back to article Salesforce's Dreamforce shindig hits new levels of nauseating online as... Oh god. Is that James Corden?

Wishing "happy holidays" to any of those sharing his winter-wonderland stage, Marc Benioff presented an outwardly jolly figure as he rattled through the world-domination plan of Salesforce, the SaaS biz he co-founded. As CEO he is famous for his theatrical presentation at the company's annual Dreamforce jamboree, but this year …

  1. wolfetone

    "To get to this dazzling insight, viewers had to endure an introduction by omnipresent presenter James Corden, a man so insufferable the British hope his stateside success will secure his permanent residency"

    Personally I'm hoping he goes to Mars with Elon Musk and we can just cut the communication link to them.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Perhaps ...

      ... they could all ride in Salesforce's giant dildo to get there ... then we'd be done with that ugly monstrosity from the skyline, as well.

    2. big_D Silver badge

      I had to Google him. I guess there are some good things about being an ex-pat Brit. I'd never heard of him and he seems to have voiced a lot of animated films, so we get local voices for that, and looking at his filmography, I don't think I've seen more than 1 of the entries.

  2. bonkers

    Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

    I try hard not to dislike overblown unfunny "comedians", glad to see you're struggling with similar - we don't want to be seen as a people held together by what we hate, even if it is the truth.

    I had been wondering what to do about the chinese suppliers I bought some LED's and modules off - and who now send me special offers, invariably including "10-speed voice-activated masturbation cup", and similar variants, deviants possibly.

    Would make a perfect secret Santa present for "oh God, is that..." - and maybe his only opportunity ever, to actually make me laugh.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

      This Chinese LED supplier... err, you wouldn't happen to have a link?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

        Banggood.

        1. short

          Re: Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

          Do Banggood still actually sell stuff? My last two biggish orders just sort of languished, never got shipped, and eventually refunded. Strange business model, they used to be quite good crap-shifters.

          1. TheProf Silver badge

            Re: Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

            They do. I'm waiting for a pair of headphones to be delivered. TODAY with any luck.

            I've had no problem with them and I've ordered a few items during these crazy times.

            1. TheProf Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: Classic, El Reg, just Classic.

              They've just been delivered.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Please help

    Disclaimer: we are a small business and as we use Macs. we accept that makes us thick twats.

    But none of us (there are four of us) can work out what the following even means.

    "We have been working for the past two years on probably the most significant technological shift in this platform since Marc and Parker [Harris] created it over 21 years ago. We've had to completely re-architect Salesforce to work in this way. As a consequence, it's horizontally scalable. That means that if you have a B2B company with 10,000 customers, or you're a B2C customer with 100 million or more consumers, you can now use Salesforce as your single source of truth for all of that data."

    Please help

    Cheers…Ishy

    1. Chris Fox

      Re: Please help

      How about: "we can now provide comprehensive online customer-relationship services for both large and small organisations"?

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Please help

      It means .... BINGO!!!

    3. jake Silver badge

      Re: Please help

      It means "Oh, gawd, please don't let our stock value drop before next year".

    4. AMBxx Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Please help

      It just means they can support more customers by using more computers rather than just using bigger computers.

      Said like that, you wonder why they didn't do it sooner.

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    It's a corporate presentation by salespeople who sell software for salespeople to salespeople. Who would expect any mitigating elements at all? It's lucky it didn't collapse into a black hole capable of sucking all intelligent thought out of the universe.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    James Corden

    Sure fire way to ensure no one laughs at your big corp event is to get James Corden to host it.

    1. TheProf Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: James Corden

      But he's so funny and modest.

    2. James12345

      He did the Palo Alto Networks annual jamboree a few weeks ago. Got to admire him - he makes a lot of money despite being an unfunny cu*t.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: James Corden

      He seemed to be very popular. for no reason I could see. I used to wonder if it was just me; clearly it isn't.

      I remember Richard Whitely hosting an internal BT motivational* event. He had the grace to appear embarrassed by it so my regard for him went well up. Perhaps senior BT managers joined ferrets in his "never again" list.

      * Motivational in that it motivated me right out of the company for good. Otherwise best described as "insulting the staff's intelligence".

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Re: James Corden

      Gavins annoying mate. And a couple of Voice Overs

      Not sure if he has done anything else apart from not very good hosting events.

  6. This is not a drill

    Who do I report factual errors too?

    There is a massive error in this paragraph:-

    "The comedy-actor-turned-presenter seemed to forget that the song in question addresses the end of the world, when "we could all die any day": not exactly an appropriate sentiment for a world still gripped by a pandemic."

    Corden is about funny as a prostate exam and has the acting ability of Scots Pine.

  7. Mike 16 Silver badge

    We could all die any day

    Anyone else remember when the Win95 ad campaign featured "Start Me Up", including the line "You make a grown man cry"? How about the Vista ad with the choir singing in Latin, something like "and they are doomed to hell"?

    Just saying software companies and musicians certainly have an interesting relationship.

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