back to article Snortical warfare: Wild boar launches amphibious assault against German beachgoers

Footage from northern Germany appears to document an alarming development in the arsenal of wild boars – amphibious assaults. The clip, captured at the seaside resort of Schönberg in Schleswig-Holstein on Germany's Baltic Sea coastline, is redolent of a scene from Jaws, except where you would expect to see the menacing black …

  1. big_D Silver badge

    FKK

    not in the capital at least!

    Like the UK, there are beaches and other areas designated as nudist beaches and nudist colonies. They aren't as separated through walls etc. as in the UK, but you can't go just anywhere naked.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: FKK

      Indeed, the sanctions for public nudity are probably even more severe. But FKK doesn't upset as many people in Jormany as it does in Blighty.

      1. logicalextreme Silver badge

        Re: FKK

        I think the "sanctions" in the UK in general are that you're told to put clothes on, unless you're obviously trying to cause offence. Like a lot of things we've got very vaguey laws about nudity, presumably because a) it wouldn't be particularly progressive to start codifying it, and b) most of the UK doesn't have a climate that's particularly suitable for it which means it keeps itself in check naturally (not to mention clothing's arguably most important function of protecting dangly bits from physical damage, trappage etc.).

    2. Schultz Silver badge
      Trollface

      FKK

      It worked for the bloke in the video: He clearly had the boar scared and on the run.

      The more common case, of course, is a naked boar chasing a dressed human.

  2. ClockworkOwl
    Thumb Up

    Absolutely livid Boar!

    "If you encounter a wild boar, the best advice is to move away slowly in the opposite direction."

    Honestly never had a problem, even when I've found myself between a sow and it's creche, but then I don't have a dog.

    They don't like dogs...

    Never had an encounter with an old tusker, other than one being fed regularly at a parking spot!

    I do regularly surprise / am surprised by adolescent males in varying numbers, also creche groups of sometime comically large numbers of small squeakers...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Absolutely livid Boar!

      They don't like dogs...

      And they are not scared of them.

    2. KBeee Bronze badge

      Re: Absolutely livid Boar!

      That goes for some breeds of cows too. Dog walkers have been killed by cows!

    3. Youngone Silver badge

      Re: Absolutely livid Boar!

      "If you encounter a wild boar, the best advice is to give it your laptop, it just wants to check it's online auction."

      Unless your laptop is running Ubuntu of course. It is well known wild boars don't like Systemd.

    4. big_D Silver badge

      Re: Absolutely livid Boar!

      Absolutely livid

      It wasn't Gerald's friend Raymond, was it? #notTheNineOClockNews

  3. Chris G Silver badge

    Here in my part of Spain (Valencia), we have a lot of wild pigs (Jabali), they are protected and generall don't bother anyone,. However, whacking one with a shovel is more likely to piss it off than make it go away, the guy on the beach was lucky, a pissed off pig can do you a nasty without much effort while the average non ninja is not going to bother a pig much.

    1. John Doe 12

      I don't think the guy had any choice but to whack it as it was coming straight for him.

      I just saw a video on YouTube entitled "Hog Control with Tannerite" which as someone commented is "The most American thing I ever saw". Warning - this is not a video for people of a weak disposition hence why I didn't post an actual link to the clip.

      Oh and greetings to Valencia - my "second home" :-D

      1. logicalextreme Silver badge

        Ah, the South Park defence.

        1. John Doe 12

          Is the South Park defence referring to the "it was coming straight at him" or for the tannerite? Just curious ha ha

          1. Ken Shabby

            It was a rash decision.

            1. David 132 Silver badge
              Happy

              I feel like blowing up pigs ends up being rasher.

          2. logicalextreme Silver badge

            The "coming straight for him", though I'm on board with it accidentally working two ways :)

      2. jake Silver badge

        Most Americans call people like that ...

        ... rednecks. And its not flattering.

        1. John_3_16
          Thumb Up

          Re: Most Americans call people like that ...

          I grew up in the south of USA. As farmers, we ate what we grew or killed. That hog would have been bled, skinned & prepared as sausages & hams before dawn the next day. Yes, as a southern survivalist, I would be considered a "redneck" in some circles. I would also be very popular if a "pandemic" made groceries unavailable. Just say'n...

          God bless...

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Most Americans call people like that ...

            But you're not a redneck. You're a farmer. You respect food, because you know how hard it is to produce. You shoot the pig in a way that minimizes damage to the harvest, then dress it, cook/cure it, and eat it. Same as we do here in California.

            Rednecks, on the other hand, add tannerite either before, during or after shooting the pig. Because BOOM! And then they leave the carcass for the carrion eaters. Consuming it doesn't come into the equation. Same here in California.

            Rednecks are, for the most part, a worse problem than the wild pigs. Including here in California. Ever have the dumbasses tear up ~4 acres of freshly planted vegetable garden, doing donuts in their pickup trucks? I have. Three times. The third time I got it all on video, with cameras at all four corners and shots from two drones. Including the cops catching them red-handed, arresting them and towing off their trucks. The Judge was not amused.

    2. Mog_X

      Agree - look what happened to Robert Baratheon (first of his name, King of the Andals etc...)

      1. jake Silver badge

        You agree ...

        ... based on something seen in a work of fiction?

        This is yet another sad example of why our society can't have nice things.

        1. 96percentchimp

          Re: You agree ...

          look up, @jake. No, it's not a flying wild boar, it's the joke that you missed in your attempt to be superior.

    3. Vincent Ballard

      I thought they were hunted? I'm sure I've read of at least two outbreaks of listeriosis in Spain in the last year caused by people not getting a vet to do a blood test on a wild boar before they ate it.

  4. Woza
    Flame

    where's obelix

    When you need him?

    Icon: closest I could find to a menhir.

    1. jake Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: where's obelix

      Could have used that icon over there --->

      What better to wash down a dozen (or so) Wild Boar?

  5. Alister Silver badge

    A friend of mine farms wild boar in Derbyshire. He had to go through all sorts of regulatory hoops to get permission to keep them, and there are regular inspections of the 6 foot high security fencing used to keep them contained. If one escapes, he has to notify the police immediately, as they are classed as dangerous animals.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Not surprising they are classified as dangerous in Blighty. Pretty much everything in Blighty is classified as dangerous. Except the actual dangerous things, of course. Like politicians.

    2. Aussie Doc Bronze badge
      Joke

      Ooer...

      "...he has to notify the police immediately, as they are classed as dangerous animals."

      So are the boars.

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Ooer...

        Stop being mean about the pigs.

  6. ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo
    Pirate

    A sword of solution

    Maybe the Teutons in question should take a Boar Sword, or for good measure a Zweihänder, to the beach.

    https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Boar_swords#/media/File:Waldburg_Waffen_04.jpg

  7. macjules Silver badge
    Coat

    Poor boar

    He was only annoyed because the Germans were hogging the beach as usual.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Poor boar

      It looks like only a little one otherwise the guy with the paddle might well have had something more to think about.

      Wild boar aren't timid, just not stupid. They occasionally cause trouble when they move into new neighbourhoods until they realise that the two-legs patches aren't worth the trouble. But they've also been culled recently because of the spread of African Swine Flu, and that's quite likely to be the fate of this little porker. :-(

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    lass es laufen?! :D

    More a pat than a whack, m'lord!

    ...

    I wonder if the bloke's been reported to the authorities and arrested for assaulting an innocent wild porkie? Let's hope the poor animal hasn't been too distressed by this rather half-hearted attempt at its life and is recovering under specialist care...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    off course landing?!

    We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender,

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge

      Re: off course landing?!

      "We shall bite them on the beaches. We shall bite them on the picnic grounds. We shall bite them in the fields and in the streets. We shall bite them in the hills. They are ever so tender!!"

  10. cutterman

    Their bites are no joke though. They have a big mouth full of razor-edged cutting teeth and will take a big chunk out of you in a second. Much more dangerous than attack dogs, which puncture and tear. They can, and have killed people.

    Mac

    1. Denarius Silver badge

      indeed

      even pet pigs bite is serious. Friend of daughter had pet pig severely damage her wrist while she was separating dog and pig. Just after a big tree had bisected their house completely, in the rain and wind. Not dark tho. Did I mention in Oz even the trees try to kill you ? If the falling branches don't, the whole tree might by incineration or crushing.

  11. RM Myers Silver badge
    Joke

    Lunch Time

    Um, maybe some bacon? (rubs tummy and congratulates self on great idea).

  12. jake Silver badge

    In my estimation ...

    ... there is no such thing as "too many wild boar", all I see is sausages and bacon on the hoof. Them boys is seriously tasty.

    What's that? The Idiots In Charge of your local jurisdiction won't let you harvest wild boar (and other varmints)? Sounds to me like you need new Idiots In Charge. Do you bother to vote? Or are you allowing the current status quo to continue?

  13. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Over Here

    Wild boars are major problem over here. Often organized hunts are done to thin the population done. They are notoriously dangerous. I have never hunted them but based on their size I would think a fairly large caliber rifle would be needed to kill one.

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge

      Re: Over Here

      Yes, boars were introduced into California to be hunted by rich dudes, and of course they escaped into the wild.

      They are very tough. If you are going to hunt them, you want something with a lot of stopping power, and a 10 mm+ sidearm for in case they charge or you run into them in a stand or brush or tall grass.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Over Here

        I kill the varmints[0] with a bow ... A good, well-placed, razor-sharp broad-head will drop a pig faster than a similar well-placed 12-gauge slug ... seems there is less trauma to the meat, so the pig bleeds out faster (hamburger makes for a good plug). And in my opinion, the sharp arrow head seems to cause less mental trauma to the pig, as well. I have never hit a pig with an arrow and had it flip about, biting at the wound. I can't say the same about slugs.

        I use my Martin Archery Lithium LTD where allowed ... and my aging Coast-to-Coast labeled, Browning built shotgun where not allowed. Other tools include a 7-foot boar spear, just in case you miss too badly and piss-off the pig (technique is "get a clean shot through the heart, but if you miss, place butt of spear on ground, set your back foot on it, and track charging pig's chest with the sharp end, all the while trying not to shit yourself"). I also carry my Kimber, in .45 ACP, for the coup de grâce if/when needed.

        I always have "wild boar", smoked and/or salted & hanging, and in the freezer ...

        Them boys is seriously tasty. They aren't really "wild boar", but a cross between domestic pigs and true European wild boar ... the wild ones were brought into California back in the late 1800s for so-called "sport hunting" purposes. They managed to cross with the more domestic variety, and so they look, act and taste like the real wild ones from Europe ... if a trifle smaller.

        [0] I don't hunt anymore ... but I do kill varmints. The fact that some of those varmints are edible is happenstance.

        1. DarkwavePunk

          Re: Over Here

          Jake, I'm actually interested in your view here. I've had conversations with both camps as it were about whether bow hunting or using guns is more ethical. On the one hand a bow is a trauma weapon, you rarely kill with an instant hit, the target bleeds to death. A gun on the other hand can just boom - blow its brains out snuff it. Is a slightly off target hit with a bow really more "humane" than with a slug?

          Disclaimer: I've only ever killed some kind of pheasant thing with a completely fluke shot with a bow from 50 yards. I was 12 and ran home crying.

          1. Denarius Silver badge

            Re: Over Here

            Jake, interesting post. In the Oz NT the belief was the bigger the caliber the better as big pigs can have small caliber bullets bounce off head. No-one eats big wild porkers due to the multiple diseases they carry. Young ones are cooked in ground oven. Bow hunting seems to becoming more popular here also. Probably because its quieter so newly arrived townies taking up hobby farms are not disturbed by unaccustomed sounds. Anyone who hunts wild pigs with a bow and lives uninjured has my respect.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    laufenden wildschwein

    Two of the little blighters nearly knocked me off my bike during a cycling holiday near Frankfurt.

  15. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    You'd better prepare some beach defenses, Britain!!

    Zee Germans have obviously started rehearsing their Mk 2 invasion of Britain! "Operation Sow-lion" involves sending Deutschland's unwanted wild porkers swimming over to the UK, each bearing an additional raccoon sturm trooper on their back!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "They are normally timid "

    The fuck they are!

    1. vogon00

      Re: "They are normally timid "

      Is that you, Yoda?

  17. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
    Go

    We have the urban variety in Hong Kong.

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