back to article *David Attenborough voice* And here we have, in the wild, a rare glimpse... of what may be... a positive IBM quarter

A tenth of a percent still counts, right? With the help of its newest acquisition, namely Red Hat, IBM managed to book a rare yet tiny increase in sales. For the fourth quarter of its 2019 fiscal year, ended December 31: Revenues of $21.77bn were an increase of 0.1 per cent (up 3 per cent adjusted for currency and divested …

  1. deadlockvictim

    Well done IBM!

    Ginny and her management team deserve a healthy payrise for this.

    Or are substantial payrises only inversely correlated with performance?

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Terminator

      Re: Well done IBM!

      Don't worry, I'm sure you won't have to wait long for more "resource actions"...

    2. fishman

      Re: Well done IBM!

      Why is it that "Maximizing shareholder value" never includes curbing excessive executive salaries and benefits?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well done IBM!

      As a former IBMer and IT exec at another major global company, I have to say that Rometty is not one to be praising for a job well done.

      To be sure, IBM is like the Titanic and you can't turn a ship that big on a short runway.

      However, lets count the number of employment related lawsuits. Add to that the missteps as she pivots the company.

      The only thing that made sense was the purchase of RedHat, provided that if the rumors I've heard hold true. That its a reverse merger where inept IBM management is cycled out and replaced by RedHat execs.

  2. matjaggard

    Izzit cos I left?

    No regrets.

  3. Bronek Kozicki
    Trollface

    Paid for ...

    ... by TSB customers!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thank you, ladies and gentlemen

    IBM revenue has been declining quarter on quarter for the 7 years since I left but my absence is finally being noticed and I hope this means the final traces of my malign presence has been eradicated from the P&L. I was only a minor cog in the blue machine but obviously a vital one and who knows what damage I might have caused if I'd been allowed spend another decade embedding myself.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Take a barrel of shit and pour in a bottle of wine, you have a barrel of shit.

    Take a barrel of the finest wine, drop in a single turd, and you still have a barrel of shit.

    I don't get how the people at the top continue to blame everything but their own actions for the mess IBM is in.

  6. Unicornpiss
    Flame

    How many employees..

    ..are they going to lay off to celebrate their good fortune?

    1. R3sistance

      Re: How many employees..

      How many employees at redhat are older than 50? I'd probably go with that number and then wait to see redhat quickly fail shortly thereafter.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How many employees..

      15% annually, by band, profession and geography. As usual.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How many employees..

      Well, Red Hat laid off over a dozen across the company in September. So I suppose that helps the bottom line. All thanks to Chiras!

  7. Gil Grissum

    I thought working at IBM was, the ultimate position. I was wrong.

    1. Ima Ballsy
      Coat

      It is ....

      If you are elbows down and ASS up .....

  8. arctic_haze

    Bloat

    No matter how many employees they will fire, I think they still have too many. I once tried to buy an IBM server. The employees I talked to on the phone were absolutely incompetent. The website listing their partners was horrendously out of date. Finally I asked to be connected with someone competent, for a change (I really did phrase it this way!). Surprisingly, I got that person. I learned who really sells the servers in my area. However their partner sold me... a Lenovo server after asking me "Do you really want to overpay?"

    1. Bronek Kozicki

      Re: Bloat

      Well, IBM sold their x86 server business to Lenovo few years back. So unless you are looking for POWER or a mainframe, Lenovo is going to be reasonable option.

  9. johnnyblaze

    Lay offs

    Well, it would be safe to assume that if you lay off enough people, you'll eventually turn a profit.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      And right after that you'll drop back into the red because there will be no one left to do the work.

      It's a tightrope exercise, to be sure.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        There are those that would argue that IBM fell off the tightrope some time ago.

        I would tend to agree with them (having had first-hand experience).

  10. ToddRundgrensUtopia

    Who is worse, IBM or HPE, discuss?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      RE Who is worse, IBM or HPE, discuss?

      yes!

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it would be terrifying...

    to have to face Ginny on a daily basis. I have never seen a flattering photo of her - she looks distorted and uber-nerdy in all her pix that i've ever viewed...

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