back to article Stop worrying – Larry Ellison and Prez Trump will have this whole coronavirus thing licked shortly with the power of data

Larry Ellison is not one to let anything get him down, least of all gravity. Grave though the global COVID-19 pandemic may be, the Oracle founder, CTO and chairman is a man who produces. And, as intrepid Forbes reporter Angel Au-Yeung found out, the product is "wellness". Last week's Forbes front cover is graced with the faces …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Salvation from the Devil

    Doing anything LE means someone is getting screwed.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Salvation from the Devil

      Doing anything LE or DT means someone is getting screwed.

      There fixed it for you.

      According to Trumpton, it will be HE and only HE that dictates when the USA can start working again. This is despite the Constitution saying otherwise but who cares eh? /s /s /s

      1. holmegm

        Re: Salvation from the Devil

        Um ... it has been governors issuing unconstitutional shutdown orders. Governors reveling in emergency powers.

        It was Trump saying we should think about opening ups soon as possible, and said governors having hissy fits.

        So Trump plays them like a fiddle (again), knowing they will do the opposite of whatever he thinks/says. Now they want to show how cool and rebellious they are, by opening up (maybe - that extra power just feels so so good to them).

        But what do I know, I just live here.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Salvation from the Devil

          Um ... it has been governors issuing unconstitutional shutdown orders. Governors reveling in emergency powers.

          Weirdly, it has been hard to find any constitutional lawyers to support that statement, and in general Trump's assertions that he has that power. But hey, what do I know, I only look at this based on facts..

    2. ava007

      Re: Salvation from the Devil

      King Donald d'Orange is appointing his kids to the newly forming econ task force which will guide the King in wisdom and knowledge and will tell us all when the country will reopen.

      "Cursed be the scientists." is their motto.

      "Cursed be those who say no to the King!"

      "Cursed be those States who deny the King's wishes! For he is a Stable Genius with Unmatched Wisdom!"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Salvation from the Devil

        Heil Cheetolini! First of his name! Divine Glorious Dotard of the Proudly Willfully Ignorant, Cult45!

    3. JetSetJim

      Re: Salvation from the Devil

      Was intrigued by "Business is the definition of sustainable", not sure I agree with it as business currently calls for maximising shareholder value, which tends to have a result of the wealth divide gradually increasing which leads to more misery

      1. Ropewash

        Re: Salvation from the Devil

        But at least it is SUSTAINED misery.

  2. Stork

    Nice

    To see such a wonderful example of independent and critical journalism from Forbes.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: Forbes

      The magazine for executive bathroom user wannabes.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Forbes

        Executive bathroom users suffered from the great TP shortage of 2020 too...

    2. Youngone

      Re: Nice

      It is a puff piece.

      Larry promises lots of advertising in exchange for an article making him look like Jesus.

      It is a pretty common thing in the magazine business.

  3. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Could be worse

    Trump could pardon Martin Shkreli.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Could be worse

      Martin is too arrogant to make the appropriate donation to the pardon troll.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    I'm just surprised they didn't look for advices from...

    .... Gwyneth Paltrow too. Probably just because she's a woman.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: I'm just surprised they didn't look for advices from...

      Well, noted medical person Bill Gates seems to be spewing an awful lot these days about how to win the virus war. I'm puzzled by this sudden "love" by the press for him and what his credentials are.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm just surprised they didn't look for advices from...

        I think the press are mainly viewing him as the messias of pandemics because of this talk in 2015:

        https://www.ted.com/talks/bill_gates_the_next_outbreak_we_re_not_ready

        However that doesn't make him an expert, no. He's just repeating what any epidemiologist would have said, but they're not Bill Gates so they didn't have the media exposure. Epidemiology was boring non-news until we found out they could actually happen. I don't think he's the medical genius people claim him to be either.

        He's demonstrated his great mastery of cutthroat business practices during his career. Since then he's been putting his money to good work as a medical philantropist. But I don't see any indication of expertise either except for those few comments in an 8 minute TED talk. It's nice of him to donate some of his money for good for a change but he should let the real experts take the lead, IMO. But this is America and fame means more than expertise. Look at their choice of president. Q.E.D.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: I'm just surprised they didn't look for advices from...

          "But I don't see any indication of expertise either"

          Taking note of those who do have expertise is an example worth following, however.

      2. Poncey McPonceface
  5. First Light

    Sweet Baby Jesus.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Volcanic Island

    "Lanai... has become his petri dish of experimentation on health, wellness and sustainability, with data collection and feedback loops underpinning the entire operation. "It's a bit of a laboratory for advanced technology," Ellison says."

    Sounds more like a volcanic island lair for someone who wants to take over what's left of the world once it has been ravaged by a plague.......

    I'm sure I once saw a movie about something similar.

    1. macjules
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Volcanic Island

      Beat me to it.

      "It's a bit of a laboratory for advanced technology," = "We have lots of molten lava."

      Feel sorry for the poor white Persian cat though.

      1. Getmo
        Big Brother

        Re: Volcanic Island

        We have lots of molten lava - liquid hot "magma"

        ---> icon is my face when I realize we don't have a Dr. Evil icon

    2. Chris G

      Re: Volcanic Island

      Does anyone know if oily snakes live on volcanic islands?

      To be fair data does have an important part to play in health but it can also send people on wild goose chases and can't replace actual research.

      There is, also a risk of large scale health data on everybody being misused.

      1. Wellyboot Silver badge

        Re: Volcanic Island

        The risk probability is tending towards 1 at the moment.

        A separate not for profit organisation is needed here, ideally with a board made up only from Nobel science laureates to prevent it going 'corporate' after Larry hits the 'stop'.

        The 21stCentury needs more billionaires to be like this in the mould of Carnegie & Rockefeller, ok, I admit they stepped on more than a few toes making their fortunes as well.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Volcanic Island

      I was thinking more along the lines of "The Island of Doctor Moreau Larry"

      island...on which he has spent least half a billion dollars turning it into a "laboratory

  7. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    About the only thing I know about "wellness" is that I keep seeing mentioned on adverts on the back panels of buses which is an odd place to learn about anything, but there you are. And the one thing that strikes me about it is that the easiest people to whom to sell it must be those who are already well. Those who aren't present a much tougher delivery problem.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      the easiest people to whom to sell it must be those who are already well. Those who aren't present a much tougher delivery problem.

      Such a fine sentence, I'm going to borrow that.

      Another one I've come across:

      "The kind of people who want to assemble in large groups right now are exactly the kind of people who ought to" - even Twitter can contain the occasional gem..

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "The kind of people who want to assemble in large groups right now are exactly the kind of people who ought to"

        As you say, a gem; would they please take Eamon Holmes and the like with them.

        It's noticeable that those now visiting the countryside are exactly those who shouldn't. We had the numpties from Leeds who reportedly set fire to 4 hectares of moorland with a barbecue. And the other day when I was out for a walk I found somebody who drove a 4x4 up a 30 degree grass bank, apparently for no other reason than because he could. That particular bank has pyramid orchids growing on it.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Untreated syphilis

    ...would be an explanation.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Smoke and mirrors

    "Through data, Ellison has partnered with US President Donald Trump and plans to rescue America from the wreckage of the COVID-19 outbreak."

    Yeah, right. People like this don't do it for the karma. You just need to follow the money trail. Data is money. You had a disease? You will have 'x' number of side effects. Here, buy this medicine. Oh, medicine 'x' gives you 'y' side effects. Here, buy this medicine. Before you know it, you are on 6 different forms of medication with combined side effects worse that what you started with. The people pay the drug companies, the drug companies pay for the data.

    You lost your job because of the pandemic? Here, buy some insurance. Same premise.

    Whatever misery these people can find, they will exploit, one way or another.

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Smoke and mirrors

      Larry is probably doing it for the Karma, just like Alfred Nobel did after he read his obit. as a 'purveyor of death & destruction'.

      Ego driven persuit of money & power will only take you so far (Larry wouldn't notice another $10Bn dropping in his lap), eventually mortality rears its head and the Ego wants to be remembered for being 'great & good' not money grubbing.

      Larry is 75, and right now nature is showing us all that money & power are sometimes no help at all (Unless you want to be the next Howard Hughes)

  10. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Ah, data

    Reminds me of the old "when you have a hammer . ." adage.

    Having data is very nice, Larry, but your data is, at best, the results of researchers doing actual work. So maybe you do have an idea about how to correlate those results, but you're still the end of the chain.

    And I'm not sure I want you to be controlling that data anyway. That data belongs in a museum in the hands of proper medical personnel who can make sense of it.

  11. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Larry knows who the devil is

    The lawyers are here to discuss the licensing and support terms for your country's health.

    1. aqk
      Holmes

      Re: Larry knows who the devil is

      Well, yeah. Isn't it Bill Gates? Or is that Scott McNealy's theory?

      All these Gates-haters get me so cofused. How did I ever wind up on El-Reg?

  12. a_yank_lurker

    Oh Well

    With Leisure Suit Larry and his Minions on the job I think I will plan to be under a stay at home orders for a couple more years at least.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh Well

      And make sure you're well lawyered up before you ever dare to go outside again :D

  13. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Where is Steve Bong?

    Get him back - we need a proper visionary to get us over this. Anyone got a number for มาลัย?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Why, oh why did HBO end "Silicon Valley"?!?!

    You've got enough hypocrisy, lack of self-awareness and utopian vanity in and around this article for a whole new season!! Maybe they can bring back the Pied Piper gang for a sequel TV movie, like they did with Deadwood, where the crew has been acquired by Ellison and set to work in the bowels of project Sensei.

    Bonus points if the pilot project in Lanai has worked out, and Ellison has decided the next phase that the Pied Piper crew are working on should be to revolutionize another island, like New Zealand, Australia or Great Britain.

    1. CRConrad Bronze badge

      Re: Why, oh why did HBO end "Silicon Valley"?!?!

      Only two of those are islands.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Six and counting

    It was actually six bankruptcies, which misapprehension is classic Trump fudging. Seems that since some occurred in the same year as others, they were combined for the purpose of counting "how many". And that is Trump thrice over on "smart money".

    That his seventh bankruptcy is ongoing and terminal (for us) should now be obvious to all.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Six and counting

      And don't forget the moral one! Or do we count that as he has been in that state since the day he was born?

  16. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    A side effect of shutting down the economy

    I wonder which will reduce the death rate fro the virus, social distancing appears to be working but could it be that the most effective thing is the vast reduction in air pollution which has been killing people for more than 50 years now?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: A side effect of shutting down the economy

      Oh great! We have enough of a population problem already. There's going to be another baby boom in 8-9 months and now your saying the survivors are going to live longer too?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And I thought the only benefit of a pandemic would be to get us rid of these jerks...

  18. AdamWill

    clearing house

    "Ellison asked Trump if a clearinghouse existed for real-time data about treatment efficacies and outcomes. Trump said no."

    So, I presume this means there definitely *is* one, right?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: clearing house

      Like in his press briefing the other night. "All 50 US states,,,and the US territories...we have territories...not everyone knows that...I do..."

      FFS man, your the President of the USA. If you didn't know the USA has territories then I'd be even more scared of you than I already am!!

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: clearing house

        It's probably worrying the people in the territories. They'd have been hoping he hadn't noticed them.

    2. tfewster
      Facepalm

      Re: clearing house

      If only there were a global organisation concerned with health that could do this already, so Larry didn't have doctors duplicating their reports for his perusal

  19. Woza
    Black Helicopters

    Hmm

    I wonder if there's a quid-pro-quo here - will we see a decision change on the Pentagon JEDI contract, replacing Amazon with Oracle?

  20. aqk
    Paris Hilton

    At last, Larry has his DISEASE!

    Well, his hated "rival", Bill Gates has Malaria, so Larry has finally got his own disease!

    Oh, My! Nice goin', Larry!

    You may yet steal that Nobel prize away from the evil anti-Christ Bill !

    Keep pluggin' away! If you have to, hock a jet-fighter or two! And don't let some pipsqueak's Maria stop you!

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