back to article Tom Cruise to increase in stature thanks to ISS jaunt? Now that's a mission impossible

NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine has confirmed that sofa-jumping Top Gun star Tom Cruise is working with the agency on a film aboard the International Space Station (ISS). Yes, we had to check our calendars too, but we'd already done the Saturn V thing back on 1 April. Our sources have confirmed that Tom's people, Elon's …

  1. John Robson Silver badge

    Sending Cruise is easy...

    He's pretty compact after all.

    It's the army of directors/producers/camera/sound/assistants.... and hardware....

    1. LucreLout Silver badge

      Re: Sending Cruise is easy...

      Sending Cruise is easy...

      It is, but there's an old rule you should keep handy for these situations: Never trust a man who breaks up with Nicole Kidman.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Send him...

    But make him cling to the outside on the way up like his movies. He might as well be the first human to do it...let's face it, this isn't as dumb as it sounds.

    When India starts sending folks up, there's going to be people standing barefoot on the outside of the rocket.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Send him...

      The Chinese will be first to do that , by standing on each others shoulders , and creating a worldwide leotard shortage

  3. KjetilS

    Couldn't NASA find a famous person who is not a figurehead of a dangerous cult (scientology)?

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      I get the impression that Scientology is only dangerous to your bank account and sanity if you are a cult member.

      There's a lot of other silly cults that are more dangerous to the world in general.

      Maybe Cruise wants to make a Space opera about Xenu.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        I get the impression that Scientology is only dangerous to your bank account and sanity if you are a cult member

        or a family member of a cult member, or someone who publicly criticises the cult. They use some pretty dubious tactics against people they have decided not to like, and the less said about a certain cult leader whose name sounds like miscarriage the better.

      2. HildyJ Silver badge
        Devil

        Jumping

        I can't shake the image of him jumping on Oprah's couch. I imagine him trying it on the ISS, smacking his head, and not coming down.

      3. 9Rune5 Silver badge

        The Scientologists prey on the weak.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Kaja_Ballo

  4. Rainer
    Alert

    Who‘s paying?

    Your guess is as good as mine - but what are the odds that the taxpayer isn’t paying for this?

  5. Tubz
    Angel

    Can we leave him up there to be closer to his friendly neighbourhood genocidal alien overlord Xenu, as confirmed by your resident nut job Hubbard in his own handwriting !

  6. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Again, pass

    Really, wasting money on a movie set in space, and shot in space? Don't let him do it. If he dies in space, then he will surely achieve some sort of cult status, beyond jumping on Opah's couch... and who knows what it would for Scientology??

  7. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Well that'll be a first in the film industry

    Tom Cruise in Space. Actors : 1. Film crew : 5. Makeup : 1. Catering : 2. Budget : $1.2 billion.

    Special effects : none. Explosions : none. Car chases : 0. Tom Cruise running time : 0 minutes.

    Film gross : $250 million. Oops.

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Well that'll be a first in the film industry

      He will have to take his shirt off at some point though, that's contractual...

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Well that'll be a first in the film industry

      And will they rename the IIS to ISS Freeeeeedom!!!.

      Oh, hang on. That was the other shortarse.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the point ?

    What's the point to film there except for the fun for the actors ?

    I mean, before they realize life is a bit less luxury on ISS than in their usual life ... Can't see that happen at all !

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Re: the point ?

      What - you mean they can't take their fancy caravans with them??

  9. Teiwaz Silver badge
    WTF?

    Cruise missile?

    Possibly, other countries might have concerns.

    I'd be happy to see them launch the short-arse into satellite orbit as long as he stays there.

  10. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Mission Impossible: 7?

    Jeebus, haven't those returns diminished to nothing yet?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Mission Impossible: 7?

      Still useful as a tax write-off.

  11. Tom 38 Silver badge

    Wouldn't it be better to send someone popular?

  12. Roger Kynaston Bronze badge
    Coat

    orbital velocity

    Should the documentary not be called Speed - Cruise Control?

    I've got it and am off!

  13. conscience
    Happy

    As predicted by South Park!

    https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/southpark/images/6/69/Tom.png

    (Explanation for people not familiar with South Park: https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Tom_Cruise)

  14. Marty McFly
    Holmes

    A contrary view....

    For clarity, IMHO Tom Cruise was cool in Top Gun, and has gone down hill since then.

    That said, some logical thinking...

    He has spent his entire life working in cinema. Fair bet he has more knowledge than average about how movie making works - lighting, composing shots, etc. Astronauts are not technical slouches themselves and by their very nature are quick learners. Add in some live streaming for earth-bound directors to monitor the scenes. Pack along some green body suits and the station staff can be 'extras' in the scene, and have their body digitally edited to match the image of earth-based actors.

    Russia was charging something like $80M per seat to get to ISS. I am thinking Elon Musk will be cheaper - otherwise we would have stayed with the Russians. I'll bet they could get an entire ISS sequence done for less than $100M. That's a lot, but it is not outside the realm of Hollywood possibility. Especially if the movie company says "Tom, we are flying you to the space station, but we aren't paying you for the movie", that will free up a big chunk of budget!

    Would NASA allow it? Back to Top Gun, what was the Navy's enlistment in the late 1980s? Every GenX guy who signed up thought he would go Mach 2 and nail Kelly McGillis. As long as NASA gets to sign off on the plot line making them look good, I can see them buying the idea. Inspire a whole new generation of astronauts, that sort of thing.

    Maybe even get the production company to produce a few companion documentaries as well - keep public interest in ISS positive. Inspire a whole new generation of tax payers, that sort of thing.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: A contrary view....

      "Pack along some green body suits and the station staff can be 'extras' in the scene, and have their body digitally edited to match the image of earth-based actors."

      So, no real need for TC to go up either. The insurance premiums would out of this world!

      Yeah, I've already got me coat, bye now!

    2. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: A contrary view....

      Can't really knock your logic, Elons outfit doesn't have to be cheaper (launching from America will do) but probably is. Top Gun had navy backing because there was a noticable recruitment increase a few years earlier from 'The final countdown' which has far better 'Fly navy' aerial scenes.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gChU-mGeBaM from 4:00 mins & at 5:50 the F14 only just managed to pull out of the dive.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it'll never happen...

    There will be a ton of hubbub over the project, loads of anticipation, then Cruze will back out when he discovers he can't run in space.

    (Family Guy joke ripoff... Tom Cruze is running in every movie)

  16. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921 Bronze badge

    It had to happen Xenu or later

  17. TRT Silver badge

    Ha ha...

    Tom Cruise was "acting" at a film studios near my home, and staying in the 5-star hotel about 0.5 mile from said studio. He used to get a helicopter to ferry him to and fro. An acquaintance of mine was the cook appointed to prepare all of Mr Cruise's meals at the hotel - from then on I referred to him as "The Short-Order Chef".

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