Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police

The UK's National Crime Agency has publicly distanced itself from a poster urging parents to call police if their child has installed Kali Linux, Tor or – brace yourself – Discord. Issued by the West Midlands Regional Organised Crime Unit (WMROCU) via local area councils, the poster in question lists a slack handful of common …

[xyz]

Maybe...

They're looking for cheap tech support but are too shy to say so.

[big_D]

Re: Maybe...

Yes, it is a recruitment drive:

VM tools - operators

Discord - emergency calls

Metasploit - data forensics experts.

TOR - Special Branch, they know how to cover their tracks.

/sarcasm

The icon is obvious.

[Crisp]

Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Act now for a 3rd glorious decade of law enforcement!

[Julz]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

You used the wrong icon. Fixed it for you.

[Ochib]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Red Dwarf surely and not 1984

[SotarrTheWizard]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Well, they're certainly smegging idiots. Probably even have a member of the Rimmer clan on staff. . .

[MrDamage]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

It would have to be A.J himself. From memory, the rest of the clan were all quite competent, intelligent, charming, and attractive.

[Graham Dawson]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Humble, too.

Smegging goyts.

[P. Lee]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

After calling on people "to check their thinking" and recording "non-crime hate-incidents" (on "criminal incident" forms) I think we can safely say its both.

[Chris G]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

And have Hacker on your child's resume for the rest of their life.

Because it's too time consuming/difficult/they don't know how to delete, to remove it from the record.

[Ochib]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

"And have Hacker on your child's resume for the rest of their life."

If they truly are hackers, then they shouldn't have a problem getting that deleted from their record

[SotarrTheWizard]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

What, it's not the "permanent record that will follow you throughout your life" that my elementary school teachers kept threatening me with ???

[Rich 11]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

You really should have returned your library books on time.

[Amos1]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

It turns out that my elementary school teachers were simply referring to the Internet almost three decades before it went mainstream.

[SotarrTheWizard]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Indeed. Ask Libby Hoeler. . .(evil grin)

[nerdbert]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Actually, my son has nearly every one of those tools on his computer, I know about it, and commend him for it.

He's actually taking courses at the local community college on network security and computer administration, as well as being a devout gamer so if he didn't have those on his computer, I'd be upset.

[jgarbo]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

But is he sharpening the bread knife with no bread in sight??? You have spawned a potential serial killer! Oh dear...

[Muscleguy]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

If a kid is competently sharpening a bread knife they are to be commended for excellent skill. Bread knives are serrated causing a sharpening challenge. Ironically the better quality knives with bigger serrations are easier to sharpen than cheap ones.

But then that’s how it as the bottom of many cutting tools. Buy a plastic handled hardpoint hand saw and throw it away when it gets blunt since you can’t resharpen it anyway.

Also a bread knife would make a TERRIBLE serial killer tool. Aside from being useless for stabbing and for slashing work it would get stuck. Really only useful for dismembering the body though a green wood saw (a metal frame saw, big teeth) or a heavy cleaver would be better. I have both and my cleaver is deathly sharp as well. I have a really good quality bread knife too inherited from the eldest’s chef partner. I sharpened it.

BTW the curve on the cleaver blade and the sharpness means it’s excellent for chopping herbs holding the blade rather than the handle. I probably use it more for that than dismembering dead things.

[Kiwi]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

BTW the curve on the cleaver blade and the sharpness means it’s excellent for chopping herbs holding the blade rather than the handle. I probably use it more for that than dismembering dead things.

But.. Arent't the herbs rather dead once you've harvested them, and isn't the act of chopping them up dismembering them?

[jake]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

"Arent't the herbs rather dead once you've harvested them"

No. Most herbs stay alive for quite awhile after harvesting, and can easily be rooted to clone the original plant.

Incidentally, if you prefer the rocking action for chopping herbs, look into purchasing a mezzaluna, an Italian tool which is designed for just that. You might also find it under it's French name, hachoir. They sell 'em in one, two and three blade versions, but I only use the single bladed one for ease of sharpening and cleanup.

[ds6]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Right proper chef to ignore a joke and talk about more culinary tools.

I always thought it looked like he was eating a burrito.

[Huw D]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

They always reminded me of a rudimentary Bat'leth

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

it’s excellent for chopping herbs

We have a mezzaluna blade for that. Also useful for cutting pizza..

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mezzaluna

[macjules]

Positive Diversions

I have just spent days teaching my eldest daughter (aged 12) how to use Kali with Metasploit and Postgres to run PenTests on websites. I suppose now I should teach her something boring like Python, although judging from that advert I suspect I could be arrested for encouraging a 12 year old to play with snakes.

[Khaptain]

Re: Positive Diversions

" I could be arrested for encouraging a 12 year old to play with snakes."

Maybe need to rethink the usage of that phrase on a public website....

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Positive Diversions

Think of the chi.....Oh hang on. Don't do that.

[ds6]

Re: Positive Diversions

Can't stop me, thought police! I'm wearing tinfoil!

[macjules]

Re: Positive Diversions

I might add that a 12 year old girl just pen-tested a local estate agent in Chichester, demonstrated where there were fixable failings in their Response Headers and where there were injectable breaches in their Wordpress CMS WYSIWYG fields.

They have offered her £1000 to fix their website.

I am one very happy and very proud father indeed, so kindly take note West Midlands anti-internet police force.

[Wayland]

Re: Positive Diversions

Surely this is just the type of skill West Midlands Police want to clamp down on. How can you be sure she won't turn bad and use this skill to rob Lloyds Bank? Shoulda kept her dumb.

[Around120Days]

Re: Positive Diversions

I don't suppose you have a link for a guide how to do that. I'd like to know myself.

[big_D]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Erich Honecker would be proud.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

As would Erich Mielke.

[fajensen]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Everything done shoddily and and on-the-cheap: STASI would pay their informants!

[Wayland]

Re: Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Even if these tools were totally illegal use then it would still be immoral to call the police on your child. At least talk to them about it and see if you can resolve it without calling the cops.

Typical police though, want people to snitch to give them some easy arrests.

[knarf]

I told my Dad I use Kali

He's in his 70s and after an hour explaining what Linux was he call the doctor instead for some better tablets.

[Aladdin Sane]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

I went to school with a girl called Kali.

[monty75]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Did you have any luck with penetration testing?

[Aladdin Sane]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Alas, I did not.

[SotarrTheWizard]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Quite the firewall and intrusion protection. . . or you simply didn't raise privilege enough to access her resources ???

[Cynic_999]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Needed more RAM

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

There's a pill for that now...

[MyffyW]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

As a child I wanted to be Cally. Or Jenna.... or in any case stick it to the Galactic Federation

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

In my youth I was all for Soolin. As I got older I really fancied Jenna.

However, as I matured and went into IT I was a sucker for ServerLAN.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

I could go with Cally, but I'd be thinking of Jenna.

[hplasm]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

"I went to school with a girl called Kali."

How many arms did she have?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "How many arms did she have?"

Eight arms to hold you.

Or was that Kodi rather than Kali. I get them muxed ip.

[ds6]

Re: "How many arms did she have?"

After demuxing your statement, I have deduced that you may have gone to a school for tarantulas.

[bombastic bob]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

"I went to school with a girl called Kali."

yeah she was "all hands" right?

[MachDiamond]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Dance, Kali, dance.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

I'm 68 and I use Kali, it's a great operating system and fun when I have to go to the doctors office and sit in the waiting room for an hour or too. The literature out there tells you that, as you age, doing things with you brain is very helpful - sure, I like crossword puzzles and Scrabble but playing Kali is much more fun.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

You might want to investigate the 'escape room' games, such as 'The Room' (1,2,3 and 4).

Apparently they are working on a PSVR version of the game - can't wait as Statik was really cool and I definitely want more.

[baud]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

I only played The Room 1, it was pretty cool, but it was more getting inside a box than escaping a room.

[SotarrTheWizard]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

4 was interesting: layers of a dollhouse. . .

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Overall I think I prefer #3, although 4 was definitely interesting.

[NATTtrash]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

Oh crap! Sir, do you realise you just raised the alert level to RED for our defenders of public safety and well-being?!

WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? Now we don't have to only fight those pesky, rebellious, nonconformist youngsters, but even our pensioners, who turn out to wear hoodies in the homes for the elderly, outside the range of our facial recognition cameras (*OS* Hello!), conspiring on the DarkNet!

[Wayland]

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

With the Coronavirus pensioners can now wear masks as well as hoodies. You won't be able to tell the Kali users from the Coronavirus carriers.

[Aladdin Sane]

I play rugger with a few of the local plod, I shall now take the piss out of them more than usual.

[Rich 11]

And in response they'll kidney punch you in the scrum more often than normal.

[Aladdin Sane]

They're my team mates, so... probably.

[hplasm]

Is a punch in the scrum-

worse than being picked up by the fuzz?

[Korev]

Re: Is a punch in the scrum-

Fair Cop Guvnor

[Paul Crawford]

Re: Is a punch in the scrum-

Ah, so that is why the shot that Brazilian, no pubes to pick him up by!

[CAPS LOCK]

They walk amongst us...

...and by 'they' I mean stupid naive politicians, law enforcement and self appointed busy-bodies. I think I'll get some of those special glasses that you see in the documentary 'They live!'.

[Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse]

Re: They walk amongst us...

And if he were still alive, put them all in the ring with rowdy Roddy Piper for a few rounds and see how they all fare...

[Gary Heard]

Deep do-do

I'm not a junior and I'd be in deep do-do with the list presented there, as would my 13yo granddaughter who knows how to spin up a VM because I've shown her how to. At least I'm not in the West Midlands.

At the latest count there are 5 VirtualBox VM's on my home PC and 4 KVM VM's on my laptop

[Jimmy2Cows]

Re: not in the West Midlands

I am. Running a bunch of different OS in 4 Hyper-V VMs on my work machine here at home. Does that make me some kind of subversive deviant? (Feelings about Hyper-V aside).

Granted that's not the same master-criminal league as you, though. I bow to your evil genius.

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Deep do-do

4 KVM VM's on my laptop

I have about 10 VMs running under KVM on my server at home.. (mix of Windows server, FreeBSD and various flavours of linux).

[Anonymous Coward]

The obvious result of this

I didn't have an installation of Kali Linux on my machine. I do now.

(Well, OK, I have a BT client pulling down an image so I can play with it.)

[Version 1.0]

Re: The obvious result of this

You'll learn a lot. But the poster they released is excellent evidence that shows why the police are incompetent at catching hackers, malware delivery and bank fraudsters. They simply have no idea about the difference between bad actors and modern technology.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The obvious result of this

I probably won't: I've slightly lost count of the Linux VMs I have currently, and I suspect I'm not interested enough in the details of the sorts of thing Kali lets you do to spend much time on it, even if I should be.

But the point is: I have it now, and I bet a lot of people (children even) also have copies who otherwise would not have done.

[ds6]

Re: The obvious result of this

You're at the shop with your 9yo daughter and upon happening along this poster, you ask your daughter: "Honey, what's a Kali? Is it a kind of drink?"

Your daughter idly remarks you will not be given supper this evening.

[Jimmy2Cows]

Re: difference between bad actors and modern technology

They have no idea, and they don't want to have any idea. Learning about stuff takes time, effort and gets in the way of blanket labelling and the crusade against anyone not toeing the "hacker" line.

[Wayland]

Re: The obvious result of this

Yes that's quite an informative list. It will certainly get people interested. Maybe the police are promoting those tools to give them some easy arrests in future.

[Anonymous Coward]

"If you see any of these on their computer, or have a child you think is hacking, let us know so we can give advice and engage them into positive diversions,"

Any child with that list of software on their computer is more likely to be able to give plod advice.

[a_yank_lurker]

That assumes the local plods can understand the advice. Given what they listed I doubt any of the plods knows anything about computer security.

[MyffyW]

In fairness to the boys and girls in blue they are probably too busy getting hit or puked on by random members of the public. This may well have come from a civilian member of staff.

[tiggity]

And a lot of the "girls in blue" are busy suffering varying levels of sexual harassment / discrimination from some of the "boys in blue".

This comes from someone who knows several (ex) "girls in blue" that quit due to the toxic environment faced as a woman (& was even worse for the non white woman I knew who quit)

[The Nazz]

There are of course exceptions. I know first hand from two serving female officers and one of my best female friends who has recently retired from the force,they are far more likley to use the word "opportunities" rather than harrassment. Couple of weeks back, the youngest of them was quite openly laughing about it.

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't think that we can blame the police for being underfunded, overworked and unsupported by the Tory government austerity program for the last 10 years. The utter lack of support for the police by the Tories is just an attempt to keep the crime rate up so that the Tories get reelected by claiming to be the law and order party - fact is they are the boor and order lunch party.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

While 30years ago under Thatcher they were well paid/funded and models of community engagement and cultural sensitivity

[TimMaher]

Yeah. Ask any miner. Or any minor for that matter.

Did I miss the snarkasm tag?

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

A comment on t'reg that mentions thatcher, wots tha think ?

[CrazyOldCatMan]

cultural sensitivity

The SPG just *loved* minorities..

[Anonymous Coward]

"This may well have come from a civilian member of staff."

Who may have been a police officer working in the back room - who was "let go" as part of cuts. Then re-employed after the minimum statutory waiting time - as a civilian to fill the same role. Makes sense - they have the legal background and the institutional "close ranks" ethos.

[Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse]

When I was young...

When I was younger I had a beaten up old Ford Cortina. Presumably as someone somewhere had also once used one in a bank robbery then that model of car should have been banned or confiscated as well?

Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

[Dr Dan Holdsworth]

Re: When I was young...

It's this internet thing, it is simply deadly to everything!

https://folk.uio.no/joakimt/tull/cake.html

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

EVERYBODY harbours Jews :)

[Jeffrey Nonken]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

I married one, so... Quite so.

[theblackhand]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

Not me!!!!

I'm too far from the sea.

[jake]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

How can you be far from the sea in Blighty? Is there a single point in the UK that is more than 70 kilometers (call it 45 miles) from a body of water that experiences ocean tides? From here to Bodega Bay is about that, and I go there for lunch fairly often ...

[tfewster]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

Close - it's 70 miles

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coton_in_the_Elms

[jake]

Re: Whatever next in the UK... reporting our neighbours for harbouring Jews?

Ta for the name. A little poking around turns up this link (BBC, SFW) from 17 years ago.

That's entirely too close for my initial estimate to be nothing more than a WAG ... I must have read it somewhere and my lizard hind-brain dredged it out of the depths. What is it that they say is the first thing to go?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: When I was young...

Only if they are members of the peoples front of judea.

[Jimmy2Cows]

Re: When I was young...

Fuuuck off!!! It's the Judean Peoples' Front.

[Muscleguy]

Re: When I was young...

Back when we lived in London one of the porters in the institute told us how it was when he used to get stopped and often arrested for ‘Driving while Irish’. For obvious economic reasons he drove an old banger and would often be pulled over for checks on it and as soon as he opened his mouth it was ‘step out of the car NOW’.

On a couple of occasions he was whisked off to the nick for questioning with his car, keys in the ignition (no he could not claim them and lock his vehicle) left on the side of the road.

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: When I was young...

I had a beaten up old Ford Cortina

As was traditional. I suspect a large cross-section of people able to drive in the 1970s and 1980s probably did. If only because they had nicked them by opening the doors with a penknife..

[Anonymous Coward]

And if accompanied by Bitcoin wallet apps

Then they're not hacking, they're buying drugs.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: And if accompanied by Bitcoin wallet apps

Just pray they don't have a webcam as well.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: And if accompanied by Bitcoin wallet apps

If they're using Bitcoin, they're doing it wrong and should be grounded. Tumblers can be deanonymised now. They should use Monero.

[RM Mynez-Arefzlash]

Re: And if accompanied by Bitcoin wallet apps

Maybe that's what the article's penultimate paragraph meant by "snark aside".

[The Nazz]

Re: And if accompanied by Bitcoin wallet apps

Or indeed selling.

[Adam Foxton]

Wasnt this a spoof?

Way back in the mists of time...

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2002/01/11/is_your_son_a_computer/

[VicMortimer]

Re: Wasnt this a spoof?

And of course the full story: https://web.archive.org/web/20190721034849/http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called " xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install " lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

[Warm Braw]

Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

They have a lot to catch up on.

As it happens, ROCUWM are recruiting. Linux is significantly absent from a list of required skills that does, however include:

Highly competent in the use of Microsoft packages, advanced skills in Microsoft Excel

so at least we know how reliable the crime statistics will be. The successful applicant will also be expected to have experience of working with covertly obtained products, though, so perhaps Microsoft need to do a licence audit...

There's another counter terrorism job on offer which says the force aims to maximise the potential of people from all backgrounds through a culture of fairness and inclusion and immediately after that marriage to, or cohabitation with, a person who isn't a British citizen after appointment may, in some circumstances, result in the withdrawal of security clearance and ... dismissal. Cognitive dissonants welcome, presumably.

Every day I despair a little more.

[Electronics'R'Us]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

Given that in the USA (at least) applicants to be plods can be rejected for doing too well on a test, I am not that surprised.

I started out doing machine code and assembly (it simply doesn't get lower level than that) and I would expect this lot to consider someone who understands the internal operation of microprocessors in great detail to be a threat to be reported.

So if the kids have microcontroller starter kits (great for learning about the internals) are they to be reported as well?

I sense an ID ten T error here.

I also share your despair over completely uneducated idiots trying to make themselves look as if they actually know something; in this case they have just shown the world just how stupid they really are.

[Someone Else]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

I started out doing machine code and assembly (it simply doesn't get lower level than that) [...]

Well, there's always micro-coding bit-slices....

[Phil Endecott]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

> micro-coding bit-slices....

Micro-coding bit-slices! Pah. We just had a soldering iron and a box of resistors and capacitors in our hole in t’road.

[jake]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

A soldering iron? Luxury! We used wirewrap and relays ... and we liked it! It was an upgrade from the beads on sticks that out forefathers used. Try telling that to kids today ...

_{The funny thing about the above paragraph is that it's actually true :-)}

[Will Godfrey]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

You had a soldering iron?

All we had was wires we had to twist together... and we had to draw the wires by hand from copper ingots.

P.S.

Ingots our dad had forged from raw copper ore.

[Aussie Doc]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

Ewe 'ad wires?

Looxury.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

My transistor radio kit in 1961 was supplied with 8BA nuts and bolts to connect wires and components together. No breadboard - either figurative or literal. Then I progressed to soldering - heating the large copper tip in the living room's coal fire.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

>applicants to be plods can be rejected for doing too well on a test

That's why they don't have Border Collies as police dogs

The MoD plod have German Shepherds because one of the team has to have an IQ > 60

[Rasslin ' in the mud]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

I'm unfamiliar with the concept of "unsafe convictions" which appears in the first sentence of the linked Wikipedia article (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_failed_and_overturned_convictions_involving_the_West_Midlands_Serious_Crime_Squad). Does that refer to a guilty verdict for someone who has the wherewithal to do harm to the judge/jurors? I figure it's a product of the British Orwellian Government Uninformed justice System (BOGUS) but my lack of familiarity with your culture forces me to ask.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

It refers to a small number of convictions where the West Midlands Serious Crime squad obtained a false confession from somebody after their arrest

This was strictly against their normal policing procedure - which was to write a confession first and then arrest somebody of the appropriate colour later

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

This poster should help them get together a list of suspects in advance of any major hack, it will speed time to close the case.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

Essential skill requirement:

"interpreting and simplifying complex datasets"

With Excel? :O

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful

Why Not? Key Management Skill is to have minions beat the crap* out of any given dataset and distill everything into one PowerPoint slide with five PKI-Wheels on, where Three of them Shall BE Green!

The task is not dissimilar to producing an Illuminated Manuscript - except the durability of the modern version is much lower!

*) Complex == Crap, Data that goes against 'The Truth' == Crap!

[Martin Summers]

Fantastic, I need a copy of this poster to put up at home so I can point to it when my Discord using teenager is being a pain in the ass. Seriously though, I do wish my boy knew how to use all of these off his own back, I'd be quite proud. Unfortunately past gaming he doesn't take an interest.

[Version 1.0]

Give your kid a WiFi Pineapple to play with and their cell phone use security will shoot sky high and they and their friends will learn how the world tracks and hacks everyone's phone while leaving no traces.

[fajensen]

You never know: People can do a lot of supposedly very hard things if the motivation is there.

My young teenage son and his slacker friends had a period where they were busy building levels for CounterStrike, managing to use the swine of a compiler which came as part of the development kit (which ONLY a developer would love). None of that lot had any ideas of computer programming or SDK's but they could do program and compile levels because they wanted to game hard enough.

[JakeMS]

Yikes

Does that make me a criminal?

I have a virtual machines both on servers and my PC! Oh no!

And oh my god! I also have Kali Linux which is used for checking my own systems! Oh no!

What have I become?!!!

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: Virtual Machines

Aren't all those lovely cloud instances that you have on Azure or AWS basically Virtual Machines.

Quick. Close down Azure and AWS!

[Chris King]

Re: Yikes

So, let's see...

I'm with AAISP, so static IP's and an unfiltered internet connection...

I've got various VPN accounts and Tor on at least one machine...

I've got multiple VM's including Kali...

I use encryption at rest and in transit...

That probably makes me a criminal mastermind in their eyes, and only missing a dormant volcano hideout or a Legion of Doom.

Icon, because even a fictitious Victorian detective would have more luck finding real cybercriminals.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Yikes

"I'm with AAISP, so static IP's and an unfiltered internet connection..."

AAISP advise their customers that they cannot guarantee that their bulk link supplier is not snooping up-stream. Also their lawyers have advised them against a canary tactic if they are ever coerced to permit monitoring.

Consequently they advise you should take end-to-end security measures.

[Chris King]

Re: Yikes

Indeed, they're one of the few ISP out there that still treats their customers like adults - but that also means you have to take responsibilty for your own security and not rely on them to look after you,

I like that, because it means I can choose and use my own router/firewall to protect myself, and not rely on a some cheap, nasty ISP-supplied device.

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Yikes

few ISP out there that still treats their customers like adults

As does Zen. Who supply me with an unfiltered line. Which is why I have two firewalls..

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Yikes

I've got multiple VM's including Kali...

And I host my stuff on a VM running Nextcloud on my own server! I'm a rebel, me!

(And, naturally, host my own emails on my own server - and have done since the late 1990s.. Qmail, I love you)

[Someone Else]

Re: Yikes

What have I become?!!!

Smart?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Yikes

"What have I become?!!!"

If you calmly grab yourself by the scruff of the neck, take yourself to the nearest Police station and hand yourself in.

With good behaviour, you'll probably just spend a weekend in the holding cells until someone works out why you're there on Monday and tells you to go home. At worst, the may assume you have some sort of mental illness and make you a white van driver.

[Chris King]

Re: Yikes

Hey Blofeld, is this your cat ? ->

(The icon will have to do, it's got ears and fangs, and most pissed-off cats look like they're possessed anyway)

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Yikes

is this your cat ?

No - I don;t have any red cats. (Or Red Hats).

(I do have one full ginger, one ginger-'n-white, one calico and one tortie though. And two blacknesses and a lone brown-tabby-and-white. I keep telling t'missus that we are missing a few colour combinations and we need to get more cats but she just keeps telling me that we have enough cats. As if that's a thing!)

[AndyMulhearn]

Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Do you know someone that owns a knife?

if so, call 999 immediately as they may be on the verge of becoming a knife murderer.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Or maybe making lunch.

[GrumpenKraut]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Why not both!?

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Perhaps... they are murdering lunch

Time for a post lunch/pre pint walk.

[jake]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

"Perhaps... they are murdering lunch"

I harvested a dozen chickens this morning.

[EvilDrSmith]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Well, Meat is Murder.

Quick - eat the evidence.

[TheProf]

Theft

"Meat is Murder.

Quick - eat the evidence."

Wonderful! Bacon all round.

[wegie]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

...Why not both!?

Him indoors christened the drop-forged carving knife and meat chopper he bought for me "murder weapon" and "skull splitter" respectively. I suppose I should let up on the hints that I'd really like a hot composter for my birthday...

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Why not both!?

Hmm.. long pig..

(Wanders off humming 'you can't eat people' by Flanders and Swann)

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

>Do you know someone that owns a knife?

Except this is more like, do you know anyone who has some iron ore

[jake]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

I've got about 100 pounds of black sand from Lake Superior leftover from a couple forging projects.

[Will Godfrey]

Re: Do you know someone that owns a knife?

So! You have equipment likely to be of use to a terry-wrist then. Off to jail with you now!

[Anonymous Coward]

urging parents to call police if their child has installed

I'm sorry, but there is not number to call. I can't call 112 or 999 because I'll get bollocking (and rightly) so. And I can't be arsed to wait 30 min or more on a 12 p per minute non-emergency number. These are the only two options to call police in the UK in 2020. Oh, well, I guess there are some "police" numbers (most probably outsourced) that deal with rape, terrorism, domestic violence, etc. On the other hand tor = piracy = terrorism...

[JohnG]

Re: urging parents to call police if their child has installed

You can call 101 to have a chat with your local constabulary.

[Terry Crisp]

Re: urging parents to call police if their child has installed

You should use the new number - 0118 999 881 999 119 725... 3

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: urging parents to call police if their child has installed

Strongly worded e-mail may be better.

Fire! Fire!

I'd like to report a fire in the vicinity of..

wait, perhaps that's too aggressive.

[Arachnoid]

Re: urging parents to call police if their child has installed

Shirley in these days of social media it easier to post it on their facebook or Twitter page to get ignored by them but laughed at by everyone else

[Waldorf]

He's not a hacker.... He's a very naughty boy!

[wolfetone]

Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders pretends to be from the WMP.

"No hacking. No hacking. No f**king hacking. No Hacking. NO F**KING HACKING."

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders

Pretty hard to hack when you are lying in hospital with no eyeballs..

[wolfetone]

"Engage in to positive diversions"

Like they did with the Birmingham 6 and Hillsborough inquiries?

[AIBailey]

"There are many tools which tech-savvy children use...

...some of which can be used for both legal & illegal purposes,"

So almost any software development tools are right out then, as they could be used to create all manner of nefarious tools.

Or yet another calculator app.

"Tools" could even apply in a literal sense to things like screwdrivers and hammers. If my kids can use a screwdriver to open a PC case and change a graphics card (they can), should I also assume they will go and commit an assault with it as well?

[steelpillow]

Well, blow me down me hearties!

Here I am living in the West Midlands. But I am reading a news item that a judge just smacked down coppers for interfering with freedom of speech, by interrogating somebody who is alleged to have tweeted criticisms of certain rainbow gender stuff, and remarking "In this country we have never had a Cheka, a Gestapo or a Stasi. We have never lived in an Orwellian society." Can it be that reporting and interrogating those who download and install perfectly legal software might fall under the same cloud?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: parallel universe

Parts of Lincolnshire are relatively well known for existing in a parallel universe. The one you mention is presumably one where these words were never uttered by a very senior judge:

"Just consider the course of events if their action were to proceed to trial… [...] If they won, it would mean that the police were guilty of perjury; that they were guilty of violence and threats; that the confessions were involuntary and improperly admitted in evidence; and that the convictions were erroneous… That was such an appalling vista that every sensible person would say, ‘It cannot be right that these actions should go any further’.”

Can you tell who it is yet?

[The Nazz]

Re: Well, blow me down me hearties!

From the BBC : https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-51501202

Interestingly, the Judge also stated that whilst the investigation itself was unlawful, the police were justified in RECORDING his tweets as being a hate incident. From a complaint made by a single person.

Shame, as i quite liked his mammal, fish comment.

[steelpillow]

Re: Well, blow me down me hearties!

Having now seen a follow-up news report I should just like to make it clear that I do not endorse ignorant, bigoted and nasty-minded twerps in any way, shape or form, I just don't think they should have their human rights abused any more than their hate targets should.

[Nick Ryan]

Re: Well, blow me down me hearties!

Quite reasonable.

What's scary at times is that even pathological cretins like Farrage and Ree-Smogg may say something sensible and reasonable on occasion. Obviously it neither validates nor justifies the vile bile that they come out with normally but if one's stomach is up to it, it's worth listening just in case there is a valid point, or a point of view, to consider.

Except Trump, of course. Trump is purely about Trump and nothing else. :)

[lafnlab]

Moral panic

I worry that my local police department may be getting ready to create a moral panic. What can I do as a concerned citizen? Should I be concerned about their use of Photoshop? Is there someone to talk to about engaging them in positive diversions?

[Dwarf]

All corporations are in trouble now then

I expect you will be hard pressed to find a single company that doesn't run virtual machines (locally or in the cloud); has a VoIP based phone system; uses PEN testers who use such Kali and Metasploit. I expect that some even have peer to peer messaging like Skype, Slack and Teams (rather than Discord)

What a bunch of muppets. It makes you wonder where they are getting their guidance from. I just hope they are not paying for it.

[Anonymous Coward]

Graphic design fail

For me, the worst thing about that poster is that they've used a ROCU logo image with neither a transparent background, nor any margin around the edges...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Graphic design fail

Given that they seemed not to have had permission to use the other logo maybe they just right-clicked and downloaded a JPEG from a web page. I've seen that quite a lot. I have had to do it myself when pleas of "if you want me to include your logo you will have to provide it to me in a suitable format" are returned as "sorry I don't understand".

One of the things the children picked up quite early on when doing searches for images to include in the interminable number of presentations they have to do at school is to add "png" as a search term as that more often than not turns up images with proper transparency.

[un]

Re: Graphic design fail

Thats a good point, pretty certain they will not have permission to use any of the logos or trademarks that they have. They should probably hand themselves in.

[Nick Ryan]

Re: Graphic design fail

Often when I've stressed the requirement for a vector, or at worst a very high resolution pixelmap (bitmapped) image, what do I get instead? A .jpeg file either saved as a vector (they can include images) or expanded to a high resolution size and then saved back down.

For my next request, I don't want the master copy of a document, I'd like one that's been faxed twice, then a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy made from the resultant faxed document. Or alternaticely they could email me the file. Preferably not as the said multiple copied document scanned as an image into .pdf form of course...

[Martin an gof]

Re: Graphic design fail

We have one projection at work which we often use for company logos (or whatever) when they've hired the place. Because of its "normal" job, it has a really odd format of 3072 x 423 pixels and is projected by three projectors side-by-side*. The line-up of the projectors isn't precise (though all things considered it's pretty good) so I always advise not running smallish text across the 1024 and 2048 boundaries and anyway there's not really a lot of pixels to play with so images and large text are best, as are dark backgrounds.

I am not a graphic designer, and my boss doesn't appreciate me spending hours sorting out things like this instead of fixing the computers or the video players, so it really helps if I can persuade people to send me something I can just upload to the display computers and be done with.

Few companies have people who can understand that kind of detail. Most often I get submissions ranging from 4:3 format logos, usually JPEG, often at very low resolution, through to collections of phone camera images, all taken in portrait mode. You can sort of understand that - people just don't understand what I'm saying.

Very occasionally I get people sending beautifully designed images in exactly the correct aspect ratio, but saved out from Photoshop or Illustrator at 600 dpi, so that the JPEG (and it's almost invariably a JPEG) I receive is some enormous number of pixels (600dpi would result in something about 19,200 pixels across). These I find more difficult to understand - they must have put "3072 x 423" into the thing to start with, in order to end up with the exact correct aspect ratio, so how come it gets exported at several times the required number of pixels?

M.

*The actual resolution now that we've fitted new projectors is 3840 x 528 pixels, but because of the way the thing works, it is still (for now) being driven at 3072 x 423.

[heyrick]

engage them into positive diversions

If I was the proud owner of a child that I thought was "liable to be hacking", all the positive encouragement that she would require would be provided by her father...

[chivo243]

what about Tails

What if your kid has Tails installed? or or Qubes??

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Re: what about Tails

Geezes, I've used Tails. I must be a criminal mastermind/terrorist/evil hacker.

[BGatez]

Puts the "plod" in plod

[Winkypop]

Kids today eh?

In my day it was getting warned off stealing apples from Mrs Johnson's yard.

Now it's international espionage, hacking and money laundering!

Bah!

[steelpillow]

Re: Kids today eh?

Oh, I dunno. Enid Blyton never wrote "Don't try this at home, kids!"

I spent most of my school holidays getting beaten up by racially-stereotyped smugglers in underground passages.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Kids today eh?

In my years as a mining engineer it always annoyed me that every tunnel and cave they found was always perfectly dry with a nice soft sand floor - bastards

[chivo243]

Re: Kids today eh?

money laundering!

It was a thing back in the 70's! I still owe Billy S $2.00. He hounded me for years! Glad I moved continents! I hate to think of the black market interest!

[Anonymous Coward]

Discord

While I can understand the stupidity of the usual copper about warning against Kali and metasploit, the TOR thing is more worrying.

And what to say about discord ? WTF ? Discord is used by any gamer out there ! If you are to handcuff all discord users, then Steam will see a dramatic reduction of usage !

[Truckle The Uncivil]

Re: Discord

Is Tor effective anymore anyway? I thought there were some issues.

[E 2]

Perhaps the kids could install Red Flag Linux instead.

[Anonymous Coward]

As long as less than 1/3 of physical/virtual machines running at your address are using Chinese software, you're within GCHQ guidelines....

[Joe Gurman]

OMG Mum

.... stop using stock photos with manufacturers’ logos Photoshopped out of laptop covers.

[Androgynous Cow Herd]

Streisand effect

Saw this in the "Normal" news channels as well.

Kali Linux could not pay enough for the kind of advertising it is currently getting for free...

[TomPhan]

We need a full sized poster

I bet there's lots of people who want to have that poster on their wall.

[jason_derp]

I had a bizarre first impression

I thought for sure for the titel it was going to be like "Kali Linux...it's not a daily driver! Be responsible, use a different distro!". I'm so naive.

[Anonymous Coward]

Err, my teenage son was encouraged to download and use Kali Linux at a summer school run by a well known government agency...

[CrazyOldCatMan]

well known government agency...

..who are (usually) noted as being notably tech-savvy.

Unlike West Midlands Police..

[JohnG]

So kids, the solution here is to install a Kali VM but rename it to something like "Ubuntu UK Schools Edition". And all the other stuff - put that in a renamed VM too.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Kali

Is the problem that it's named after a supernatural entity of Indian extraction?

Could it be safely renamed after a suitably pure Ayran deity ?

[jason_derp]

Re: Kali

Well, technically, Indian people are some of the closest to the original Aryans that exist as far as descendants go.

[Nick Ryan]

Re: Kali

Shhhh... You'll hurt their little minds... also don't tell them that people from the middle east are generally middle eastern and not somewhat more Bavarian or at worst Scandivian in typical skin tone (crass generalities intended).

[Huw D]

Re: Kali

Ah, the same amount of fun you can invoke by telling an American Fundamentalist that the Son of God couldn't be a white man.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Kali

Just Imagine how many Salutes she could do with all those arms.

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Kali

original Aryans

You mean those Aryans who came from northern India?

It amused me to read a news item where they managed to do a gene analysis of someone who lived in Denmark just after the last ice age. It's very, very likely that she had dark skin..

[TimMaher]

Re: Kali

Couldn’t they have called it Shitti?

Named after the Hindu goddess of programmers.

[Cynic_999]

Heaven forbid that our children should be permitted to communicate in ways that the government cannot intercept.

Meanwhile, if I rat out my children to the police, do I get a black armband?

[Boris the Cockroach]

Well.. I'm a

criminal

Uses Linux (ok its mint, fedora, centOS, and whatever the hell it is that Heidenhain use on thier TNC series controls(but they're german so thats doubley dangerous))

Uses discord .. oh dear

Uses VMs on my linux box... mostly to run a windows XP snapshot to watch film 4

As for the other tools not had much call for them.

However I'll be bidding you all farewell as I'm off to hand myself in for punishment (mostly likely,... 4 yrs hard labour trying to get win 10 to talk to our machine tools using our old winxp/win 7 software (current project status: about to kick the win 10 laptop to bits))

[Mad Chaz]

Re: Well.. I'm a

you need to install smb 1 on the win10 machine. It's in windows features

[cantankerous swineherd]

hey lighten up and cut them some slack, it's not like they're beating up random Irishmen.

[Nick Ryan]

Bugger. Has the wheel of morality gone all the way round again and the Irish are now the national enemy? I'm so behind the times..

[jake]

My daughter reads here, and just called in ...

... and wondered if I should have shot her when she was 12, after I discovered she was dual booting Slackware and BSD.

She had four partitions on a huge 800 meg IDE drive: BSD, Slack, swap and her personal directories. She was afraid I'd get mad at her for blowing away Windows to make room for a persistent partition for personal stuff ...

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: My daughter reads here, and just called in ...

if I should have shot her when she was 12

I suspect that, with most kids, the answer is almost always "no".

[Mr Humbug]

Proof that Microsoft is leading children astray

https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/p/kali-linux/9pkr34tncv07

Kali Linux, free from the Microsoft Store

[Stuart Halliday]

Please inform the Police if you see Process Explorer on your Child's computer.

It's obvious they're at hacking level...

[Anonymous Coward]

This for a FoI request to see how many times they have used their RIPA snooping powers to try to identify people using said tools. The idiots who made that poster are probably (guessing) also abusing their powers :/

[Adrian 4]

The vast majority of the computers that are 'hacked' are running Windows.

So if your teen has Windows on their machine, the chances are they're practising exploits on it.

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe the West Midlands Police should follow BackTrack/Kali's advice....

"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear"

[hittitezombie]

Kali usb sticks

Now I have an idea of giving out handful of Kali running usb sticks.

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it just me, or is even encouraging a parent to call the police to report their own children for something, just.. weird? As a concept? The expectation that anyone would follow the advice of that poster is unsettling. Like.. has there ever been any situation in which it's a good thing that you or your child are 'known to the police'. It's actually starting to infuriate me the waste of resources going into producing posters that are not only complete bollocks but betray an orwellian desire to supplant family relationships for loyalty. And don't think I've not forgotten 'accidentally' including XR in that list of extremist symbols and ideology manual. Drip drip drip etc.

[Kiwi]

has there ever been any situation in which it's a good thing that you or your child are 'known to the police'.

No.

The best thing to say to the police is NOTHING. Maybe except in the case of an emergency, but basically as little as possible. It's their job to get you to speak, for by speaking you give them words they can then twist to help them get another conviction.

They don't care if the person convicted is guilty, or even if a crime was committed. They just care about the conviction - enough of them and they get a healthy bonus, and hey - "everyone is guilty of something".

(El Reg, can we get a "sour grapes", "bitter pill", or "soapbox psychorant" icon please?)

[Mog_X]

If you have a problem and call the police, then you now have two problems.

[Aussie Doc]

Yeah, sure.

Damn my Linux/TOR using delinquent kids.

At least they promise me a decent nursing home in my old age from the proceeds of all their misdeeds.

[-tim]

Kids these days...

I overheard some girls on a train talking about how they install virtual machines on their school provided laptop so they can have games and how there is a hack that makes the school image look like it has all the memory it should have. They also discussed how they had used social engineering to get most teachers to drop the anti-plagiarism software by jacking up the false positive rates. I expect the kids weren't over 12 based on the expensive school they attend.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Kids these days...

Well, my son managed to crack my password security by setting up a hidden IPhone to video the keyboard on my computer.

[anonymous boring coward]

Re: Kids these days...

5 out of 5 for inventiveness!

[MachDiamond]

Re: Kids these days...

That's worth both a paddling and an ice cream cone. You just need to guide them that, for political reasons, you don't hack some people or if you do, you never let them be in a position to prove that you did it.

Places like the MoD are also something you don't want to mess with. Never hack from home. See if you can simulate your target and practice off-line before going in for reals.

[Kiwi]

Guilty of teaching kids bad things...

Not too many years back I was asked to guide a kid who was causing his parents all sorts of grief, namely trying stuff with the family computer that constantly had related problems.

One of the first things I taught was the use of virtual box and using VMs to help protect his computer, and also a spare box I gave the family where I taught him how to use images to quickly revert to a 'fresh install'.

I won't say what he does now, but I will say it's linked to one of my less-liked organisations and he's involved in a certain form of "security".

If someone didn't give this kid a decent start (and that's all I did, he took the hand-up I gave him and flew) the "white hats" wouldn't have him on side. If his parents had reported him for the tools he was using, he'd have been "turned around" by the local dodogooders society/been introduced to nasty criminals like psychologists, and the person he is now would never have existed.

The use of the tools can go both ways, just like the number of people who as teens engage in small levels of what is often called "crime" like trying dope, under-age drinking, speeding and so on (even small levels of theft or vandalism) yet with decent support manage to turn things around and actually be valuable. It's not what we grow up with on the computer that makes or breaks, it's how we're treated.

[J.G.Harston]

If you see you child using a pencil - report them! Pencils can be used to write offensive letters!

[A.P. Veening]

The German language as a very nice expression for things like this: "Polizeiwidrig dumm". The best translation into English is "criminally stupid" but misses the part where in German it says "against police regulations".

[Steve 114]

Be fair

Friend is a lawyer and technophobe, but his teen son has gone all furtive using the family desktop into the small hours. It's not games, so Dad asked me what to be aware of. That list isn't all bad (actually I think he's doing 'currency trading' scams though). What advice do all you experts give?

[Adrian 4]

Re: Be fair

Talk to him. Like a proper parent would.

Oh, and keep him away from immoral influences such as lawyers.

[jake]

Re: Be fair

Teen son, all furtive, in the small hours?

It's pr0n. It's always pr0n.

[TheSkunkyMonk]

Atleast they keep up with the times good on the plods! I'm still running a build of Backtrack.

[jake]

Backtrack?

How twentyteens. I occasionally still use a much hacked, patched, modified, massaged and otherwise molested version of Dan Farmer's SATAN.

Does your distro of choice come with nmap? You too might be a 31337 h4><0r.

[Pu02]

It's a cue, i mean a clue...

This is just the same list of tools they look for in internet histories, people's downloads, or on devices when they find them. Maybe it is a rare case of our glorious Authoritarian rulers telling us what we are being surveyed for, and what gets top marks in their current round of telemetry-driven 'raid and seek'.

Be aware, be very aware. They do collect traces of these tools online, so why not look in your devices, your home, anywhere the criminal you might be stashing subversive, seditionary tooling- or thoughts of it.

[MacroRodent]

Would be happy ...

to see my kid with Kali Linux. I have been trying to interest him with other aspects of computers besides just playing games, but to no avail.

[2Fat2Bald]

Re: Would be happy ...

I developed my wider interests in IT as a result of;

A) Needing/Wanting to play games and requiring technology in order to do so.

B) Being pretty well useless for anything else, having spent my formative years playing video games.

[VulcanV5]

Lying self justifying bunch of know-nothings

What's also worth mentioning to The Fuzz should El reg ever get to the stage of "engaging" with it is the fact that folks are not as dumb as the police would like them to be, and that when it's time to apologise, best thing to do is say "sorry" instead of attempting to lie your way through it --

"the software mentioned is legal, and in the vast majority of cases is used legitimately, giving great benefit to those interested in developing legitimate skills. The purpose of this poster was to provide a quick reference guide to the range

["of legal software available that will be of so great a benefit to children that we believe parents should report them to us so we can send several patrol cars round to your front door and the kids can be personally congratulated and given signed photographs of our Chief Constable"]

I added the sentence's latter part because the police response inadvertently omitted it. Also, clarification was needed lest anyone think the assertion about "the purpose of this poster" was anything other than a blatant lie.

The sooner police and their PR departments stop preening themselves on their non-existent IT expertise andcommunication skills, and get back to nicking lawbreakers, the better. Setting an example to children by actually telling the truth when in the wrong and caught out would also be useful.

[2Fat2Bald]

The police have a massive cultural problem in dealing with high-tech crime. The kind of person who is good at picking through complex high tech evidence and building a case against someone is almost the diametric opposite of the kind of person who integrated well with police "Van Culture". Historically what they've tried to do it take someone who's good an investigating burglaries and re-train them to be good at investigating tech crime. Which doesn't work, not least because the subject is far too complex, nuanced and fast changing to be covered in a 2-week one-time course.

The NCA was supposed to be the answer to this. However, they flunked the execution stage by - you guessed it - staffing it with coppers. Which was the problem all along. They've been positively selected to be crap at this.

[Drefsab_UK]

Best turn myself in then

Found my 8 Year old son playing about with the developer tools and console managing to post dodgy data back at a site for his school, so decided to encouring him and teach him properly so now he has a laptop with VM's including Kali, his own account on hackthebox and oh had as hes also a gamer he has discord. Bad dad hear teaching him ethical hacking and research I guess.

[Huw D]

Didn't HCI outfit Scale have a video of a child (IIRC of one of the directors) setting up VMs as part of their marketing material to show how easy it was?

[W4YBO]

"However, as with any software, it can also be misused by those with less legitimate intentions."

As can authority.

[trevorde]

Too much...

Kali Linux? They've been watching too much 'Mr Robot'.

[anonymous boring coward]

"However, as with any software, it can also be misused by those with less legitimate intentions."

I've heard of this awful thing called "Windows" that can be used for hacking.

Discord? That's all my son uses for chatting... Should I call the police right away?

[Trigonoceps occipitalis]

Let's hope West Midlands Police learns something useful from this cockup.

A triumph of hope over experience.

[martinusher]

But where can I get one?

This poster is destined to be a classic like "Marijuana, Assasin of Youth". As such it should be a collectible....but there's no information about how to get one.

(Where I live the current big Assassian of Youth are Juul vaping devices. We get these 'epidemic' stories and occasionally they tease legislators into some kind of precipitate action. The actual numbers tell a different story but why let a bit of factual information get in the way of a good scare?)

[Bill Michaelson]

Be really worried if...

...your kid has a programming language compiler installed.

[Silverburn]

Pineapple

Note to self: Install Pineapple.

Thanks rozzers!

[mr_souter_Working]

already spamming Facebook.

Thanks to this, I have already seen Failbook posts about how Discord is a grooming tool for peadophiles, and the police are involved.

:(

[Anonymous Coward]

Well at least

I know my kids are safe only accessing porn sites with Firefox and not some nefarious browser

[Anonymous Coward]

So maybe the West Midlands will arrest the Minister who authorised this....

....and head down to Cheltenham to arrest the spooks who executed the hack.....

I thought not!

Ref: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/sep/21/british-spies-hacked-into-belgacom-on-ministers-orders-claims-report

[Mike 137]

Quis costodiet?

Despite being (apparently) too under-resourced to respond effectively to crimes such as domestic burglary, our police forces seem now to be trying to make up the rules as they go along. We used to have non-hate crime and hate crime, but recently non-crime hate emerged, for which, on the basis of an assumption about motive, you can get a permanent record - presumably not a criminal record, but potentially just as damaging to reputation.

As far as I know there's no statutory definition of this offence. While one cannot condone the insulting behaviour that was so classified, it should not be within the remit of the police to create novel offences to classify it - that's the prerogative of the Crown via Parliament.

Similarly, the tacit assumption that the police have a remit to monitor activities of our children that do not contravene any law is not supported by statute, but smacks of "precrime", which didn't even work well in the movie.