back to article In case you need more proof the world's gone mad: Behold, Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels

In case you needed more proof that the world is in a very strange moment, Apple now sells a US$699 (£560) wheel kit for the Mac Pro. Apple recommends the wheels as "ideal for moving your Mac Pro quickly and easily without having to lift it". For this price we thought that perhaps Apple has reinvented the wheel, but Apple has …

  1. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Don't give them ideas

    The Register decided to look for what other wheels we could get for $699. To do so we looked up data on the best-selling car in the USA and UK, which taught us that the Toyota Camry and Ford Fiesta topped the charts. We easily found Camry wheels for US$108 a pop and Fiesta wheels for £85 apiece.

    If you draw their attention to it, Apple's going to sue them for rounded corners.

    1. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: Don't give them ideas

      >Apple's going to sue them for rounded corners... that seamlessly blend into each other to produce a continuous corner.

  2. Chris G Silver badge

    These are wheely gweat!

    I wonder if they are user serviceable when they clog up with cat fur, fluff and pizza crumbs?

    Still there is always the option of using the services of a pimply genius to get you rolling again.

    At $175/corner don't wheel it wong.

    1. ThinkingMonkey

      Re: These are wheely gweat!

      User serviceable? For Apple products? Surely you jest, my good man.

    2. simonlb Silver badge

      Re: These are wheely gweat!

      Nearly £600 for four fucking castors? I've now come to the conclusion Apple have a company sweepstake going on each time they make something to see just how much some idiots will pay for them. It's just like seeing the prices on some of the truly horrific looking 'luxury' watches in Harrods.

      1. StewartWhite

        Re: These are wheely gweat!

        Welcome my friend to the iTurd:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y57KBuriZNc

      2. sprograms

        Re: These are wheely gweat!

        For about $85 US you can put your new (as equipped) $20,000 MacPro on a light freight mover of the sort Eddie Murphy used in the opening sequence of "Trading Places." That would make a loud statement about IT department, garage, or studio capital efficiency. Your choice. Apple offers the design touches for those who want to make a "we're incredibly in-demand and stinking rich" statement, just as Gucci or Prada do for handbags. I suppose it depends on who's paying?

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: These are wheely gweat!

          For about half the price of these iWheels you can get an aluminium robotic tracked vehicle chassis. Add a few quid for the motor controllers, an Arduino or Pi, some odds and ends to put a plateau on it and a few beers to lubricate the building process, and you can have an autonomous MacProMover. No more manual pulling like the plebs do, just command it to move to where you need it.

          1. hoola Bronze badge
            WTF?

            Re: These are wheely gweat!

            What is sad is that presumably there are total dimwits buying them.

            It just beggars belief that not only does a company think it is acceptable to price wheels at $699 but people must buy them.

            WTF

      3. Thomas_Kent

        Have you ever

        Get the feeling that Apple is taking the piss?

        1. TeeCee Gold badge

          Re: Have you ever

          Not without an iUrinal[1] they aren't.

          [1] $3429.99 plus tax. Requires iPlumbing.

    3. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: These are wheely gweat!

      Wouldn't be surprised if Apple have stolen an idea from Ikea and ensured their rollers attach to the Mac Pro using a totally non-standard threaded connector, so you can't just go out to B&Q et al...

      1. Blank Reg

        Re: These are wheely gweat!

        However they are attached, I'm sure I could design an adapter that you can 3d print and then just use the wheels off of an old office chair.

        1. jtuomi

          Re: These are wheely gweat!

          And I am (almost) sure that somewhere hidden deep in the terms of service of the Mac Pro, the use of a "non-Apple" wheeladapter is strictly forbidden and invalidates the,warranty.

          1. Zarno Bronze badge
            Devil

            Re: These are wheely gweat!

            Think printer ink, but worse.

            If the proper serialized wheel, currently in-license (monthly fee), activated to current main system serial number(s) (Can't have second hand/shared use sales...), is not in the designated corner, the computer won't function.

            Oh great, now I've likely given them an idea...

            1. EveryTime

              Re: These are wheely gweat!

              You just don't understand the system. It would be a security vulnerability if Apple allowed non-Apple wheels to be installed, or even genuine-but-used parts to be installed as repair parts. The transponder in each wheel might seem like pointless complexity, but it's really for your own security that the system refuses to boot if the wheels are removed or different wheels are substituted.

      2. gfx

        Re: These are wheely gweat!

        At least the IKEA rollers are cheap compared to a DIY store.

  3. Christopher Reeve's Horse

    Let me guess...

    They're the only wheels that can connect to the chassis via the proprietary iAxle fitting?

    Also, considering the price, they're not very functional. apparently they lack a brake mechanism. If your smooth floor isn't perfectly flat, away rolls your expensive Mac Pro. Needs matching iChocks (a bargain at £199).

    1. HildyJ Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Let me guess...

      Don't worry. Apple now offers the iFloor at $399 per square foot to ensure that your floor is flat and the iLevel ($599) to alert you if the floor goes out of alignment. If it does, assuming you bought the maintenance plan ($1999) all you have to do is take your house to the Genius Bar where they will realign it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Let me guess...

        > and the iLevel ($599) to alert you if the floor goes out of alignment.

        There is a spirit level app built into the iPhone ... so that makes it an $1100 iLevel

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Let me guess...

          And the iFloor iMaintenance iPlan iApp will alert you as well as schedule a service with the Genius Crowbar if your iPhone detects your iFloor going out of kilter,

  4. Paul Johnston
    Flame

    Re Cycle Wheels

    Sometimes I think cycling is the new Hi-Fi in the sense of "How Much?"

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      there is definitely some cross-over. Cycle-tech is very fond of religious wars and received wisdom/voodoo and snake oil. However, if cycling is the new anything, it is the new golf as any fule kno

      1. Joe W Silver badge

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        C'mon, cycling has been rife with religious wars like forever. Campa vs. Sachs, Campa vs. Shimano (also vs. SRAM, nowadays), Steel of various sorts with magical proerties, carbon tubes glued into metal lugs, aluminium vs. titanium vs. carbon, different layups, ultra narrow tyres and now wide tyres on the road, MTBs coming up (and staying, a bit like gravel bikes, which are Cyclocross bikes for whimps ;p)... tubeless tyres, sewn-ups (collets, or tubular tyres), clinchers, different rim diameters, rebranding the 700c (or 622 ETRTO) as 29er...

        Fun: Passing people in a race on expensive bikes while riding a cheaply bought, not very well restored old french road bike. It's the legs for us mere mortals that make the most difference (but some of the really high end stuff looks really great, not sure how it rides, don't have the money for it or don't want to spend it)

        1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          Don't forget the stupid prices of some 'E-Bikes' (circa $10,000 a pop).

          Then there is all the Lycra that is mandatory and you have to pay through the nose for just to allow you sleek and lithe(YMMV ROFL) body to become a human billboard.

          Almost a mad as Golfers or should that be gofers?

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Re: Re Cycle Wheels

            For some people, an E-Bike makes a great deal of sense, and $10,00 for a new machine is a snip compared with the equivalent new car. Lycra BTW is not mandatory whatever the Daily Fail might tell you.

            1. John H Woods Silver badge

              Re: Re Cycle Wheels

              one of your round objects appears to have dropped off and rolled away

              1. werdsmith Silver badge

                Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                Lycra definitely not mandatory.

                Every morning I am out in jeans and if it's chilly a casual jacket from Matalan.

                The same lycra clad moron is sweating along the road dodging 40 tonners on his Pinarello whilst I sail past him on my ancient 1980 built Halfords bike on the adjacent cycle path. Us cyclists truly are a brotherhood of utter morons.

                I say "brotherhood" because female cyclists don't usually exhibit the same moronic behaviour.

                1. PhilipN

                  Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                  Upvote for the mention of Halfords. I have one. Solid as a rock.

                  I just wish it was easier to find and fit a Sturmey Archer hub so I can get rid of that new-fangled derailleur nonsense.

                  1. hoola Bronze badge

                    Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                    With you on the lycra and racing bike morons.

                    Cheap tracksuit bottoms for £10 off the market and a home-made fleece for colder weather that actually has a collar to keep the wind out. Cycling in all weathers it is quite funny how after the 2 May Bank Holidays the number of people on pristine bikes increases and then after a few weeks the gradually disappear.

                    The question is have you overtaken an e-Bike?

                    On my regular commute there is some plonker who has taken the limit off his bike and is hammering along at 30 barely pedalling. Then you have the Deliveroo lot who are using electric mopeds all over the pavements.

                    I have commuted for years and you reach a point where the cost of replacing the drive train exceeds the cost of a new bike. Had a derailleur for years and 2 years ago thought I would try a Gates Belt drive on a Shimano Alfine 8 hub. It was supposed to be clean, maintenance free blah blah.

                    After about 9 months there was the odd slip that I assumed was IGH hub adjustment so I fitted a full length enclosed cable. This did not fix it and it got worse. Investigation showed that a load of the teeth on the Gates Belt drive were falling off.

                    Warranty fix was getting bonkers needing the bike sent of for weeks. In the end I agreed with the shop that I would fit a chain in place of the belt if they provided the parts. It has been fine ever since.

                    1. MJI Silver badge

                      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                      I miss mine 2 wheels.

                      Had a drive chain, o ring fitted to extend life.

                      6 speed sequential gear change.

                      Only pedals were rear brake and gearchange.

                      Hada 16v petrol engine for propulsion.

                      And I ran racing tyres, which is what happens when a racing series demands road tyres. Bit pricy but wore well and gripped well,

                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                  Years ago I laughed at those wearing cycling shorts. Then some one told me they were padded - couldn't wait to get a pair. However I was too embarrassed to wear them in public so wore them under normal trousers.

                  Also found them useful for driving hire cars - I swear some companies replace the soft cushions with cloth covered wood

                  1. Stoneshop Silver badge

                    cycling shorts

                    I tend to wear them when doing longer motorcycle rides. Even with a fairly comfy chai^Wseat with a sheepskin cover, they offer a noticeable improvement.

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                > one of your round objects appears to have dropped off and rolled away

                OI MATE!! Your wheel's going round ... round that corner on its own. :-)

            2. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
              Big Brother

              Re: Re Cycle Wheels

              Lycra. Indeed, it's prohibited on a mountain bike. That's rule #18

              Velominati - the rules

              1. IHateWearingATie

                Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                "Rule #5 motherfuckers" is heard often in our office full of MAMILs

              2. Chris G Silver badge

                Re: Re Cycle Wheels

                I think your rules have yet to be translated into Spanish.

                The riders that go past my house most (covid-19 free) weekends, break most of those rules.

                In winter the keenest seem to be the greybeards, some of them ride in weather that makes me want to light the fire and open a bottle of wine.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          The Campagnolo Bora Ultra 35 Clinchers are nice wheels though...

      2. BebopWeBop Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        As a keen cyclist who occasionally purchases a new bike, it never fails to surprise me that the extra 20g I have shaved off the weight of my latest rides makes no apparent difference to my speed and remember that it would have been cheaper to lose a little weight myself. Such is human capacity fo self-delusion.....

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          You can shave off more than 20 grams by going for a lash.

          Bikes don't go faster with less weight but I find a light bike goes up hills easier.

          However, as I ride my bike for exercise, the heavier the better and I'm quite happy to add weight for the benefits it brings.

      3. Roger Kynaston Bronze badge
        Go

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        many years ago when I was both slimmer and fitter I dabbled in falling out of airplanes for a while. A guy there had just bought the latest in jump suits. This was was tight fitting and made of smooth material except for the ends of the arms and legs. This was supposed to give you more friction at the extremities that made in freefall maneuvers easier to execute.

        I didn't have the physics to use bernoulli's equation to show that he was talking bollocks.

        1. The Bobster

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          Stupid sexy Flanders.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          > many years ago when I was both slimmer and fitter I dabbled in falling out of airplanes for a while. A guy there had just bought the latest in jump suits. This was was tight fitting and made of smooth material except for the ends of the arms and legs. This was supposed to give you more friction at the extremities that made in freefall maneuvers easier to execute.

          Did you recommend, that for maximum benefit, he should procure a pair of table tennis bats and scuba diving flippers?

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        As a German once told me , they have a saying 'Do you play golf or do you still have a sex life ?'

    2. Christopher Reeve's Horse

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      Ah, the universal law of diminishing returns, the arch-enemy of upper-bound performance in any arena.

    3. Muscleguy Silver badge

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      'Twas ever thus. I spent my university breaks working in a large cycle shop. Large enough to have a dedicated racing section with a dedicated employee (who raced) staffing it.

      This was the mid '80s but allow everything was the big deal, carbon fibre was almost there but hadn't really landed. But the alloys could be made lighter and lighter, at a price. Super light but strong all alloy wheels could set you back a pretty penny and they had to be built up from parts, they didn't come off the shelf. That was usually done for you of course. Building a new hi-spec racer from scratch took a long time.

      Things have of course moved on, first came carbon fibre frames.

      1. Giles C Bronze badge

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        I just had a play on a site that builds custom bikes, managed to get to £12,621 for a bike, the wheels cost £7000 on their own......

    4. Stork Silver badge

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      The spread is incredible. For our tourists (when will they return?) we have been buying simple bikes, and whereas we found that €80 was too cheap, something at twice that does 3 seasons without much trouble, even if often used on a path that gets flooded by sea water occasionally and therefore has salt in the dust.

      I am astonished it is possible, to make, transport and sell (with VAT) a half decent bike*) for that money. No-one are losing money on it I assume.

      *) Half decent here means works and keeps working if not abused.

      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        I suspect some enterprising Oriental Entrepreneur is sourcing them from here:

        https://metro.co.uk/2017/07/02/incredible-photos-show-graveyard-of-84000-dumped-bicycles-6750498/

    5. Dr. Vagmeister
      Happy

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      "Sometimes I think cycling is the new Hi-Fi in the sense of "How Much?""

      I am not sure you have been on the Hifi forums recently.

      We now have special fuses for the power supply, which are directional.

      Special mains cables, special S/PDIF cables, special Cat6 cables, special absorption materials for equipment to stand on as the equipment feet are not good enough. Special RF absorption devices to place inside your equipment. We now also have special audio grade ethernet switches. There are also USB reclockers which are essentially a USB hub, costing many thousands. There used to be a CD disc demagnetiser - though i think the vendor realised he really was taking the p!ss.

      We also have equipment that takes two weeks to warm up, and if you switch it off, and back on again, you have to wait another 2 weeks before it sounds any good.

      Oooh, forgot to mention speaker cables, and interconnect cables - they all matter.

      If you can't hear any difference to the above, then your system is not resolving enough, or you have a hearing issue.

      People should try and visit the hifi forums - you think Apple customers are lemming brains, hifi people are seriously nuts.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        But don't you change the Nitrogen mix in your road bike tyres depending on the humidity?

      2. 's water music Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        "Sometimes I think cycling is the new Hi-Fi in the sense of "How Much?""

        I am not sure you have been on the Hifi forums recently.

        Nor you on bike forums.

        1 Create sock puppet account

        2 Post thread on cycling forum asking for tips on chain maintenance

        3 ?

        4 Profit

        I mean, helment threads blow up quicker but I'm not a monster

        1. Bogbody

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          Try the same trick on motorbike forums ... just ask "which oil should I put in my bike".

          :-)

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        Used to do a side job in one of those high-end hifi shops. Apple can learn a thing or two about exuberant pricetags. It's madness.

        We did a demo (early 1990's iirc) with the then new B&W Nautilus speakers. Truly amazing I must say, but unaffordable.

        1. Christopher Reeve's Horse

          Re: About Time

          Th Hi-Fi world can far far exceed any cycling madness... A 12 grand bike? Peanuts. Take a look of these cables:

          https://www.jordanacoustics.co.uk/products/cables/ultimate-dream-3m-pair

          A single 3m pair. If you're planning on tri-wiring 6 monoblocks to your speakers (because at this level, you just should) you'll need 3 sets, running in at a total of £162,180.00 Just for the speaker cables on a two channel stero setup.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: About Time

            [speaker cables]

            And there is a store in Glenrothes. How convenient, while picking up your cables, why not grab a bottle of filthy expensive Speyside Single Malt?

          2. VulcanV5
            Flame

            Re: About Time

            @Christopher Reeve's Horse:Huh. Someone else who likes to make snide comments on the back of highly selective source material.

            Truth is, though a Jordan Crystal Cable Ultimate Dream loudspeaker lead costs £54,160, it also comes with a TWO YEAR guarantee. But you forgot to mention that, right?

            1. Christopher Reeve's Horse
              Pint

              Re: About Time

              Sorry, my mistake. I thought making snide comments on the back of highly selective source material was the very raison d'etre of the El Reg comments board? :)

              Aside from that, I feel I have, on occasion, made some arguably useful contributions to various IT themed discussions in places where I can. I'm sure we'd all rather avoid the converse situation where commentary was vetted to only professional opinions from recognised experts - but that's mostly the domain of the articles themselves. And so it comes to the very crux of the problem of democratic free speech; to what degree should the extreme opinions of society be heard, and who could possibly be qualified to vet or censor these? Apologies that I haven't contributed, in your eyes, at the standards of the very best, but in many cases the very best are already saying the right things and all I can offer is a mere upvote. Furthermore, if the quality of my somewhat uncontroversial posts are being brought into question, then I can only assume (admittedly as a limited sample) that the overall health of debate here is generally excellent. Now, it's Friday afternoon already, there's drinking to be done, and more snide comments to be made! Cheers, and have a good weekend.

          3. MJI Silver badge

            Re: About Time

            My speaker cables were a lot less, in total about £30.

            All nice thick well made cable, front 3 all biwired.

            Long run under floor to rear pair.

            Would it sound better with £50,000 speaker cables? Probably not.

            But lets say is did. Would I notice? No.

            1. Martin
              Happy

              Re: About Time

              Would it sound better with £50,000 speaker cables? Probably not.

              But lets say is did. Would I notice? No.

              Trust me, if you'd paid fifty grand for your speaker cables you would be absolutely certain that they sounded better and you'd be totally convinced you could tell the difference.

          4. jake Silver badge

            Re: About Time

            My MC-2300s drive the BA studio monitors through appropriately sized zipcord, as gawdess intended. A couple of my audiophule friends drool over the sound my system produces, at listening levels from very quit background to makes-you-ears-bleed. And then they laugh at me behind my back, because I have the wrong cables. The mind boggles :-)

            1. DiViDeD Silver badge

              Re: About Time

              I was congratulated on the sound from my system some years ago. Denon amp, hand finished EMI 300s from the EMI audio research lab up the road (each loaded with a couple of inches of concrete in the base for "stability") and a Garrard 601 deck. When I showed them my speaker cable, 1/8" single core copper that I'd bought from a farmer who'd used the rest of it to run 3 phase to his milking parlour (half a kilometre, 50 quid), they suddenly started finding all sorts of holes in my "soundstage"

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: About Time

                I have a pair of 1980 vintage Infinity speakers, yes, those with the dome midrange and the EMIT-tweeters.

                They're considered semi-high end, and they do sound rather good.

                Otoh, you don't want to know how the inside of the cabinets are wired. Think cheap telephone wire...

        2. Roo
          Windows

          Re: Re Cycle Wheels

          I worked in the AV installation trade biz for a while - where I got sample a very wide range of gear. The weird thing was - while we were all bowled over by the 10/50/100K speakers, in a blind test most folks preferred the (relatively) cheap Rega R3s over everything else (including the R7s). I'm fairly sure no one is going to claim the R3s are the worlds best ever speaker - but they just sounded nicer than the other gear. In the demo room customers tended to insist on starting at the high end and worked downwards - they rarely got below the 5K mark. On occasion they'd make it down to the R3s - and listen visibly entranced for a while - and then move back to the expensive gear that pushed more Watts... :)

      4. Dr_N Silver badge

        Re: Re Cycle Wheels

        >I am not sure you have been on the Hifi forums recently.

        Still full of people extolling the virtues of audiophilic-homeopathy products?

    6. Huw D Silver badge

      Re: Re Cycle Wheels

      https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0210/4540/products/rainbow_cards025_1024x1024.png?v=1546815239

      That is all.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As long as the implementation isn't rubbish, people will buy them as a status symbol.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      As long as the implementation isn't rubbish, people will buy them as a status symbol.

      FTFY

  6. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Some one has to say it

    This is just the way Apple rolls...

    1. Christopher Reeve's Horse

      Re: Some one has to say it

      Congratulations, now take your upvote, and get your coat...

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Some one has to say it

      Mmm! Apple rolls, I hope they have cinnamon and sultanas in them!

      1. J. Cook Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Some one has to say it

        ... that reminds me, I need to eat something.

        *wanders off*

    3. Kane Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Some one has to say it

      Go home, chivo243, you're drunk.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Some one has to say it

        I am home... working on my apple with out wheels, no beer until Beer O'clock too Still on the clock... Not everyone can be Simon and Stephen!

  7. DrXym Silver badge

    Shouldn't act too shocked

    If you buy a stupidly premium computer then don't be surprised it comes with stupidly premium options.

    1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

      Re: Shouldn't act too shocked

      The computer's appropriately priced for what it is.

      1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: Shouldn't act too shocked

        Yes, it's a status symbol for people with more money than sense. If it was cheaper, it wouldn't work.

        1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

          Re: Shouldn't act too shocked

          A 2k MacBook might conceivably be bought as a status symbol, but a $53k Mac Pro is a working machine. It'll only get bought if it'll earn itself back.

          It's the least status-symbolly of all Apple devices.

  8. fronty

    Some idiot with too much money will buy them!

    1. Ken Shabby Bronze badge
      Happy

      Perhaps they will appreciate this revolutionary design feature.

  9. trevorde
    Trollface

    Bargain!

    I thought the price was per wheel, so $699 for four is a steal!

  10. Empire of the Pussycat

    Talking 'bout my wheels of steel

    have't listened to Saxon for, well I don't know, what's El Reg's unit of time? the lockdown? the time it takes Trump to flounce?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Talking 'bout my wheels of steel

      "what's El Reg's unit of time? the lockdown? the time it takes Trump to flounce?"

      The time it takes Trump to flounce would be measured in milli- or micro-lockdowns!

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Talking 'bout my wheels of steel

        But you still want to be able to use different names for units when there's several orders of magnitude difference between them, like the linguine and the brontosaurus, or Wales and DRCongo.

        The fundamental work on defining the Lockdown is still in progress, being somewhat hampered by the lockdown, and the TrumpFlounce is rather variable[0], so not that usable as a basic unit (like the Lunchtime).

        [0] especially since it's clearly strongly observer-dependent.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Talking 'bout my wheels of steel

        "2 thumbs down"

        FFS, do Trump supporters not have a sense of humour?

        I don't care who is in power here in the UK, whether I voted for them or not, I'll hold them accountable for all their actions and take the piss out of them when I feel it's appropriate. Doubly so for foreign leaders. Some people need to grow a sense of humour and maybe some thicker skin.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Talking 'bout my wheels of steel

          "FFS, do Trump supporters not have a sense of humour?"

          They may have a sense of humo(u)r, John, but not one as we know it.

  11. SVV Silver badge

    Hey, these are High Performance wheels you know

    Cornering is up to 0.3 seconds faster than a normal wheel in standard office conditions, and the extra grip in wet conditions (e.g. coffee spillage on trendy wooden floor) could prevent a dangerous pile up. Tyre life is an average 50 metres of optimum performance, after which you will have to call in the Apple pit crew, as only they can change the tyres safely at a cost of $399 per wheel.

  12. BebopWeBop Silver badge
    Trollface

    It just an example of Apple filling an obvious gap in their continuum - iPad->Laptop->Desjktop->Luggabel->Rollable

  13. jake Silver badge

    Well ...

    ... I have a set of these under my welding table. Good wheels can get spendy. Granted, mine only cost $69/ea ... but I rather think I got what I paid for.

    One wonders if the Apple user will think they got what they paid for. Perhaps I should do them a favo(u)r out of the kindness of my heart. I can package and sell an aftermarket upgrade (these come to mind) for the low, low price of $299.99 ... and I'll even throw in the mounting hardware for free! ($100 shipping and handling charges for North America, call for shipping charges to other countries).

    One also wonders why Apple computers need to be moved so often that they require wheels. Don't Apple users understand the proper care and feeding of dust bunnies?

  14. Lazlo Woodbine Bronze badge

    I was hoping for some forged alloy rims

    Someone get Ice Cube to present a series of Pimp My Cheese-grater (or maybe we need to drop that final vowel these days)

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: I was hoping for some forged alloy rims

      I'd rather have the real deal that some cheap Chinese knock-offs!

  15. John H Woods Silver badge

    wow ...

    ... I bet even SnapOn are in awe

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dabbsy !

    I'd be damned if Dabbsy misses this part in his next article !

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Expensive for sure however I'm guessing there have been more expensive rim jobs.

    1. Ima Ballsy
      Holmes

      I ......

      ... saw what you did there .....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      BlackBerry flavored, of course...

  18. werdsmith Silver badge

    Not for the average home user though are they? The cost will get stuffed into some office/IT budget somewhere as half the price of a Dell XPS. There are enough cash rich budget-spending corps out there that will barely blink at 20 sets of these.

  19. Steve Kerr
    WTF?

    I found McFeet

    Having a nose around and telling friends about McWheels, I have found McFeet - https://www.apple.com/shop/product/MXNM2ZM/A/apple-mac-pro-feet-kit

    $299 for some stainless steel feet!

    I'm sure there's some marketing droid in Apple saying "Hmmm....what could we sell to the rabid fanbois that they will just lap up?"

    I put my hands up, I do have an ipod touch (music), iphone (work provided), ipad (watching netflix on the train) and a macbookpro (2010 model used as main laptop) as I treat them as consumer devices that serve a purpose.

    I balk at the current prices for non-upgradable macs though and accessories and have no compunction to buy any of them.

  20. Kane Silver badge
    Alien

    To paraphrase...

    ...the great Ford Prefect: "Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow."

  21. MJI Silver badge

    Hole in middle they look like Dyson stuff

    Perhaps they have to pay royalties to the well known Singaporean James Dyson.

  22. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    stops 5G weaponised Covid-19 bats in their... um.. tracks.

    Maybe the new wheels are designed to prevent 5G waves from interfering with the inner magical workings of the computer.

    "Hello Apple Support, my new Mac Pro has developed a fault and won't boot... no, I haven't got the new apple wheels on it... warranty's invalid you say?"

    It'll happen...

  23. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    A marketing idea missed

    If you really want to show your economic clout, why not make your wheels out of toilet paper rolls? What could be spiffier than to show the masses that you not only have it to burn, you have it roll with? You cold slap an Apple log on the hubcaps for extra class.

  24. TRT Silver badge

    For that price...

    I'd expect iHover feet. Marty McFly style.

    1. P. Lee Silver badge

      Re: For that price...

      I know someone who replaced the wheels on their computer/briefcase/wheelie-bag with skateboard wheels. Frictionless is not all its cracked up to be.

  25. Steve Graham

    not just wheels

    I've just checked the small ads, and you can buy an entire 2002 Golf GTi for £500 in my area.

    1. IGotOut Silver badge

      Re: not just wheels

      I that the lardy arsed, under powered, handles like a dog GTi?

  26. Jagged

    For that price I expect them to be carved from the bones of Steve Jobs

  27. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    This is worrying.

    I disinterred the garden shredder from the back of the garage & found one of its wheels was missing. Can I afford to get a new one?

    1. jake Silver badge

      Never mind a new one ...

      ... I'd be more worried about the critter that ate the old one!

      (All wheels were there when you interred it, right?)

  28. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    For a good look try the Apple computer fitted with the Campagnolo wheels.

  29. Stuart Castle Silver badge

    I like the look of the new Mac Pro, and certainly wouldn't object to being given one.

    Would I pay for it though? No. Even if I had the money, I have no need of the facilities it offers, and couldn't justify the price. But, it isn't aimed at me. It's aimed at those who need to process large amounts of data, but that audio, video or other data. Likely in the hundreds, if not thousands of gigabytes. These people will happily pay in the tens (if not hundreds) of .thousands of pounds because they will likely save that in other ways over the life of the computer. To give an idea of costs, I used to provide support for several video editing workstations. 10 PCs with a £5,000 video capture card (it was essentially a video editing PC on a PCI card, with it's own SCSI interface). These were high end PCs, but at under £10000 each, were considered the low end. The High End stuff we had was a £30,000 video editing system that essentially came with it's own free Mac Pro..

    Now, the new Mac Pro costs a lot of money, but bear in mind that the industry they are selling to is happy to pay in the hundreds of thousands of pounds, it *is* cheap.

    Not that that justifies £600 for a set of casters, or £900 for a monitor arm, no matter how good the screen attached to it.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Unfortunately ...

      ... the "industry' they are hawking it at is rich fuckers watching cute cat videos, most of which are created on some other brand of generic PEE CEE.

      As many have observed over the last umpteen millennia "There's one born every minute.".

    2. P. Lee Silver badge

      My issue with these things is that I suspect when you need that kind of horsepower, you should have moved to a server farm. There probably are some use-cases and its probably not someone spending their own money.

  30. evilcat
    Facepalm

    Big Design Flaw

    There are no brakes on these wheels, so if your floor's not 100% horizontal, your expensive workstation is so easy to move it'll roll itself across your office / lab / studio

  31. BGatez Bronze badge

    just ugh! F*** a bunch of apple

  32. jelabarre59 Silver badge

    MacBook Wheel

    I thought maybe they had implemented the MacBook Wheel.

    1. Franco Silver badge

      Re: MacBook Wheel

      That was my immediate thought too, that life had imitated art.

      I actually re-watched that video recently and shared it with an Apple-loving colleague. He found it hilarious to be fair.

      Can't wait to see some of the justifications Macolytes will come up with for why they need these and why the price is justified.

  33. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    The longer I live, the stranger things get...

    I must be missing something. Are these for the laptop or boxen? I and most people I know, don't move our boxen and who needs wheels on a laptop? These must just be to prove that a fool and his/her money are soon parted.

    1. M. Poolman

      Re: The longer I live, the stranger things get...

      Wheels on a MacBook - the ultimate hipster skateboard?

    2. ThomH

      Re: The longer I live, the stranger things get...

      They're for the Mac Pro, Apple's only full-size desktop, which seems to be primarily for the Los Angeles set. Cost of entry is $6,000; these wheels are Apple's way of eating further into media budgets.

  34. Dwarf Silver badge

    Revised instructions

    1. Go to eBay, search for "Heavy duty folding trolley cart" or "Furniture mover dolly" you can get either for less than £30

    2. Buy one.

    3. Put Mac onto trolley / cart

    4. Profit !

  35. NorthIowan
    Facepalm

    Well I hope they thought of it...

    But if those wheels aren't anti-static there will be a lot of Mac Pros that get iZapped.

  36. tempemeaty
    Joke

    Now that the idea is out...

    There'll probably be something like them, just as well made and last longer for sale on ebay soon now. LOL

  37. DerekCurrie
    Mushroom

    :-P

    19-1/2 In X 14-1/2 In 200 Lb. Capacity Polypropylene Dolly @Harbor Freight: $13.00

    "PRODUCT OVERVIEW

    This mover's dolly has a solid platform for supporting furniture legs or moving narrow items. The furniture dolly is constructed from lightweight polypropylene with a ridged slip-resistant surface. Swivel casters let you move this platform dolly in all directions.

    Lightweight high-impact polypropylene platform supports narrow loads

    Ridged non-skid surface

    Built-in hand grip for easy positioning

    Two 3 in. swivel casters, two 3 in. fixed casters"

  38. Camilla Smythe
    Boffin

    As any Fule Kno

    Given similar minimal wear in/out time anything with castors on acts like a shopping trolley. Dude you just paid $700 to turn your Mac Pro into a shopping trolley?

    Anyway someone needs to leap on the iTray desk market and produce something similarly shiny that your Mac Pro with castors can sit on whilst maintaining the same desktop height of your Mac Pro without castors with added does not fall off the edge of your desk prevention.

    Dude. You just paid $1400 for a baking tray?!?

  39. bendq

    but are they aero?

    Are they aero? If they are that is worth at least $1k

    Also the Italian bike wheels come from Taiwan most likely, they may of been designed or assembled in Italy though.

    What you really need are the Lightweight Meilenstein Obermayer Schwarz Edition for a bit over $8,000 USD :)

  40. Not previously required

    Castors

    Some years ago the castors on my sofa broke. Probably kids using the sofa as a bus, fully loaded. I spent a happy weekend browsing "castors R Us" websites before buying 6 castors and screwing them to the wooden base of the sofa. They look remarkably like the iWheels and for the ? £30 I paid I am sure could be Velcro'd to the base of any PC. And you get a choice of size and colour. And they will support 400Kg.

    ps for Mac users - You don't need original brand Velcro either. Cheap clones of hook and loop in glorious technocolour would look just lovely.

  41. llaryllama

    Great value

    I just spent about half that buying a new 600kg capacity hydraulic lifter cart for our machine shop floor. You can put a dozen or so Macs on it if you really want but I find a better use is to take turns standing on top doing the Titanic pose while someone pushes you full speed across the factory.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Great value

      Why would you want to lift just your machine shop floor, without lifting the whole machine shop?

  42. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    "Gerroff and Milk it"

    This is just the latest instance of Apple milking their captive iMuppets and iMorons. Without doubt there will be some out there who right now are storing their "mint in box" iWheels in a neutral (N²) atmosphered vault. Some will be squatting in a corner fondling them whilst cooing "My Precious", whilst others will actually fit them to a desk and use them for their intended purpose all whilst feeling guilty that they are actually wearing them out. All of them, without question, have more money than sense, but then that is the basis of Apple's marketing scheme,... along with "buy American" (made in China).

  43. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    Presumably an April 1st joke?

  44. ecofeco Silver badge

    The wheels will help

    ...to part fools and their money faster!

  45. snellasaurus

    You guys need to up your wheel game - why would anyone want to spank that much money on clinchers???

    Get a set of these and pay some shouty dutch dudes with sticky bottles to ride behind you in a Skoda estate car

    https://www.sigmasports.com/item/Lightweight/Gipfelsturm-Tubular-Wheelset-Schwarz-Black-Edition/3ROI

  46. Apprentice

    The iTards will still buy them

    A fool and his money are easily parted. If it has an Apple logo on it they will sell to such fools. Apple know this, and it's why they get away with fleecing (pun intended) their consumers.

  47. Tony Gathercole ...
    Coat

    $ ENABLE (CAPABILITY) WHEEL

    ... Sorry, I'll get it and go.

    I expect a few might get the reference, even if they were only OPERATOR. As we used to say WHEELs make the world go round.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just a really bad idea

    Wheels just encourage the user to move the thing around more than without wheels.

    Rolling invariable leads to hitting bumps, and a plethora of micro debris normal life deposits on floors, jerking the poor

    computer innards around, creating and worsening cracks, loose connections, etc. until there is system failure.

  49. Tylerama

    Nope, it really is NOT the 1st of April.

    Do Apple really have nothing better to do than this ? Who the hell is buying these, FFS.

  50. Damalo

    Google shows nicer looking casters for under 20 quid a pop, and most are under a fiver. As an experiment to see what happens, we're going to start charging more for MacOS versions of our software. Despite the premium cost of Apple stuff I bet there'll be complainers, but worth doing the test to find out.

  51. Luiz Abdala Bronze badge
    Coat

    Real BBS wheels can be had for 426 quid.

    You can buy REAL WHEELS, for a REAL CAR, for less than that.

    Apple is just stupid. They have lost their goddamn minds.

    1. Col_Panek

      Re: Real BBS wheels can be had for 426 quid.

      I've bought several cars for less than that, actually.

  52. WONKY CLERKY
    Linux

    My Supervision Order says I shouldn't do silly things, so I won't.

    Instead,

    I've decided to do x100 Shake&Vac Dances stark bollock naked on the Town Hall steps

    with a banana up me arse*.

    That makes much more sense doesn't it?

    *Tickets: $699.99

  53. Andy Baird

    I've been using Apple products since 1984. I *like* Apple as a company. But the pricing of these $699 wheels (and the $199 legs, and the $999 stand) is just embarrassing. It makes Apple a laughingstock and fully merits sneering comments about the "Apple Tax."

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You all missed the point. It's a really worthwhile upgrade!

    So. Put on your straight face for a moment and as the story says.. you have it inside the garage studio for some serious fan-boi Pro loving with Studio and Photos and all those great Garage Band moments. Mum/SO calls and you hear those musical words "Dinner's ready.. it's pasta, come grate some cheese!" So you wheel your Cheese Grater Pro (tm) into the kitchen effortly and ..more importantly "Stylishly". Grate the cheese. Have a wonderful dinner, then.. with equal grace and effortless style, wheel it outside for a vacuum and brush down of crumbs and roll it carefully back under the sheet of chipboard you've plonked over the bricks becuase you spent 500 quid on a pair of rolley wheels you could've got for ten pacific peso's at bunnings.

  55. Kendo1973

    For that price...

    ...I'd expect to get a set of anti-grav lifters, not wheels.

  56. Sam Therapy
    Thumb Down

    Buggering fuck.

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