back to article Well, that's something boffins haven't seen before: A strange alien streaks around Jupiter

Astronomers scanning the sky for potentially hazardous space rocks have discovered a first – a presumed trojan asteroid around Jupiter that is looking increasingly like a comet. The cosmic enigma was spotted by the Asteroid Terrestrial-impact Last Alert System (ATLAS), which employs two telescopes in Hawaii to snap wide-field …

  1. redpawn Silver badge

    Looks like a job for...

    The United States Space Force, who's mission is exploring strange new worlds and protecting us from danger. Or perhaps we just give them money for the hell of it.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Looks like a job for...

      They had better make sure their ray guns are charged, that looks like an exhaust plume to me.

      1. EVP Bronze badge
        Pint

        Re: Looks like a job for...

        It’s definitely an exhaust plume. I have a reason (which I cannot obviously comment any further) to believe there is a colony undead squids from space living in Jupiter, and they are starting their engines to invade us.

        Seriously, astro-boffins get my unreserved respect for their work. Astro-boffings, have one, or ħ⋅10^34 1/eVs, this weekend (despite that you missed the squids) —>

        1. vtcodger Silver badge

          Re: Looks like a job for...

          Why would squids or any other variety of aliens want to invade a planet overpopulated with 7 plus billion cantankerous entities who appear to be completely lacking in any useful skills and utterly unable to manage their own affairs? Nothing good could possibly result from such an invasion.

          1. Swiss Anton

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            It might stop us from using their planet as a trash can, sorry I mean a legitimate target for one of our space probes

          2. HildyJ Silver badge
            Devil

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            To Serve Man. Obviously.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIufLRpJYnI

          3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
            Alien

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            "Nothing good could possibly result from such an invasion."

            They tried a little while ago but forgot to take into account some of the smaller lifeforms and were defeated by a virus. All hail our microbial overlords.

          4. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            Why would squids or any other variety of aliens want to invade a planet overpopulated with 7 plus billion cantankerous entities who appear to be completely lacking in any useful skills and utterly unable to manage their own affairs? Nothing good could possibly result from such an invasion.

            Food! We tasty with crunchy bits (ketchup optional).

          5. Muscleguy Silver badge

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            Since 2/3 of the earth's surface is ocean or sea you can't see why alien squid would not be interested in visiting here? There's also the various Jovian and Saturnian moons with ice caps and subsurface oceans they might be interested in.

          6. EVP Bronze badge

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            ”Nothing good could possibly result from such an invasion.”

            I beg to differ. To me, squid invasion spells delicious plates of seafood. On the other hand, there is a risk of being the main course. Logic clearly dictates that we need to eat ’em first!

          7. David Haig

            Re: Looks like a job for...

            Not read John Wyndham's "The Kraken Wakes" then?

        2. aelfheld

          Re: Looks like a job for...

          Keep in mind "To Serve Man" is a cookbook.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Looks like a job for...

          Call up the undead sperm whales!

  2. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Alien

    It's probably full of Moties

    Once the astronomers discover it was *moved* to the Trojans, they'll lose all interest...

    1. KarMann
      Alien

      Re: It's probably full of Moties

      Unless we're living through Footfall instead, in which case, we should check for disturbed ringlets. Too bad it's not so close to Jupiter.

      1. aelfheld

        Re: It's probably full of Moties

        Should we all be digging heffalump traps?

        1. Muscleguy Silver badge

          Re: It's probably full of Moties

          it's a known fact that heffalumps who fall into traps are instantly transformed into people or other animals. This is why we have never observed heffalumps but lots of other creatures fall into holes. it's the only possible explanation.

  3. RuffianXion

    Asteroid Terrestrial-impact Last Alert System (ATLAS) - I'm always amused by the lengths that scientists, engineers etc. will go to in the quest for a good acronym.

    1. DJV Silver badge

      acronym

      Yeah, back in the 1980s I worked for a company called CHIPS which, apparently, stood for Computer Harmony and Information Processing Systems (or something like that - it was a long time ago). Anyway, a few years later there was an in-house competition to come up with a better acronym. For some unknown reason the best suggestion - Company Has Inadequately Paid Staff - was never adopted and the whole idea of a new acronym fizzled out soon afterwards.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      That effort is what makes it a backronym.

  4. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Alien

    More feasibly...

    More feasibly it was probably released by a malevolent race of space aliens to distract us whilst they invade from the opposite side of the Earth.

    1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: More feasibly...

      Nah we are just doing some space drifting, its gets a bit boring in space.

  5. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    That far away ?

    Jupiter is a billion kilometers from the Sun, and that's close enough to start vaporizing ice ?

    I thought comets had to at least in the asteroid field before being impacted by the Sun's energy.

    An open fusion reactor is apparently more powerful than I thought.

    Edit : my bad, Jupiter is only almost 780 million km from the Sun. Still far, though.

    1. Psmo Silver badge

      Re: That far away ?

      Jupiter's gravity and atmospheric friction will play their role as well.

      1. Spherical Cow Bronze badge

        Re: That far away ?

        Atmospheric friction at L4???

  6. Rhuadh
    Angel

    Who said they came from Mars....

    "This is the voice of the Mysterons"

    1. AndyMTB

      Re: Who said they came from Mars....

      Did anyone else tape up a torch so as to shine Mysteron-doughnuts across the walls?

      1. Rol Silver badge

        Re: Who said they came from Mars....

        I had a torch with interchangeable lens covers that achieved just that.

  7. Grinning Bandicoot

    Test firing of mother ship's engines during preventative maintenance. Ship holds team of scientists observing the lowering of collective intelligence being caused by texting and Facebook and the like.

    1. keith_w Bronze badge

      Please demonstrate the availability of collective intelligence to be lowered. Personally, I have always believed that before we search for extra-terrestrial intelligence, we should first demonstrate terrestrial intelligence.

  8. bazza Silver badge
    Alien

    Oh No, Not Again

    It’s just the Dwellers messing with us...

    1. Muscleguy Silver badge

      Re: Oh No, Not Again

      It is well known that the Dwellers regard Jupiter as a desert planet as it is highly deficient in water.

  9. Sparkus

    The Fithp have arrived......

  10. Rol Silver badge

    slighlty off topic

    Am I the only person wondering why Trump hasn't banned Hawaii from providing 5g infrastructure?

  11. VanguardG

    They must spend days torturing words to find one that sort of matches what their new gadget does, but makes for a catchy acronym.

    Back in the 60s, they had the Satellite Tracking Antenna - SATAN for short. We had rocket scientists literally listening to SATAN.

  12. PassiveSmoking

    Better late then never

    It's the first of a fleet of Monoliths, that's been deployed by an alien intelligence to convert Jupiter into a red dwarf star. It was supposed to show up 10 years ago, but better late than never, eh?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020