hear that one is quite the buzz. Quite popular with fuzzy thinkers.

          1. Korev Silver badge
            Coat

            What did you bass that on?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

    Ha ha, its funny, except it isn't.

    Q. How many people need to take the vaccine for herd immunity?

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/rachelsandler/2020/12/24/how-many-americans-need-to-get-vaccinated-to-reach-herd-immunity-it-could-be-90-fauci-says/

    "Dr. Anthony Fauci said Thursday that 90% of the population may need to be immune in order to stop the coronavirus from spreading, a marked increase from estimates earlier in the pandemic that put the figure closer to 60-70%"

    Q. How many US Americans are prepared to be vaccinated?

    https://www.mediamatters.org/coronavirus-covid-19/tucker-carlsons-history-pushing-vaccine-conspiracy-theories

    "Fox News’ Tucker Carlson has ramped up misleading anti-vaccine conspiracy theories on his nightly prime-time show as the latest polls show ONLY HALF of Americans are willing to take a coronavirus vaccine"

    Half. Not enough people in the US will take the vaccine to suppress the virus, even if only 60% needed to take it to get herd immunity, Fox News has spewed enough lies to keep it below that.

    Without the vaccine 1 in 100 people will die, R0 is greater than 1 and it will inevitably spread. Fox News will kill 1% of the population.

    With the vaccine, 1 in ~1500 people will die, but R0 is way less than 1 and it will fizzle out quickly, millions of lives saved.

    IF YOU LET IT SPREAD, IT MUTATES and it will evolve immunity to the vaccine. UK is not safe from the liars on Fox News. You had your own newly evolved strain come up, and thankfully it still responds to the vaccine. Next time you might not be so lucky. Fox News can potentially keep it going, long enough to evolve new strains that are immune from the vaccine.

    Also notice how the right wing press no longer pretends "evolution" is just a theory. Republicans couldn't wait to get their vaccine shots! It's pure politics, if they can keep the disease going, they can blame the people they killed with their lies on Biden as a political strategy to win the next election. They don't care about the people they kill with their lies.

    ----------

    If you don't see how much damage liars on Fox News and in the Republican media can do, can I remind you of mask rollout and social distancing. New Zealand did pandemic control, R0 fell to 0.4 and poof the virus burned itself out, and they were disease free.

    Meanwhile in the US.

    Masks don't work claims Laura Ingraham:

    https://twitter.com/MattGertz/status/1265623865105006592

    The cure is worse than the disease, says Fox News Scott Atlas, as he intentionally tries to spread the virus:

    https://www.foxnews.com/media/coronavirus-cure-worse-disease-scott-atlas

    Social Distancing doesn't work says Fox News:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZddwdDo9zg

    They managed to undermine simple public health measures that could eliminate the disease in a few weeks if done properly. Those 686,000 people didn't need to die, Fox News doesn't just help kill its own viewers, it's killing their relatives too.

    686,000 = current projected US deaths by April 1st assuming aggressive rollout of the vaccine:

    https://www.wcvb.com/article/us-coronavirus-deaths-are-projected-to-reach-567-000-by-april-even-amid-vaccine-rollout/35066788

    TV Liars spewing TV lies in order to intentionally spread a deadly disease to kill people for gain.

    Sponsored by

    https://www.mediamatters.org/fox-news/these-are-fox-news-leading-advertisers

    Procter & Gamble.

    Amazon

    Kraft Heinz

    Pfizer (!)

    Best Buy

    Sandals Resorts

    PetSmart

    Liberty Mutual

    Allstate

    Progressive

    Verizon

    Abbott

    General Motors

    Carvana

    Noom

    Novartis

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

      People rejecting the vaccine is good - funny even. It means they're selecting themselves out of the gene pool. Have the vaccine and enjoy watching the mayhem among those who don't.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        Some truith to that, except:

        * not all the anti-vaxers will get COVID

        * of those that do, some will spread it to (and eventually kill) others who can't get vaccinated

        * of those that get COVID, many will survive (and will use that fact as "proof" that it's not a bad/real disease)

        1. Paul Johnston

          Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

          Please correct me if I am wrong but unless the vaccine gives sterilizing immunity people will still be able to be infected by the virus if they have been vaccinated. They themselves may not go on to develop serious health issues but will be able to pass it on. I was under the impression that the testing of the vaccine only shows people who get it are less liable to fall seriously ill but does not show they cannot pass it on.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

            AFAIK this was part of the clinical trial of Oxford/AstraZeneca trials and it was found that it did give sterilising immunity although I'm not sure about the percentage. I don't think Pfizer gathered tht data and I'm not sure about the others.

        2. Stoneshop Silver badge

          of those that get COVID, many will survive

          with a fair percentage occupying IC beds that could have helped more deserving people.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: of those that get COVID, many will survive

            > with a fair percentage occupying IC beds that could have helped more deserving people.

            Nobody deserves an IC bed unless you think they deserve punishment.

            I'm an IC survivor and I'd rather die than go through that again.

        3. dmesg

          Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

          Also, there may be some people who are, for legitimate reasons, unable to safely take the vaccine. Not to mention that a 95% effectiveness rate means there's still one out of every twenty vaccinated persons still at risk. You want the numbers as much in your favor as you can get them.

      2. jtaylor Bronze badge

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        People rejecting the vaccine is good - funny even. It means they're selecting themselves out of the gene pool. Have the vaccine and enjoy watching the mayhem among those who don't.

        That's not how it works. Getting vaccinated protects the person, sure, but the more important effect is when herd immunity is reached. Then the disease is unable to sustain itself in the population.

        Herd immunity protects people who are at risk of serious effects from the disease. Young children, people with weak immune systems (cancer patients, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, organ transplants, etc), elderly, pregnant, or just in poor health (e.g. diabetes, COPD, malnourishment) — these are all at risk, and may not get the vaccine.

        Even healthy people have a social responsibility to not spread disease.

      3. Imhotep Silver badge

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        Not for this vaccine. For the overwhelming majority of people infected, the effects are mild so they'll still be in the gene pool. It appears a great many of the fatalities are in people already past the age of procreation.

        Mumps would be a good one though.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        People rejecting the vaccine is good - funny even. It means they're selecting themselves out of the gene pool.

        Ah, but you're presupposing a number of things there you can't take for granted...

        1. The Vaccines *will* kill a percentage of the people who get them, either directly by a 1 in X reaction to the things, or indirectly via some untowards interaction with other medications they're taking...There *are* reasons why the Drugs companies wanted their 'get out of jail free' cards here.

        2. The Vaccines are *not* 100% effective, some of the Vaccinated *will* catch the virus, statistically, some of them *will* die.

        In case 1, thinking they're saving themselves by taking the Vaccine, some unlucky people will, as you put it, remove themselves from the gene pool.

        3. The people who refuse vaccination?, Sorry, but humanity has muddled through worse pandemics without the help of vaccines, you might find some of them amongst your ancestors... anyhoo, in this case you'll only rid the gene pool of approx between 0.4% to 15% of the refuseniks (depending on average ages...and not factoring in long term effects)

        Of course, the Vaccines aren't really about individual survival, it's that of the herd, and the devil on my shoulder is muttering things about the merits of unvaccinated survivors to the future health of the herd over those who required vaccines to survive it..

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

          11 thumbs down at the time of this addendum, eh?, must try harder...

          Point 1. Perfectly valid and truthful, anyone care to dispute it?

          Point 2. Again, perfectly valid and truthful...in fact, here's a link which partially illustrates this point (was the only original reason for revisiting this).

          Point 3. Again, perfectly valid, mass vaccination has only been around since the 1800's, humanity, as a group, managed somehow to muddle along in one form or another for several million years of being exposed to various nasties beforehand. If you're alive, reading this, and think 'we won't survive this without mass vaccination', I hate to break this to you, but you're the (current) end product of a long chain of ancestors, most of whom weren't vaccinated...I won't say it was all sunshine and flowers for them, it wasn't, that's sort of the point.

          No known plague/pandemic has ever managed (so far) to wipe out more than a maximum of 60% of the infected populations..

          Humanity survives.

          Individuals?, luck of the 'gene pool', the survival of the fittest.

          Cultures/Societies?, thats a trickier one, the only constant is that if they do, they're never the same afterwards.

          Maybe it was the last parting paragraph that annoyed you all.

          Sorry, but I was of the impression that the OP I responded to, by the comment '..funny even. It means they're selecting themselves out of the gene pool.' was implying that it was somehow a good, or at least funny thing if by refusing the vaccine they'd all die...apologies, let's get into the spirit of the thing, 'select themselves out of the gene pool'.

          This sort of shit does get that old devil going within me...so, as it *won't* kill them all, I point out that any human that survives being exposed to this without the aid of a vaccine is, again by the old survival of the fittest thing, better for our future collective 'gene pool' than those who were vaccinated.

          The snide implied 'we're superior' behind the '..selecting themselves out of the gene pool.' bit annoyed me, so I returned the favour by implying the vaccinated, 'selecting themselves into the gene pool', weaken it with their inferior 'untested' genes.

          For the record, had the bloody bug back in March, caught it from someone bringing it back from Italy, so technically (from what I can gather) I've currently a degree of immunity, but, based on what I've read on the alpha testing, I've no intention of even contemplating having either of these vaccines before a goodly number of you beta testers out there have had them and the results processed...I can wait a bit, current degree of immunity, remember...and if you think that I'm somehow an anti-vaxxer, I'd then invite you to look at my collection of vaccination scars...well, the ones on the arms, anyway.

          1. Mooseman Silver badge

            Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

            "11 thumbs down at the time of this addendum, eh?, must try harder..."

            Ypu seem proud of the fact that you are talking bollocks.

            Yes, vaccines will "kill" a percentage of those who take it - an absolutely miniscule percentage but in purely mathematical terms its a percentage. The virus will also kill a percentage of those infected - around 2%, which in a population of about 65 million people, for example, would be around 1.3 million people.

            Yes, humanity has survived similar and worse plagues in the past, and will no doubt do so again - I fail to see how this is in any way relevant. My grandparents survived the Spanish flu, millions of people did not, I'm quite willing to bet that had a vaccine been available they would have jumped at the chance.

            You're happy to moan about the "superiority" of those commenting, and indeed some of the comments are a little crass, but yours are as bad or worse.

    2. veti Silver badge

      Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

      Fewer than 5 million Americans watch Fox News, according to Nielsen. You're going to have to find someone else to blame for the other 48%.

      And whatever they plan about the next election, the pandemic has already cost them the last election. If that was deliberate, then it's backfired hugely. Unless it was a plan by the Republican establishment to get rid of Trump, of course. Almost like... a conspiracy?

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        You're going to have to find someone else to blame for the other 48%.

        Facebook and Twitter are used to spread the nonsense and lies, regardless of their origin.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

      TL;DR

      But let's pick up one point from the mish-mash.

      If we take 90% to achieve herd immunity and only 60% or the original population are immunised what happens? The virus keeps spreading among the rest until herd immunity is achieved.

      At one extreme that means that 30% of the original population get infected with no deaths but in practice the actual symptoms will range between zero and life-changing. If you're in the non-vax population you have to hope you're lucky enough to be in the remaining 10% or whatever proportion of the infected with negligible symptoms.

      At the other extreme nobody else gets immunity and the infection stops when 60% of the original population is now 90% of the new - in other words 2/3 of the original population has been killed. To be a surviving non-vaxer in this scenario you have to belong to the lucky 6.7% of the original population who survive.

      You can run these extremes with whatever other percentages you think apply.

      In truth the actual scenario will be somewhere between the two extremes but if you're a non-vaxer and want to survive and do so without life-changing consequences you have to face the classic question: "Do ya feel lucky, punk?".

      1. CuChulainn

        Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

        "The virus keeps spreading among the rest until herd immunity is achieved."

        Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that (I used to work in this particular field of science).

        It would if once you were immune, you stayed immune. But since you can get infected again later on - anywhere from a few months plus has already been proven - it's a continuous cycle. You'd have the same problem every year (or whenever the vaccine wears off), and the risk would always be amplified by those who refused to be vaccinated at all.

        We also don't have (enough) data yet on how ill people get who catch it even though they've been vaccinated.

        Additional to this is the fact that COVID appears to leave collateral damage in many who survive it, thus putting them into the 'at risk' groups, even though they weren't before. Decreased lung function and possible nerve damage, for example.

        The anti-vaxxers are a real problem.

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

          You'd have the same problem every year (or whenever the vaccine wears off)

          And there will be mutations that won't match what your antibodies (through vaccines/low-level infection) have been taught to stomp on.

          1. CuChulainn

            Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

            That's always a concern, but mutations happen all the time and there's no real evidence of such dramatic changes trashing the vaccine. It COULD happen, but it is unlikely.

            Just like the flu vaccine, minor tweaks would address the changes each year.

            Otherwise, we're f--k-d big time.

            1. Stoneshop Silver badge

              Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

              Sure, but a larger pool in which viruses can mutate would not be a positive contribution to getting them under control.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

          Problem with your arguments here....

          There are already over 21 million US citizens infected since tis began * CDC source

          The highest percentage of infection is actually California - perhaps the most compliant State in the Union - and the one with the LEAST republicans by percentage.. current numbers are 2.1 million, as of today.

          So, the argument that its republicans is frankly boring for the rest of us.

          On vaccinations - the first in the State in California are Healthcare workers - and uptake there is less than 50% of those offered. Again - primarily a Democrat demographic. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/many-frontline-workers-refuse-covid-19-vaccines-distribution-rollout-struggles-n1252617

          (note for the Fox ranter this is NBC)

          Please, stop spouting divisive red/blue crap - its more subtle than that. VERY few informed people want to take a drug which is essentially untested. Except ravers who arent offered the vaccine

          1. Francis Boyle

            I notice

            you don't provide actually that "* CDC source" for your false claim about California's infection rates.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: I notice

              Actually, no - forgot the link only

              https://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#cases_casesper100klast7days - this is updated weekly.

              Hover over any state.

              Totals are published. Your stat was infections per 100,000, mine was total. North Dakota only has a tiny population - indeed the numbers of people living is ND only 780K - its meanigless to statistically compare California percentages to ND as they have such big differences in population, weather, business types etc,,, You have to look at the real numbers., which are 20 million infected California vs 93 K in ND

              Even if you did consider it valid - over the last week, Cali has 3 times the rate of spred than ND now

              1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

                California

                "20 million infected California"

                It's 2 million.

                C.

                1. jake Silver badge

                  Re: California

                  California just crossed 2.5 million confirmed cases last night, and the US as a whole 21 million. Note that these are both cumulative, and includes folks who have recovered.

                  The SF Chronicle has kept this page up to date since March.

                  The best over-all US stats page I've seen yet is here. (CA-only version).

              2. jake Silver badge

                Re: I notice

                Statistically meaningless? Wow. Just wow.

                I suppose in your mind the over 170 deaths per 100K in N&SD vs CA's 67 deaths per 100K is also statistically meaningless.

                No bloody wonder you're posting AC.

                1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

                  Re: I notice

                  I have real difficulty with regard to the normalized figures and people who don't understand statistics and maths.

                  I few weeks ago, I was trying to explain to my wife what the 'per 100,000' figure means, and she kept saying that the region we're living in doesn't have 100,000 people in it, so how could they count it, so it must be wrong or a guess.

                  I tried explaining by using a bad eggs in a box example, something that I thought she might understand, being a largely practical person, but it did not sink in and I just gave up.

                  I'm sure that a lot of people are like this, and just glaze over when the numbers are published, and that the politicians just assume that big is either good or bad, depending on what they are pushing, and exactly what the number mean doesn't matter.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ha ha ha.... but it's not funny

      New Zealand did pandemic control, R0 fell to 0.4 and poof the virus burned itself out, and they were disease free.

      To be fair, New Zealand also benefits from being on the way to nowhere - at the end of the line so to speak.

      The virus is also suppressed in the UK Scilly Isles (between 0 and 2 cases)

  12. Rol Silver badge

    Track and Trace

    "...and here is the component you have been blathering on about. See! It is ever so slightly bigger than can conceivably be administered through one of your orifices let alone an hypodermic needle"

    "Yeah, but where's the miniaturised version?"

    "Err, the chips in here are about as small as they can be. This is as miniature as it gets"

    "I don't believe you. Chappie10 has all the details on his blog"

    "Yeah, about Chappie10, seems he isn't the man you believe lives in New York and has a post doctorate in applied physics, but a troll by the name of Sergei, who avoided the Siberian salt mines by agreeing to sit in front of a Kremlin laptop and dish out crap to fuckwits like yourself"

    "I'm no fuckwit"

    "I'm sorry, but NASA used Galileo to track you, and I think these pictures prove beyond all doubt. You're a fuckwit"

    "NASA tracks people?"

    "Not everyone. Just the President of the United States"

    1. Jim Mitchell Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Track and Trace

      That was a long wait for the punch line, but worth it.

  13. Happy Ranter
    Joke

    sounds like a good idea

    if it were true and the vaccine contains this chip, it would instantly double the intelligence of the idiots who believe these theories

    1. DJV Silver badge

      double the intelligence

      But double fuck all is still fuck all!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Xkcd has an asnwer

    Or is it Dilbert? But I cant find it. "Never underestimate the power of carefully crafted BULLSHIT"

  15. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    what 'footswitch' refers to

    Isn't that obvious? It swaps the nerve connections with your feet so trying to move your left foot actually moves your right. This makes walking and running really hard until you get used to it but you can still bound like a kangaroo.

  16. Symon
    Big Brother

    "adjust the frequency"

    Kenneth, what's the frequency?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Rather#%22Kenneth,_what_is_the_frequency?%22

    1. Charlie van Becelaere

      Re: "adjust the frequency"

      Beat me to it!

  17. Roger Kynaston Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Most of the time

    I try to follow advice on being nice to these sort of people in the hope of persuading one or two to actually think about it for a while. This is just too good an opportunity to laugh though so I am going to give vent to my desire to point and laugh at the real sheeple.

    1. Rol Silver badge

      Re: Most of the time

      It really is a lesson in futility. No matter what you say, no matter what proof you bring to the table, they will always believe the world is lying to them, and that the fat guy sat in his basement poring over his next expose is the only one telling it how it is.

      There's a little glimmer of hope, that Trump has spent his time getting the nut jobs to expose themselves, so security forces can then round them up and compost them back into the soil, where some good might come of them.

  18. HellDeskJockey
    Joke

    I wondered why the side effects had "A strong desire to listen to heavy metal." listed.

  19. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    Easy to turn that around

    This is a very obvious "false flag" disclosure deliberately designed to be blatently untrue in order to discredit those who are warning us of the terrible truth about the mind-control vaccine due to be delivered via 5G. The *real* chip is based upon quantum entanglement and anchors itself to your brain neurons using a strong titanium blockchain. The schematic can be found only in the 42nd dimension (second floor, left at the end of the corridor, ask for Schrodinger).

    1. DJV Silver badge

      The schematic can be found only...

      Hey, I found it! But there was a warning on it that said "Beware of the Leopard."

      1. Def Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: The schematic can be found only...

        That's an old sign. The leopard died due to complications from an outbreak of bees.

        Or was it hives? I can never remember...

  20. fidodogbreath Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    One can't help but wonder where the input / output jacks and knobs will be placed when these are installed in humans. Because the knobs are really "how they control you."

    I'm not personally a fan of the Metal Zone; it's harsh, buzzy, overly loud, and generally unpleasant to listen to. However, that's a pretty apt description of 5G anti-vaxx conspiracy types, so I can see why they chose it. Pity that Boss pedals are not true bypass.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Because the knobs are really "how they control you."

      Not quite.

      It's the knobs[0] that are controlled.

      [0] The other type, to be clear.

  21. Captain Hogwash

    I'll just leave this here

    Well I'm sick and tired of hearing 'bout the world and it's hang ups

    Gonna get myself together, take a ride downtown

    Gotta see my Rock'n'Roll doctor

    Gotta see my Rock'n'Roll doctor

    Gotta see my Rock'n'Roll doctor

    Gotta see him, see him today

    He's gonna blow me away

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: I'll just leave this here

      Mine prescribes Bop Pills ...

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Go

        Re: I'll just leave this here

        Aren't those giving you cramps?

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: I'll just leave this here

          That's OK, I'd just as soon stay sick.

  22. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Anti-vax theories are nature's way of removing the gullible from the gene pool.

    1. jtaylor Bronze badge

      Anti-vax theories are nature's way of removing the gullible from the gene pool.

      This doesn't much affect individual reproductive success. It does affect society. So, I propose that "Anti-vax theories are nature's way of destroying societies that don't value critical thinking."

      People who believe in anti-vax conspiracies are not necessarily gullible in other ways. I know some very smart and canny people who believe that vaccines are mind-control. And otherwise reasonable people who understand how vaccines work, but believe that Covid is a false-flag exercise by "the government."

      There's not such a bright line between "them" and "us."

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        And otherwise reasonable people who understand how vaccines work, but believe that Covid is a false-flag exercise by "the government."

        Gullible covers it.

    2. CuChulainn

      On the other hand, nature compensates by also making them typically the most fertile.

      Nature has a strange sense of humour.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Metal Zone sounds great on twelve string electric guitar - I saw a band using it this way in the 1990s and replicated the setup. The way it distorts plays really nicely with the "jangly" sound of a twelve string, giving a really great sound for arpeggios that cut through the mix.

  24. Zippy´s Sausage Factory
    Devil

    Never thought I'd see the day...

    ...when I saw a Venom reference on El Reg.

    (That's the 1980s band who came out with the seminal album "Black Metal", from the title track of which the headline quote comes. Not the weird Spiderman thing.)

    1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Never thought I'd see the day...

      We like our metal! (Well, I do...)

  25. jonathan keith Silver badge

    Diabolical!

    To the best of my knowledge, all BOSS pedals are buffered. If these vaccine fiends had decided instead to use a true bypass pedal from some ritzy boutique manufacturer, we'd have been able to just ignore the problem, but no, they had to choose BOSS.

    1. CuChulainn

      Re: Diabolical!

      During lockdown I bought a Spark Amp for practice (https://www.positivegrid.com/).

      You can dial in some great effects using that.

  26. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Happy

    The big question here

    is

    "Does it goto 11?"

    PS I'm very sorry for the constant Spinal tap jokes... but had to watch it again recently......

    18" stonehenge bwwwhahahahahahhahahahahha

  27. Dr_N Silver badge

    Oh dear.

    Looks like they got wah-wah and woo-woo mixed up.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yeesh

    Not a chance! You gotta loop it through 3 pedals and 3 PA systems to get the proper sound!!!! At least three listeners are required. Three makes a PAR-TAY!

    1. jonathan keith Silver badge

      Re: Yeesh

      With the three PA's using three-phase power, obviously.

  29. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    But Graham Greene isn't out of copyright, is he

    This seems like a rip-off of Our Man in Havana.

    1. Citizens untied

      Re: But Graham Greene isn't out of copyright, is he

      Why oh why did you make me want to say "Our Man in Van Halen"

  30. John Jennings Silver badge

    The best metal pedal

    Boss - DS-1 - for 70's rock. No discussion.... (and I still have one :) the orange beast)

    There are better now - such as the Pod - but they are fiddly in the extreme

  31. martinusher Silver badge

    Actually....

    ....chips don't have schematics ("circuit diagrams") in the generally accepted sense. Bits of them might have equivalent circuits.

    (The pet 'chip', the one used to identify lost cats and the like, is actually a small circuit that includes a coil, an IC and one or two other parts, the whole thing being enscapulated in a glass or silicone container. Its schematic would be uninteresting.)

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge

      Re: Actually....

      ....chips don't have schematics ("circuit diagrams") in the generally accepted sense.

      Mmmmno.

      Look up the datasheet on a 74x00, a 741 or a 555, and you'll find the actual schematic on one of the first pages. Even the Intel 4004 is published in full. With more complex chips what you will find in publicly available docs will mostly be block diagrams as the full schematic will be too unwieldy and impenetrable for everyday design use, but there will be partial schematics of input and output circuits, or a circuit equivalent. Still, every chip designer would have the full schematic for each of their chips, including the silicon layout.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Conspiracy pedlars

    Always up for a riff

  33. tel2016

    Another quote

    The Internet was a mistake. In bygone days, village idiots were isolated in their respective villages, and the relative normalcy of their neighbors kept them in check. Today, the village idiots are one giant network of millions of village idiots, who can now mobilize as a united front, the result of which is that we're all pretty much screwed.

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Another quote

      It's been said that the invention of the bicycle pretty much eliminated old style village idiots (by enabling easier out-breeding). I wonder what the networked equivalent will be?

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Another quote

        I wonder what the networked equivalent will be?

        Internet dating enables fucking morons to better find each other.

  34. Grease Monkey Silver badge

    An MT-2 woult certainly prevent you from thinking for yourself or indeed at all. Two fuzz pedals in series with a flanger on top would make a less irritating noise.

  35. ForthIsNotDead
    WTF?

    Oh... my...

    ...fucking... god.

    I checked the date. It's not April 1st.

    I... I just... don't know what to say. ???

  36. Nik 2

    Bill & Ted

    The XKCD examples quoted above are close, but I think that this was first forseen by the most excellent William "Bill" S. Preston Esq.

    and Ted "Theodore" Logan:

    <quote>

    Gates gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you

    Put it in the veins of everyone

    Do you know what you want? You don't know for sure

    You don't feel right, you can't find a cure...

    </quote>

    With apologies to Russ Ballard

  37. Huw D

    Must be bullshit. Everyone knows the true vaccine is based on the Ibanez Tube Screamer (an infinitely better pedal).

    \m/

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