Re: I guess I'm not the target market.
I want a keyboard that rivals my noisy-as-fuck mechanical one on my desktop.
Seconded. The keyboard on the Dell Precision 5520 I got from IT a couple years ago is horrible - one of those awful new-chiclet ones with flat keytops and minimal travel. The keyboard on my old Latitude E6540 isn't great, but it's worlds better than the new one.
The Derision also lacks the Platitude's isometric (Trackpoint-style) pointer. I loathe touchpads, and using the Derision's for two years has not led me to hate them any less. Even with all the settings tweaked for maximum sanity it's still way too prone to false input from the heels of my hands, for example, or to misinterpreting a single click as a double or vice versa. And, of course, it requires taking a hand off the home row.
I've carried laptops around for decades (since the mid-1990s) in shoulder bags and backpacks - frequently two at a time (first work and personal, and for the past two years two work laptops, as I haven't been able to bear the thought of moving to the Derision full-time yet. I don't find it to be a problem. I'm sure there are some people who have a legitimate need for a light laptop, but really carrying a few pounds of computer ain't digging coal.