Upstart Americans brandish alligators at the almighty Reg Standards Soviet An American local council has dared to challenge the almighty Vulture Central Standards Soviet by proposing alligators as a standard unit of measure for social distancing during the coronavirus lockdown. Social media bods for Leon County, a parish somewhere in a place called Florida, many thousands of miles from important …
Your two retrievers probably won't keep in perfect straight line nose to tail tip formation. At which point you are relying on the other person's dogs to provide a proper exclusion measurement.
Unfortunately, dogs being dogs, the tail length becomes irrelevant as the distance contracts to mutual nose to butthole.
My Mum's old golden retreiver had the amazing ability to look sad, pathetic, hungry and unloved at whatever time the fridge door was opened. In particular - he could hear the opening of the box the cheese was kept in from several rooms away.
This ability was unaffected by how hungry he actually was. He could look up from licking his bowl clean - normally a happy state - but if you were holding cheese he could still look starved.
"but if you were holding cheese he could still look starved"
Ahh yes, Schrodinger's Lab. Not so well known as his cat but just as mysterious. A lab is capable of being hungry and full at the same time. If allowed unchecked, explosion and implosion are possible simultaneously.
If you can get a large alligator and are keeping it between you, I suppose it had shared pet status and you can take it walkies together (provided you stay either side of the alligator.
Out of curiosity, how wide is an alligator?
I assume they are restricting this rule to American alligators as the only other extant species is ... Chinese.
Just declare that you need an alligator as an emotional support animal and acquiring one becomes an essential service. It does have a practical advantage over the Osman in that it is self mobile in horizontal mode and can aggressively defend your social distance.
However, as a unit of measurement, it is too variable and taking exact measurements of one involves a great deal of personal risk.
You mean 9.434 (7.8919) linguine.
C'mon - we have standards for a reason, lets stick to them.
Speaking of - why is the Reg Standards Soviet not working on an improvement to the mundane chronological standards still clinging on despite their irrelevancy to the modern world?
We all know about the NewYorkSecond, or, more relevantly, the SupportCallNanoMoment (The time taken between a simple mistake inadvertently going live and the phone call about it from Head Office), but there must be more?
"Anyone know the length of two average family hounds?"
Retrievers aren't hounds ... but I just happen to have some actual hounds here. So in the interests of Science, and cross-pond relations, I picked up a tape measure and set to work. The Greyhound curled up into a tighter ball and told me in no uncertain terms that he's sleeping, and go away. The Velcro Whippet decided that my movement at this hour (01:45 left-coast time) meant we were going on our late-night inspection tour of the barn, and he's already downstairs, waiting by the door.
The only logical conclusion is that while you can see a hound, they aren't measurable. One wonders if one can measure them when you can't see them ... but the whippet is waiting, so I'll have to revisit this anon.
There's an easy way to measure the length of any dog. Simply climb a ladder, hold up a piece of bacon, & get someone else to measure the pooch while it's stretched out trying to snag the yummy. Just make sure to let go of the treat before the dog decides to maul you for taunting it.
*Wanders off to go find some bandages with which to staunch the blood from my mangled hands*
=-)P
You are referring to the Canine Uncertainty Principle which states that if you know the momentum of a dog you do not know its length. As momentum tends to zero, dogs tend to curl up into extra dimensions.
This is not to be confused with the Schroedinger's Dog Principle which states that the probability amplitude of where a dog wants to be is always highest on the other side of the door.
Where'd you get 27 feet? 9 meters is about 29 feet 6 inches, or just over sixty four and a quarter Linguini. (This conversion brought to you by the cross-pond commentard translation service).
On the other hand, perhaps Covid-19 is an hepticosapede?
OIn the gripping hand, beer. It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
I don't have an alligator with me, but I definitely want to stand at the tail end, not the head end, when I'm queueing up!
I don't think the Kangaroo would be much better, have you seen the damage they can cause with their feet if they are forced to stand in line?
Mine's the one with an Osman piece of string in the pocket.
After a (probably ill-informed) conversation about the dangerous wildlife of Australia I once made a throw-away remark along the lines of "well, at least the plants seem OK". But a little voice in my head said (probably in an Australian accent) "you sure about that mate?". So I checked.
OMFG:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_moroides
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_excelsa
"stinging hairs which cover the whole plant and deliver a potent neurotoxin when touched"
"extremely painful stinging sensation that could last from several hours to 1–2 days"
" 'For two or three days the pain was almost unbearable; I couldn’t work or sleep, then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so. The stinging persisted for two years' "
"Dendrocnide stings have been known to kill dogs and horses that have brushed against them"
Two bats and a ball are somewhat alien to many of our commentards, who traditionally live in Mummy's basement where the only Sun they see is a rack full of pizza boxen. For these people, I recommend using that long-time unit of IT measurement, the Nanosecond.
Two bats & a BS 5993:1994 standard cricket ball is approximately six and two thirds nanoseconds.
If I was one Osman from someone else, and there was an alligator between us, I would be increasing the number of Osmans at a very rapid pace. Although, as I suspect the alligator would be quicker than me so I wouldn't get many Osmans away before my time was up.
Unless there is a nearby hippo.
Hippos also dispose of small yappy dogs.
Last thought of a Croc springing out at a shadow on the bank that's a hippo.
"Oh no"
The croc can't easily abort the spring out of the water. Hippos are bad tempered and really don't like crocs anyway.
A colleague seconded to a Martin Marietta plant in Florida was astonished when he got to work one morning to find everyone waiting outside the building because there was an alligator in the ditch in front of it, and being a protected species nobody wanted to get reported to HR for going "shoo" at it. He said "It seems in Florida it's OK carrying guns and shooting people so long as you don't upset the alligators."
The proper name for an alligator-based measurement is the Fluffy.
A few years back some friends moved to an apt. complex in Clearwater. The locals cautioned them not to let their pets run free, as Fluffy - a six foot 'gator, named after one of its favorite snacks - was known to hang out in the canal that ran through the middle of the complex.
you mean eastern grey or red kangaroo? A big Red is about 2 meters tall and you need to be 2 meters away to avoid disembowling. Greys not as bad. About 1.5 meters tall and not as aggressive. At least the entagled one I let loose last month did not get excited while being freed from cord tangle. Perhaps NSW mountain wombats. Full grown the local ones hit a meter long, 0.5 meter wide and high. Usually not as wide, but local ones must go to pub more than others. There is one under part of my vege patch. And yes, they have been known to bite.
Or, more properly, 8.1 Wales (avoiding the unnecessary downscaling of units and upscaling of number). But I believe that an American Wales is confusingly only 17/23 of a British Wales, due to their own bloody minded need to be different to everybody else. Never mind, it's a warm sunny day here isolated indoors so everybody have 1000 milliPints on me.
Suggested by one of the sprogs:
Just carry a 2-handed sword and, when someone (eeewwww, humans, as they are now saying) approaches, just hold it out in the appropriate direction. If the eeewww human impales themselves, they are
a) definitely too close and
b) unlikely to do it again.
Seems fine to me....
(Thank you, yes the one with the baldric attached....)
Alternative to a sword, for places where such things are outlawed in public, would be a stick. My walking stick is made from white oak, and is 0.0994 Brontosauruses by 0.3356 Linguini.
Optional: forge iron caps on each end so it doesn't wear out prematurely.
I think it was a typo - but with variable data. Two golden retrievers is a unit of time, when used in conjunction with alligators.
Variable, as they’re getting thinner, being forced to walk once a day; and variable, because it could be measured from time consumption started to time GR no longer visible, or to time of reappearance.
I am confused - as you know me - at keeping standards shared by others than me - I use the
Spitting Distance – for the lady from the benifits (dole, chomage) - she has 3 k's in her name, and since you know I am Rwandeese, and she is an umuzungu kazi - that doesn't work. The
0.50 half-brick throwing distance – when it comes to police (that's about a Standard Bus), and the
0.50 helicopter mounted Catling machinegun – for my 120dB leaveblowing noise-canceling wearing head-gear neighbour wearing this gear in-house (take my word for that), while shopping (idem) and while cleaning for at least 4 hours the trottoir, parkingspace, &c, shoeed with sandals, wearing shorts, and has for the rest a horrible appearence (photographic and filmic evidence on request), and has an injunction watching movies depicting people under 25.
– Those are the standards we use in the Gnominium, which, as you guessed correctly, is gnome-country, where we dance around bonfire with new-moon, half-moon (both), and full-moon, and everything in-between, and the bonfire is used to roast terrible people-onna-stake. ... How it comes I am not yet roasted and that people generally regard me as kind and loving, for knowing myself, - no. I woudn't befriend myself. Maybe they are terrified - rightly so.
Anyway, I love the situation... (I live near Schiphol ... no more planes with b. tourists spooling the view on the flowerbulbfields that surround my place of habitation. (What should be enough information for all of you to Google Earth my neighbour to see I am right and I am not so bad after all.) And a 0.50 caliber helicopter mounted machinegun is quite the measure for social distancing. Also when it comes to asure the Nice & Quiet.
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