back to article Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

As if a few volts were enough to get between a steaming Cornishman and his pint, a pub near the UK pirate haven of Penzance has run an electric fence along the bar to enforce social distancing. And yes, it can be turned on. As you may well know, or maybe you don't, Britain's watering holes reopened earlier this month to …

  1. A K Stiles Silver badge
    Joke

    Puntastic

    Well that's just kilowatt-ever fun we might have had in the comments!

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Puntastic

      Wire you feeling standoffish? Do you get a charge out of it?

      1. Ken Shabby Bronze badge
        Gimp

        Re: Puntastic

        Don't you lot have Ohms to go to?

      2. NATTtrash Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: Puntastic

        Well, I suppose such a fence could be worked with. Now, about that fence on the loo...

        1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

          Re: Puntastic

          Well it's not the pub's volt if the punters won't behave.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: Puntastic

            It's a great idea and may well be taken up by pubs Farad wide.

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: Puntastic

      Excellent battery of puns in this news coulomb.

      1. Steve K Silver badge

        Re: Puntastic

        Yes - an ample amount indeed

        1. John H Woods Silver badge

          Re: Puntastic

          I love the earthy humor on the Reg

          1. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: Puntastic

            It's well grounded.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Puntastic

              And the stinger? None of us are neutral on the subject. It would seem we have a high capacitance, and very little reluctance. There is great potential to bridge cultures, which could be a transformer of all of humanity, so don't close the gate before you relay the humo(u)r.

      2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        Re: Puntastic

        The Mho the merrier

      3. Montreal Sean

        Re: Puntastic

        I read this article while standing in the AC in a DC.

        This pub really knows how to Amp up the patrons!

    3. Captain Hogwash

      Re: Puntastic

      The lack of co-ordination brought about by alcohol consumption in the environs of such terror would induce me to stick with an orange henry (though the internet tells me that name for orange & lemonade is unheard of outside my county.)

      1. A K Stiles Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Puntastic

        you want to what with an off-colour vacuum cleaner?

    4. Shadow Systems Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Puntastic

      This entire thread is utterly revolting! XD

      All of you go to the pub so I can buy you a pint. Cheers!

      1. Meph
        Trollface

        Re: Puntastic

        I'm honestly shocked at how many puns there are

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Puntastic

          Quite energizing, isn't it.

          1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Puntastic

            What about the Wien drinkers?

  2. jake Silver badge

    Can't abide the stuff.

    But it does have its uses.

    1. A K Stiles Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Can't abide the stuff.

      The 'lectric or the "Proper Job", or possibly the Navy Rum?

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: Can't abide the stuff.

        Having had a glut of blackcurrants ( to keep on topic) this year I've knocked up several litres of Blackcurrant/Navy Rum and demerara - think Sloe Gin with added thunder and talking ravens! Should work out a lot cheaper when Cornwall starts smuggling full time next year!

        1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

          Re: Can't abide the stuff.

          That blackcurrant & rum concoction sounds interesting. Not something that had occurred to me before, and I'm no stranger to a bit of dabbling with fruit-infused spirits. I think I'll be adding two or three extra things to my shopping list, and giving that a try

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            A colleague of mine recommneded a cocktail to me called the Cola Cube. For obvious reasons, as that's what it tastes like. Rum, lemonade and a dash of blackcurrant cordial. Bit sweet for me.

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            Rum & black was a girlie drink in the Yorkshire pubs I frequented in the '70s ...

        2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

          Re: Can't abide the stuff.

          I'll add a recipie to the thread for others to try, improve upon, or spitspray as they choose.

          EverClear 191 or the nearest thing to "evaporates at room temp" alcohol you can find.

          7-Up or Gingerale, something light, bubbly, & fizzy to waken the senses.

          Kiwi-Strawberry fruit juice from Snapple or your favorite source.

          A pinch of sugar to taste.

          Crushed or shaved ice to make the results into a Slushie, Snowcone, or other similar treat.

          Fill glasses with the ice & set aside in the freezer.

          Mix everything else in a large *non metallic* container using a *non metallic* spoon.

          Pour the mix into the glasses of ice for a tasty hot weather drink.

          Just be sure to be either sitting in a very low chair or already laying on the ground when you start drinking.

          It is called "Insidious" for a reason, namely that you don't realize you're sloshed until you're already under the table & giggling at the hallucinations.

          The mix can also be poured into *non metallic* icecube trays & frozen into cubes for adding to other drinks, but this tends to make the other drinks *much* more lethal.

          Mixing this with other alcohols is *NOT* recommended as it's already potent enough to flatten your ass like a sperm whale dropped from orbit.

          I learned how to make it while in the Society for Creative Anachronism (kind of like the Renaissance Fair except infinitely less pole-up-the-ass-ish) and got quite a few pirate camps into trouble for the resulting public indecency.

          Enjoy! =-D

          1. jake Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            If you don't mind, I'll stick with beer. Sugar is supposed to be fermented, dammit!

          2. First Light Bronze badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            My liver hurts just reading this!

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Can't abide the stuff.

        The hotwire. I only use it in a couple places. Keeping the bears away from my hives is the primary one.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            One of the funniest things I've seen was when on a farm and a visiting labourer tried to step over an electric fence. Something of a vertically-challenged chap, he discovered that the fence had been set at a height about an inch over his inside leg measurement. As he took a step over, he got a jolt through his gentleman's area and jumped in the air...then landed again with one leg each side of the fence, got another jolt...and so it continued until someone could stop laughing long enough to go and disconnect the power.

            1. Montreal Sean

              Re: Can't abide the stuff.

              Maybe the vertically challenged chap enjoys roasted nuts...

              Or fried tomatoes.

              Your pick. :)

              1. Diamandi Lucas

                Re: Can't abide the stuff.

                Baked spuds?

          2. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            Pfft. Just chuck the body back onto the fence.

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            Manual transmissions unsafe? Is this some sort of USAsian mental deficiency?

            1. Zarno Bronze badge

              Re: Can't abide the stuff.

              Seems to be an overall deficiency, since I find stick shift actually makes you look at the stuff in front of you more often, which seems to be an issue for some people.

              The list of reasons to drive an automatic I've heard includes:

              "What about stop and go traffic? I commute in traffic jams!"

              "But hills!!! How do you start up a hill!!!"

              "I don't want to have to replace a clutch every yea.r"

              "I need both hands on the wheel, taking one off for anything (other than digging for the phone/whatever) is unsafe."

              "You can't have start-stop auto braking cruise control in a manual, I only drive with cruise control."

              (Paraphrased from the original, but someone actually did say they only ever used cruise buttons and brake, no accelerator, outside of driveway/parking lots.)

              The unspoken but seen:

              "I prefer to eat my chips and fish while doing my makeup and driving."

              "Does this cellphone make my elbow steering look safe?"

              "Sorry I didn't see you, I was adjusting the volume on my rolling home theater with flat screen TV on the dashboard."

              There are medical reasons why a third pedal can be a bother, and those are legit reasons in my book.

              "Because I prefer the smooth ride and lack of interaction." is another legit one.

              But this whole "Automatic = safer!" joke is just that.

              To be fair, I do have a soft spot for the A413 TorqueFlite and the C4.

              1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

                Re: Can't abide the stuff.

                Over here on the left pond I think you should get an insurance discount for manual

                Only enthusiast drivers (and ex-pats) have it. So it filters out idiots driving their SUV's while drinking their starbucks, checking their phones and belting their kids.

                It's impossible for the average local to steal.

              2. jake Silver badge

                Re: Can't abide the stuff.

                The only proper automatic is a Glide ... and even then, they only belong in bracket cars. FMX in a pinch, for street/strip cars that run on an index (C6 if you have enough low-end torque to kill the FMX).

                Disclaimer: Our big dually tow rig is an automatic, but only because that was the only transmission option with the torque/horsepower that we needed for our 6 horse slant.

            2. jake Silver badge

              Re: Can't abide the stuff.

              It's a world-wide problem, not just here in the US.

              For some reason, people are being brainwashed into believing that it's better to be a passenger than a driver. Pushing automatic transmissions is part of that brainwashing.

          4. Jan 0 Silver badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            > Responsible farmers keep the electric fences inside the physical fences

            Not where I go walking they don't. Sometimes they don't have many of those little warning signs either. It pays to know what electric fencing looks like: look for the insulators holding the wire off the posts.

            1. Zarno Bronze badge

              Re: Can't abide the stuff.

              "look for the insulators holding the wire off the posts."

              Or as they're known to some of us, "Forbidden marshmallows"

              Long anecdote short, my father once recounted a tale of an electric fence being put up, a bag of marshmallows (each roughly the size of the insulators being put up.) as a snack for the kids doing the nailing and wiring, and some dim, but glowing, neighbor kids who thought that they could pull a "marshmallow" off the fence for a snack.

            2. Jonathan Richards 1
              Go

              Re: Can't abide the stuff.

              > Not where I go walking they don't. Sometimes they don't have many of those little warning signs either.

              Aye, and not where the cows are illiterate, either. The point of an electric fence is to keep the cattle (works for horses, too) away from the "physical fence", which may be damaged by a casual half-ton bovine nudge, or in fact absent, e.g. if you're trying to keep a herd in one half of a grazing area. Protecting the electric fence from contact is totally pointless, unless you're actually trying to exclude humans. That's pointless, too, because everyone who has grown up in the country knows how to disable an electric fence for long enough to pass over or under it.

          5. jake Silver badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            Getting zapped isn't really all that bad, I just don't like the added cost and maintenance. Proper fencing is usually adequate for most domestic livestock. Lasts longer, too.

        2. Def Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Can't abide the stuff.

          Keeping the bears away from my hives...

          I think you can get a cream for that these days. ;)

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Can't abide the stuff.

            Trouble is that the bears like cream with their honey. I'll stick to the hotwire.

  3. macjules Silver badge
    Coat

    Works for the sheep

    Now about those cattleprods ..

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Works for the sheep

      I was thinking more shotgun cartridge on a stick (like divers used to use on sharks in 'nature' programs thirty years ago) for repeat offenders. There something about a lager drunk that means they will keep doing whatever it is you dont want them to do.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Works for the sheep

        Used to use? Bang sticks are still common tools in places where they are warranted. I bought the inventory of an out of business dive-shop about ten years ago (mostly to get a complete collection of OMC, Mercury and Volvo special tools). Included in the purchase was a long, narrow locked box with a selection of around a dozen different powerheads in various calibers. I've tested all of them (they work), but have never seen a need to actually put one to use. They are legal in California for defensive purposes (Great Whites are fairly common around here (not that they are as vicious as Hollywood portrays them)), but they are not legal for taking/landing fish.

    2. Keythong

      Re: Works for the sheep

      Indeed, they are treated humans like Sheep or Cattle!

      Aerosols can stay suspended for hours and drift, which makes "social distancing" dehumanising farce, and enforcing it by cattle shock fencing is pointless sadism, which should be regarded as GBH.

      This whole Corvid-19 event is shock doctrine, to socially re-engineer the world, justified by hysterical over reaction to a virus which turns out to be no more deadly than the flu; under 0.01% of the population dead, on average, in no way justifies the still growing significant social and economic damage. We should be dismantling all of this medical theatre BS, because it has already increasing costs for service businesses e.g. notice what dentists are doing now, and their significantly higher charges!

      1. heyrick Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Works for the sheep

        "enforcing it by cattle shock fencing is pointless sadism"

        It's not pointless, it's bloody funny. It's called schadenfreude, and it goes like this:

        Person: is a twat, doesn't care about respecting others

        Person: Bzzzzzt!

        Everybody else: Ha! Ha!

        (icon, because I'm sick of fucktards that don't fucking understand to stay the fuck away; one metre, two metre, that doesn't mean stand close enough that you couldn't slide a newspaper between us, just fuck right off...)

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Works for the sheep

        Have you been watching ::that:: side of YouTube again, Keythong?

  4. ukgnome

    BOFH

    Bar Operator From Hell

    As a former licensee turned IT bod I approve

    1. Antonius_Prime
      Devil

      Re: BOFH

      All of us who've taken that path do - whole heartedly! :D

  5. Roger Kynaston Bronze badge
    Pint

    what happens to the drunk

    Who can't differentiate between the bar and the urinal? Enquiring minds would like to know. Also, playmobil or it didn't happen.

    1. NATTtrash Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: what happens to the drunk

      Who can't differentiate between the bar and the urinal?

      You're asking? Really? We all have seen some examples there. Then again, we have to be understanding of less experienced punters (That's just the way we are, aren't we?). Slip ups can always happen.

      1. Spanners Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: what happens to the drunk

        Who can't differentiate between the bar and the urinal?

        Reminds me of an army exercise when I was in the OTC some decades ago.

        One of our number nipped out and accidentally watered an electric cattle fence he hadn't noticed.

        The problem for the rest of us was that we were not allowed to use plain English over the radio. We could tell the "other end" that someone was hurt. They were happy at describing it as a "burn" but were struggling to figure out how to say what had been burnt.

        Perhaps it was a prediction of my future employment (in the NHS) but I suggested the 1st Aid shorthand of calling it their 1% and this was deemed OK.

        He was back with us the next day, if a little red faced!

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Devil

          Re: what happens to the drunk

          Not the only part of him that was red...

        2. NATTtrash Silver badge
          Alert

          Re: what happens to the drunk

          I always thought it was general knowledge that, if it burns when you pee, you better visit your GP...

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: what happens to the drunk

      They will learn in a spectacularly painful fashion.

    3. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: what happens to the drunk

      One of my mates lived in a terraced house right next to a pub, in Manchester back in the late 70s. Up until then he'd enjoyed the convenience of highly-adjacent beer and crisps, but his fiancee had just moved in with him and they were looking to cut back on expenses with the intent of starting a family, so the drinking had to be paused. Once he was no longer a regular in the pub and didn't meet any of the new intake of students into the area, some of them got into the habit of staggering out of the pub at closing time and relieving themselves in his porch. He caught one or two and gave them a bollocking, but that soon became tedious. He thought about it and came up with a simple answer: two sheets of chicken wire fixed to the porch and the lower third of the door, wired up to a car battery inside. Problem solved.

      1. Jonathan Richards 1
        Thumb Up

        Re: what happens to the drunk

        >wired up to a car battery inside

        Yes, I guess that would work, if the earth path was not too resistive, yer piss-artist would get ten or eleven volts through the nether regions - not too pleasant. However, a cattle fence is a different kettle of worms - although typically battery powered, the voltage put on the wire is stepped up to around 8,000 volts, but the current is pulsed, and limited to around 100 mA. It gives you a nasty jolt, and then another a couple of seconds later if you're dim enough to have kept contact. The learning curve is not steep.

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: what happens to the drunk

          An ex-boss of mine did that to discourage students rolling out of the pub & using the corner of his parking spaces & his Porsche as urinals....well the job fell to me...I did the car, but drew the line at chicken wire at nether regions height.

    4. MiguelC Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: what happens to the drunk

      Don't Pee On The Electric Fence

      1. MiguelC Silver badge

        Re: what happens to the drunk

        What I really had on the back of my mind was this Ren & Stimpy episode...

      2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: what happens to the drunk

        I'm reminded of a episode of Monkey, our band of heroes are stuck in a cave in a snowstorm, Pigsy goes to pee & the stream freezes up flow to the exit point.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: what happens to the drunk

      "Who can't differentiate between the bar and the urinal?"

      A friend had a job to paint the loo in a bookies on Kilburn High Rd(*). He got fed up with people ignoring the sign on the door and barging in, so he locked the door and got on with the job.

      He discovered from the manager that desperate punters had been simply standing close up to the carpet covered counter, careful to avoid splashing.

      (* I don't remember which one. Every other shop on the High Rd is a turf accountant)

  6. MJI Silver badge

    Only commenting here because

    Our local Tesco is out of Rattler.

    C&C only one missing, yes but my cider!

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Only commenting here because

      Usually I can do cross-pond translation, but this one has me stumped. I take it Tesco was out of a brand of cider named Rattler, but the rest has b0rken my parser.

      1. NATTtrash Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Only commenting here because

        Cross pond translation can be very precarious. Just imagine the disappointment, caused by just one letter...

        Cornish Rattler Apple Cider, Alcohol Units 3, ABV 6% vol

        Ratler, the German equivalent of the British shandy, low alcohol, 2% ABV

        1. KarMann Bronze badge
          Headmaster

          Re: Only commenting here because

          The German stuff is Radler, not Ratler, because it comes from Fahrrad, 'bicycle', from Rad, 'wheel', which makes sense with radial, radians, etc.

          And that still doesn't answer the part about some 'C&C', the one that really had me puzzled.

  7. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Great idea

    Our village caffi (in Wales) re-opened yesterday - outside service only (as per Welsh Government rules). Entry to building to pay and to use the loos (via the back door).

    Would you believe the number of visitors (on holiday from England) who couldn't understand why they couldn't sit inside (it was pissing down). Explained slowly in words of one syllable, but no, they couldn't grasp the concept that Wales is not in England, and has a different government and rules.

    I like the idea of the electric fence and cattle prods. Or could we get a few 2nd hand Tasers on eBay?

    1. Caver_Dave
      Flame

      Re: Great idea

      I went to Twycross Zoo on Saturday. Full of people with Leicester accents (bear in mind that Leicester is supposed to still be a locked down Red zone) pushing and jostling and completely ignoring the social distancing rules. And then to get out you had to go through the inbound kiosk lines!

      Perhaps I need to get a Victorian hooped skirt and add electric fence wire to the hoops!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Great idea

        just like Cornwall! It was really nice to hear a proper Cornish accent on the news articles about this story. Makes a change, when I go out in my part of Cornwall I hardly see or hear a fellow Cornishman! And as for fecking Dr Martin!

      2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

        Re: Great idea

        Or just get a set of suspenders, a hulahoop, some clip leads, & a portable battery pack. Hook the hoop to the suspenders & wear like it were a pair of clown trousers. Run the clip leads from the battery, via the suspenders, to the hoop to act as your own personal cattle fence.

        I'm using neon disco plaid suspenders & a fanny pack contained Mr. Fusion to keep folks away, but those may be overkill given that I'm completely nude except for the face mask.

        =-)p

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Great idea

          A note for our British cousins ... I'm fairly certain Mr. Systems is talking about what you lot call braces, not suspenders ... although, on further reading about the rest of his outfit I'm no longer quite so sure.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Great idea

      they couldn't grasp the concept that Wales is not in England, and has a different government and rules.

      Just for context, that's been a problem for over 900 years.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Great idea

        Umm, for some of that time Wales was part of England.

        The fount of all wisdom, Wikipedia, claims that the Laws in Wales Acts were passed in 1535-45, integrating Wales into England. Hence MPs from there to the English Parliament in London. Any legal distinction between a Welsh person and an English one was also abolished at this time.

        Welsh nationalism and political activity is largely a post-War phenomenon. Arguably the separation back into two countries was as late as 1998, when the Act setting up the Welsh Assembly was passed.

        Those attempting to discuss this topic with Welsh people will find that they often have clear strongly-held views on the subject. Any mistakes I've made above may be assumed to be purely down to my own ignorance!

        So before c.1550 Wales did have its own government and rules, but this situation did not come back until 1999. You would have hoped twenty years would be long enough for people to notice, but apparently not.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Great idea

        Cornwall is not England either! ;o)

    3. TheProf Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Great idea

      "words of one syllable"

      Does the Welsh language have words of one syllable?

      1. Stumpy

        Re: Great idea

        Yes. But they're very llong syllllablles

      2. Stork Silver badge

        Re: Great idea

        They are cheating and treat w as a wowel.

        1. Zebo-the-Fat

          Re: Great idea

          Welsh has vowels?

      3. Mike Richards

        Re: Great idea

        Does it have *letters* of one syllable?

    4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Great idea

      "Would you believe the number of visitors (on holiday from England) who couldn't understand why they couldn't sit inside (it was pissing down). Explained slowly in words of one syllable, but no, they couldn't grasp the concept that Wales is not in England, and has a different government and rules."

      Just so you know, not all of us English are that stupid. Sadly, it seems a lot are.

    5. jake Silver badge

      Re: Great idea

      Don't they jail you (or worse!) for even thinking about acquiring things like tasers over there?

  8. Ben Trabetere

    How long...

    ... will it take to turn into a drinking game?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: How long...

      If it's not already happenedk they are not proper Cornish pub goers.

  9. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    The Jolly Volt

    The StarSpark Inn

  11. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    New Patrons to the Pub, particularly those of a Hooray Henry disposition...

    ...will need to go through an induction process to check they understand the rules.

    If not they can always shuffle off this mortal coil.

  12. Montreal Sean

    This gives me a tingly feeling.

    But not all over.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: This gives me a tingly feeling.

      You must be rubbing it the wrong way.

  13. DavCrav Silver badge
    Joke

    I'm pretty sure deliberarely electrocuting someone is a criminal offence. The landlord is surely guilty of...battery.

    And before anybody starts that battery is the use of force, I'm pretty sure electromagnetism is a force.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Coat

      Shocking. Given that he sells crisps, and so is already guilty of assault and vinegar.

    2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: Pub electromagnetism

      A great place to demonstrate the corkscrew rule.

  14. Morrie Wyatt
    Pint

    A short sharp shock.

    They won't do it again. Dig it?

    I mean he get off lightly.

  15. Nick Pettefar

    Just read this shocking news!

  16. Michele.x

    The beer they're serving

    http://www.velkopopovickykozel.com/#our-beers/premium-lager Kozel beer. Because it's a fine one beer, of course, non because sometime one has to herd goats.

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