back to article Xerox hopes wining and dining HP shareholders will convince them of takeover

A plate of oysters, followed by genuine Japanese Wagyu sirloin? Washed down with a bottle or two of Screaming Eagle Cabernet '92? These are just some of the levers Xerox may pull to convince HP Inc shareholders to cash out when it wines and dines them this week. It is not known which institutional HP investors have been …

  1. simonlb
    Stop

    One More Waffer Thin Share Sir?

    They should keep well away, otherwise there will be an almighty bout of indigestion once they realise just how hard it will be to pay off that $24 billion loan Xerox took on to take them over. It will be far worse than a private equity company doing a bit of asset stripping to get their pound of flesh.

  2. vtcodger Silver badge

    Hey, it's a free meal

    It's a free meal. And an opportunity to judge how qualified these financial geniuses are to conduct a really first class pump and dump operation on HP's stock.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hey, it's a free meal

      With a meal that size, its going to be a very large and smelly dump!

  3. Korev Silver badge
    Joke

    Visentin and Icahn, who owns more than 10 per cent of Xerox and almost 5 per cent of HP stock, reckon a combination of the two businesses will make them stacks of cash.

    FTFY

    1. big_D Silver badge

      I don't get the joke icon, shouldn't it have been Sherlock?

      Icahn't is the poster child for everything that is wrong with stock juggling these days.

      1. MyffyW Silver badge

        I was tempted to wheel out the Adam Smith quote about Joint Stock Companies again, but John Ruskin took possession of me (and very fetching he looked in my floral blue dress):

        "now, every fool in Xerox can be in HP, and every fool in HP at Xerox: which you think a lucrative process of exchange – you Fools everywhere"

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    HP - "He has put in place a restructure that takes costs out of the organisation" - ie sack people.

    Even if Xerox take over HP, what are the bets that the first thing they do is cull the workforce.

    Only those at the top will win - everybody else in the workforce will probably pay the price.

  5. sanmigueelbeer Silver badge
    Joke

    And to those who oppose?

    And those who oppose to the merger will be served "coronas"?

  6. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    If

    it all goes TITSUP and the value of HP gets written down, will xerox be suing HP for wire fraud and dodgy accounting?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If

      As is tradition.

  7. Aseries

    Desperation move

    The question is, who will buy up the remains of Xerox when the buyout fails.

  8. Denarius Silver badge
    Trollface

    got it all wrong

    Its not Xerox trying to borg HP. Its Autonomy, hoping HP will die. Someone called in a favor to start the process. After all, it worked for HP and EDS. Also the ruins of whatever CDX bought...

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Re: got it all wrong

      I like your thinking, Danarius! It all makes sense in that light - previously, I've been following this with a WTF expression on my face.

      An aside to El Reg - thank you for being one of the few news outlets that uses words like "loquacious", and correctly at that. Please keep revelling in the dusty corners of the English language.

  9. localzuk

    Still seems to be the wrong way round

    Xerox buying HP still seems to be backwards. HP should counter with an offer to buy Xerox.

    1. Frederic Bloggs

      Re: Still seems to be the wrong way round

      They are, after all, acknowledged experts in this sort of thing. With a long list of well judged and successful acquisitions over the last few years.

  10. MeekMark

    Dinner invite missing!

    I own a few shares of HPQ but I have not yet received my dinner invitation! I've checked my junk email folder; any clues? Maybe my name will be at the door.

    1. Hass

      Re: Dinner invite missing!

      HPQ is now HPE, this is HP Inc (the personal systems and printers side of the business since they split).

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