Re: When will I get what I want?
You can get most of that, but you'll have to resign yourself to some restrictions. The primary one is the operating system involved. There will not be Linux. There mostly won't be Android either. What there will be is mostly going to be KaiOS. It technically has the Linux kernel and a lot of open source code from Firefox OS, but the top layer is closed source. It meets most of your desires:
"I don't want a camera - with one, two or three lenses": There will be one, it will be bad, you can ignore it.
"I don't want a 6.5 inch display": How about 2.4 or 2.8 inches (6.1 or 7.1 cm)? That's what you'll get there.
"I don't want a non-repairable,": Battery is replaceable, expect the rest to be hard to repair.
"I don't want limited use": Not sure what this means, but it has fewer features.
"₤600": Did you mean to use the Lira sign? ₤600 Turkish is €65 or so. Whatever you mean, the basic phone will be much cheaper than the one mentioned in this article..
"I just want a bloody phone: flip design,": Check.
"4/5G,": I don't think anyone has a 5G one out, but 4G is definitely available (some exceptions apply based on your country)
"keyboard,": I don't think so. Numeric keypad, but no qwerty ones as far as I know.
"a week's battery life on idle, five hours talk time,": Yes.
"a bright viewable screen": Not sure about this one.
"and proper way to sync to whatever I want to with a cable,": Depends what you want to be syncing. It can sync some types of data that way.
"Wi-Fi and Bluetooth,": Yes.
"Android grudgingly accepted.": No.
"And no 'apps' unless I want to install them myself.": They'll have basic ones, but they're easily ignored. Other apps are available, but not many and with few features.
Probably not what you're looking for, but it's almost certainly the closest you'll get for quite a while if ever.