back to article Erudite, insightful, self-aware and almost human: Give your local database admin a hug – it's DBA Appreciation Day

Hang the bunting, ice the cupcakes, and wrap the presents: it comes but once a year but today, as you beautiful people well know, is international DBA Appreciation Day. Just imagine their little faces lighting up when they see their gifts laid out before them. So, join us in thanks for the lovely and unloved database …

  1. HildyJ Silver badge
    Pint

    No hugs, please

    With half Osman distancing in effect, hugs are out. Besides, most DBAs I know are not the hugging type.

    So, as far as a gift, get your DBA something they will appreciate. Since nobody expected the holiday, get them something nobody expects - a comfy chair.

  2. cschneid
    Coat

    Women are better DBAs than men...

    ...they're not afraid to COMMIT.

  3. werdsmith Silver badge

    DBA

    Does Bugger All

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      No, they do make sure they charge for it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's knowing

      _When_ to do bugger all.

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: It's knowing

        Good lad/lassie.

        Put the database in read only mode and we'll take a two hour lunch.

    3. Stevie Silver badge

      [*mutters*] Right, y'bastard.

      ALTER TABLE WERDSMITHS_UNAUTHOURISED_GOOD_STUFF TRUNCATE;

      --

      DROP INDEX MAKE_WERDSMITHS_REPORT_RUN_BEFORE_THE_QUESTION_DOESNT_MATTER_ANY_MORE CASCADE;

      --

      REVOKE CUSTOM_ROLE_MADE_SPECIALLY_TO_MAKE_WS_JOB_EASIER FROM WERDSMITH;

      --

      ALTER USER WERDSMITH IDENTIFIED BY 1o0lI1Il1!1l!;

      --

      ALTER USER WERDSMITH QUOTA 1 MB;

      --

      COMMIT;

      --

      --Tek that, y'ungrateful bugger.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Thank you. I'll just assume indexes not maintained, stats not updated. I'll raise a ticket about it and go for a cup of tea.

      2. werdsmith Silver badge

        And you wouldn't catch me using any Larry rubbish so I hope that was Maria.

  4. Blackjack Silver badge

    Get him (or her) a bag of coffee

    The good stuff; the one that cost extra money, not the crap they usually put in the office.

    Or maybe some decent tea? Some people like tea more.

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