back to article Minister slams 5G coronavirus conspiracy theories as 'dangerous nonsense' after phone towers torched in UK

UK Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove has used a daily briefing to slam those advancing baseless theories that 5G radios are in some way responsible for the coronavirus. Gove was on Saturday asked what he thought of such theories, especially in light of reports that vandals have torched cellular towers in Blighty – …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just a quick heads up for anyone who thinks this is a conspiracy theory about a conspiracy theory I can assure you it is not. Where I work I have spoken to two separate people who actually believe this and when asked one of them said that the last two pandemics were caused by 3g and 4g. I asked them how the fuck we had mobile phones in 1918 but it seems they were talking about the pandemics that weren't actually pandemics even though the dates were way off. If you need to set someone straight I find the proposition that these frequencies were in use prior to take up by mobile communications to be quite a persuasive option.

    Maybe this 5g rubbish has been created to identify gullible idiots by some Cambridge Analytical type company. Who knows? The truth is out there.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Faecebook users. What does anyone expect?

      There are even some pseudo scientific ideas going around about the effect of mmWave transmissions on the immune system. They forget to mention that no infrastructure or phones using this part of the spectrum have been rolled out.

      1. Flak
        Alien

        mmWave has been and is being rolled out

        @werdsmith

        mmWave technology has been and is being used today - but the application is quite specific. In fact, mmWave technology is used by mobile operators, too - for backhaul from mobile masts that don't have fibre. The links use highly focused 'pencil beams' and equipment is placed where there is no physical obstruction, as this would interrupt or degrade the transmission.

        For example, V-band and E-band services in particular can be used to transmit data wirelessly at Gigabit speeds. What may surprise you is that links like this using compliant equipment only need to be registered with Ofcom (so they know where it has been deployed), but the actual deployment is not regulated (i.e. you don't need to ask for permission).

        Still no health issue, however...

        I blame E.T. (just because I have always wanted to use that icon)!

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: mmWave has been and is being rolled out

          @flak

          These people are suggesting 60GHz.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: mmWave has been and is being rolled out

          I think Bats fly through your pencil beams, getting fried and mutated, splash down in yer soup and, Voila! , Wuhan flu.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Bats

            Careful or this story will go viral!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Faecebook users. What does anyone expect?

        It also seems to be religious types who believe things like this. Several populist church leaders are calling Covid-19 a hoax or a similar political fabrication. At least one has now died from the virus. A standard trope is also that their god is visiting this plague upon them as a penalty for allowing other people to "sin".

        An apparently intelligent thirty-something UK neighbour denies evolution - because she is a Jehovah's Witness. She even give me a pamphlet they publish that she says will prove it to me.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Darwinism...

          Humanity's revenge for fuckwittery.

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        For those of us old enough to remember the rather fine 'Beiderbecke Tapes' (BBC aeons ago), a conclusion was that the leak about a nuclear dump in the Yorkshire Dales was a smokescreen to disguise something else. Fiction travels... of course, you have to have the odd belief that governments can maintain a conspiracy!

        (was that someone on the dakr side I heard sniggering?)

        1. Jonathon Green

          Upvoted for the mention of “The Beiderbecke Tapes”, a bloody fine, entertaining piece of TV which had slid away into the hinterlands of what I laughingly call my memory, and which I’m pleased to be reminded of...

        2. TheProf Silver badge

          Sorry to contradict you but

          The Beiderbecke Trilogy was an ITV production.

          Produced by those Yorkshire TV types.

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Re: Sorry to contradict you but

            My apologies - correction noted.

        3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          'Beiderbecke Tapes'

          Barbara Flynn!

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Ahhhhhhhhhhh

          2. JimboSmith Silver badge

            Barbara Flynn!

            Who I first saw in the equally brilliant

            "A Very Peculiar Practice" by the great Andrew Davies.

          3. bobbear

            Ahhhhh indeed - she's back in "Kate and Koji"

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "Maybe this 5g rubbish has been created to identify gullible idiots"

        It only needs an extra twist - that those so identified will be denied treatment if they catch the virus. Get that one circulating and it should end the rumour PDQ.

        1. Huw D Silver badge

          What's PDQ got to do with it? Perfectly reasonable app for software rollouts!

        2. NeilPost Bronze badge

          Surely the Anti-5G brigade will also be Anti-vaxers??

      3. Col_Panek

        I have no idea why that article is labeled satire.

    3. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

      There have been plenty of anti 3G/4G/5G campaigners for as long as I can remember now..

      Browse YouTube for it, there's plenty of people sleeping in foil lined sleeping bags with a signal strength meter to confirm they are "safe" .

      There have been some...vaguely plausible lab tests on rats, that may have highlighted something to do with 3G and heart nerve failure / cancer (with the suggestion the heart is quite sensitive to EM waves, not an appalling hypothesis), although frankly I didn't read the study properly and I'm not sure the results had been replicated, certainly not on humans AFAIK. For those tests I think they used max power 3G for 9 hours a day.

      To be honest though, browse the YouTube videos, it's quite clear these people are fringe lunatics and/or quite gullible, some are stoned hippies, often trying to sell 4G signal detectors and similar crap.

      If you want a 5G "conspiracy", I'm sure GCHQ will love the increased accuracy of 5G location tracking, but that's more to do with having more antennas.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        > If you want a 5G "conspiracy", I'm sure GCHQ will love the increased accuracy of 5G location tracking, but that's more to do with having more antennas.

        Also, 5G specs allow far more individual devices to connect to mast, making it suitable for swarms of connected sensors and gadgets (' Internet if Things). Older cellular protocols carried a large overhead for each connected device regardless of how little bandwidth it required.

        Valid cancerns about the erosion of privacy due to 5G are what some highsreet anti-5G campaigners fell back on after I remonstrated with them last year. It's just cretinous that they use an argument with no merit as a back door to bring attention to a valid privacy issue - they're just muddying the waters and damaging by their association important issues (conversations about society and privacy, climate change etc) that actually do have evidence behind them.

        1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

          The truth is way out there!

          Also, 5G specs allow far more individual devices to connect to mast, making it suitable for swarms of connected sensors and gadgets (' Internet if Things). Older cellular protocols carried a large overhead for each connected device regardless of how little bandwidth it required.

          People are slowly waking up to the risks. First we had attempts to control and modify human behaviour via toxoplasmosis-

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis#Society_and_culture

          Which although achieving widespread infections, failed to fully achieve the goals of providing a good host, ie provision of food, shelter and broadband connectivity. However, infection and behavioural modification had more success amongst radio network professionals, mainly due to the ability to utilise those radio networks for command and control. It is no coincidence that these are described as 'cell networks', supporting cellular communication and the further spread of memetic virii.

          Toxoplasmosis is also known to increase risk-taking behaviour amongst the infected, however this is typically denied by CCP 'fact checkers'. It should however be unsuprising that cellular networks enable infected hosts to be controlled and directed by cellular devices. This has had some issues, such as the number of hosts and colonies lost due to inattention and interfacing with fast moving objects. This may be an artefact of using a cat vector, and an inherited behaviour.

          As cellular networks have advanced however, additional features have been implemented that allow better host tracking and positioning via cellular protocols, and bi-directional transmission via carrier waves. Most importantly, features such as-

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dying_gasp

          Provide colonies with an ability to signal an emergency, and potentially flee their host. 5G is simply a logical evolution in cellular and sub-cellular behaviour enabling wider transmission and communication. Typical hosts remain unaware of this manipulation thanks to successful misdirection efforts, notably IPv6 (Infection Protocol, Viral stage 6). Hosts are lead to believe that the billions of addresses are to support an 'Internet of Things', not realising the things are the ability to support hundreds of sub-netted colonies within a single host. Again it should be no suprise that this was championed by cellular networks.

          Current events should also be no suprise given 'social distancing' provides protection to hosts, and demonstrates the sophistication of command and control capabilities of already infected hosts to direct behaviour of others for their own 'well being and safety'. Law enforcement hosts have been directed to locate and eliminate saboteurs so that 5G networks can continue deployment.

          All of this should be obvious to any serious researcher given the preponderance of evidence from various beta programs and simulations such as 'The Sims', which allowed colonies to test various host behavious. There have also been various optimisations utilising host-generated systems. A notable example being the spread of 'apps' such as Instagram. This was named in honor of colonies of gram negative/positive pathogens that have managed to direct hosts to spread data. Some wonder why so many images are mundane/inane, but if you think at the bacterial/viral scale, these images allow vast quantities of data to be embedded via steganography. This also explains why cellular devices have consistently 'improved' image resolution and size so that colonies can more easily share the antics of their hosts.

          It's all simple really..

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "There have been plenty of anti 3G/4G/5G campaigners for as long as I can remember now.."

        And all propagated by means of whatever it was they were campaigning against last.

      3. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        There have been some...vaguely plausible lab tests on rats

        My personal conspiracy theory is that lab rats agree amongst themselves to die from whatever would be best for humans. The little bastards are out to get us!

      4. chuBb. Bronze badge

        It made me laugh hard in my parents village the same people who campaigned long and hard against tetra mast and thus a 3g base station as well, were the same demanding 4g coverage, and FTTC, guess there stupidity is only thwarted by there brats hitting puberty and being insufferable shits without social media or some other crap the kids like.

        They all looked liked stunned cows when you point out that the WiFi and boosters they cant live without, led bulbs and microwaves all emit more EMR than being stood 50M away from a mast.

        That or turning think of the children on its head, by going "yes i know, poor lambs depreived of internet and forced to slum it on the slow tubes like a 2nd class digital native"

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          The real killer argument in these cases is to point out that using a mobile phone involves putting a radio transmitter right next to your head to transmit to the mast and that the further you are away from the mast the more that transmitter cranks up its power.

    4. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

      PS for a giggle, this was a video a friend sent me a few months back. Check out his upgraded "anti 5G" Glastonbury bedroom.

      https://youtu.be/jL9PISqLqUc

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Bloody hell! I wouldn't be able to sleep through all that racket either! Having said that, I could have saved him £700 us by taking that noisy toy away from him so he could sleep more easily.

        1. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

          £850 of tinfoil... Shaped into his own grounded Faraday cage bedroom..

          His bed might be more valuable than his van!

    5. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
      Facepalm

      This stuff isn't new. Power lines, TV transmitters, WiFi, etc.

    6. Dave 126 Silver badge

      > Maybe this 5g rubbish has been created to identify gullible idiots by some Cambridge Analytical type company. Who knows?

      Russia Today ran a few disinformation spots last year linking 5G to health concerns. I can't find RT's article*, but RT was reported on by the BBC and the NY Times.

      The MO of RT is to not to convince you of any one narrative, but just to spread uncertainty and doubt. So, searching for 'Russia Today 5G' brings up a headline about how the boxer Amir Khan believes that the Coronavirus is manmade and is designed to test 5G.

      Useful idiots all over the damned place.

      1. c1ue

        As opposed to say, National Inquirer type newspapers, social media etc?

    7. Wade Burchette Silver badge

      Do those people believe the earth is flat too? Or that vaccines cause autism? Or that the moon landing was faked?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Sadly, yes.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Undoubtedly. Because they read it on Facebook. On their mobile phone. It's only ignorance than saves them from needing an irony bypass.

      3. KarMann Bronze badge
        Facepalm

        To expand slightly on AC's previous reply:

        Sadly, yes.

      4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Or that vaccines cause autism?

        Probably, of course, they're the same people who will be at the front of the queue when a vaccine for Covid-19 becomes available. And, they will also see no irony in complaining about mobile phone masts and at the same time bitching about poor signals…

        People are just fucking idiots!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "[...] of course, they're the same people who will be at the front of the queue when a vaccine for Covid-19 becomes available. "

          Not necessarily. Those people are often prepared to sacrifice their children's health in support of their dogma. Human beings have trait of instinctively fearing things without properly evaluating the relative risks.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Their children's health in the face of a not obviously present problem is one thing. Their own health and possibly life in the face of a very obviously present threat is another.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              "Their own health and possibly life in the face of a very obviously present threat is another."

              IIRC Jeovah's Witnesses will refuse blood transfusions as it is against their dogma - even if it guarantees they will die by that refusal.

          2. AlbertH

            They are also the first to howl when their children aren't allowed into kindergarten or infant school because they haven't been immunised.

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Lets clear this up.

        The world isn't flat because cats would have knocked everything off the edge by now.

        Vaccines don't cause Autism because we already have a good idea what causes Autism and all the theories point to before birth, e.g. genetic.

        However the moon landings were fake because they didn't bring back any cheese.

        1. phuzz Silver badge
          Trollface

          "However the moon landings were fake because they didn't bring back any cheese."

          Clearly you've not watched the documentary "A Grand Day Out".

      6. hammarbtyp Silver badge
        Gimp

        "Or that vaccines cause autism?"

        Well at least we now know what a Vaccine free world would actually look like.

        Fun isn't it

        (That's me in a face mask of my own design)

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Surely it's the other way around: Autism causes vaccines

          People in scientific professions more likely to show autism

      7. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Or that the moon landing was faked?"

        According to my apparently intelligent thirty-something neighbour there is no such thing as evolution. Her god created everything as it is. Apparently official dogma of the Jeovah's Witnesses.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          >Her god created everything as it is. Apparently official dogma of the Jeovah's Witnesses.

          Undeniably true, what's more God created everything last thursday with all her memories in place along with the dinosaur bones

  2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    I think I can see how this confusion has arisen

    Corona discharge is a well-known phenomenon associated with high-voltage systems. The word that people are erroneously grabbing hold of, and linking with 5G is "ionisation".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I think I can see how this confusion has arisen

      A nice idea but far too complicated for these morons.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I think I can see how this confusion has arisen

      These are the same people who've caused the sales of corona beer to go down...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well that's just peachy, it's like people who've seen the "centennial recurrent plague of the '20s" meme have decided to rekindle other traditions, starting with destroying their own radio infrastructure ;).

  4. MrMerrymaker Bronze badge

    The boss at worked asked me

    If I thought this was right, with his voice all sombre and timid.

    I did the only decent thing one could do in reply, which was laugh into his face, the idea so warped & dumb it tickles

    1. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: The boss at worked asked me

      My boss, an IT guy gone managerial, used to (when we were still working at the office) routinely unplug the wi-fi AP over his head because he "didn't want radiation around him like that". I've tried to reason with him but utterly failed, as expected. So I just plugged it again when he wasn't around.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: The boss at worked asked me

        "an IT guy gone managerial"

        Yes, I can see from your story that he had the appropriate talent for a move like that.

      2. chuBb. Bronze badge

        Re: The boss at worked asked me

        Id just drill the led's out with a 0.5mm drill, or if poe, trim the tab back on the rj45 to make it a locking one.

        If i really wanted to annoy the fool, i would build a cantennah and point it at them.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The boss at worked asked me

      Yeah, got a load of flat earthers where I work. These are highly intelligent engineers but still they are gullible as fuck.

      One of them still will not drink milk here in the UK in case it might contain Chernobyl fall out from 1986!!

      One of them does wear a hat (foil lined) because you never know!

      One of them now believes in these 5G masts spreading the Corona Virus and has asked to be moved in the office so he can't see the nearest mast 200m away and therefore be safe...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The boss at worked asked me

        Our milk does contain Chernobyl fallout. And a lot more from the atmospheric detonation of hydrogen bombs by the US.

        What exactly is the discipline of these "engineers"? Website antipattern design?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

    Dreamt up in the fevered imagination of some minor non-tech party official.

    It's the Thin Edge of the Wedge to soften us up and to justify bringing-in Censorship to stifle and shutdown independent News Reporting on Social Media so that only the Official Approved version of Events is propagated.

    Propaganda pure and simple. Don’t Feed the BorisBots.

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      > ... independent News Reporting on Social Media ...

      Yeah, rrrright.

    2. Twanky Bronze badge

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      Is that you AMFM?

      1. gerdesj Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

        It's either our favourite martian or Bob's caps lock key has given up at last and he has to use shift like the rest of us.

        1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
          Alien

          Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

          Compared to the Scare Capitalization used in the message I replied to Bob's screaming all-capitals appear outright civilized to me.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      Propaganda pure and simple

      Not really. Anyone with any sense knows that the Coronavirus is punishment from God for legalising abortions and same sex marriages, well at least according to DUP councilor John Carson, who somehow also seems to think he's Noah.

      And anyway, if you think that the frequencies used in 5G transmissions spread the virus, there's a foolproof way of curing yourself using a 50Hz frequency generator that we all have in our own homes! Get 2 teaspoons and grab hold of the spoon end, one in each hand. Then, making sure that the power switch is on, push the handles into the lower 2 holes of the nearest mains socket...

      Simples!

      1. My-Handle

        Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

        I think you might have the wrong comments thread. These kind of suggestions are usually reserved for BOFH comments :)

      2. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

        And an SNP MSP (btw I do generally support the party living in this neck of the woods) is encouraging more people into churches! Is this a suicide wish - given the probable ages - or a conspiracy to remove older people from Scottish society? Anyway, my Mum (who is a regular goer for one reason or the other0 was forthright - "bugger that for a game of soldiers - the eejit". Actually she was ruder but I thing even El Reg might not appreciate the language.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

          '...or a conspiracy to remove older people from Scottish society?'

          Well, considering the SNP twitler youth and their pals in the Greens would dearly love to see a purge of the oldies from society in general as they see them as being the major obstacles to the planned fuckwittery that they'd love to impose up here by diktat..you might have a point...

          ...but then, the idiot you're talking about here doesn't exactly strike me as being a natural supporter of that shower and their nonsense..

    4. Filippo

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      In my experience, any text that has Scare Capitals is 100% bullshit. I have yet to see a single piece of text, no matter the medium or the author, that violates this rule.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

        But that can't be right! After all, President Trump almost always uses the Scare Caps in his Tweets!

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      In Sweden the instigator turned out to be a 64 year old fruitcake. Contrary to what some people think, we have plenty of ill-informed poorly educated people with a desire for self publicity even in the best educated countries. And the UK is no longer that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

        "Contrary to what some people think, we have plenty of ill-informed poorly educated people with a desire for self publicity even in the best educated countries."

        It is not as simple as that. The human mind will believe whatever it wants to believe. I went to a examination selective Secondary Technical School in the 1960s - theoretically choosing the crème de la crème of local young minds. Established by the 1944 Education Act the STS gave a broad 12 to 18 education with a bias towards providing science and technology professionals for the modern world.

        In theory they were secular - but obliged by English law to have daily Christian acts of worship. The headmaster seemed to support that line too.

        The senior music teacher also taught RE and was a church organist. A newly qualified young Chemistry teacher was a Salvation Army trombonist. There was an after-school Student Christian Movement club - run by the Biology teacher who was a Methodist.

        One head boy went on to university and became a CofE bishop. At least one other peer became an Anglo-Catholic vicar.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

          You do know that the Roman Catholic Church, the CofE and the Methodists all accept modern physics and biology, and indeed the people who founded geology and realised the implications of the fossil record were ordained Anglican clergymen?

          I went to a university where it was not uncommon for 1400 people to turn up for the Sunday evening service at the largest church. The university of Rutherford, Turing, Hardy, Bell-Burnell, and a few other familiar names.

          Christianity is the background noise of Western civilisation, and until recently the cultural presupposition. It may be woo in its core tenets, but it has a certain intellectual rigour. It's difficult to escape the conditioning. Despite atheism, I really didn't escape it until my 40s, when I started to get to know people from Japan and India and suddenly understood cultural relativism.

          The human mind doesn't only believe what it wants to believe, but what it has been so programmed to accept that it doesn't even think about it. And that's where you get conspiracy theorists, because someone has told them that a lot of what people believe has no proof, but they then proceed from that to "nothing people believe is true" and are then completely receptive to nonsense.

          Ill-informed, poorly educated people lack a framework of knowledge and are prone to believing self-contradictory things because they don't understand that they self-contradict. As an educated Catholic remarked to me only a few weeks ago, "most Catholics are totally lax about dogma these days." (And, as a result, probably don't even know their Church employs actual scientists.) If you don't understand how microwaves interact with the body, you may believe people who tell you they get in and wreck your immune system. But if you are educated enough to understand in a general way how civilisation works, you will be more content to believe that other people like you, in other disciplines, are as conscientious and as concerned for the welfare of others as you are.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

            "[...] and realised the implications of the fossil record were ordained Anglican clergymen?"

            That was the time when only Anglicans were permitted certain privileges in English society - like university education, public offices, or becoming MPs. Clergyman were often from wealthy families with little in the way of clerical duties. Ordination was a natural progression of a university education.

            Even in England in the 1950s it was necessary to profess the Christian faith. All the primary schools in our catchment area were run by religious organisations. Even our secular secondary school had a separate daily assembly for the apparently small number of Catholics. Most of the latter group usually went to the Catholic secondary schools.

            Declared atheist pupils were unknown - or at least expected to conform quietly to the law ordained Christian worship practices. I refused to be confirmed at 14. In the VIth Form I was elected to high office in the school's Student Christian Movement on an atheist platform. The times were changing.

            A cousin married a CofE vicar. In old age she was horrified to find I was an atheist. She said she couldn't countenance any of her many children not following their parents' faith.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

            "But if you are educated enough to understand in a general way how civilisation works, you will be more content to believe that other people like you, in other disciplines, are as conscientious and as concerned for the welfare of others as you are."

            Any human society is a hierarchical cooperative - much as other primate groups are. Unfortunately the apparent concern for people's welfare often masks the imperative to be in control of a tribal group. That is achieved by offering privileges, protection, rewards, benefits - backed by threats of ostracism from this social group that forms your identity.

            Nearly all our local big supermarkets have a particular food bank's collection point. Only on doing some research do you find that the organisation distributing the food is an evangelical Christian cult. Their declared prime directive is to enlarge their congregations with members constrained by their dogma and shibboleths.

    6. Rob Crawford

      Re: The whole story smells of being a False Flag effort

      Actually to me it smells of cabbages, the sort who claim to suffer from EMS, anti vaxx and the lack of a mostly spherical earth

  6. Dan 55 Silver badge

    In other disinformation news from Michael Gove

    UK discussed joint EU plan to buy Covid-19 medical supplies, say officials

    So, now that Gove has dismissed it, it's probably gained more credence.

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: In other disinformation news from Michael Gove

      From that article: "Last week Downing Street claimed that it failed to take part in an EU scheme to source life-saving ventilators and other kit to treat coronavirus because it accidentally missed the deadline."

      Under normal circumstances this would be incredibly funny.

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: In other disinformation news from Michael Gove

        What was so stupid was that an explanation "we don't think it will help" would have been both adequate in the circumstance and pleased his Brexit supporters. Lying about emails going missing was just feckin incompetent!

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: In other disinformation news from Michael Gove

          "just feckin incompetent!"

          That's what happens when you do things yourself. He should have taken expert advice.

    2. Smooth Newt Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: In other disinformation news from Michael Gove

      It is ironic really, that a man who has made a career out of spouting dangerous nonsense, like "the day after we vote to leave we hold all the cards", now seems to object so strongly to it.

  7. macjules Silver badge

    The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

    Every time I see the slimy little man on TV I have the immediate urge to go and wash my hands for 20 seconds.

    1. Twanky Bronze badge

      Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

      Wow! You like him that much?

    2. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

      He's the reason I go home with airline sickbags from any flights I have. They're handy for those sudden moments where he's on the radio or pops up on the TV.

      Thankfully I read this article on the loo so no need for one on this occasion, and I'm mercifully close to the toothpaste for when the retching stops.

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

        No real comment other than the observation that two people who sympathise with Gove visit these pages!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Boffin

          Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

          Probably "Sarah Vine" looking for something to be outraged about. Or someone else on the Mail doing a search for anything that could put a positive spin on "5G radiation is interfering with our body fluids!"

          Mind you, I haven't got coronavirus (yet) and we haven't got 5G yet so...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

      It's crazy all this hand washing, I've even started doing it after going to the toilet.

      1. Twanky Bronze badge

        Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

        Well, toilet paper is hard to get these days.

        1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

          Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

          The Daily Mail is still being printed I believe.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

            You would allow the Daily Mail anywhere near your reproductive organs? Unless you first have your butler iron it on a high setting, you are braver than I am.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

              Reminds me of my mother many years ago saying she didn't even want her chips wrapped in the News of the World newspaper.

              The general problem with newspaper for bumf is locating the continuation square when you find an article interesting. You don't usually lose much from the nail hole tear - although the more sophisticated threaded the sheets on a piece of string. I think the reason you no longer hear people whistling is that it is a lost necessity. In childhood it was too dark if you closed the toilet door fully - and too far away to put your foot behind it as a back stop.

          2. Lotaresco Silver badge
            Boffin

            Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

            "The Daily Mail is still being printed I believe."

            The Daily Mail causes cancer of the anus. The ink is carcinogenic.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
              Windows

              Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

              Well, of course! We've known that for years. Why else did they ban Fish'n'Chip shops from using newspapers as wrapping?

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: The good thing about Michael Gove is ..

                "Why else did they ban Fish'n'Chip shops from using newspapers as wrapping?"

                Yet our council still advises wrapping kitchen waste in newspaper before adding it to the collected compost bin.

  8. stuartnz

    It IS a conspiracy!

    In my view, 5G IS a global conspiracy - one designed to entirely exsanguinate wallets, leaving its victims feeling weak and woozy as they wonder what the hell they have to show for jumping on the latest voyage of the Planned Obsolescence Express, aka HMS Emperor's New Clothes. I ain't wasting no perfectly good tinfoil protecting myself from 5G, I'll use it the way The Cosmos intended, for making chickens extra crispy.

  9. I3N
    Pint

    Globex Corporation

    We, the members of the mmWave Department of Globex, are proud to announce the successful completion of our mmWave COVID-19 virus delivery system. This achievement has been made possible by exploiting several zero-day flaws in Huawei 5G equipment.

    Hank Scorpio sends his regards and hopes that the West Coast will enjoy the new order.

    Regards,

    Hank Morgan

    Chief Program Scientist/Director of Technical Staff

    ps: I've told Hank that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers should not be under consideration. Hope he understands and that the San Diego Chargers would be cooler. That lightning bolt helmet and all.

  10. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    I've talked to people who've said that they actually believe that the 5G 'rays' suck the oxygen out of the air. And then I've seen stuff where people believe that the whole thing was engineered so that when we get the vaccine, it won't be a vaccine at all, but little 'GPS Chips' that are activated by 5G!

    This 5G nonsense has been around long before the coronavirus outbreak. People believed that there were 5G satellites destroying the ozone layer, that the rays destroy your haemoglobin - and any sort of nonsense you could make up.

    These are the same sort of people who, in medieval times, though that so-and-so became ill because some woman didn't go to church when the moon was full, and happened to have a black cat, so they burned her as a witch. It's a medieval mindset exacerbated by gullibility, having too much time to think, and being scared. I'm not defending them at all, but knowing the reasons why could lead to a way of curbing this dangerous nonsense and nipping it in the bud.

    I know people who do bizarre things like turn their routers or mobiles off at night, so this stuff is more widespread then you think.

    1. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
      Angel

      Apocalypse soon ...

      "... burned her as a witch ..."

      Alternatively the pandemic would be seen as a punishment sent by some deity for the unacceptable behaviour of the population at large.

      Such visitations could be countered either by the villagers undertaking some farcical aquatic ceremony, or in the case of high-ranking members of society, showering endowments on to the local priests and their church.

      The outcome was generally the same.

      Smarter people would however send the local priests to intervene on their behalf ...

      "Look I think it would be better if you went and had a word with Thor yourselves as you keep telling us he listens to you. The top of the sacred mountain looks like an ideal venue for this - the storm clouds are already gathering there. The rest of us will watch you from down here.

      Oh and don't forget to take your ceremonial twenty-foot bronze spears of office with you."

      1. ibmalone Silver badge

        Re: Apocalypse soon ...

        Actually, people are kind of doing that too. I don't know any 5G nutters (I think, mental note to ask on FB and remove those who are...), although I have genuinely seen deranged posters up in the wild, but what I do see are people who think this is somehow the planet's way of taking revenge on us for stuff (global warming, pollution, eating meat, whatever personally annoys you). While I'm sure this is all quite good for the environment, that's just not how disease works, and this new-age-pseudo-karma I've even seen from people who are otherwise pretty scientific in their outlooks.

        (If disease worked that way then you'd really have to wonder what the hell tasmanian devils did to deserve the transmissible face-eating cancer, or what any number of invertebrates were doing to bring cordyceps militaris upon themselves.)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apocalypse soon ...

        "Alternatively the pandemic would be seen as a punishment sent by some deity for the unacceptable behaviour of the population at large."

        Which is the stance by some politicians and religious people/groups even today. Shifts the blame to some innocent party - and give themselves licence to impose their religious dogma by law or force.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What's bizarre about turning your router and mobile off at night? I don't see any point in them consuming energy when I'm asleep and therefore have no need for them.

      1. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

        Some ADSL/VDSL services interpret turning a router off as a possible fault.

      2. doublelayer Silver badge

        "What's bizarre about turning your router and mobile off at night? I don't see any point in them consuming energy when I'm asleep and therefore have no need for them."

        That's not bizarre. What is bizarre is people turning them off some of the time because they think they are dangerous. It's already bonkers to think that they are dangerous after so many tests, but if someone was convinced that they were dangerous, they shouldn't have them turned on at all. It's like saying "I know that driving without a seat belt faster than the speed limit with my lights turned off is dangerous, so I'm only going to do it twice a week instead of three times.". Even the nutcases don't believe their nonsense enough to do what would be warranted if their ravings were true.

    3. TheProf Silver badge

      Hicks

      "having too much time to think"

      We don't approve o' that kind o' talk in these here parts, stranger. Folks might get to thinkin' you wus anti-Renaissance or somethin'.

    4. Conundrum1885 Bronze badge

      Re. Turning off phones at night

      Actually this is a good idea, as it extends battery life slightly.

      Heat is the main enemy of Li-ion and letting the phone cool down once a day

      means it has 8 hours where the battery isn't at >45 degrees so factoring in a 5% reduction per Celsius over its recommended operating temperature means the battery life should be roughly 15% longer

      If the switch is rated for 10,000 cycles then the chances are the phone will run out of battery life before the switch fails.

  11. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

    I think the crazies got a bit over-excited when the China rollout of 5G was followed a few months later by coronavirus.

    They've checked though, the regional footprints of 5G/coronavirus do not match.

    1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
      Holmes

      There's also..

      The whole thing that 5G was being tested in London 2 or 3 years ago (in Canary wharf IIRC) and there didn't seem to be a sudden outbreak of virus laiden bankers around (well... Any more than normal at any rate, and certainly not COVID-19. I still wouldn't recommend going within 2 meters of them though, you never know what else you might catch instead).

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: There's also..

        you never know what else you might catch instead

        A cocaine debt, followed up by an encouragement visit from Big Vinnie.

  12. Twanky Bronze badge

    'mobiles off at night'

    hmm, not as daft as it sounds. I know people who can't change the sound settings on their phones - no matter how often they're shown how. They are the sort of people who turn their phones off so that they don't get woken up when the latest insincere 'we're here for you at these difficult times' e-mail from their bank or supermarket arrives in the wee small hours.

    Edit: dammit. this was supposed to be a 'reply' to anthonyhegedus' post

    1. Fred Dibnah Silver badge

      Re: 'mobiles off at night'

      I sleep in the same bed as one of those people. In the end she had a choice: turn the bloody thing off or I'll throw it out of the window. She chose option one.

      1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: 'mobiles off at night'

        Did you consider option 3: Throw her out the window?

        1. BebopWeBop Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: 'mobiles off at night'

          I think you would need to understand the relative competence of the parties. I would not, even in a moment of extreme madness consider throwing my partner out (would I dear?) - that way extreme hardship lies - probably on the ground below the window.

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Re: 'mobiles off at night'

            My body that is!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 'mobiles off at night'

        Enjoy this YouTube video.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JnV1va4jO0 about isolation options.

  13. Mongrel
    Trollface

    Personally...

    I'm convinced all this 5G conspiracy nonsense will disappear once the new, 5G capable, iPhone is released

    1. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

      Re: Personally...

      It will be an *exclusive* conspiracy then - problem solved.

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Personally...

      I think it should be pointed out that drilling through the pre-frontal lobes of the brain with a 10mm bit in a cordless Back'n'Decker, will make anyone immune to the effects of 5G radiation.

      It can be self administered in the comfort of your foil lined home.

      1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

        Re: Personally...

        > ...drilling through the pre-frontal lobes...

        The way these people "argue" strongly suggest they have done that already.

        1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

          Re: Personally...

          Can't argue with stupid. They'll drag you down to their level, then beat you with their experience.

  14. Pontius

    Nothing changes...

    Any monkeys left in Hartlepool?

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Nothing changes...

      All the monkeys moved to Westminster...

      Someone applied the idea of infinite monkeys being able to write shakespeare to government IT projects.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmm..

    Jan 2019: 'Veganuary' little celebrated and flu deaths slightly raised.

    Jan 2020: 'Veganuary' hyped, many try this time, some convert, most revert. Tesco launches veg/vegan range in Feb. Covid-19 hits.

    It's an attempt to kill off meat-eaters, vegetarians who don't fully embrace 'the cause' and bandwagon-jumping 'vegans' who happily went back to Burger King in Feb.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about this plague? Rumours say it's worse than ever.

    Now we've found out about the rats, we'll never have plague again.

    They say that a rat a day keeps the plague away.

    No more plague in our lifetime!

    Time to ingest that Galaxy S20.

  17. _LC_ Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Either the work of goons for a competitor or goons "for your own protection"*

    This is standard practice. There's a demonstration with thousands of people demanding better payment? Throw in a few people, who then set cars and shops on fire while yelling that Satan is their master. Soon people will dissociate themselves from the movement.

    This is somewhat exaggerated, but in core how it is effectively done.

    ---

    *"for your own protection", a.k.a. don't question anything we do or blame on COVID-19

    1. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

      Re: Either the work of goons for a competitor or goons "for your own protection"*

      As much as I love conspiracy theories (real or imaginary), it is more likely the Fire brigade reported some arsonists had genuinely set fire to 5G masts, whether it was bored teenagers or hippies is irrelevant if the journos think it makes a good story.

      1. _LC_ Silver badge

        Re: Either the work of goons for a competitor or goons "for your own protection"*

        We had such "seemingly unmotivated" arsonists in the neighborhood... until they caught one of the firemen "in flagranti".

        1. low_resolution_foxxes Bronze badge

          Re: Either the work of goons for a competitor or goons "for your own protection"*

          It is surprisingly more common than you'd think, especially for minor fires.

          They get this in Italy with temporary fire wardens, they only get paid for when there's a fire, so they go and set light to a bin in a field somewhere and report it.

  18. Lotaresco Silver badge

    Millimeter wave auto-immolation?

    All human bodies emit W-band millimetre waves. That's how the security scanners at airports can scan bodies for concealed weapons. The scanners work at 94GHz which being a bigger number than 60Ghz should be at least 50% more scary. By climbing into a foil-lined sleeping bag these people are reflecting the radiation back into their own bodies. Maybe we can start a scare story that anyone wearing tinfoil roasts themselves from the inside out with scary millimetre wave radiation?

    This is reminding me of a visitor to our home which is close to an Italian nuclear research laboratory under a mountain. Obviously this is very scary because it's concealed under a mountain in best Bond villain style. Although the big signs in the road tunnel pointing to the laboratory are a bit of a give away. The visitor asked what they did there. I said it's a neutrino detector and it is used to detect neutrino beams from CERN. Then the visitor asked what happens to the neutrinos? Oh I said because of the curvature of the earth they go back into space, although given the location of our home they travel through our house on the way out. Visitor had a major panic attack. Fainted. Left the house the same day. Result!

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Millimeter wave auto-immolation?

      Left the house the same day.

      You mean he went outside where his body would be subjected to cosmic ray cascade showers, increased solar radiation and the same neutrino flux as indoors? Damn. I hope he didn't forget his tinfoil hat and lead sunscreen.

      1. Lotaresco Silver badge

        Re: Millimeter wave auto-immolation?

        "You mean he went outside where his body would be subjected to cosmic ray cascade showers, increased solar radiation and the same neutrino flux as indoors?"

        Actually the funny thing is that the visitor was Australian, but they left in such haste that I could not tell them about the Arkaroola Hot Springs, that have very high natural background radiation and high radon emissions. Not only that but they live in a high radon area in NSW.

  19. Dr_N Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Correlation

    I'm sure the Venn diagram for 5G-scaremongers, anti-vaxers, and chem-trail believers is just one big cicle.

    This is what you get when you spread statements like, "People have had enough of experts." Sow the wind ....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Correlation

      And then they choose him to tell us to listen to the experts. They can't provide coronavirus tests but they can certainly extract the urine.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Correlation

      You've selectively quoted what Michael Gove said in order to change the meaning.

      The actual quote was “I think the people in this country have had enough of experts... from organisations with acronyms saying that they know what is best and getting it consistently wrong."

      1. Dr_N Silver badge

        Re: Correlation

        Sarah Vine is in the house!

      2. BebopWeBop Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: Correlation

        And government ever since has done its level best to ignore ALL sources of knowledge and analysis in favour of their ideology. Until they really are in the shit and finally realise it can not be blamed on the EU or lazy British workers.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Correlation

          Not true, they have been very careful to follow advice from economists at think tanks with the word "liberty", "market" and "heritage" in the name.

          Playing economic think tank bingo is a fun game. Guessing which words in their name mean they think the poor should be turned into fertilizer

      3. JimBob01

        Re: Correlation

        While you are absolutely correct, the mis-quote is more well known/used by people of all political persuasions.

        I guess this is one of the consequences of living in a post-truth reality.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I sh** you not

    A fellow IT worker believes this 5G B.S and thinks the worlds elite want us minions all dead so they can have the planet for themselves. So my counter argument is this/ So with no serfs who is going to do their menial task such as getting their food and wiping their backsides for them ?

    A. They would have to fend for themselves, which quiet frankly they are not going to do...

    These are the loonies who thought that travelling on a train would be dangerous, or if you sailed past the horizon you would fall off the edge of the world.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: I sh** you not

      <quote>

      These are the loonies who thought [...that if]... you sailed past the horizon you would fall off the edge of the world.

      </quote>

      No, but you might end up in France, which is worse.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: I sh** you not

        That would have been more funny if France was actually over the horizon.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I sh** you not

      It was "Dr" Dionysius Lardner who claimed rail travel would be dangerous (travel at 30mph would force the air out of your lungs...don't ask about wind speeds.) But follow the money, he was probably being paid by the stagecoach and canal interests.

  21. Dr_N Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Be Scared

    Just check out the most-upvoted comments on other less technical websites for Corona Virus related articles:

    Apologies in advance for posting a hate-site link:

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8189779/Bill-Gates-calls-coronavirus-pandemic-nightmare-says-240-000-Americans-not-die.html

    1. _LC_ Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: Be Scared

      You realize that it's their turf, right?

      1000 up-votes != 1000 people

      They can lead you around the nose with a hand full of people this way. ;-)

      1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Be Scared

        > 1000 up-votes != 1000 people

        After browsing the top dozen of "best rated" comments it indeed appears to be just one guy talking to himself. How very familiar.

        Mind bleach -------->

  22. David Shaw

    high frequency vibrations cause pandemic[1] - headline

    [1]which is b0ll0cks, obviously.

    the headline in fact should be

    pandemic causes less vibration frequencies [2]

    [2] https://www.unilad.co.uk/science/current-pandemic-is-making-the-earth-vibrate-less-scientists-say/

    what with road traffic at maybe 1% of normal levels, air traffic at 40%(?) and much industry sloughed, furloughed, there must be lots of interesting research to do, on background levels of all sorts of things ... we still have quite high PM2.5 & PM10's here, probably pollen?

    1. Captain Hogwash
      Headmaster

      Re: high frequency vibrations cause pandemic[1] - headline

      Fewer vibration frequencies!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: high frequency vibrations cause pandemic[1] - headline

      >we still have quite high PM2.5 & PM10's here

      Cars today have very low particulate emissions (except in the vicinity of VW factories)

      NOx levels (from car exhaust) are definitely down here (N. America).

      PM2.5 & PM10 are mostly due to heavy diesel (trains, construction plant) and residential wood stoves - which are possibly up with everyone staying at home. It's still cold here away from the coast

      Posting anon because I work for government and the amount of disclaimers you need to post facts these days are unbelievable.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: high frequency vibrations cause pandemic[1] - headline

        "Cars today have very low particulate emissions"

        Apart from where there are speed bumps build too large to drive over at the signed speed limits so many drivers are accelerating and braking more often and more rapidly, causing all that lovely particulate pollution from tyres and brakes,

        As for the wood burners. Yes, we have someone in our immediate neighbourhood who is burning everything except relatively clean-burn seasoned wood. It stinks.

  23. SVV Silver badge

    Michael Gove has used a daily briefing to slam those advancing baseless theories

    Oh, it is far too early in the week even to be bothered to gently roll this ball into the open net..........

  24. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Trollface

    Just checking

    Not so long ago the TV frequencies were rearranged to free off bandwidth for mobile phones.

    Granted that this was mainly 4G, but as we have had TV around for ages, with usage ramping up since the 1950s, shouldn't we have developed herd immunity by now?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Just checking

      But until recently the general public weren't exposed to such widespread broadcast idiocy.

      It may take a generation to develop immunity to dumb blondes on national TV

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Just checking

      "shouldn't we have developed herd immunity by now?"

      Don't you mean flock immunity?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Easy way to end the argument with the anti-5G mob is to ask them to explain the difference between non-ionising radiation and ionising radiation. Then tell them that ionising radiation is what damages DNA/body cells & UVA from sunlight is ionising radiation along with x-ray machines in hospitals, yet 3G/4G/5G/WiFi signals are non-ionising radiation at the complete opposite end of the EMR spectrum. Shuts them right up as they have no answer.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You mean you found some intelligent enough to understand that answer?

      Years ago I came across one of them pontificating about the dangers of nuclear reactors, and pointed out that the human body gets a constant radiation dose from potassium (about 5 000Bq). To which I got the answer that this was "natural" radiation which was harmless. Impasse.

      It would be nice if CERN could investigate the extension to the Standard Model involved in distinguishing natural and man made gamma rays and electrons, but I don't think they are going to.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "To which I got the answer that this was "natural" radiation which was harmless. Impasse."

        Next time, try mentioning natural radon gas emissions from the earth and see where that takes them. Or the variation in natural background radiation from granite areas and how the locals get higher doses than workers in nuclear power stations.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "Or the variation in natural background radiation from granite areas and how the locals get higher doses than workers in nuclear power stations."

          The build-up of radon gas in a building is a known contributory factor to some lung cancers.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    UK Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove

    that said, conspiracy theories aside, I don't trust him by default. The other day he said something along these lines:

    They want me to introduce those tests, but our studies have shown, that 3 out of 4 test results are false positives. [as one of the weasel excuses why he fucked up on testing, ppe, ventilators, etc. for so long] This would mean that, in 3 out of 4 cases, we would let infected people go out there and spread the infection.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: UK Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove

      This would mean that, in 3 out of 4 cases, we would let infected people go out there and spread the "infection."

      If 3 out of 4 are false positives, surely that results in the exact opposite to your conclusion?

  27. 0laf Silver badge

    I often like to point out to the mentally challenged the biggest source of electromagnetic radiation around. I will often add that this source has been proved to be dangerous causing illness and deaths in large numbers of people. It's a known cancer risk, causes burns and is even known to start fires, kill crops and have a massive effect on the climate. Yet no one does anythign about it and no one complains. It's a conspiracy. That bloody sun has to go.

    1. Gonzo_the_Geek

      Yeah, but for those who live in Northern Ireland, we've developed immunity.

      It's called living under an almost permanent raincloud.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        In 2018 we went back on holiday with our daughter and took the grandkids for the first time. After feeding them with stories about the weather it was glorious for the whole time except a thunderstorm on the last day.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

  28. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge
    Coat

    I have wondered if the Russians are behind this conspiracy theory. It would suit them to have westerners destroying their own infrastructure.

    Yes, I am aware that that's a conspiracy theory about a conspiracy theory.

    ( Mines the one with UFO's for Dummys in the pocket )

  29. Lotaresco Silver badge

    Conspiracy fruitcakes

    One of them tried to convince me yesterday that 5g causes ozone molecules to "oscillate" which prevents them from binding to haemoglobin in the blood Therefore people show the symptoms of coronavirus by choking for air. Even a ventilator can't save them because there's no way that ozone will bind to the blood cells while 5g is in use. He was very puzzled when I pointed out that we don't breathe ozone, we breath oxygen. Also all molecules "oscillate" at room temperature and if you want to stop that, you would have to reduce temperature to absolute zero.

    Meanwhile, he posted this as "proof" that the evil Telcos are engaged in a plot to spread coronavirus. Warning, very long, very boring, complete nonsense but possibly worth it just for the first few moments of someone trying to pretend that he is a "Vodafone boss".

    Former Vodafone Boss Blows Whistle On 5G Coronavirus!

    Sadly the fruitcakes believe this nonsense. It is, as Feynman observed, "cargo cult science".

    1. Lotaresco Silver badge

      Re: Conspiracy fruitcakes

      "Former Vodafone Boss Blows Whistle On 5G Coronavirus!"

      Curses, YouTube are removing this since it's fake.

      Here is another version of the same thing.

      I like "tektonology" and the fairy unicorn dust explanation of 5g.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Conspiracy fruitcakes

      "cargo cult science"

      At least the cargo cults believe that something beneficial is going to happen without them doing much harm otherwise. A justifiable belief possibly originating in the mysterious sudden influx of western goodies during the Pacific island hopping of Allied forces in WW2.

  30. NXM

    I'm going to start some rumours about 6G, just so I've got them in early. It causes terrifying symptoms of gullibility you know. Oh hang on, maybe that's 5G.

    1. _LC_ Silver badge

      Don't forget...

      to rob a bank and then blame it on those crazies. ;-)

  31. I am the liquor

    Edumacation

    Gove was education minister for 4 years, shouldn't he accept some responsibility himself for how stupid people are?

    1. _LC_ Silver badge

      Re: Edumacation

      Just a wild guess, but - what if they want them to be stupid?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Edumacation

        "[...] what if they want them to be stupid?

        They would have legalised a free hand out of soma. You know - something to let them sit passively when not doing drudge work. Oh....

  32. AmenFromMars
    Flame

    No 5G

    The irony is that the first five masts torched didn't even host 5G, not sure about the others yet.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No 5G

      Doesn't matter. When the good fruitcakes people of Glastonbury got the public wifi removed by claiming it was causing headaches and interfering with their chakras, it hadn't even been turned on.

      Then they went to Frome and persuaded the Council that 5G was likely to be harmful, and they were experts and qualified to say so.

      Experts in something.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No 5G

        It's worse on this side of the pond.

        We aren't getting 5G because some first nations objected and government scientists aren't allowed to say they are idiots because that would be racist. So we are now "dialoging with stakeholders".

  33. chuBb. Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    Irony

    My mother in law lives just down the road from the mast that was set fire to in brum, she called my misses on a vid call to show her the fire and waffle some illinformed shite about 5g, didnt have the heart to tell her that her new mobile she ever so pleased with is 5g, till the next day when the family tech support call came in saying her internet had gone slow, and she couldnt access the local 5g nutjobs facebook group :D

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Irony

      O. M. G. My condolences.

      That level of stupidity justifies spraying garlic on her. If you are lucky she'll explode because she really is an alien from planet zombie-brain.

      Hope -------->

  34. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    There's a lot to be said for letting them congregate in parks, have barbecue parties (but not on moorlands like the twerps on Winter Hill) or whatever and collect their Darwin awards.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Unfortunately it's not the idiots spreading disease that die.

      I would be rather annoyed if Knuth pops it before finishing volume 4 because some mouth-breather student decided to enjoy spring break in Florida

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I spent a couple of days writing a piece on why this is all a load of bollocks, not least because of the skin effect and how 5G isn't used at 60GHz other than for narrow beam back haul. Then I came across various papers on non-ionising radiation causing physiological effects, specifically related to the Calcium Ions that are used in our nervous system. See: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4930268/#b11-epj-08-2452 and https://mmrjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40779-017-0139-0 and https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3780531/ So, from a physics perspective the non-ionising radiation doesn't appear to be able to do any damage but some research is showing, for me, unexpected non-thermal side effects (both positive and negative). It would be really good to get someone with the right backgrounds comments on those papers and why the current recommended SAR's are OK or possibly not. What I can't stand is all the fake news and no one referencing actual research, math and science. Unfortunately anon due to job :/ Oh, and obvs 5G has nothing to do with covid. Spanish flu did fine without mobiles as someone said above. If death rate ends up being higher then it's more likely to be because we have an older population that has diabetes and the like. I like the comment about Canary wharf bankers not dropping like flies too ;)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      OMG

      I wasted ten minutes I won't get back again reading the first article in your post. To begin with I thought it was an April Fool. I am now unsure whether it is a deliberate troll to see what people can be persuaded to link to.

      "Abstract:

      Public and occupational exposure to electromagnetic fields due to the growing trend of electronic devices may cause adverse effects on human health. This paper describes the risk of mutation and sexual trauma and infertility in masculine sexual cell by mobile phone radiations."

      "In this study, we measured the emitted dose from a radiofrequency device, such as switching high voltage at different frequencies using a scintillation detector. The switching high voltage power supply (HVPS) was built for the Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography (SPECT) system. For radiation dosimetry, we used an ALNOR scintillator that can measure gamma radiation. The simulation was performed by MATLAB software, and data from the International Commission on Non-Ionizing Radiation Protection (ICNIRP) were used to verify the simulation."

      gamma radiation...non-ionizing radiation. Switching high voltage. Yeah.

      "Conclusion

      The results of this study and International Commission of Non Ionization Radiation Protection (ICNIRP) reports showed the people who spend more than 50 minutes a day using a cell phone could have early dementia or other thermal damage due to the burning of glucose in the brain."

      The conclusion bears no relation to the abstract (unless they are equating male genitals with the brain), "burning of glucose in the brain"!

      And then the Introduction goes on to state a number of things completely unproven and the article dribbles off into a mishmash of unproven assertions and statements such as "In this study, we measured the emitted dose from a radiofrequency device at different frequencies using a scintillation detector.", which is quite clever because, of course, radio waves of that frequency range are non-ionising and scintillation detectors are for ionising radiation.

      One of the references is to a "Power supply cookbook."

      I simply cannot be bothered with the rest, and now I don't know whether this post of yours is intended to be a clever troll (I thought it was all bollocks...but now I'm not sure...anon due to job.)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: OMG

        Ah sorry. Unlucky you picked on the power supply one first, that seemed the most dubious to me too. The others are possibly more interesting although I don't understand the biology of intracellular Ca2+! "Electromagnetic fields act via activation of voltage-gated calcium channels to produce beneficial or adverse effects" states 'In summary, the non-thermal actions of EMFs composed of low-energy photons have been a great puzzle, because such photons are insufficiently energetic to directly influence the chemistry of cells. The current review provides support for a pathway of the biological action of ultralow frequency and microwave EMFs, nanosecond pulses and static electrical or magnetic fields: EMF activation of VGCCs leads to rapid elevation of intracellular Ca2+,'.

        Now that suprised me as I wasn't expecting non-thermal actions, right?

        "Recent advances in the effects of microwave radiation on brains" , largely about rats as far as I can make out, talks about all sorts of effects.

        I know it takes ages to read this stuff so I don't blame you and I wasn't meaning to troll... I wasn't expecting non-thermal effects from such low power/SAR and wanted other people opinion.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: OMG

          You do realise

          "The current review provides support for a pathway of the biological action of ultralow frequency and microwave EMFs, nanosecond pulses and static electrical or magnetic fields: EMF activation of VGCCs leads to rapid elevation of intracellular Ca2+,'."

          is complete bollocks, don't you?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: OMG

            It has weasle words at the start of it. There are natural sources of ultralow frequency EMF, static and magnetic fields, as well as many human sources (altenators, things with coils, blah blah) what I'm after is WHY it's complete bollocks so when people go 'ah, yes, but look there are these papers showing that CA2+ is increased... blah blah [insert something about birds dying and random people pulling down a lamppost with weather station on it] blah blah, see, so we should burn down transmitters and only use mirrors and sunlight for signalling'. I was just hoping someone on here could debunk the articles talking about non-thermal effects in a critical way. It's cool if you don't personally know the answer or can't be bothered to articulate it.

  36. Nifty Bronze badge

    Next thing, they'll be saying that zoo animals can come down with CV-19. You couldn't make it up.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      That is rather different. All mammals have very similar biochemistry and cross-species infections are common (psittacosis, HIV, SARS etc.)

      Mobile phone transmitters do not, to say the least, share DNA or RNA, let alone cell biology in general, with people.

  37. Man inna barrel

    How to put up a radio mast

    Erect the mast, and install some boxes and cables, but leave out the transmitter equipment. Wait a bit, until the locals complain of headaches, rashes, canine dementia, or whatever. When the objections are taken to court, point out that there was no transmitter equipment installed at the time of the alleged effects. Case dismissed. Then install and switch on the transmitter.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How to put up a radio mast

      "[...] point out that there was no transmitter equipment installed at the time of the alleged effects."

      To which the plaintiff would probably reply:

      Ah - but the receiver function of an aerial would also attract and concentrate any radiation of that frequency.

  38. DDearborn

    Hmmm

    It is interesting to note what is not to be found in the response from either the government or commentators on this forum: a shred of scientific evidence that definitively proves that 5G technology is in fact safe to humans. (its not. In fact the frequencies/tech used by 5G have been incorporated into several weapons systems already) The reason for that of course is simple: 5G in its current implementation is a direct threat to human physiology. Dozens of independent studies have proven definitively that 5G is DANGEROUS to humans. So Dangerous that municipalities in Switzerland and other parts of the world are refusing to allow its use.

    This author and of course the British government's response (and many of the forum comments here) to allegations that 5G is connected to the Covid virus employs the age old Strawman fallacy. They have no choice because the connection between 5G and Covid 19 is as obvious as the nose on the end of your face. Again: the conclusion of many, many independent studies is that 5g indirectly attacks and weakens/destroys the human immune system on the cellular level. And a compromised immune system makes the victim a perfect target for death from Covid 19 Virus. Co-incidence that just as 5G ramps up a clearly weaponized virus is unleashed on the world? Probably, but then again I wouldn't bet my life on it........Neither will wealthy home owners all over the world who are using their power and influence to ensure that locally 5G towers like Cell phone towers before them, are no where near their homes and families...

    1. gnasher729 Silver badge

      Dear DDearborn, please point us to _one_ _real_ study. You realise that Samsung released a new phone just when Covid 19 started? So it's clear as daylight that Samsung phones cause it. Oh wait, Apple released a new phone at the same time... So it's clear as daylight that it's Apple phones causing it.

      I'll just quote Friedrich Schiller: "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain."

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The post above is precisely the kind of nonsense (unsupported lies,in fact) that the Government is asking social media to monitor and remove. I hope the Register will do so.

      Reading his 32 posts, I think he's simply a troll. He has anti-Clinton and pro-Trump posts, then suddenly decides Trump is put there by an Israeli conspiracy. He attacks the "deep state" and complains that we are being controlled by "small groups of people". 32 posts in 6 years.

    3. skelly1967

      HIV/AIDs, first identified 1981.

      Motorola DynaTAC 8000X.. came out in 1983.

      Plenty of pandemics before we started to use mobiles. https://www.visualcapitalist.com/history-of-pandemics-deadliest/

      5G for phones is 600MHz-4.7GHz (overlaps bands we've been using for decades for mobiles, terestrial TV, and WiFi). New bands at 26GHz-39GHz, not being deployed into at the moment for handsets.

      Only people like Facebook's TIP projects use 60GHz for back haul on narrow beam point to point connections (so no your phone isn't going to resonate all your oxygen away).

      It's all non-ionizing. Rayethon would love a death ray but all they can kill at the moment (unreliably) is drones with a freight container full of equipment. They have a giant directional microwave oven though for heating you up. That's a bit smaller.

      Coffee is also on the list of WHO possible carcinogens along with components that go into some dougnuts.

      Higher frequencies are safer because of the skin effect. Go read up some basic RF Science. The higher the frequency the less pentration (until you get to ionising photon energy levels).

      802.11n came out in 2009 and uses the 2.4-5GHz bands no doubt you think that caused Swine Flu and MERS?

      What about the Hong Kong Flue that killed 1M people back in 1968? Oh wait.. you MUST be trolling us.

  39. gnasher729 Silver badge

    Just followed a YouTube link and the nutter who produced posted something like "My Facebook account has been closed - if 5G was harmless and they had nothing to hide, why would they close my account?"

    Think about this logically. If 5G was _really_ there to spread coronavirus, that is produced by some powerful conspiracy with the intent to kill at least 10,000 people in the UK alone, they wouldn't have closed your account. They would have put you in a hole six feet under.

  40. Jamie Jones Silver badge

    Stop saying "There is no Evidence"!

    I know it's the right, scientifically sound way to say it, but the morons you are trying convince take such a term to conspiratorialy mean anything from "You guys haven't found the evidence that we have" to "obviously your fears are true - it's just no-one can prove it yet"

    Remember, these are the people who say that even scientists know evolution is fake, as they admit it's just a "theory".

    As grating as it sounds, you must say "It doesn't" not "there's no evidence that..."

  41. William1940

    Well, what really happened is that they had just installed a 5G base station above the small meat market in WuHan. The owner of this meat market was making a 5G phone call. The RF ionized the corona virus DNA, sent it to the mobile switching station, which in turn placed it a sequence of TCP/IP packets (5G after all does use TCP/IP for communication) and managed to broadcast it over the the WLAN. The problem here is the Chinese great firewall. But somehow they permitted these IP packets to spread world wide. Hmm ... Did I see a Dr. Who or Star Trek with a similar scheme? Blame it all on the IETF. What f**ng idiots.

  42. Roger Mew

    If someone says that 5G causes problems ask them if they voted for Brexit, their answer will of course then Identify them as to the likely hood of the response. I will leave you to add 2 + 2 and if they come up with 5 (G). Now for some sense, microwave links are sprogging all over the place and may actually be killing the Corona 19 virus. However the powers that be do not want you to know that. So being near a 5G mast could save your life. Now the reason the state do not want you to know this is that they need to reduce the number of people especially those that are taking money from the state. So mark those with medical problems, those of age, those of lesser income so less protection against the virus. Now if the governments can reduce the people that have problems and taking monies from the state then the country will be better off in the long term. So the fact that I have discovered that being in a microwave link will help protect you the state KNOW this and will not want you protected. Just think 10% of the population banged on the head, mostly those getting funding, house prices and need reduced, less spending on NHS, less on other things like pensions and so on. So.... I have had it, and am 74, have diabetes live IN a microwave link was hospitalized for the headache some 4 weeks before it was a pandemic, had sore throat, headache, sudden high blood pressure, breathlessness, stomach problems., eye problems, fatigue and so on and know who I caught it from and have been clear for some 2-3 weeks and did not have a temperature , all why was I so spared, yes I live in an a warranted microwave link. So the government WANT you to stop 5G as it may help you survive and they do not want that.

  43. Roger Mew

    Hi, I caught this ruddy virus here in France at the end of January long before anybody woke up to it. I caught it from our optician in Nozay, I did not have it too badly

    requiring hospitalisation for 24 hours at Chateaubriant at the beginning of February, BUT they never realised! I then had, sore throat taste problems tummy problems blood pressure problems breathlessness, stability problems, a cough and loads of phlegm like marbles, taste problems, eye mucous. I suppose I must have spread it all around Chateaubriant as It was not realised I had it being the beginning of February. I am well clear now it took several weeks to get better, so weak. I am 74, have diabetes and most importantly live in a micro wave link that affects electronic stuff. This link affecting our house has been confirmed by others and also I was originally an instructor in Radio, radar and electrical. Was this the reason that I did not suffer too badly.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the 1970s we had a programmer colleague who only worked a few months at a time to earn enough to periodically live in a well regarded New Age commune.

    Passing the place one day I popped in to see him. He gave me a guided tour - culminating in the large temple-shaped building still under construction . Apparently in the pinnacle was a special crystal suspended on gold wires. When completed the community would sit in the hall and their concentrated thought power would create enough electricity to become independent of the national grid.

    While I would like to think he was pulling my lag - there was enough other mystical dogma in that community to indicate otherwise.

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