back to article Surprise! That £339 world's first 'anti-5G' protection device is just a £5 USB drive with a nice sticker on it

A £339 "anti-5G" product billed as the "first to market full-spectrum protection" appears to be nothing more than a bog-standard £5 USB stick with an LED on the end, according to Pen Test Partners. The "quantum" USB stick, branded as the "5GBioShield", is a "proprietary holographic nano-layer catalyst technology" and a " …

  1. Maximum Delfango
    Paris Hilton

    Paris... because...

    Getting fucked for a lot of money is her thing.

    1. HildyJ Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Paris... because...

      I'd say more Goop and Gwyneth. After all it's quantum AND nano AND bio. Probably coming to Goop Lab soon.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Paris... because...

        I'd say more Goop and Gwyneth

        Yes, she'd probably sell a vaginal suppository version which would magically protect you from being being probed when being abducted by aliens...

      2. eldakka Silver badge

        Re: Paris... because...

        We need a Goop/Gwyneth icon .

        1. TeeCee Gold badge
          Devil

          Re: Paris... because...

          ...and the Devil's Handbag will not suffice because...?

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Paris... because...

        "I'd say more Goop and Gwyneth."

        Whenever I see that, the first mental image I get is Reggie Perren and his Grot empire. Maybe Gwyneth thought it was a documentary?

  2. katrinab Silver badge

    Alternatively

    Buy this - https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/304792702

    Make it into a hat-shaped object.

    Sell it on your favourite online tat bazar.

    1. HAL-9000

      Resists government thought control experiments too, a bonus

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No! That's what THEY want you to do!

      That aluminium foil hats will block their remote-control radio signals is a myth perpetrated by the CIA!

      If you measure your head from temple to temple you'll find that the distance fits quite nicely in the 'L Band' of the Microwave spectrum. and that's set aside for among other things 'military use'...

      Tinfoil hats are in effect Microwave resonance chambers!

      They're planning to kill off everyone who distrusts the governments all in one go!

    3. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Your link results in shrink foil, you need aluminium foil.

      See also this.

      1. Anonymous Coward
      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        Surely "shrink foil" is the correct product?

        Make it into a hat, stick it on your head and it tells you why you'd be idiotic enough to want 5G protection because of your relationship with your mother.

    4. Gonzo wizard Bronze badge

      Coming soon!

      I'd like to announce the launch of my ultra-reliable shark repellant, having successfully trialled it for over a year without having suffered a single attack. It is available in a conveniently sized can at the bargain basement price of £50 (three for £100) and comes with a cast iron money back guarantee - if you're killed by a shark whilst using this product, I'll refund you in full - just apply in person.

      I'm also in the final phase of testing on my Elephant Repellant (although this won't be available in Africa or India).

      1. Inspector71

        Re: Coming soon!

        Does that guarantee cover sharks with frikkin lasers as well?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Coming soon!

        You’re too late with the elephant repellent.

        Mine’s been working well for the last 50 years.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I’ve ordered 5.

    One for each limb.

  4. tjdennis2

    Apparently someone though that people gullible enough to believe that 5G was causing Coronavirus, would be gullible enough to pay a lot of money for a device that would magically protect them.

    1. richardcox13
      Holmes

      As P. T. Barnum allegedly said: there are plenty being born.

      The website is quite "fun", eg. this "testimonial":

      I plugged the BioShield Key in at work and it seems to clear the energy of the place around my desk.

      One minute and a half after I plugged it, I felt something wrong disappeared in the air.

      The people I work with, seems to be more happy and they laugh more. The ambiance is more serene.

      ~Daniela

      Well it always amusing when someone demonstrates how much of a muppet they are.

      1. KarMann Bronze badge
        Holmes

        They're not laughing with you, Daniela. They're laughing at you.

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Somebody employs this person - hopefully for nothing critical

        1. Roland6 Silver badge

          Do you think Daniela was able to plug the device in or had to have help...

          1. John Sturdy
            WTF?

            But its "always-on" anyway!

          2. OssianScotland Silver badge
            Paris Hilton

            USB, so she probably got it right on the third attempt.

            Paris... obviously....

            1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

              Probably not. 3rd attempt is fairly standard. This one would have needed many more.

              1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

                Yeah takes me 3 attempts!

                Anyways would probably end up stuck in the floppy drive if they still had them!

          3. steviebuk Silver badge

            Our AV software would block the USB stick so we'd get calls "My 5G protection stick needs unlocking otherwise we're all be doomed"

        2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          "Somebody employs this person"

          Maybe they don't now.

        3. P. Lee Silver badge

          >Somebody employs this person - hopefully for nothing critical

          I think the provision of reviews is a critical service. Daniela (AKA Tala) is providing a valuable paid-for service.

      3. Danny 2 Silver badge

        I compared Trump to Barnum last week, then immediately apologised to Barnum, who apparently was a reasonably decent local politician.

        1. MacroRodent Silver badge

          PT Barnum

          Most Barnum comparisons do him injustice. He was actually just a showman who honestly sold entertainment, and not snake oil.

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: PT Barnum

            Snake oil was a side line managed by McCoy.

          2. P. Lee Silver badge

            Re: PT Barnum

            >He was actually just a showman who honestly sold entertainment, and not snake oil.

            Its a shame the "entertainment" included real-life physically deformed humans.

            His was a different time, but if someone sold that to me today as entertainment, I'd consider it snake-oil.

        2. Fred Goldstein

          Yes, Barnum became mayor of Bridgeport, the largest city in Connecticut. That showed much more competence than Trump.

      4. illiad

        richardcox13

        I find good big lunch from the local indian clears the area much quicker!!! :D :D

      5. JimboSmith Silver badge

        I got given tickets to some Ideal Home Show type show years ago. Whilst there I found a more senior colleague from another department having a drink. He wasn't staying long but had to go back to a particular stand before he left. The stand he tells me has a device for limiting the amount of radiation that he was exposed to. He used his phone a lot and was worried about the energy it was exposing him to. I was curious to know what this was and walked over with him. I was expecting to see a cover closely fitting his phone made of a metallic substance. What I actually saw was a sticker that wasn't much larger than a current 5p piece and about as thick. I doubt that it cost much more than that to make either, they were selling them for a 'very reasonable' £5 each. Special show offer was £10 for three - utter bargain you understand.

        So I asked how it works and I was told it absorbs some of the radiation the phone produces. Doesn't that affect the ability to use the phone? Would that not reduce the signal reaching the mobile phone mast? It's not that radiation that it reduces is the reply - "it's technical you understand" So as a joke I said is it the visible radiation that is reduced? “Yes that's it exactly, you're smarter than you look." I tried educating my colleague that his top of the range Nokia wouldn't be affected by this sticker. I said these things were a rip off using a headset would work better and visible radiation was just light. I was told to stop with the negative energy and he then went and bought £40 worth. Offered me one before leaving which I declined saying that it wasn't compatible with my model. I would like £5 if he was offering though.

        1. tlhonmey

          I remember seeing little, metallic, stick-on grille things for cell phones that were marketed as a way to prevent the radiation from entering through the ear canal during phone calls and causing brain tumors.

          Thing is, according to the research on the subject, cell phone frequencies don't cause cancer or brain tumors... They cause cataracts, but only at significantly higher power levels than are commonly used in phones.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      5G might not give you coronavirus, but it is quite likely to transmit Hentai viruses if you don't practice safe hex

      1. eldakka Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        see icon.

      2. Forum McForumface

        Whatever else 5G is, it isn’t safe hex - more of a bit overflow if you ask me.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Anyone willing to self-identify as gullible is clearly going to be an easy target for junk. The real harm with this sort of thing will come when someone realises this is a way to get someone to pay to install malware on their own machines - or their employers'.

    4. Wade Burchette Silver badge

      Considering that people with 5G sickness, Wi-Fi sickness, and the like are psychosomatic, the people just need to believe something is protecting them and they will be cured. I guaranteed you if I sold a rock from a local river and said it had special magnetic properties that negates all wireless radiation, these same people would buy it and swear to you that it really works.

      1. james 68

        They beat you to it. There is a huge supply chain out there selling "magic rocks" from £30 and upwards each, while claiming they'll cure everything from full blown aids to poltergeist. They are unsurprisingly indistinguishable from the contents of bags of large quartz gravel you'd normally find in any garden center or DIY store at around £15 for a 20lb bag.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Almost. You have to remember that people with these vague but interesting conditions don;t actually want to be cured, because their lives are much more interesting that way. Just look at the reaction of people "with" ME/CFS when it's pointed out that therapy has a huge success rate. The ideal treatment can be claimed to stop things getting worse, but not actually make them better.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Organised religions have been doing this for millennia. Some are offering explicit Covid-19 cures at the moment - for a price.

        Akin to the Church selling indulgences in the reign of Henry VIII.

    5. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Careful there. You mentioned Coronavirus and if a certain high ranking elected US person sees it, there will suddenly be press conferences and lots of questions to the Surgeon General about "you'll test this right?", etc.

  5. Steve Foster
    WTF?

    Take Yer Pick...

    "A Fool and his money are soon parted."

    "There's a sucker born every minute."

    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.", Albert Einstein

    1. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: Take Yer Pick...

      Why pick one, it's usually more of an all-or-nothing approach

    2. CR

      Re: Take Yer Pick...

      Also, it would be a shame to allow a fool keep his/her money...

    3. redpawn Silver badge

      I'm no fool

      It is not a USB stick, it is a new form of hologram, similar to the ones on the Holodeck. It only takes the form of a USB stick with a unique sticker for the convenience of shipping and storing its manual. Its quantum nature allows it to be touched, manipulated and to imitate even the function of a very small capacity USB stick. Having investigated this, I'm ordering ten in order to protect my entire hosing project.

      1. Captain Hogwash

        Re: I'm no fool

        Hmmm. Tell me more about your hosing project. Sounds a bit NSFW.

  6. HAL-9000

    Hold on to your credit cards, I think I've found a cheaper alternative: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bacofoil-Non-Stick-Kitchen-Quality-Tear-Resistant/dp/B016IOUGXC

    1. RM Myers Bronze badge
      Black Helicopters

      It's out of stock!

      And it's all your fault. The anti-5G mob followed your advice.

      1. harmjschoonhoven

        Re: It's out of stock!

        If you stack Bacofoil high enough it might absorb high energy protons a.k.a. cosmic rays, which penetrate every of your ten fingernails at a rate of one per second. BTW CRs are cancinogenic.

        1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

          Re: It's out of stock!

          BTW CRs are cancinogenic.

          So is living.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      heavy duty

      Always go for the heavy duty foil!

      Anonymous: I don't THEM finding out about me

  7. Guildencrantz
    Big Brother

    You're just poo-pooing it because of the (((5G mind control))).

    I on the other hand am able to think for myself having bought my 5G-shielding underpants:

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/SYB-Boxer-Briefs-Anti-Radiation-Protection/dp/B077QWLKJM

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      ..my 5G-shielding underpants:

      You can poo-poo those yourself...

    2. Montreal Sean

      @Guildencrantz

      As a Canadian, I can tell you these will also protect you from beavers. And maybe the odd goose.

      1. MyffyW Silver badge

        Can they protect one's beaver from being goosed by a Canadian*?

        [*In the interests of balance I do appreciate that most Canadians are a well behaved lot. And a pair of full height briefs can be had from Marks and Sparks for under a tenner]

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
  8. C. P. Cosgrove
    WTF?

    What 5G ?

    I first saw this story on the BBC web-site this afternoon where, as reported, a member of the Glastonbury Council claimed it was a great device and that he had felt much more relaxed since he had acquired one.

    This led me to check a 5G availability map or the UK and I don't see any 5G in the Glastonbury area.

    Matter over mind ?

    Chris Cosgrove

    1. RM Myers Bronze badge

      Re: What 5G ?

      Matter, but mind nonexistent?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What 5G ?

      To begin with I was quite angry with how Rory Cellan-Jones wrote this up on the Beeb site.

      Then I concluded he was making a very subtle point with regards to "impartiality" - in reference to Maitlis pointing out the bleedin' obvious and getting a wrist-slap for it.

      ICBVW.

    3. electricmonk
      Boffin

      Re: What 5G ?

      This led me to check a 5G availability map or the UK and I don't see any 5G in the Glastonbury area.

      So the device is working, then?

      B-)

      1. BoraHorzaGobuchul
        Joke

        Re: What 5G ?

        Just like not walking on the cracks in the pavement...

        To prevent the lions getting you.

        1. Dolvaran

          Re: What 5G ?

          Actually, it's bears, not lions. Ever so 'portant how you walk.

    4. Mongrel

      Re: What 5G ?

      This led me to check a 5G availability map or the UK and I don't see any 5G in the Glastonbury area.

      I always find it funny how badly they misapply their "research".

    5. JetSetJim Silver badge

      Re: What 5G ?

      Their town coucil seems to be actively trying to ban it from their locale, even though it was (temporarily) deployed for the festival last year (presumably in the form of 5G backhaul for open access wifi)

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What 5G ?

      Not quite - this is a much bigger story about 5G and Glastonbury.

      I don't believe the person who reported the effects of this device was a member of the council. What happened was the Council decided to set up a "5G advisory Committee" into the effects of 5G to inform their planning consent decisions. This committee was highly influenced by a conspiracy theorist (non-council) from outside the area who invited a number of other overly suggestible sorts who had their own theories from their own extensive social media research to sti on the committee and others to present their side of the argument.

      The members of that inquiry who might be classed as being more well informed and looking at it from a scientific approach (as part of the impartiality of the inquiry) were cut down and told they couldn't be dismissive of the claims (evidence???) of the more outlandish ideas. This led to the people who actually know something about this from a fact based perspective resigning, leaving a report to be written by the slightly less grounded in reality quarter - giving equal weight to both sides and therefore in favour of maintaining a risk approach grounded in bunkum.

      On a balance of risk with no actual critical thinking this led to a report that has led the town council to

      > write to MPs asking them to establish an inquiry into the safety of 5G;

      >calling for the UK Government and Public Health England to undertake an independent scientific study into:

      >>The non-thermal effects of 5G, and

      >>Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity;

      and lobbying the International Commission on Non-Ionizing Radiation Protection (ICNIRP) to take into account the non-thermal effects of radiofrequency EMFs in their Guidelines on Limiting Exposure to Electromagnetic Fields.

      Worryingly they have also, apparently, had a number of requests from other councils and local authorities asking for copies of the report. Hopefully this is for amusement purposes rather than to affect decision making in any way. I mean Glastonbury town council, you can kind of expect this but for others to perhaps take it seriously would be extremely worrying.

    7. MarkB
      Boffin

      Re: What 5G ?

      My dad once produced a nutmeg from his pocket and explained to us kids that he kept it there as it warded off the elephants.

      We pointed out that there were no elephants in South Wales. "Shows how good it is, doesn't it?".

      1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: What 5G ?

        Another example of Life Imitating The Simpsons:

        https://frinkiac.com/meme/S07E23/281597.jpg?b64lines=IEJ1dCBJIGRvbid0IHNlZSBhbnkKIHRpZ2VycyBhcm91bmQgaGVyZS4gRG8KIHlvdT8gTGlzYSwgSSB3YW50IHRvIGJ1eQogeW91ciByb2NrLg==

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: What 5G ?

        > My dad once produced a nutmeg from his pocket

        Ooerr, missus!

    8. Aussie Doc Bronze badge
      Black Helicopters

      Re: What 5G ?

      "I don't see any 5G in the Glastonbury area."

      Well, of course you don't.

      THEY don't want you to see, you see.

      <sound of tinfoil hats being made>

    9. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: What 5G ?

      This led me to check a 5G availability map or the UK and I don't see any 5G in the Glastonbury area

      Don't people in Glastonbury normally communicate using magic crystals and ley-lines?

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: What 5G ?

        My wife and I were in the general area last year on holiday and spent a day in Glastonbury. It's a nice place in general but yes, it's got a LOT more than it's fair share of weirdos. I suspect quite a few villages are missing their idiots.

    10. Captain Hogwash

      Re: What 5G ?

      https://glastonbury.gov.uk/5g-report/

    11. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What 5G ?

      To achieve positions of power in any walk of life you need to be obsessively-minded about your certainty - and ignore any contradictory evidence. Several of the current world leaders fit the bill - and also many politicians - as did several in the 1930s.

  9. Paul Herber Silver badge

    The Ancients had the right ideas you know, I recently bought a 5G filter designed many years ago by an ancient Greek called Eratosthenes, he called it a sieve but apparently it's a prime contender for being the best against 5G too.

    1. Joe W Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      "prime contender". You are a bad person.... (and owe me a keyboard)

      1. Paul Herber Silver badge

        Will a wireless one do?

    2. Symon Silver badge
      Joke

      Eratosthenes would have never come up with such a device. He knew the Earth is round. (And he measured it!)

    3. Tom 7 Silver badge

      For those of you old enough and northern enough you may remember "Oor Willy" used just this technique to protect himself from the ills of TV signals and to pretend he's had a haircut.

      1. Mandoscottie
        Joke

        jings, crivvens n help ma boab!

        Coulda ge`en me a warnin` laddie!

        Ill get PC Murdoch on ye!

  10. Dwarf Silver badge

    How Gullible are you ?

    Please send £50 for our questionnaire.

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: How Gullible are you ?

      Apparently the Oxford English Dictionary are removing the word "gullible " from their 2021 Edition

      1. the spectacularly refined chap

        Re: How Gullible are you ?

        I would hope so, considering neither of you can spell "gulliable".

        1. CliveS
          FAIL

          Re: How Gullible are you ?

          The word is "gullible" so quite understandable neither can spell "gulliable", given that "gulliable" only appears in the Urban Dictionary...

          gulliable

          adj. A failed attempt at gullible, which only servers to show the speaker's idiocy and failure to comprehend the complexities of the English language.

          A: Did you know gulliable isn't in the dictionary?

          S: It's not.

          A: Yeah it is! Haha got you!

          S: No, gullible is. You are just fucking stupid.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: How Gullible are you ?

            .....,,,,;;;;Whooooshh;;;;,,,,......

        2. Symon Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: How Gullible are you ?

          @tsrc, well, I got your joke!

        3. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

          Re: How Gullible are you ?

          I would hope so, considering neither of you can spell "gulliable"

          Come on, do you think I'm a gullabull? Or even a gullacalf?

  11. Christopher Reeve's Horse

    If it weren't for the fact

    it has a easy to use USB port I'd have guessed it was from Apple.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: If it weren't for the fact

      Good point. Is there a special 5g USB adaptor for Mac laptops? That is apart from the extortionate one that Apple sell.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: If it weren't for the fact

        of course there's a Mac version its £1339

        1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

          Re: If it weren't for the fact

          I have one on offer for € 1337 ;)

          1. rtharrison
            Pint

            Re: If it weren't for the fact

            Does it come with a $£1000 stand too? What about ergonomic casters?

            Icon because it's Friday.

      2. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: If it weren't for the fact

        Yes but you'll have to redecorate your whole house to match.

  12. Nodrog

    Some people are just greedy, why couldn't they have been satisfied with putting a 32GB sticker on them and flogging them on eBay like all the other scammers with a load of old 128MB USBs lying around?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the 5G Bioshield is nothing more than a £5 USB key

    correction: a fiver buys you, AD 2020, a 16GB usb key. 128MB is something I haven't seen for... I dunno, 20 years? Presumably, to have such low capacity usb lovingly hand-crafted and hand-delivered straight from the Red Kingdom of China fully justifies what is, after all, just a fair market price for the ultimate protection for you and your family! And all this (...) before we even scratch the surface of its unsurpassed nano-bubble-shielding-capabilities!

    1. Anonymous Coward
    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: the 5G Bioshield is nothing more than a £5 USB key

      It's the micro-bub-bubbles - 1/3 Coffee, 2/3 Milk, 2/3 Foam - more than the sum of it's parts you see? Now pass me a flat white...

    3. ibmalone Silver badge

      Re: the 5G Bioshield is nothing more than a £5 USB key

      Wow, I missed that. My eyes just skimmed and saw 128GB, because at this price, why wouldn't it be? Well, I suppose it's one way to get rid of 128MB sticks that no sane person would buy.

      (A relative of a friend is into this nonsense. Not the specific 5G covid stuff, but the general "5G malaise", and I'm sure would argue it weakens the immune system too for the tie-in. The usual line is, "I want to see evidence it doesn't cause harm." A mathematics PhD, not sciences obviously, somewhat disappointing.)

      1. rtharrison

        Re: the 5G Bioshield is nothing more than a £5 USB key

        A PSA from big Clive.

        5G death beams are rubbish for killing your foes.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: the 5G Bioshield is nothing more than a £5 USB key

        "I'm sure would argue it weakens the immune system too"

        Correct 5G weakens the immune system. What you need is to counteract it with 5D because that increases your vitamin D levels.

  14. Foxglove

    "an operating diameter of either 8 or 40 metres"

    So, as a quantum expert I am convinced this must be a viable working product.

    How else could a device operate at exactly a diameter of exactly 8 or 40 metres?

    That has to be quantum weirdness in action at 2 very specific distances.

    It's a shame Paul Dirac isn't around any longer, I'm sure he could have advanced his theories considerably by examining this device.

    Maybe Einstein could then have built on the the work and explained it to us all.

    What a fucking world we live in, how have we gone backwards this far this fast.

    This must be a violation of the Second law of thermodynamics.

    I'll stop now...

    1. Dr_N Silver badge

      Re: "an operating diameter of either 8 or 40 metres"

      "operating diameter”

      These people only think in 2D.

    2. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: "an operating diameter of either 8 or 40 metres"

      A Schroedingers pox on them!

  15. Chris G Silver badge

    Big savings! Now!

    I have developed a 5G prophylactic suppository, Only one application is necessary to protect you from the adverse effects of 5G for life!

    Get one for each member of your family, the more you buy the greater the discount! Only €250.00 per insert!! Two for €450.00! Three for €400.00!

    Note: Do not evacuate for at least 48Hrs after insertion or before the insertion has dissolved or you will lose your warranty rights.

    1. robidy Silver badge

      Re: Big savings! Now!

      You're shitting me right? I don't need that £400 USB stick after all??

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Big savings! Now!

        That's right. You get to save all the money! Or for only £350.00 I can sell you a suppository that will protect you from 5G and 6G!

      2. Montreal Sean
        Flame

        Re: Big savings! Now!

        @robust

        Don't shit for at least 48 hours! Think of the warranty!

        Icon for what I imagine this suppository feels like.

    2. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: Big savings! Now!

      Sorry, my brother in-law beat you to it years ago. He says he invented the General Energy Reducing Buttock Infiltration Lobule (GERBIL).

      1. ItWasn'tMe

        Re: Big savings! Now!

        Don't you need some other gere (allegedly) as well?

    3. KBeee

      Re: Big savings! Now!

      You're missing a trick there. Your ad should read -

      Big savings! Now!

      Only £250 each!! 2 for £600 or a MASSIVE SAVING of 3 for £1000!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't believe people are dismissing this, a 128MB pen drive clearly has quantum entanglement otherwise how would it still exist? So unless someone can prove time travel does not exist I'm not going to discount this.

    1. vtcodger Silver badge

      Pawing through my junk drawer, I found a 256mb USB drive with a paper label. It's presumably kept me safe from 5G or any other usable form of high speed data connection for decades. And, yes, it seems to have an LED on the circuit board. In all likelihood it'll continue to keep me safe for decades into the future. (Welcome to rural America)

      1. JetSetJim Silver badge

        Shirley if 128MB protects you from 5G, 256MB will protect you to up to 10G? You're future-proofed

    2. Anonymous Coward
      1. corbpm

        Missed a chance there, maybe use a affiliate link next time, thats how fortunes are made.

  17. Spicer

    electro-smeg-heads!

  18. Cederic Silver badge

    trading standards

    We think trading standards bodies should investigate this product.

    I reported this to them this morning. They recommended that I additionally reporteit to Action Fraud, so I did that too.

    The people behind the website may or may not be within UK jurisdiction but I'm offended that members of the public are being targeted by this. I am now at least mollified that two different bodies with appropriate legal powers are able to investigate and take any needed action.

    (Wording carefully chosen to help El Reg avoid a defamation suit)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: trading standards

      They were already investigating this along with action fraud yesterday, I read it on the BBC (but then they would say that wouldn't they),

    2. Goldmember

      Re: trading standards

      The "company" behind the website (BioShield Distribution) is registered with Companies House.

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-52810220

  19. paulll

    Do they offer any explanation as to why the device doesn't affect the operation of current phones, wi-fi and microwave ovens? Or are these types not considering that radiation to be harmful any more?

    1. alain williams Silver badge

      Fine grained control

      The device surely contains a Psi circuit that decodes you brain waves to determine your current intentions. It then morphs its protective shield so that you can chat to your analyst or cook your lunch.

    2. rtharrison

      What about weather satellites?

    3. ThatOne Silver badge
      Devil

      > Or are these types not considering that radiation to be harmful any more?

      Too old-fashioned. You know only modern stuff is dangerous, old/ancient stuff is always harmless (if not beneficial). Wisdom of the ancients and all that.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Unless you've been there it is almost impossible to comprehend just how weird Glastonbury is. There are basically two major factions: the trustafarians and the leeches. The trustafarians don't work for a living, don't need to work for a living and all have vague and self-indulgent conditions: food "sensitivities", electromagnetic "hypersensitivity", CFS, that sort of thing. The leeches spout much the same rubbish but are in it for the money, selling the trustafarians chunks of quartz at fifty quid a time to realign their chakras. A minor third group are the teenage ex public-school girls with eating disorders who turn up to find themselves; instead they get patronised by the trustafarians and sexually exploited by the leeches, who they think love them for their auras.

    There are a few locals, who drink at the Rifleman's and display a degree of inbreeding and consequent chromosome damage which makes rural Norfolk look like an advert for hybrid vigour.

    Overall a loathsome place, but the bakery ("Burns the Bread") is pretty good.

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      There's one of my daughters nappies from 2006 still in it's plastic bag beside the A361 after a faecal evacuation no 8-month old should be capable of. I really didn't want to fly-tip but it stank so badly, even through two layers of polythene, I simply couldn't drive with it in the car.

      I appreciate such behaviour may not look good, but I was doing what any responsible parent would do. And I was checking my eyesight.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ooh, harsh assessment, but I'm struggling to find a flaw in it.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      there are a few places around like glasto. I'm down in Cornwall and we have Falmouth but the home of weirdness in this part of the World has to be Totnes in Devon, full of crystal shops and kids walking around with measles. Anyone that's a bit odd in these parts is known to be a bit Totnes or a bit TQ9 (Totnes postcode area)

  21. Jamesit

    "As you can understand, we are not authorised to fully disclose all this sensitive information to third parties, for obvious reasons."

    The reason? It's bullshit.

    1. Joe W Silver badge

      .... obvious enough for you?

    2. Robert Moore
      Coat

      > "As you can understand, we are not authorised to fully disclose all this sensitive information to third parties, for obvious reasons."

      >

      >The reason? It's bullshit.

      Careful, that's a trade secret.

  22. Andraž 'ruskie' Levstik
    Joke

    Let them

    Honestly - I'd rather see ppl buy this then torch down the towers.

    Otherwise yeah total bs

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let them

      What they should do is buy the devices, and then hide them around the towers - thus rendering the towers useless! If the tower gets burnt down, they would get replaced, but my way if they've hidden the sub well enough will create a black spot! Remember, it doesn't need to be powered on to work!

      PS I'm being sarcastic here!

    2. MarkB
      Headmaster

      Re: Let them

      " I'd rather see ppl buy this then torch down the towers."

      I rather hope you meant "than torch down the towers"...

  23. Bloodbeastterror

    Ant-elephant paint

    (Warning - oldies but goldies...)

    I painted my roof with it and I haven't had a single elephant up there. Boom Boom.

    1. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C
      Facepalm

      Boom Boom (Re: Ant-elephant paint)

      Didn't work. I just heard two landing.

      1. Steve K Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Boom Boom (Ant-elephant paint)

        Bravo (ex) Mister_C!

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Boom Boom (Ant-elephant paint)

        "Didn't work. I just heard two landing."

        Jumbos? Or 737MAX?

    2. OssianScotland Silver badge

      I ????

      Ant-Elephant ????

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ant_and_the_Elephant

  24. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    Wav file?

    Hopefully the USB contains a 127Mb WAV file containing a long sales presentation on the benefits of it and how best to deploy it, followed by the sound of the presenters laughing hysterically at the idea that anyone would be stupid enough to buy one and concluding with a monologue on the stupidity of man that ends with a nice wet fart. :-)

  25. AndyFl

    The product sheet is hilarious

    They have a product description on their website:

    https://5gbioshield.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/5gbioshield-description-en.pdf

    It has gems like

    "Current studies demonstrate service life as long as the unit is not damaged or defaced."

    and

    "No overdose or adverse effects are possible in the presence, even for a long period of time, of the USB Key".

    No possible overdose because it bloody well doesn't do anything!

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: The product sheet is hilarious

      Just "overdose" on its own is quite ambiguous. If someone were gullible enough to believe the rest of the sales pitch for this they might well believe it would protect them against overdose of some drug and try to benefit from that. I wonder what 3rd party liability insurance they have.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The product sheet is hilarious

      "Current studies demonstrate service life as long as the unit is not damaged or defaced."

      No wonder it didn't appear to do anything... the pen test guys were stupid enough to deface it by removing the sticker

  26. Tubz
    Facepalm

    Went to website https://5gbioshield.com/ and had to have a laugh at the description of "The Team", what a load of donkey poo !

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Angel

      "Testimonials" is also worth a peek. Totally not written by just one person, honest!

      Read the one from "~Cathy" for gems like "Virtually as soon as I plugged it into my laptop I felt an overwhelming sense of an emanating higher consciousness. Tears ran down my face, not from sadness or distress, they just started to flow"

      1. Jonathan Richards 1
        WTF?

        Allium spp

        > Tears ran down my face ... they just started to flow

        Onions, luv. Someone was peeling onions.

        Actually, I can see where someone might pay shedloads for an obsolete bit of electronics loaded with pathological lies, and tears would begin to run down their face. Entirely predictable.

  27. Blackjack Silver badge

    128MB USB? Did they stole them from a time capsule or what?

    I have a 400MB USB that's from ten years ago, in fact I haven't seen anything smaller than 2 GB USB in years unless is used.

    128MB USB is not £5, if you pay that much for so little storage space you are overpaying.

    1. Dave K Silver badge

      Re: 128MB USB? Did they stole them from a time capsule or what?

      Have you not seen the price that rare antiques can fetch these days?

      1. Blackjack Silver badge

        Re: 128MB USB? Did they stole them from a time capsule or what?

        My Star Wars PSP would be worth a lot if it was still in the box and never opened, so yes I know.

        But part of the value is that is a second gen PSP that's super easy to hack.

        However with the new hacking methods revealed last year you can hack ANY PSP model so is kinda pointless.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 128MB USB? Did they stole them from a time capsule or what?

      genuine Cisco 32Mb/64Mb compact flashes anyone?

      got a box of slightly used ones in a drawer here

      might even be able to find some 2Mb/4Mb PCMCIA ones if I looked hard enough!

  28. electricmonk
    Holmes

    It's Quantum innit

    The problem is obvious. The device is "quantum" so it only works as long as its existence is indeterminate. As soon as PTP opened the casing they collapsed the waveform and the core components vanished in a puff of logic.

    1. Blackjack Silver badge

      Re: It's Quantum innit

      If I put a cat in a locked box with food with poison on it, is the cat dead or alive?

      1. electricmonk

        Re: It's Quantum innit

        Yes.

        Or no.

  29. The Central Scrutinizer

    I have a bridge in Sydney for sale

    Just saying.... message me for info and pricing.

  30. This post has been deleted by its author

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    128mB.

    I have an old 128mB stick, complete with a a paper sticker on it. I was keeping it to show future generations what the first generation of USB sticks was like. I think it cost £30 or something back in the day. And it could replace 100 floppy discs (3.5inch type, not 8 inch)

    Now i realise it's has been shielding me from 2G, 3G and 4G for 20 years. That's why EE and Vodafone have such a crap signal in my house!

    What a revelation! If I chuck it in the recycling next week, my phone coverage will be brilliant.

  32. Fading Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Surely to work....

    It needs to remain in the USB superposition (https://www.cookieshq.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/usb.jpg) or its quantum state will collapse. Ergo by plugging it in they are using it wrong.

  33. Stuart Castle Silver badge

    If it "is always working, powered or not, so no visual checks needed,", as the blurb says, why does it have any plug? It sounds like it doesn't need one.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The sales blurb references a dreadful scientific paper claiming that pi = sqrt(10) in some sort of attempt to appear legitimate.

    If these things were done in the name of satire or poking holes in the the processes used to review scientific journals I'm maybe understand. But the author's history appears to be a long string of utter dross.

    I've advocated on various social media that someone should DDOS these guys. Cyber-vigilantism because consumer standards organisations are toothless tigers. Consumer law concerning mis-selling is obviously applicable; but that only cleans up after the event. Remember those supermarket security tags slapped inside a plastic pole and sold to the Iraqi's as bomb detectors?

    Sure, they got the bugger behind it in the end, but it took years to clamp down.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Well Indiana State did try to pass a bill that proposed quite strange mathematical constructs in the Indiana Pi Bill - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill

      If politicians can create mathematical truths then surely a quantum physicist can?

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        And not forgetting that the Laws of Australia trump the laws of mathematics when it comes to decryption.

  35. IHateWearingATie
    Unhappy

    Gutted

    Am I the only one gutted not to have thought of this first? Admittedly I would have pitched it at around £70 as £300 feels like its way beyond the point of maximising revenue, and I would have soldered a few random components on there to throw people off the trail...

    Ethics - I've heard of them.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Gutted

      The effectiveness of such devices is a function of price so yours wouldn't have been effective. Your testimonials would have been along the lines of "It worked for half an hour".

  36. Chairo
    Coat

    Old technology

    You can easily get a ~100MB "quantum" HDD on ebay. Just hang it around your neck on a string and it will certainly protect you from harmful social interactions. Not sure about 5g protection, however...

    (mine's the one with the 5 1/4" HDD in the pocket)

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They seem to be hosted by GoDaddy

    Tried to get hold of the abuse dept at GoDaddy but couldn't - feel free to try

  38. AdendHy

    I tried to go to their website for a bit of fun, but web-filter did not like it, stopped my connection "...due to security threat". Make of that what you will.

  39. JohnG Silver badge

    In addition to being the major shareholder in Bioshield, Anna Grochowalska is also the major shareholder in another British company (albeit, under her full name, Anna Krystyna Grochowalska): Immortalis Distribution Ltd. Their website, immortal.is, touts some anti-aging product, which looks about as reliable as the bioshield.

    1. Jonathan Richards 1

      Ritzy HQ, though

      BioShield Distribution Ltd was incorporated in January 2020 [1]. Both directors list their correspondence address as 7 Albion Parade, London, England, N16 9LD, which was a rather unprepossessing newsagents emporium in Stoke Newington, that's been shuttered every time the Google Street View car has been past in the last dozen years.

      [1] https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/12411850/officers

      1. Wellyboot Silver badge

        Re: Ritzy HQ, though

        Perhaps the shutters are radiation shields ;^)

  40. dervheid

    MAGIC BEANS!!

    Get your Magic Beans Here!

    Also Available: Alchemist's Miracle Compound - turn base metals into gold!; Elixir of Youth - feel years younger!; Magic Carpets - Your Personal Transportation SOLVED. All shapes, sizes and colours in stock NOW!!

    All prices on application. E&OE. Satisfaction Guaranteed*

    * Not Guaranteed. No refunds or returns.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    128MB USB storage drive

    It must have fallen through a time warp - I haven't seen less than 1GB in years

  42. DerekCurrie
    Go

    5G Facts Summary So Far = Not Much

    So far, there is NO evidence that 5G can fry your baby's head. HOWEVER! The reason there is no evidence is because ALL the testing so far has been preliminary, mainly on rodents, not humans, not human baby's heads. IOW: No adequate research so far.

    This leaves the possibility of 5G damage to human tissues wide open. I've ridiculously had to explain this to tech journalists I once thought were 'professionals', with references to existing, verified studies that prove cancer can and does happen in mice under specific test situations. That's a fact. Don't let ignorant people tell you otherwise. If you want the pile of reference links, it will be my pleasure. Just ask in a reply, nicely.

    But any effects of 5G radiation are going to vary according to the usual FOUR FACTORS:

    1) The type of radiation being emitted, specifically its wavelength or frequency. This is variable with 5G as there is no single standard wavelength used.

    2) The amplitude of the radiation, akin to the volume or amount of radiation that reaches the subject of concern.

    3) The length of time of exposure.

    4) The sensitifity of the subject tissue to a specific type of radiation.

    It may turn out that 5G radiation is as innocuous as the radio waves we've had traveling around and through us for over a century! OR, under certain circumstances, 5G may actually fry your baby's head. We still don't know.

    The single best thing anyone can do is INSIST to their government that TESTING be done NOW. (Sound familiar?) Otherwise, the politicos will ignore the subject while the technical ignorami ignore science and chatter on about mere rumors.

    1. Boothy

      Re: 5G Facts Summary So Far = Not Much

      Troll or for real?

      1. The type of radiation being emitted

      There is no 'real' type, it's all electromagnetic radiation (EMR). Unless you simply mean things like radio, infrared, visible light, which could be seen as sub-categories of EMR.

      specifically its wavelength or frequency

      All this changes is the sub-categories the EM radiation falls into, e.g. radio, visible light, x-rays etc. Or if looking specifically at radio, the bands it falls into, but in those cases, that's just an agreed convention (i.e. long wave etc).

      The only other major differentiation related to frequency is if the EMR is Ionising or not, i.e. contains enough energy to actually harm biological cells in plants and animals. You need to be at ultraviolet or above for that to be the case, anything from visible light or below, which includes all radio frequencies, just doesn't contain enough energy to do any direct cell damage.

      ...This is variable with 5G as there is no single standard wavelength used.

      Nope, fixed and well defined frequencies that are part of the standard. There are many frequencies in use, but they are all defined and agreed. This has to be the case, as the phones and masts have to be using the same frequencies otherwise they wouldn't work.

      2. The amplitude of the radiation, akin to the volume or amount of radiation that reaches the subject of concern.

      Which is absolutely tiny for 5G, or any modern phone related radio signals (and just radio in general). Major breakthroughs here over the years has been improving the sensitivity in the receivers, thus allowing signal strengths to be reduced. Plus dynamically changing the strength of the transmissions, to be just enough to work for that connection.

      3. The length of time of exposure.

      True, but irrelevant for 5G or any radio signals, as there isn't enough energy to cause cell damage in the first place.

      4. The sensitifity [sic] of the subject tissue to a specific type of radiation.

      All well researched, documented and understood. i.e. Radio/5G is not harmful.

      It may turn out that 5G radiation is as innocuous as the radio waves we've had traveling around and through us for over a century

      There is no such thing as 5G radiation!

      5G is just a new standard covering how we modulate a signal on a radio carrying frequency, and defining what frequencies to use for that standard. The same thing we've been doing since we discovered radio in the first place, just more advanced.

      Just to be clear, all radio frequencies already exist, we can't create new ones, all we can do is use the ones nature provided, and use them more efficiently.

      Whether that frequency is carrying 5G, 4G or some other radio standard, is irrelevant, it's still the same radio frequency, irrespective of the modulation standard being followed. (For frequency modulation, this would actually be a small band, with an upper and lower frequency limit around a defined central frequency).

      Much of the spectrum (i.e. frequency) being used by 5G has been in use for many years, some of it currently in use by 4G for example, some of it was used for old analogue TV transmissions, which were far stronger signals than 5G.

      Also 5G has many updates to improve things like power usage, for example 5G can focus the signal on a specific device (think of it like shining a torch from a tower to one spot where the phone is), this can be done for hundreds (or thousands depending on tower size) of devices connected to each cell tower, this means less radio just being blasted out in any direction, reducing overall power needs etc.

      If EM sensitivity was a real thing (which it isn't imho) then 5G, and the overall migration to modern more efficient digital transmissions, would most likely help those people, as 5G is much less wasteful than older techs that use some of the same frequencies, like 4G and and analogue TV transmissions, etc.

      1. Diodelogic

        Re: 5G Facts Summary So Far = Not Much

        "The only other major differentiation related to frequency is if the EMR is Ionising or not, i.e. contains enough energy to actually harm biological cells in plants and animals. You need to be at ultraviolet or above for that to be the case, anything from visible light or below, which includes all radio frequencies, just doesn't contain enough energy to do any direct cell damage."

        Please be a little more careful about saying such things. If you were indeed completely correct, my microwave oven wouldn't be worth anything.

        1. Boothy

          Re: 5G Facts Summary So Far = Not Much

          Ah, yes, true enough, I was just thinking along the lines of direct cell damage, rather than imparting energy. Plus hopefully you'd notice if you were being cooked!

          Also worth mentioning that some studies do show things like cell DNA damage from radio, but this was basically being strapped directly to a transmitter 24/7 at full power, and even then the conclusion was it still wouldn't be enough to cause any health issues in people. Plus using a headset, or using the phone hands-free negated this completely anyway.

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: 5G Facts Summary So Far = Not Much

      "specifically its wavelength or frequency"

      There's no "or" ivolved. One changes, the other changes. It's almost like magic.

  43. Aussie Doc Bronze badge
    Joke

    Yeah, sure.

    Well, of course they couldn't get it to work.

    They were obviously holding it wrong.

  44. adam payne Silver badge

    A £339 "anti-5G" product billed as the "first to market full-spectrum protection" appears to be nothing more than a bog-standard £5 USB stick with an LED on the end, according to Pen Test Partners.

    Well I can't say i'm that surprised by this. Classic snake oil scam.

  45. DrXym Silver badge

    Jail time

    I hope the people selling this crap get whacked with some criminal fraud charges.

    1. dinsdale54

      Re: Jail time

      And I hope the people buying it get whacked with some criminal stupidity charges

      1. FlamingDeath

        Re: Jail time

        ”criminally stupid”

        Stupid is the default setting, never forget that

      2. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

        Re: Jail time

        I think the purchase price is that penalty.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Jail time

          The purchase price is essential to make it work. In the minds of the buyers of course.

        2. Danny Boyd Bronze badge

          Re: Jail time

          Hey, what Apple has to do with it?!

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hiding behind CloudFlare

    ... as per the norm with these dodgy companies.

    Bit of digging shows it's hosted on "Kinsta".

  47. Peter2 Silver badge

    Well of course it doesn't do anything.

    The only way to disrupt 5G signals aka incoming electromagnetic radiation would be to sit in a faraday cage or jam the signals. It's obviously not a faraday cage, and jamming the signals would be done by transmitting on the same frequency with more power which is a bit loopy if you were worried about 5G signals.

    Then just break down what this thing is claiming. "proprietary holographic nano-layer catalyst technology"

    proprietary = We won't tell you how it works because it's a commercial secret that we don't want anybody else to copy, but it does work, trust us! One normally expects some level of objective proof it does something.

    Holographic = playing with laser light to create 3d holograms.

    nano-layer = very, very thin layer

    catalyst = accelerates a chemical reaction

    So it's claiming to be a commercially secret hologram generator that works because of a thin layer that is accelerating a chemical reaction. Which then works to project a forcefield that totally prevents any electromagnetic radiation or biohazard from entering. Ignoring the fact that nobody can generate a forcefield at the moment and sticking to their own brand of science, if it's a chemical reaction that generated a forcefield then wouldn't you need to keep topping it up with chemicals to maintain your forcefield?

    Even if you believed it's claims it's still meaningless drivel relying on using words too big and complex for quasi intellectual idiots who have a superiority complex (we know better than specialists in their fields!) to understand. Science fiction or fantasy writers would cringe at those sort of sentences as they at least usually contrive to be vaguely plausible within their own universes.

    1. batfink Silver badge

      Surely this can be easily disproved by using a 5G device near it?

      Obvs you'd have to be able to stop any step-down to previous standards.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pft. You should buy mine, it protects you against tigers too and has a radius of 1km so it keeps your whole town safe.

  49. illiad

    BUT!!! it doesnt come in USB C !!!!

    LOLOLOL, sent this to some friends, wonder if they are 'new age' (stoopid) enough?????

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      doesn't come in USB C

      It doesn't need to be plugged in anyway...

  50. not.known@this.address Silver badge
    Boffin

    This does work

    Given the Quantum Uncertainty Principle and Superstring Theory, every possible state of matter exists in a space-time continuum somewhere. Which means, in layman's term, that somewhere (somewhen) there is (was, will be) a universe where this does exactly what it says on the tin. And if it works in one stringstate then it can work in others, so proving it does work - for a given value of "work" ([quantum field/protection from 5g/biosphere] or [money/fool/separation], your choice)

    1. FlamingDeath

      Re: This does work

      It needs to contain Sanchesium

    2. Jonathan Richards 1
      Happy

      Re: This does work

      You're just rehashing the principle of the Infinite Improbability Drive. Remember what happened to the chap who generated the first one? Lynched by a mob of physicists who couldn't stand a smart-arse :)

  51. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    "We are in possession of a great deal of technical information, with plenty of back-up historical research

    They researched the Battle of Hastings, Magna Carta, the Wars of the Roses, the Spanish Inquisition, the Corn Laws... what more could you want?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      I have some backups of historical research too. It's a full 20 volume set of 1930's encyclopaedias!

  52. Ashentaine

    This reminds me of the height of the flip-phone days, when television was saturated with ads for a device that would shield your brain from the evil mind melting radiation your phone was beaming directly into your skull, improve your reception and even extend your battery life. All for just the low, low price of $24.99!

    Said device was just a tiny mesh sticker you put over the earpiece, and shockingly enough it didn't really do anything at all.

  53. MOH

    Googling the "resident professor" attached to the project yields a fairly insane website that I'm not going to dignify with a link. Also because it's physically painful to read.

    There he's also selling the "Tesla Radiation Balancer" (a sticker with a picture of Nikola on it) that protects you from the likes of microwaves, radios, wifi routers, and mobile phones, which were actually designed to give you cancer.

    He also has a whole spiel about his research work, which appears to involve crystals, dodecahedrons, and a new "energy unit" that responds to love and thoughts.

    Oh, and he also developed the only safe nuclear waste management system.

    He makes Timecube look almost sane.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Got my order in quick before they sold out

    3x 5GBioShield USB Key

    × 9223372036854775807

    £8,843,369,108,936,358,625,280.00

    Subtotal:

    £8,843,369,108,936,358,625,280.00

    Shipping:

    £10.00

    via Flat rate

    Payment method:

    Direct bank transfer

    Total:

    £8,843,369,108,936,358,625,280.00

    (includes £1,473,894,851,489,393,278,976.00 VAT)

  55. FlamingDeath

    It’s got what plants crave

    Is anyone here NOT surprised that some council thicko(s) thought this thing was the real deal?

    I am disgusted that these morons think they govern me. These low IQ cunts need to go, it’s fucking embarrassing, how the fuck did they manage to wrangle their way into local government, in any capacity, or is this the level of retardedness we can expect from these brainlets?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: It’s got what plants crave

      The make up[ of council members reflects the make up of the population they govern. This is Glastonbury after all.

    2. Peter2 Silver badge

      Re: It’s got what plants crave

      I wouldn't say it's related to low IQ per se. The issue frankly is that anybody with any technical or scientific ability tends to go and get a fairly well paying job, or runs their own business using that ability.

      People running for politics etc need the ability to persuade people that they are right, which is usually done by a strong belief in something as somebody with righteous self belief can be fairly persuasive.

      Of course, the more you understand, the more you understand that you don't understand. Not understanding the whole illusive superiority/dunning kruger effect thing somebody utterly ignorant about everything is therefore the ideal politician as they read the first page of a summary and decide that they are the universes ultimate expert on the subject, and confidence is persuasive.

      Hence you get fairly persuasive morons in soft occupations like politics and broadcast media.

  56. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    I have a better device

    For a cheaper price (£250), you can buy my device, which has a *red* sticker. It is superior because it uses quantum blockchain entanglement that maintains full biodiversity at the terahertz level, thus protecting against pathogens such as covid-19 and the common cold. If you are a female under the age of 30, I will require a photograph of your full body (without clothing) in order to properly calibrate the device.

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: I have a better device

      Pay me a mere £100 and I won't send you a photo of me with/without clothing.

      Alright £50

  57. Goldmember
    FAIL

    "As you can understand, we are not authorised to fully disclose all this sensitive information to third parties, for obvious reasons."

    The obvious reason being it's a complete fabrication.

  58. Wisteela

    Idiots and their money...

    The only good thing about this is the amount of utter idiots that will buy this crap.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Idiots and their money...

      Not really, any profit from this just encourages similar scams.

  59. Mandoscottie

    testicalials

    my fav testimonial before i couldnt read anymore for crying laughing, had to the the one penned by Snow White under an alter ego.

    Claiming since using it, birds and animals visit her more.....yep bloody cuckoos i bet, you headtrumpet!

  60. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    You can also get some sticker "dot" that saves you from 5G and presumably Corona at the same time. Very reasonably priced at around £20 for one.

  61. Persona Silver badge

    The actuarial evidence looks good.

    Clearly these things must work. No one who uses these devices has suffered any harm from 5G .........

  62. Wobbly World

    Glastonbury in the days of yore... ຈل͜ຈ

    In the days of yore before the Glastonbury festival site, was illuminated to the point it’s now visible from space, we used to camp under the 400 kV power line that dissects the site.

    This was so we could setup our location beacon. It consisted of a twenty foot metal pole, with an eight foot fluorescent tube fixed in the end. The end terminals of the fluorescent tube, in the pole, were connected to the pole, to make a connection to ground when erected.

    The voltage gradient at approximately 3000 volts/foot was more than sufficient to cause the fluorescent tube to strike and illuminate, thereby giving guidance to our much the worst for wear body’s, at the end of the day, to the comfort of our camp site and its, now in the new enlightenment era banded, camp fire, roasted spuds, cheesy beans, local scrumpy cider and shots of whiskey!!!

    Happy and carefree with nary a care in the world, least of all about electromagnetic waves!! But then my *cough* mobile phone came in a briefcase with a wire to connect the handset, weighed in at over 2kg, had no reception on site and was therefore left in the transit van...

  63. aqk
    Boffin

    My friend has been selling Anti-5G plugs for years.

    STURDY protection against 5G! Using the original design invented by Nikolai Tesla

    And THIS DEVICE eliminates all household radiation too!

    BONUS! No need to wear it on your head like some pissant's aluminium-foil stetson.

  64. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pest control also?

    Does it also keep away those little two-faced pests, the orange trumps? The whole world seems to be afflicted with them, one way or another, and they appear to be more contagious than Coronavirus, with some very nasty side-effects. It would save setting traps for the little blighters as, personally, I am fed up with the bleating noises they make in the wild and the peculiar noises that pass for communication.

  65. J. Cook Silver badge
    Trollface

    I knew it was a crock at the phrase "proprietary holographic nano-layer catalyst technology".

    Technobabble belongs in Star Trek, dammit.

  66. cortland

    It may even

    WORK!

    Clock it just right and it'll be good at shutting down 5G for meters. HOWEVER.. that runs the user afoul of national and international standards of maximum RF possessions.

    What for? Why, to protect subscribers of the medium.

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