back to article Anglian Water fishes for on-trend laundry list – including low-code work – in £24m trawl

UK utility Anglian Water has declared itself in the market for suppliers to help with DevOps, Agile, and big data "transformations", reciting a laundry list of requirements that is as remarkable for its sheer exhaustiveness as it is for swallowing the buzzword dictionary. The framework deal could be worth up to £24m and is set …

  1. Chris G Silver badge

    It sounds as though the tender notice was written by one of the consultants who is on the way out, and written on a per (buzz)word basis with the intention of actually providing no specifics whatsoever, thereby synergising the appeal of current Techspeak with periphrasis.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Forgot blockchain

      There's almost everything and the kitchen sink in that list.

      Explainable AI ? Good one.

      Citizen app development ? Oh, so they're going to get the users to do part of the job. Smart move.

      Low-code dev platforms and augmented analytics tooling & capability. Can't wait to see you demonstrate how to do augmented analytics with low-code tools.

      One thing seems clear to me : the guy who wrote all that bull will certainly not be around when the fertilizer hits the rotating dispenser blades.

  2. DJV Silver badge
    Unhappy

    scrum management

    Had to look that one up!

    However, if you take the "r" out I've had plenty of experience of working under that over the years.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: scrum management

      The thing with scrum management is, there are always a couple of hookers involved, with scum management, they all prostitute themselves.

  3. IGotOut Silver badge

    Translation

    We want shiney. Doesn't matter what, just shiney.

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: Translation

      And they can have it. Just so long as it doesn't cost me more to flush after an Armitage Shanks Interface Defacatory Experience.

  4. Andy Non Silver badge
    Coat

    I bet they'll be

    flooded with offers of wet-ware by consultants who are wet behind the ears and will sell them up the river. It's good to have pipe dreams though even if the details haven't leaked yet.

  5. You aint sin me, roit Silver badge
    Coat

    Cloud management?

    They'll be flooded with offers...

  6. Mike 137 Silver badge

    £24m trawl

    "wearables solutions", "hackathons" and "thought leadership", "human-centred design and design thinking, UX and UI design", "multi-experience solutions"...

    I wonder where they got the buzz word dictionary and how much it cost, but £24 million would fix quite a lot of the supply pipework leaks which typically lose up to half of all the water processed and thereby contribute to the increasing shortage of usable water for all of us.

  7. Stu Wilson

    AWS

    Anglian Water services and websites were running on AWS up until earlier this year, but no longer

    They've all migrated and bezos no longer gets their cash

  8. RM Myers Silver badge
    FAIL

    Language

    Isn't language supposed to facilitate the transfer of information and ideas, instead of obscuring them? Every project I've been involved with that brought in the large consulting firms to come up with a proposed system or business process solution went the same way:

    1. Management ignores ideas presented by employees and hires consulting firm.

    2. Consultants ask the employees a number of questions concerning the current business and system processes, and sees who the employees say can answer the questions (subject matter experts, or SME's).

    3. Consultants ask the SME's what they think should be done.

    4. Consultants take the SME's proposals and wrap them in a bunch of MBA level male bovine manure.

    5. Management throws money at consultants and wonders why employees can't come up with ideas like these.

    1. ForthIsNotDead
      Thumb Up

      Re: Language

      You've just described User Requirements Elicitation in the Agile Development domain.

      Really.

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