back to article AI world has gone bananas, it's official. This algorithm will help you optimize your peanut butter and banana sarnies

What’s the best way to chop up a banana so that each piece will perfectly fit onto a slice of bread that has been spread with peanut butter to make a classic sandwich? An algorithm will do now it for you. Ethan Rosenthal, a data scientist at Square and presumed fan of delicious sandwiches, has described his model and provided …

  1. Scroticus Canis
    Holmes

    Sharp knife and slice the banana lengthways through the bend axis - trim the overhangs if needed

    Best made with two slices of toast. Try it with Seville orange marmalade on the opposing slice of toast; a real taste orgasm for the hungover.

    Score extra points if you DON'T launch a slice of banana sideways when taking a bite :)

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Sharp knife and slice the banana lengthways through the bend axis - trim the overhangs if needed

      Just, no. I mean, banana, marmalade and peanut butter sandwiches? Really? I suppose if you're hung-over and you've already nuked your tastebuds with last nights 10 pints and a doner with extra chilli, why the hell not? You've already done your worst to the poor little buggers.

      I suppose at least you're going to be replacing some salt and protein - plus a huge slug of sugar, to make you feel better.

      However the correct hangover cure is a bacon and egg roll (or two) plus 2 mugs of tea to wash it down with. And possibly a glass of orange juice on the side.

  2. Ashto5

    Graduates !!!

    So let’s get people with no understanding of the real world and they can write the programs that will interact with normal people

    What could go wrong ?

    Let’s make a list or is there an AI app to do that for me.

    1. logicalextreme Silver badge

      Re: Graduates !!!

      To be fair, if there's a pot of money sat there to pay them and keep them out of trouble, then they may as well go and work on algorithms which will have no bearing on the real world or normal people (as I suspect the vast majority of "AI" positions are concerned with at the moment).

      Better than tanking your prod servers on their first day.

  3. Muscleguy Silver badge

    Bleucchh! Aaargh! Anaphylactic Shock!

    I have never liked peanut butter, almond butter or the toasted hazelnut butter I make are different.

    It gets worse, I am genuinely allergic to bananas. So far it has just progressed to hives (I ate an aircraft small cake thing which tasted of lemon). But I don’t have an epi-pen and I live alone so I’m not keen to do trials. I just don’t eat bananas.

    So this algorithm is absolutely no use to me.

    1. slimshady76

      Re: Bleucchh! Aaargh! Anaphylactic Shock!

      If you aren't lactose intolerant, I recommend you to go find a shop which carries Latin American products, and ask for dulce de leche or manjar. Throw away all that peanut butter and jelly nonsense.

      No need to thank me.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Bleucchh! Aaargh! Anaphylactic Shock!

        You can buy dulce de leche in most supermarkets. Or if you're not too scared of the tiny risk of explosions, I believe you just buy some tins of condensed milk and put them in a bain marie for a couple of hours to make your own.

        1. slimshady76

          Re: Bleucchh! Aaargh! Anaphylactic Shock!

          That's the fast lane process, but you'll need a teaspoon of bicarbonate to avoid it turning black.

  4. To Mars in Man Bras!
    Facepalm

    Peanut Butter and Banana?

    I know El Reg has been going to the dogs and getting more and more American for a while now but, 'Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches'! What the actual feck is that about?

    Peanut butter is just about bearable on toast . Bananas have no business between slices of bread, at all.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

      Have you ever tried a banana, chocolate sauce and maple syrup toasted sandwich?

    2. RM Myers Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

      Peanut butter and bananas for the win - no bread or toast needed!

      1. logicalextreme Silver badge

        Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

        Although I heartily dislike peanut anything, you get my upvote for ditching the bread. If the bread isn't the worst part of a meal, you've probably got a terrible meal on your hands. Ditch it and eat more of the good stuff.

        My kryptonite was bowls of tuna and cheese, back when I had a microwave and ate fish.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

          logicalextreme,

          You're eating the wrong kind of bread.

          Fresh little white breakfast rolls, with butter, straight out of the oven. Or lovely homemade wholemeal bread with mixed seeds baked through it - which is also great hot with butter - but makes lovely sandwiches. Or is amazing toasted with marmalade.

          In fact, just experimenting with different kinds of toast can be amazing. Even crap supermaket cheap-white-sliced is nice toasted. Slap on some butter and home made marmalade and you're good to go. But some of the less dense wholemeal or spelt stuff goes sort of crunchy and fluffy at the same time when you toast it - which I shall hereby define as flunchy. That is simply beautiful with marmalade or raspberry jam.

          Then you've got a proper fried slice to go with your eggs and bacon - cooked in half butter half sunflower oil. Or you make a sort of quick breakfast tomato chutney (tin of chopped toms, pinch of salt, spoon of sugar, massive glug of worcester sauce and reduce down til it's all thick and yummy) - then serve that next to your bacon and dip lovely brown toast in it.

          Not to mention a lovely slice of bruschetta covered with warm tomatoes, garlic olive oil and maybe a piece or two of mozarella.

          The trick with bread is you don't want it made by the Chorleywood process. That raises it super fast, so meaning you lose all the flavours. Sourdough rises super slow, and so you perhaps get too much flavour for some people. But when making it yourself, a slow room-temperature rise over 2-3 hours, in your normal kitchen, gives time for the flavour to develop. Then proving it at room temperature means it's maybe 20 minutes slower - but develops more flavour. Plus you can add nice seeds, or a bit of cheese, or beer or all sorts of other deliciousness. A lovely cheese scone for lunch. Yum!

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

      When we were kids, my Mum had the correct banana eating method. Personally I'm not a fan of the things, so I've not had this since I was about 12.

      Toast bread under grill, one side only a little bit. Cover half-toasted side in slices of banana then generously sprinkle brown sugar on top of banana and return to grill. Result, crunchy bread, gooey banana-y and sugary squishyness and crunchy top layer.

      1. To Mars in Man Bras!
        Facepalm

        Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

        >Toast bread under grill, one side only a little bit....

        What, in Ireland we call 'English Toast'

        Proper toast should be grilled brown on both sides. Then buttered and put back under the grill til the butter bubbles and melts in a bit. None of this namby-pamby half-cold, half-grilled nonsense with greasy dollops of only partially melted butter on top --yeucch!

        [and, of course the bread in question should be Veda [0] ]

        [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veda_bread

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Flame

          Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

          The problem with grilling your bread equally, or even using a toaster and then sticking it under the grill with topping later, is that even under your cheese (or banana) one side is up. So in order to make the perfect cheese on toast (or banana and sugar) one side needs to be less toasted in order to survive the rigours of the all-important second grilling with topping.

          These details matter.

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Peanut Butter and Banana?

      bananas work well with clotted cream vanilla ice cream* and with clotted cream, yum!

      * over here normally called Clotted Cornish ice cream

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