back to article When you bork... through a storm: Liverpool do all they can to take advantage of summer transfer, er, Windows

Bork returns to Blighty today, with the proud people of Liverpool contributing their own entry into the annals of Windows being a bit sad. Setting up Microsoft's operating system can be an intensely personal thing. There may be many questions to answer in the Out Of Box Experience (OOBE): what is your Microsoft account? How …

  1. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

    Lobster Pot

    Fully agree with the recommendation.. Doubly so if it's after a decent session in the Ship n Mitre! (ahh, pubs, remember those?)

    Or if you are sufficiently brave / foolish in the exercising of choices for whistle-wetting, a pint of Wobbly Bob in the Swan on Wood Street. Upside of drinking Wobbly Bob: you never remember the stupid crap you obviously did when on it!

    1. TheProf Silver badge
      Pint

      The Swan

      My last pre-lockdown night out was in the Ship & Mitre. It was a rather subdued night but the beer was excellent so that's a win.

      Yes! Go to The Swan and drink Wobbly Bob.

      1. andy gibson

        Re: The Swan

        Nice to see another Swan visitor. Hopefully you'll both be back at The Bridewell now its returned back to a real ale place and not a fancy gin and spirits bar.

        1. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

          Re: The Swan

          Oh yeah the Bridewell was a place I visited before the lockdown! It's a canny boozer, the ex prison architecture is fascinating.

          I'm going to have to do a tour when it's all safe.. Just hope my fav haunts have survived. I'll eagerly try to keep Liverpool pubs going with an influx of my own cash (in return for fine ales, tangy ciders and Wobbly Bobs!)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lobster Pot

      Tell us more about this pub thing.

      I'd like to reminisce on a sunny June day....

      1. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

        Re: Lobster Pot

        OK settle down for a fairytale..

        Was once an establishment where a patron could congregate with companions and other like minded imbibers of sweet, merciful booze

        Then one day a terrible ogre with a face too small for his gargantuan head came down to the kingdom, and assaulted the very notion of hostelry with his "Wetherspoons" curse:

        Brexit leaflets on the tables.

        Negligent working practices.

        Crap anti-atmosphere clearly designed to make you drink more to escape the banality.

        Diluting the Holy recipe of Curry down to beneath the bottom of the barrel.

        But plucky hostelries rose up against this monstrous ogre! And in the before-time, us merry rebels did occupy as many as these boozers as possible - to refuse the lure of the wicked ogre and its assailance on culture and taste!

        There are whispers even now that the fine rebelling alehouses may yet survive the dark COVID plague..

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: Lobster Pot

          We can hope that Tim-the-Dim-Quim's business fails to survive. Many thinking and aware people refuse to set foot inside his doors, and counsel others to do the same. Should we do more though? Could we do more? Have a team to picket the places with "Don't Drink Here" signs? Could be a fun day out - gather in a decent local hostelry and take it in turns to do a 15-min stint before returning to the beer.

          Some people will make an exception: we had a march last year in Merthyr Tudfil to show support for independence for Cymru. Had 5000+ people there, (would have been more if Arriva Wales had laid on a single 2-coach train from Cardiff!). Great speeches, great buzz. BUT people needed a drink and the 'Dic Penderyn'[*] (one of Tim the Twat's establishments) was close to hand and quite crowded. Turned out that an exception was made as the manager was a supporter and had made a generous donation to the expenses of the organisers.

          [*] Strange this. Dic Penderyn (Richard Lewis) was involved in the Merthyr Rising in 1831. He was framed and hanged, and is now remembered as a martyr (appropriate in Merthyr). Doesn't sound like the sort of person Tim-the-Grim would normally want to commemorate. You'd think he'd go more for naming his booze-pits after people like Churchill (v.popular(!) in S.Wales, as he was popularly believed to have said 'If the Welsh are striking over hunger, we must fill their bellies with lead')

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dic_Penderyn

  2. macjules Silver badge

    Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

    No, nothing compares to a night out in Liverpool for the sheer quantity of alcohol, vomit and threats of violence. Except possibly Glasgow.

    I am already feeling sorry for the police and paramedics on the night of 4th July (nothing at all to do with USA Independence Day BTW).

    1. BenM 29
      Pint

      Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

      >> 4th July (nothing at all to do with USA Independence Day BTW).

      Hmmm - I wonder if the timing of reducing the lockdown measures is entirely coincidence?

      Never attribute to conspiracy something that can be adequately explained by cock-up... but with this shower in charge the difference is Rizzla green thin!

      A conspiracy nut might suggest that the first May bank holiday will be moved to July 4th as a preparation for becoming USA 51 (contd. p.94 ed.)

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

        Hey look, somebody thinks they've found a way to shoehorn in politics into an article that isn't about politics.

        We should be polite and pretend it was subtle enough that we didn't notice.

        1. imanidiot Silver badge

          Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

          No we shouldn't. Being polite and pretending not to notice is exactly the whole problem nowadays.

        2. Dante Alighieri

          Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

          I see your point.

          I read it differently - a simple observation of when the brakes come off night life (in many Toons) there will be a demand on the emergency services - one of which i work in.

          plus ca change.

          ...how do I post anonymously? ;)

    2. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

      Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

      I've seen about three fights in Liverpool City centre in 20 years of drinking there.

      You are shoehorning politics in. Stop it.

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

        Don't know about Brighton or Liverpool but...

        A few years ago I had cause to be staying in central Cardiff on a Saturday with friends. Went out early for a bite to eat and was genuinely shocked. Police hanging around everywhere ready for action, people doing 'support' wandering around in tabards, and a line of ambulances down Heol Santes Fair waiting for customers, crews chatting until they were needed.

        It's not like that in my little village.

    3. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

      No, nothing compares to a night out in Liverpool for the sheer quantity of alcohol, vomit and threats of violence. Except possibly Glasgow.

      I'm slightly surprised about the violence bit - I've generally found Scousers to be quite a friendly, easy-going lot...although I've tended to cross paths with them outside of their home city. Maybe they're a bit more belligerent when they're on their home turf?

      1. logicalextreme Bronze badge

        Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

        Every time I've been over to Liverpool on my own I haven't been able to even so much as glance at a sign in a bus or train station without somebody appearing and asking where I'm going and if they can help. Sometimes they've worked at the place, often they haven't; everybody seems to know the local rail network like the back of their hand.

        Coming back to Manchester after being in Liverpool always hammers home to me what dour-faced aloofniks we can be here.

    4. batfastad

      Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

      > No, nothing compares to a night out in Liverpool for the sheer quantity of alcohol, vomit and threats of violence. Except possibly Glasgow.

      Disappointed Newcastle has been missed here. Efforts must be doubled.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Newcaastle

        Yep. I can remember watching someone down 3 pints of draught Guiness in 50 seconds in the pub that used to be right opposite Central Station. Needless to say wagers were made about the downing and also the time before it came back up again. I pity the poor sod at the centre of it all at least he got his own back on his mates when it did appear again.

        1. heyrick Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Newcaastle

          At least he was nice enough to recycle so somebody else could have a go...

    5. hmv Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

      Well there's always Portsmouth which used to have a bit of a reputation - particularly if the Naval Provosts were feeling energetic, and the Russians were in port.

      5th July: Not so much pavement pizzas as pavement carpet.

      1. Badbob

        Re: Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

        I take a fence at the Glasgow remark. Been enjoying libations for many a year in that city without incident.

        On the other hand, when I lived in Bristol, I witnessed fights, stabbings and had to sit on someone once who had been accused of rape until he was removed by Plod (turned out be a spurned lover and a bit of a tiff). I had the misfortune of working in the city centre briefly in a nightshift role next to the Bear Pit, and heading in there was taking your life in your own hands.

  3. Cederic Silver badge

    sigh

    As a fan of the Liverpool football club and its messiah Klopp I can only look at the title and subtitle of this story and laugh.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: sigh

      Aye, cue a lot of anti Liverpool (City or football team) snide blerts

    2. Alister Silver badge

      Re: sigh

      fazakerley

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: sigh

        Bless you.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: sigh

      Are the rumours that the Liverpool team has COVID-19 true?

      So they have to forfeit the rest of their games true?

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: sigh

        It doesn't matter - their only ever Premier League title will always have an asterisk.

        1. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

          Re: sigh

          Yeah, it'll have an asterisk..

          .

          ... for the amazing positive feat of not only doing it, but doing it despite the plague!

          And that asterisk will always remind us all: this achievement is truly special, more so than any other title won.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: sigh

          Lmao you really think football started in 1992 you snide bell

          1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: sigh

            Mine's the one with the roflcopter license in the pocket

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: sigh

              So not only are you trolling but using phrases like "roflcopter"

              Man, must your life be fulfilling!

              1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

                Re: sigh

                If it wasn't clear, I'm mocking you and your "LMAO".

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: sigh

                  I didn't use LMAO

                  Other anon did. He's sad too (even if he has a point!)

                  You are trolling though. Cmon dude it's warm outside!

                  1. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: sigh

                    All you anon's look the same to me...

                    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

                      Re: sigh

                      He's an ACist!!!!! Arrest him!!

    4. Benchops

      Re: sigh

      I suspect this entire series of articles about bork was written just to lead up to this title!

  4. Blitheringeejit
    Pint

    Am I alone in suspecting...

    ...that the Reg hacks hacked and borked this screen themselves, specifically so they could make all those "bork on" and "never bork alone" puns in the headline?

    Pint -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------^

    ...because the comment(ard)s above have reminded me that it's been soooo long, and I miss you so much that even an icon on a screen can send my heart (liver?) a-flutter. Please come home soon.

  5. nap
    Stop

    I hate those things - for some reason, Windows has been updating itself on my various machines at different times and when it reboots it goes straight to what looks like the out-of-box setup screen and asks if I want to enable location services, Cortana, blah blah blah etc. before I can actually use my machine again.

    Yesterday I put my laptop to sleep, walked round to the corner shop for a bit of milk and by the time I was back (literally 10 minutes) it'd rebooted and locked me out until I went through all those stupid screens....

    1. John Sager

      Don't have that problem. But then my kit is a bit earlier in the alphabet. So, Reg, have you yet seen borkage from the Big L?

  6. MarkET

    On-screen bork! Luxury

    When I were lad, had to define 20mA current loop, assemble ASR-33 teletype from discarded Mammoth tusks. Then lunch in the tar pit, if lucky. Finish shift by starting an hour earlier than most Neutron stars formed. Don't get me started about galaxies...bad signal here.

    1. Aussie Doc Bronze badge
      Pint

      Re: On-screen bork! Luxury

      Yeah, but try telling kids today.

      Have one on the house ---->

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