back to article Stob's vital message to Britain's IT nation: And no, it's not about that

Your attention please. I bring a message to you, Britain's IT community, from High Command. Yes, that does mean all of you. I realise many are in the midst of an ongoing attempt to reconnect to the office. Please stop that. Tech support will be dialling back to you shortly. Meanwhile, please self-triage into 'Windows 10 and …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    The finger firmly on the pulse of IT

    Once again, Ms Stob demonstrates an iron grip on the true issues that beset us, to illuminate our minds with the understanding of the processes that grind finely to control our lives, while peppering the text with delicious jabs at chosen targets.

    Donald d'Orange. I love that.

  2. Alan J. Wylie

    My humble contribution to confusing phonetics

    A are / aisle / aubergine

    C cue / cede / canine / cereal

    E ewe / ewes / eye / earn

    F faze / few

    G gnome / genes / gneiss

    I Isle

    J jay / jeans

    K knot, knee, knight, key

    N not, night, nice

    P phase, phew

    Q queue / quay

    R rite / rye / rung

    S seed / serial

    U use / urn

    W why / write / wry / wrung

    Y Yews

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      You forgot:

      Z stripey horse

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      You could add the plural of eye: eyen and, of course, for I: iron.

    3. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      "F" as in "ghoti".

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        And "G" as in "Fish"

    4. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Some more for you consideration

      A aunty

      B bdellion

      C cthonic

      D djinn

      E euphamism

      G gnat

      H hier

      K knickers

      M mnemonic

      P pteranodon

      S sequin

      W wright

      X xylophone

      Y yggrasil

    5. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge

      I, like everyone else on here I am sure, had a few suggestions...

      C is for Chthonian

      E is for Eye

      G is for Cough

      H is also for Cough

      J is for Ianto

      L is for ... Nope. Can't do better than that.

      M is for Mancy

      P is for Phthalic

      Q is for Queue

      R is for Febuary

      S is for Semicolon (at least it isn't a complete colon)

      U is for Guilty

      V is for VVhat

      W is for Wrong

  3. Primus Secundus Tertius

    Truncated

    Verity, or the printer, has lost the last three letters of the famous platform ticket station. Oh 'ell!

    1. SVV Silver badge

      Re: Truncated

      It is unwise to disclose the full secret password to all and sundry. Haven't you seen Barbarella?

  4. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Coat

    Shirley

    P is silent in bathing

  5. Kevin Johnston Silver badge

    Options

    There is no F in Cod?

  6. Alister Silver badge

    The conventional method of transmitting characters by voice is to use the NATO phonetic alphabet: Sierra Tango Oscar Foxtrot, that sort of thing.

    Oh come on, why was that not Sierra Tango Oscar Bravo?

    Really...

    1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

      I was actually thinking Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

    2. deadlockvictim Silver badge

      I thought just the same thing.

      Have an upvote.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Him my name is Tim Peak, that's P for Psychology, E for Empathy, A for the Horse, K for Knife.

  8. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Mushroom

    What the hell is up with Skype now?

    Microsoft got hold of it.

  9. Jusme

    Ob. xkcd

    https://xkcd.com/257/

    "Bacofoil millinery faction" - stolen...

  10. Mr Humbug

    I thought it was

    A for horses

    B for mutton

    C for miles

    D for dumb

    E for brick

    F for vescence

    G for get it

    H for bless you

    I for the engine

    J for oranges

    and so on

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Re: I thought it was

      E for brick

      I thought it was R for brick

      1. Mr Humbug

        Re: I thought it was

        The version I remember is

        R for mo

    2. Frederic Bloggs
      Coat

      Re: I thought it was

      Some highlights in my 1st year at school were English lessons, where the English master had his own erm... unique set of phonetics. They usually came out after spelling tests, and included:

      A for antidisestablishmentarianism or sometimes Aloysius (master's family ghost).

      B for brat

      C for contrarianism

      D for dunce

      E for elephantiasis.

      ..

      I for Ignatius (name of his bike)

      ..

      N for nit

      If there was anybody else on here in 1B that year, perhaps they can fill in some of the blanks. Among this bloke's eccentricities was that he claimed that he had written a book about Finnish prepositions - and before any Finnish scholars out there take me up on this, I am already aware that there may be a oxymoron lurking in this sentence.

      And yes, you may have guessed it: O IS for oxymoron.

  11. Admiral Grace Hopper Silver badge

    Inspirational message

    We've set up an email support network for the women in the company I work for where we get a random name of someone to whom we send an inspiring or uplifting message. I'm running out of things to send, so I'm using that last speech as my text for tomorrow. Thank you for the pointer.

    1. deadlockvictim Silver badge

      Re: Inspirational message

      Have you considered plundering the works of P.G. Wodehouse for inspiring and uplifting messages? He is one of the uplifting authors I know of.

      Furthermore, in the spirit of Stiffy, Chuffy et al, you can suggest nicknames in the style of Wodehouse.

    2. imanidiot Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Inspirational message

      https://inspirobot.me/

      --> Tongue very much in cheek

      1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Inspirational message

        Or here:

        https://despair.com/collections/demotivators

  12. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Happy

    Classic Stob!

    Verily!

  13. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Facepalm

    But but...

    What about the poor spooks? They'll never be able handle such arcane communications.

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