back to article A sprinkling of Star Wars and a dash of Jedi equals a slightly underbaked Rise Of Skywalker

The Register attended a midnight showing of the latest entry in Disney's cash-cow franchise, hoping for a satisfying conclusion to 42 years of cinema trips. Did we throw our popcorn in the air with joy or stamp our feet like petulant toddlers? Daisy Ridley is Rey and Adam Driver is Kylo Ren in Rise of Skywalker Rey and Kylo …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No surprise there then

    This has gone on for at least five episodes too long (before this one). But that is what we have come to expect from Hollywood who seem devoid of original ideas.

    How many more prequels, sequels and the spin offs do we need eh?

    Then the storylines are not that strong. A gripping plot and story can do wonders for the overall enjoyment.

    1. Timbo

      Re: No surprise there then

      Given the recent panache of Hollywood to remake successful films, how long do you think it'll be before the rehash/re-imagining of Star Wars: A New Hope comes onto the big screen???

      Then the question will be who stars as who and which current actor can take over the following roles?

      Alec Guinness?

      Dave Prowse / James Earl Jones?

      Carrie Fisher?

      Harrison Ford?

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        The prequels kinda dampened my enthusiasm for Star Wars, not to mention the damage Lucas did himself (Han shot first, you bastard). I have to admit though that Rogue One was, to me, once again a Star Wars film worthy of the original trilogy.

        So, by my count, Star Wars is 4 films and a smattering of blah. I would like to see a film giving us a Darth Vader that is actually frightening, as he was (so briefly) shown in Rogue One. I think showing him tracking down and exterminating the Jedi that escaped Order 66 would have a lot of potential entertainment-wise, and could maybe be tied in to the original trilogy by explaining how Yoda exiled himself on Dagobah. Something like barely escaping Vader to throw himself against another Sith and then making the decision to lie low in the Sith's power shroud to remain alive and elude Vader's hunt.

        Something like that.

        But I'm not counting on it.

        1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

          So, by my count, Star Wars is 4 films and a smattering of blah

          There are only three Star Wars films.

          1. Martin an gof Silver badge

            There are only three Star Wars films.

            Nah, I'm with him here. Rogue One was a worthy addition (slightly iffy CGI Leia aside) and I'm afraid I got to the end of the first third of RoS thinking 'what would Gareth Edwards have made of this?' It's a shame, as some of the stuff they did should have been set up properly in the previous installment, and there were several plot threads in this film which - had it been anything other than a Disney film - could have resolved in far more satisfying ways.

            Definitely an exciting film though and yes, I will be adding the BluRay to the collection.

            Interesting to note that even my obsessed children, who left the cinema on a definite high, woke up the following morning with slightly confused looks on their faces and lots of 'why did they do /that/?' questions.


            1. chivo243 Silver badge

              There are only three Star Wars films. How low can we go? I'll say 2.5 films..

              The Ewoks ruined that film. Same for the mysterious group of nomad children in Mad Max III. Again, Hollywood and the inability to think out of the box. Let's add something cute! and Music Video tie-ins!

              1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

                The Ewoks ruined that film

                Bah. The Ewoks were the most interesting thing about it. It's well-known that Ewoks are the second-most dangerous creatures in the SW universe, after Grand Moff Tarkin.

                RotJ was pretty dumb; I still remember my friends and I discussing our vague disappointment with it when it came out. But I don't think any of its various ham-fisted stupidities (Luke's astoundingly convoluted plan to rescue Han, Boba Fett is a useless ninny,1 Leia is Luke's sister for no good reason, oh look we're doing the first movie again, Ewoks, etc) quite "ruin" it in the way that, say, those of The Phantom Menace make that film an agonizing exercise.

                I haven't bothered watching any of the films after Phantom Mess, though I did watch the Mr. Plinkett critiques of the second trilogy, which are about as long as the films themselves but (near as I can tell) considerably more entertaining and interesting.

                1I actually came to rather like this particular plot point in subsequent years, given the mysterious fan obsession with the feckless Fett.

          2. a_yank_lurker

            The rest are attempts to defraud movie goers.

            1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

              "Defraud" seems a bit strong. After Phantom Menace, can any viewers reasonably claim they could expect good value?

          3. Petrea Mitchell

            Three films

            Indeed. And one pretty awesome radio adaptation of the first movie. Among other things, it's the only time anyone's been able to explain why there's sound in space...

            1. Down not across

              Re: Three films

              One of my favourites is telnet to

              1. Ugotta B. Kiddingme

                Re: One of my favourites is telnet to

                Can't telnet from work. Is that the hilariously re-written "script" for Episode 3 which includes "Samuel L. Mother####ing Jackson"?

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "showing him tracking down and exterminating the Jedi that escaped Order 66"

          Where's the happy ending? Not just because Star Wars, but Disney Star Wars.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            tracking down and exterminating the Jedi

            an old man might pass for a chirpy, somewhat whizzy grandpa (check), but being, at the same time, a distinctly white man hiding under a minority costume and ALSO exterminating the oppressed male jedis with a clear and severe underrepresentation of other sexes being oppressed and bravely fighting back, is definitely too complicated to be approved for an easy going cash-extractor in Disneyverse, let the cashcow be with them.

            1. Sanguma

              Re: tracking down and exterminating the Jedi

              "with a clear and severe underrepresentation of other sexes"

              How may other sexes? Inquiring minds wants to know. (I expect Disney would suffer extreme conniptions at the very thought of a species with three or more sexes ... )

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: tracking down and exterminating the Jedi

                Intersex is a VERY broad field and some lean towards but are not one particular gender

                There are a myriad of chromosone combinations beyond XX and XY (despite what various high school biology wielding transphobes spout )

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: No surprise there then

        >Alec Guinness?

        Duh, you can't have "like" OLD people in a movie. Probably Benedict Cumberbatch

        >Dave Prowse / James Earl Jones?

        Actors in face covering masks are great, you can pay them scale and replace them easily. Can also revoice them for the vital Indonesian teenager market

        >Carrie Fisher?

        Some AI will produce an actor(ess) of the appropriate age. Needs to be 'legal' so we don't get all Yewtree but young enough that they still look 17 three years later when they are doing the publicity for the TV-streaming spin off.

        >Harrison Ford?

        Use the same software that they used for Peter Cushing to merge the faces of all current boy-band idols. And keep re-rendering it every time it is streamed so they always look 2 years older than the teenage girl demographic.

        1. Muscleguy

          Re: No surprise there then

          Indeed, in our house he was known as He, he, he Harrison so enamoured of him was the eldest daughter. She could certainly see what Callista saw/sees in him. Though she is no waif the eldest, too curvy by far so I fear not Mr Harrison’s taste.

      3. Notas Badoff

        Re: No surprise there then

        They're remaking Dune I hear. Is it that Hollywood actually makes money while failing, or that Hollywood fails to learn how to make money?

        Aside: I've opted out of much of the drivel of recent decades, thinking that watching that will be ever so much more entertaining and believable once I'm old and demented. Hollywood's best years are coming!

        1. Danny 2

          Re: No surprise there then

          They're remaking Dune
          Star Wars was a remake of Dune, before Dune was made.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: No surprise there then

            >They're remaking Dune

            Only this time the desert dwelling Jihadist freedom fighters lose

            Spice is banned by the Feds although it's legal on Arrakis

            And the navigators are no longer a guild, they are freelance Uber contractors

            1. HelpfulJohn Bronze badge

              Re: No surprise there then

              "... And the navigators are no longer a guild, they are freelance Uber contractors ..."

              One-legged, cerebral palsied, gender-fluid, female-looking, pretty, one-parent-family, working class, Hispanic, Black, Muslim, immigrant-struggling-to-achieve-full-citizenship, flag-waving, super-hacker freelance Uber contractors with ten children suffering from many unspecifiable types of terminal cancers who struggle daily against Uber upper management to improve the conditions for and safety of the honest, hard-working deserving customers over the non-denominational Holiday Period ...

              ... while fighting the Evil Naxy Alliance First Ordering Empire. [No, not Nazis, as we wouldn't want to offend *any* market no matter how small.]

              Oh, they are also *Green*, *Environmentally Concious*, Whale Saving, freelancers who write poetry, paint, sculpt da Vinci level artworks and play an alien version of a cello-flute-carpet.

              Have I missed a box to tick?

              1. HelpfulJohn Bronze badge

                Re: No surprise there then

                ... Uhhn, yes!

                Yes, eejit, you forgot something vital ...

                The *NUNS!

                Space-Nuns, of course, running a space orphanage for space orphans that is running out of time to pay for the bribe to the local Guild/Council/Planetary Authority and so will close with tears and gnashing of circular rows of teeth unless the heroic yadayada freelancers can win the race and claim the Big Prize using their super-dupr souped-up Ancient Starship with the MacGuffined Drive developed by Sickly Sid the Previously Paraiah Squid who Proves He Is A Team Player And Is Redeemed And Beloved.

                *KINDLY* Space Nuns run by a tough, unfair, nasty, domineering, crone [whose draconian rules they constantly circumvent to keep thr orphans alive]who turns out to have a Heart of Gold which she finally reveals When Sid's Ship Wins.

                1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

                  Re: No surprise there then

                  Are you sure you didn't slip the plot of the Blues Brothers in there somewhere?!?

                  1. Blofeld's Cat

                    Re: No surprise there then

                    Solo: It's twelve parsecs to Kessel, we've got a full tank of coaxium, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

                    Chewbacca: Whaaarrr (Hit it).

                    1. slimshady76

                      Re: No surprise there then

                      <slow clap>

                      That pint is on me sir. You've made my day.

                    2. KittenHuffer Silver badge

                      Re: No surprise there then

                      It's so easy to mix them up when Carrie Fisher was in both of them!

                2. bpfh

                  Re: No surprise there then

                  Space cat nuns. Dr Who ran with this one. Would fit great with Star Wars methinks :)

              2. Pre-woke

                Re: No surprise there then

                Can we call it Revenge of the Woke?

            2. macjules

              Re: No surprise there then

              Are there windmills? There had better not be windmills.

          2. The Last Elephant

            Re: No surprise there then

            I've always thought of Star Wars as Muppets in Space.

      4. Excellentsword

        Re: No surprise there then

        Wasn't The Force Awakens a reimagining of A New Hope? I certainly thought it was...

        1. Claptrap314 Silver badge

          Re: No surprise there then

          Half that and half bad fan fiction.

          Still, doubling down on parsecs was worth the price of admission.

      5. Anne Hunny Mouse

        Already remade

        They have already done it, it was called The Force Awakens...

      6. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No surprise there then

        Ok...I'll start.

        We have plenty of young actors to play the parts.

        Chris Pratt ... Han Solo.

        Tom Holland ... Luke Skywalker.

        Tom Hardy or Henry Cavill ... Darth Vader.

        Hermione Granger ... Leia.

        Jim Parsons ... C3PO

        Ewan MacGregor ... Obi Wan

        Michael B Jordan ... Lando

        Johnny Knoxville ... Chewbacca

        Michael Keaton (FFS yes), Gary Oldman, Joaquin Phoenix ... The Emporer

        Bizarro versions...

        Han Solo ... Jason Statham

        Vader ... Vin Diesel

        Obi Wan ... Van Damme

        Chewie ... Dolph Lundgren

        C3PO ... Peewee Herman

        Lando ... Will Smith

        Leia ... That bird from Twilight

        Luke ... Jared Leto

        1. Anonymous 16

          Re: No surprise there then

          That eternally menstruated bird from twilight yuk!!

        2. keith_w

          Re: No surprise there then

          I was under the impression that Hermione Granger was a character from Harry Potter played by Emma Watson.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: No surprise there then

            > I was under the impression that Hermione Granger was a character from Harry Potter played by Emma Watson.

            Until the Disney remake - which surely can't be too far away now given the cash generating potential?

    2. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge

      Blood out of rocks

      This will not be the last Star Wars movie. Disney is run by formulaic bean counters. They will squeeze this franchise for everything they can using Jar Jar Abrams standard script & will only stop when the movies cost more to make than they bring in using GAP accounting (as opposed to Hollywood magic accounting where even blockbusters "lose" money).

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Blood out of rocks

        Did anyone, anywhere, believe for a moment this would be the last Star Wars movie? If the world economy doesn't collapse completely in the next few years, I dare say we'll see another one before very long.

    3. Roq D. Kasba

      Re: No surprise there then

      All driven by an entitlement to risk free profit. If instead of spunking $200M on a film and the same again on marketing, how about making them at the (still excessive) $20-50M mark, then a fuckload at $5M so you have fresh ideas and fresh blood coming through?

      I make movies that get real distribution, you can make a perfectly servicable movie for a million money's, and if you want to scatter in some extra chrome, $5M gets you quite a lot. That's a whole street of houses worth, so of course it gets quite a lot. Instead there's a lot of highly dubious accounting, insane paydays above the line, bringing the director's mates in for unnecessary "main character" cameos, and treating the audience with contempt. Arguably they deserve it for still going to support this tosh.

      1. fandom

        Re: No surprise there then

        "how about making them at the (still excessive) $20-50M"

        You mean, like the Joker movie?

        No, of course not, nobody in Hollywood would do that

      2. Jellied Eel Silver badge

        Re: Praise the Indie!

        All driven by an entitlement to risk free profit. If instead of spunking $200M on a film and the same again on marketing, how about making them at the (still excessive) $20-50M mark, then a fuckload at $5M so you have fresh ideas and fresh blood coming through?

        I make movies that get real distribution, you can make a perfectly servicable movie for a million money's, and if you want to scatter in some extra chrome, $5M gets you quite a lot.

        I guess that's the irony of Star Wars. Original was 'cheap', the rest became ever more expensive.. Especially factoring in talent inflation & fx budgets. One of the best comments I saw about this was an interview with Robert Englund pointing out that although Hollywood looks down on genre pictures, they generally cheap to make and profit from. And being lower cost, can perhaps afford to take more risks with the story and cast.

        1. Dal90

          Re: Praise the Indie!

          >Original was 'cheap',

          It was an $11MM budget in 1977. Other top-10 films that year had budgets of $3MM to $25MM.

          Wasn't "big budget" like Close Encounters of the Third Kind or A Bridge Too Far. Wasn't small budget like Smokey & The Bandit or Saturday Night Fever.

          Lots of $5MM movies are being made today. For Netflix.

          1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

            Re: Praise the Indie!

            It was an $11MM budget in 1977.

            Note that adjusted for inflation that comes to around $47M in today's dollars, which is in Roq's desired $20M-$50M bracket. Which, I suppose, supports both your argument and his, to some extent.

        2. stiine Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Praise the Indie!

          I was awed by his performance in Zombie Strippers.

    4. beep54

      Re: No surprise there then

      I'm perfectly happy that I gave up on the entire franchise (I mean ALL of it) after I wasted good money and time on The Phantom Menace. I've saved a significant amount of money this way, not to mention time that wasn't lost.

    5. Luiz Abdala

      Re: No surprise there then

      Don't forget they killed off an entire *Expanded Universe* in several novels and games.

      Jedi Outcast with Kyle Katarn - gone.

      Jedi Academy where you create your own force-senstiive Luke pupil - gone.

      They could have simply fleshed out one of those spin-offs.

      But no.

      If they had kept it, just retconning all the inconsistencies between them all - like the MCU, creating their own canonical version of the events instead of killing them out - and simply ignoring some displaced characters - hello Beta Ray Bill - they could keep the Star Wars franchise pumping movies for another 20 years or more.

      Look at the Old Republic, how many movies could it generate. There weren't many *NEW* ideas there, but a lot of GOOD, gripping, strong ones were wasted.

      Blaster, shot foot.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Money money money.

        Apparently, the square radar dish, and C3PeeeOs red arm are all so the toys/likeness/copyright is derivative and they can make the cash/royalties instead of Lucas's original crews/companies (and likewise Disney gets a bigger cut whenever there is a contract of shared royalties).

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No surprise there then

        Indeed. I have hoped for 20+ years that Episodes 7-9 would come from the Thrawn trilogy. Instead, they gave us three remakes geared to drive sales at theme parks.

        1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

          Completely agreed. The Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn was a masterpiece. I do regret that nothing was done to integrate that.

          Maybe in 50 years we'll have a completely CGI version redressing that injustice.

      3. baud

        Re: No surprise there then

        what's even worse is how Disney can't even keep their new stories straight, in one story Snoke was a normal human, in another Snoke's a clone and so on. I mean it's obvious that they didn't prepare for a trilogy, with movies that goes against each other as the article notes.

        Of course not everything in the EU was good, but ignoring everything (à la KK "no 800 pages novel") was stupid.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No surprise there then

      We need Dark Forces made into a movie the same vein as The Mandalorian.

      Kyle Katarn is the the John McLane of space.

  2. Persona


    I loved the first Star Wars film when I watched it a few days after it was released in 1977. Since then I have struggled more and more to be able to watch them. Even "The Empire Strikes Back" which most people regard as the best of the franchise had me disillusioned from the start. Why would anyone design something like an AT-AT? Whilst it makes a good merchandising toy, a weapon system it is not. We saw in the first film from Luke's Landspeeder which hovered above the ground when parked, that "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away" anti-gravity was easy and low powered, yet the AT-AT's walked slowly on legs and could be tripped easily with a piece of string. Following that we had "Return of the Jedi" which heavily featured soft toys (great for merchandising) and not much else. After a lull of several years a new lot of films were made and things went further downhill.

    On the plus side with the extras to the final films, "Rogue One" (fragile AT-AT's again) did at least explain why the first Death Star was so easy to destroy. Sadly it didn't explain why no on had ever bothered to program R2D2 to speak a human language.

    1. b0llchit Silver badge

      Re: 1977

      Sadly it didn't explain why no on had ever bothered to program R2D2 to speak a human language.

      Why else would you need a C3PO character?

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: 1977

        >Sadly it didn't explain why no on had ever bothered to program R2D2 to speak a human language.

        He wasn't open source and Microsoft had stopped supporting it with upgrades

        1. Claptrap314 Silver badge

          Re: 1977

          You win the interwebs today.

      2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: 1977

        Why else would you need a C3PO character?

        Product placement/sponsorship opportunity in a future Star Wars film - R2D2 gets voiced by "Alexa". Order your Light Sabre using Amazon Prime for next day delivery in any Galaxy

    2. Claptrap314 Silver badge

      Re: 1977

      This pretty well makes my experience. It think that it is worth noting that I was born in 1967, which means that I was ten when Star Wars came out. In other words--I was the target market for each & every one of these films.

      Combine my aging with my serious interest in science (He did that run in WHAT?), and I couldn't really get excited to even watch the Empire Strikes Back. And I will be forever grateful to Weird Al for so delightfully summing up the second series that I feel 0 compulsion to watch them.

      We came out of The Force Awakens, and my daughters asked me what I thought of it, "Strong girl, comic guy--it's a Disney movie."

      "We did not have this Han shot first. There was only one shot, and Han took it."

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon

        Re: 1977

        "We did not have this Han shot first. There was only one shot, and Han took it."

        He apparently learned his lesson well from 'Solo' - which I will admit to quite enjoying. I haven't bothered with all the other recent dross though, it's soul sapping. Rogue 1's ok as well.

        1. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: 1977

          Yes, we liked Solo too. Perhaps not as much as Rogue One, but it was a reasonable film and we really don't understand the ire that's thrown at it.

          I think the thing with Empire - the reason that a lot of fans like it but that it wasn't the most successful of the franchise - is precisely that; it's a fan's film. I came across a similar thing with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - the book that is, not the film - it's a huge book and a lot of people find it boring, but fans love it because while it isn't a rip-roaring adventure and doesn't have a totally satisfying conclusion (a bit like Empire) it does fill in a lot of gaps and makes you think "oh, right, so that's why s/he is like that" and it gives you a few clues as to where the story might be going in future instalments, without giving the whole game away.


          Maybe we're just odd. We hated Inside Out - most of the film was pretty much as expected, fairly predictable, but the conclusion was simply wrong. How on earth that thing has earned rave reviews I'll never understand.

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: 1977

            How on earth that thing has earned rave reviews I'll never understand.

            Just ask how much the reviewers were paid.

            1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

              Re: 1977

              And the one troll, who approved of the movie and the reviews, has also made his opinion known with a down vote ;)

              1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

                Re: 1977

                Perhaps someone just found your "anyone who disagrees with me is a shill" comment tiresome and unnecessary? (And, no, it doesn't matter whether it was intended sincerely or as a joke. It's still tiresome and unnecessary, an obvious and facile cliche.)

                Personally, I've never found a single movie critic with whom I agree on every film. I've never found it necessary to assume they're on the studios' payroll, or stupid, or mendacious.

          2. Intractable Potsherd

            Re: 1977

            @Martin, re: "fan" episodes - this is a constant issue in our house. I love what I call "bridging sections" - the slightly wordy, context-developing sections* (whether film, TV series, or books), but Mrs IP thinks they are "boring" and fidgets or talks all the way through them (TV or film, obviously!) This is odd, because she doesn't really like action adventures - I caught her watching "The Dutchess" last night.

            *If they are well done and actually advance the story.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Basic.

      Everyone speaks Basic. I mean, you DON'T understand R2D2? Why reprogram him when he speaks perfectly.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 1977

      I too saw the first one a few days after it opened, across the bay from San Francisco with a few doobs in our lungs. That opening scene with the very loooong spacecraft was the KPI for a Good One.

      And the bar scene was just amazing.

      That, or it's the smoke talking.

    5. slimshady76

      Re: 1977

      Sadly it didn't explain why no on had ever bothered to program R2D2 to speak a human language.

      The basic premise of the Star Wars universe is that in order for you to communicate with a different species, you must understand its language, but not necessarily need to speak it, since your physiology might prevent it. So it kinda makes everyone a polyglot. It isn't any different with R2s, they are service androids and need to speak to machines, not humans.

      3POs exist because the speaking apparatus for any given two races might be so different that an interpreter would make communication more fluid, and as a protocol droids they tend to filter out any rudeness in the speech.

    6. PhilipN Silver badge

      "anti-gravity was easy and low powered"

      Yet they lived in prehistoric conditions in mud-baked dwellings, dressed in homespun, in the middle of the desert and, obviously, no running (or flushing) water.**

      **Don't want to give Disney ideas but this could be the follow-up saga to Planet of the Apes (original).

    7. Nifty

      Re: 1977

      I found this recent podcast, the complete story about the making of the 1st film in 1977 with many interviews, fascinating

      Living with Star Wars

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blue harvest is better than robot chicken in my humble opinion though robot chicken did do it first and did it well to be fair.

    Back to this film...

    I enjoyed it, it was a good conclusion however there were a few points I'm not going to discuss as they are spoilers suffice to say disney is treading a very fucking thin line here and if they continue down that road the franchise is fucked. Mandalorian is a great distraction and while I await the last episode I hope the director has free reign to not let disney fuck it up.

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

      The Mandalorian is great as it's gone back to the roots of the thing - it's a sci-fi western.

      Since somewhere around RotJ (and arguably earlier) they've gone away from that towards just trying to serve up fan service stuff and to sell merch, and so the whole thing has suffered as a result.

      Rogue One was a nice reminder of what these things can be, but I think it would be too much to hope that they let Jon Favreau have enough of a free reign to make a proper full Star Wars film even after the Mandalorian...

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        >The Mandalorian is great as it's gone back to the roots of the thing - it's a sci-fi western.

        Shane + a muppet = $$$$$

  4. Imhotep

    Shaved And Trimmed Wookies?

    Meant to see the film, walked in to Cats instead cause I was engrossed on my cell phone: Thought it was about demented dancing singing Wookies. That actually makes it more enjoyable.

    1. Kabukiwookie

      Re: Shaved And Trimmed Wookies?

      I am sorry. It's all grown back now.

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Dedobot

    Star Wars is "Empire strikes back" followed by NH and ROTJ and the rest is marketing shit.

    1. KBeee

      And yet, up to at least a few years ago, The Empire Strikes Back had never (officially) made a profit!

  7. Ikoth


    Given the utter arse that was TLJ, I thought Abrams had a good stab at fixing things. It tried too hard to tie lose ends up and was overburdened with the fake emotional guff that mars so many current films. But overall, I enjoyed it.

    1. the Jim bloke

      Re: TUBE

      The last Jedi was shit, with logic gaps you could fly a ridiculously large yet surprisingly vulnerable evil flagship through.

      Rise etcetc was OK, though they still have no idea of how big planets are, or space either.

      Just have to remember its space opera, not science fiction..

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rey and Kylo did that

    did WHAT?!


    rated 12A, oh well...

    1. Pangasinan Philippines

      Re: Rey and Kylo did that

      But not in Singapore

  9. Frank Oz

    A remake of Episode 6

    For mine, the Rise of Skywalker was a remake of Episode 6 with different characters, same pacing, and similar structure and plot.

    And when we finally get to the overplayed 'all is lost' conclusion, redeemed magically by a miraculous revival that was confirmed.

    That said, Star Wars was always for kids and fantasy fans ... with its cheesy dialogue, mystical-magical-metaphysical philosophy, rejection of mainstream science (sound effects in space, light sabers, and klunky un-techy tech ... not to mention quaint reliance on animals) and logic.

    It's just a summer movie series for God Sake ... no point getting all religious and uppity about it.

    1. Imhotep

      Re: A remake of Episode 6

      "That said, Star Wars was always for kids and fantasy fans "

      Exactly. I saw the first one when it came out, and the only thing really special at the time were the special effects. The rest - acting and story - were fun and geared towards kids, but nothing special.

      I'm always surprised when adults get so worked up over the Stepen King (he still hasn't learned how to write an ending) or the never ending super hero movies.

      1. rskurat

        Re: A remake of Episode 6

        I can still remember my Dad telling a 12-year-old starry eyed me that Star Wars' story was a cross between a western and a world war II movie. At the time I insisted he was completely wrong; now I agree.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: A remake of Episode 6

      no point getting all religious and uppity about it

      Apparently you are new to the Internet. And perhaps to human psychology.

  10. TheSkunkyMonk

    If it hadn't of been for a woman playing the lead I would of thought I was watching Return. All in all, enjoyed the movie thought it would of been nice to have seen the ghost of Obiwan for the big final goodbye though. Hope we get a movie where they rebuild everything and make an awesome new society, we never seem to get that part in movies, just the war.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Its a shame...

    So the last 6 movies in the "Skywalker Saga" have yielded 1 (Revenge of the Sith) or maybe 2 (Depeding on how you feel about "The Force Awakens" and it being essentially a remake of "A New Hope") movies. And neither of those are really as good as "Return of the Jedi", which was the weakest movie in the original trilogy.

    At least they haven't tried to bring rehash the Star Wars Christmas Special.

    1. Joe W Silver badge

      Re: Its a shame...

      > At least they haven't tried to bring rehash the Star Wars Christmas Special.


    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Its a shame...

      I think I was permanently traumatized by SWHS. I can still picture poor Diahann Carroll as the Wookiee-porn hologram.

      Who knows, maybe in another 41 years I'll have forgotten it.

    3. baud

      Re: Its a shame...

      I'd add Rogue One in the Skywalker saga too. It was pretty fun.

  12. Alistair Dabbs

    Thoroughly enjoyed it, then went for a pee afterwards

    It’s what I call the Dabbsy Official Seal of Content Approval (a DOSCA): halfway through a movie you want to visit the men’s room but don’t because you’d rather put up with another 75 minutes of discomfort than miss two minutes of on-screen hokum. I thought this movie was great fun. Lots of explosions and shouting so that you don’t get bored with the corny dialogue and absence of acting. I was even a bit sad when big-nose got his.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Thoroughly enjoyed it, then went for a pee afterwards

      "halfway through a movie you want to visit the men’s room but don’t because you’d rather put up with another 75 minutes of discomfort than miss two minutes of on-screen hokum."

      I did this too - I thought I was the only one...

    2. Outski

      Re: Thoroughly enjoyed it, then went for a pee afterwards

      Halfway through TLJ, I went outside for a smoke; throughout this one, the wish for a cigarette disappeared about ten seconds after the "ooh, hold on, what's happening here" moment.

      Sod all the naysayers, I thoroughly loved it, having seen the original on first UK release as a 7 year old.

      For the sith-heads---->

  13. a_yank_lurker

    Space Oater

    Star Wars is basically a B oater (Western) set in space with some interesting special effects. Like most B oaters character development is so-so and the dialog is often cheesy. Too many of the main characters are one dimensional. A good film to see for fun, with the family, or on a date but it is not great cinema. Milking the franchise like the Mouse is trying to do risks alienating the public; each subsequent triad is more or less a repeat of the first 3 with each group having more problems connecting with audiences.

  14. Not also known as SC

    Good Popcorn Movie

    and my sons and I really enjoyed it, although when a certain planet was mentioned I did silently swear to my self but luckily my fears came to nothing except for a brief moment at the end of the film.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As is tradition

    I'll see it in its last days at the cinema.

    Can't be too far off by the sounds of things.

  16. Marty McFly Silver badge

    No cheering for the Lucasfilm logo on opening night....

    ....but the cheering lesbians in the theater self-identified during the overt political correctness regurgitated upon us in the final scenes.

    As someone who saw "Star Wars" before it was branded as Episode IV, I guess it is time for me to accept that I am no longer in the target market and let the next generation shape the franchise in their image. As Darth Vader said... "The circle is now complete."

    (And, credit where it is due for working around Carrie's untimely passing. Well done, the plot did not suffer. RIP)

  17. fandom

    No, the next generartion doesn't care, have you noticed how the size of the Star Wars toy section has decreased in four years?

  18. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Disney mashup

    They could go for broke by trawling their back-catalogue of perennial favourites for story lines and characters for Star Wars and visa-versa

    1. Sanguma

      Re: Disney mashup

      Steamboat Willie Becomes a Jedi!

      The Sorcerer's Apprentice and the Mandalorian Connection!

      Sleeping Beauty with a Lightsaber!

      Tonka Wakan Rides Again with Han Solo!

    2. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: Disney mashup

      Wait till Disney buys Star Trek, and Captain Kircard says "That's no moon!"

      1. Sanguma

        Re: Disney mashup

        I live in the fervent hope that one day they may decide to add Thom Keyes' The Battle of Disneyland to its lineup. then mash it into the rest of its lineup with everlasting sequelae ...

        Where else but in Thom Keyes' fiction could you find a heterosexual CO of a Fighting Fairies platoon - said heterosexual CO is saving to marry his sweetheart, who's been saving her virginity through several long years of being married to someone else, by taking it up the arse from him ... quintessential Disney. The Public Domain not infrequently takes it up the arse from Disney, after all ...

  19. Mr Humbug

    Defending the indefensible

    Why has nobody mentioned the 1978 contribution to the saga?

  20. mrobaer

    Did I miss something important?

    I fell asleep about 45 minutes into the debacle and woke up (about) 40 minutes from the ending. My pals were so enthralled by the movie they didn't notice I was snoring until a quiet scene, which is when someone woke me up. I'm sure I snored the entire time I was asleep, if what my ex-wife says about me sleeping while sitting is true.

    Full disclosure: I was already physically and mentally exhausted going into this adventure.

  21. Sanguma

    I can't wait

    for the time when they finally show Chewbacca the Blessed's wedding with Jerry Cornelius in St Paul's, London - with Chewbacca's family souveniring as much of London as possible ... :) Damn tourists, they've never seen a Beefeater before, and think they look decorative! :)

  22. Oh Homer
    Thumb Down

    Star Wars? I've heard of it.

    Sorry kids, but it makes me laugh witnessing supposedly grown adults arguing over the relative merits of the various "new" Star Wars, when frankly even the original holy trinity was just a cheesy cringefest suitable only for brain-dead adolescent American brats. The sequels, prequels, reboots or whatever the bean counters want to call them theses days are only slightly more shite than the originals.

    Seriously, even in 77, when I would've been 11, I thought this whole Star Wars mania was just stupid. How any supposed adult can get all teary eyed over this garbage, four decades later, is beyond comprehension.

    I can think of at least a dozen films I'd have rather seen that year, had I been old enough, including A Bridge Too Far, The Spy Who Loved Me, and Jabberwocky. Frankly I'd rather watch the home shopping channel all day than even a single minute of any of this franchise of junk.

    Let the tsunami of downvotes begin.

    1. tiggity Silver badge

      Re: Star Wars? I've heard of it.

      Similar to me, watched it as a kid & disliked it.

      I was a kid who liked reading (good) SF - probably why I disliked it as it was just a western in space without any of the thought provoking questions / plots of decent SF.

    2. Outski

      Re: Star Wars? I've heard of it.

      Thank you for your commendable and entirely meritworthy contribution. It helps the discussion so much...

  23. Carpet Deal 'em

    And with the breakneck speed at which the plot is unloaded, there are inevitably some gaping holes through which criticism can blow through: just how did that character escape from that?

    There was an explanation, but it got axed because test audiences hated it. Which is the thought process that got us what was released: if you look, you'll find they were desperately recutting and reshooting in order to find something with wide enough appeal to undo the damage of The Last Jedi. The leaks from before the release are well worth looking into, if you ask me.

  24. Huw D

    Who could play Obi-Wan in a remake?

    So, old, white, beard, caring but against repression?

    Jeremy Corbyn's going to need some work in a few months...

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      And has absolutely no scruples about dropping a teenager with no training into the meat-grinder that is the empire?

      Yeah, I see what you mean :P

    2. renniks

      How about they gender-flip the role instead?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Timothy Zahn novels, TIE Fighter, and Knights of the Old Republic appear to have scratched my Star Wars itch for life.

    For this 40-something, the couple of recent movies I have watched so far (Force Awakens and Rogue One) just feel like well-made fan fiction set in a familiar but slightly off universe - and I have never been a fan of alternate universes and reboots.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Those are not the Star Wars movies you are looking for....

    Move along...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    New Hope

    ...that all future spinoffs are limited to the Disney channel

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm happy enough with it

    I wasn't too happy with [1..3], though I am perhaps unusual in that I thought Jar Jar Binks was OK.

    7 and 8 didn't do much for me, they seemed to be a bit disconnected from the original saga and I've pretty much forgotten what happened in them apart from the characters they introduced.

    I was impressed with Rogue 1 which I belatedly watched on telly yesterday.

    Today I was dragged along by my son to watch the final film in the saga and was pleasantly surprised.

    For me it had a lot of what I found good in Rogue 1 and it did a good job of wrapping up the overall saga.

    I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and think of a few plot holes that flew by me, but at the moment I'm happy with the finale.

    1. Sanguma

      Re: I'm happy enough with [Jar Jar Binks]

      I finally saw that particular Star Wars movie just the other day, and I kept expecting Padma to thump him for being a relentless chatterbox.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gateway drug... Doesn't have the same hit anymore

    ...Something that all of those that grew up with star wars forget is that it is a gateway. Those of us that grew up with it probably had Trek & Wars as their first forays into sci-fi. And then one goes down the rabbit hole - TV alone we are spoiled by a few quality shows (not to mention a lot of crap!) with complex plots spread over multiple series. Babylon 5, Lexx, BSG remake... Many others. Not to mention the thousands of sci fi universe fleshed out on paper; Blue Mars, Footfall, World War:In the Balance amongst many, many others.

    As we got older, we also demanded grittier, darker sci-fi. Star wars dabbles round the edge, but is terrified of going for the higher rated film certificates to facilitate those darker and nastier plots that now demand, if the ratings and viewing figures on Netflix are anything to go by. So, by being star wars, we don't get that hit of what sci-fi "can" be, rather we revisit what it was.

    I'd still recommend revisiting TIE Fighter and the Thrawn books for anyone that wants the grown up Star Wars experience. Marek Stele done full blown film noir would be awesome.

    As a silly shoot em up it's OK. If you want something deep look elsewhere. Minor spoiler alert. In the big scrap at the end; I was somewhat disappointed at the relatively minimal amount of camera given to the dogfight. I am secretly hoping there are extended versions of all of the most recent trilogy to come, as seems to be the norm today. LOTR was improved significantly in it's extended format.

    1. baud

      Re: Gateway drug... Doesn't have the same hit anymore

      TIE Fighter … a silly shoot em up

      Are you sure you're not mixing that with rogue squadron, which was a basic shoot em up (played it 2 months ago, so I remember that well), which was released around the same time frame. From what I heard, the TIE-fighter games were closer to flight simulators in complexity. Or I just misread your comments.

  30. bussdriver

    Now ready for a reboot.. All Women?

    Gender flip all roles and reboot; just wait for the stench of Ghost Busters to fade. We'll have to be told the genders of the robots; which will actually be robot voice actors so they can sell them to you later. Yoda will be a muppet again and voiced by Mark Hamel, for nostalgia. We'll still cynically think dark grit = realism so it will be the 1980s version of rated R (but labeled PG) and Luka Skywalker will hookup with her brother, Prince Leiam.

    But seriously, Star Wars the musical and Star Wars on ICE will come first.

  31. juice

    TROS is what happens when...

    You give a seven year old a pen, some paper, a full set of the Lego Star Wars games and then park them next to a table filled with energy drinks and brightly coloured cakes and sweets - sugar and e-numbers a go-go...

    More precisely: what we got was the mashed up leftovers which resulted from a design-by-committee approach which took a very different approach to the committee who designed the last movie[*]. And while trying to deal with the fact that Carrie Fisher sadly died before any TROS-specific filming had been done. And while trying to ensure that everyone who's ever done anything related to SW got a cameo (possibly as a reaction to Carrie's death?).

    As you might be able to guess, I was even less impressed with TROS than I was with TLJ ;)

    Which isn't to say that it was a complete disaster - from a purely visual perspective, there were some amazing set-pieces, and I was highly entertained by the way that the finale could have been lifted straight from a WH40K novel. All hail the Omnissiah!

    But it's a scrambled mess, and Disney really does need to have a long and hard think about what it's going to do next with the franchise; for all that they've comfortably recouped the cost of purchasing it, they'll probably be throwing anything up to a billion dollars apiece (production and marketing costs) at the next set of films, and not even The Mouse considers that to be pocket change...

    [*] And arguably, the TROS committee had a very different agenda to that of the TLJ committee, though I'm sure the less-than-stellar financial performance of TLJ and HS played a part, as too would have Disney's insatiable demand for characters, vehicles and weapons which could be easily merchandised...

  32. bombastic bob Silver badge

    waiting for the video...

    I guess I'm just tired of paying $15 (each) to see a movie in a theater... so I'll pay $20 for the DVD when it goes on sale (right at release time) at a store like Target or Walmart. I usually like the 3D version in the theater, but lately I'm just tired of the crowds, the people RUDELY smoking out front of the theater ("but it's OUTSIDE" they say...) and other such things. Maybe I'm just getting old, but at some point you have to admit that Hollyweird is just charging TOO MUCH for their product, and people are less willing to PAY that for what we actually get...

    And so when it comes out on DVD (yes DVD, with MY old eyes I doubt I could tell the difference between DVD and Blu Ray) I'll buy a copy and watch it for the first time, like I do most movies these days.

    Kinda looking forward to it, though.

    1. Is It Me

      Re: waiting for the video...

      Saw it at our local multi-screen cinema, and paid £15 (aprox. $20) for two adults in the "VIP" seats (nice big leather chairs).

      Would have been £10 if we had gone with the standard seats.

      I think you need to find a new cinema.

      1. defiler

        Re: waiting for the video...

        Took the lad yesterday. Fiver each, and no discount for a ten-year-old...

        Add the inevitable overpriced popcorn and drinks, and I was up to about £23. Typically I wait for movies to come out on BluRay (75" telly and surround sound comes in handy, and I never feel like I'm missing out on anything), but I've seen all of the "main" Star Wars movies since Empire Strikes Back at the cinema, and I was being pestered!

        It was okay. Not brilliant. I guess I'm maybe just too old to really get into it. There were a few nice parts in it. It was a bit sad to see the script dance around Princess Leia, feeding her questions and expecting vague replies like some kind of magic 8-ball.

        I'd rather watch the original (pre-special-edition) trilogy.

  33. werdsmith Silver badge

    I’ve not really followed Star Wars, I’ve no real clue who the characters are and how they link up, especially temporally. I just watch each film in its own context and consequently I’ve enjoyed every one of them.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd rather attend a DevOps lecture to be honest.

  35. LochNessMonster

    It's a movie (y'know, entertainment?) not a lifestyle statement. Like it, loathe it, or even feel complete indifference to it, anyone elses' opinion is meaningless. If it floats yer boat rejoice... if not stfu and go watch something else.

    Disclaimer: I'll be first in line for tickets for "Top Gun: Maverick" and "Time To Die" this summer, not because I expect them to be life-changing experiences, but because I [i]expec[/i]t excitement, entertainment and spectacle when I go to the cinema. Oh, and ice-cream... lots of ice-cream. :-D

  36. TRT Silver badge

    Written for kids?

    Well, I've always wondered about that. I mean, on the one hand, Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks, on the other a plot based around trade agreements, political governance styles, genetic engineering, good guys that are really bad guys that are good guys, but which aren't really if you say the magic word, and... I give up! Makes me wonder if one could sex up Westminster today using fuzzy costumes and slapstick.

  37. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921

    Abrams is incapable of finishing a story

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No help from Rian

      JJ would have had a lot of difficulties finishing the story he started in The Force Awaken, considering how different the direction Rian Johnson took in The Last Jedi. And then Rise of the Skywalker took a lot of time to roll back a lot of TLJ. So perhaps Disney should have taken some time to coordinate the writers of the new trilogy of their 4 B$ investment.

  38. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Danube-class runabout

    I think The Reg should sell a "Beginner's guide to Star Wars" calendar, illustrated with Playmobil and discarded computer parts. Hurry before there are more movies than months in a year.

    No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again.

  39. batfink

    There's an easy way to fix Star Wars

    Spend a little less on the SFX and use the extra money to pay writers. The worst thing about the last six films has been the dialogue. TROS example: "How did you guys defeat the all-powerful Empire last time? Because we had each other!". FFS.

    IMHO Solo could have been excellent, with better dialogue writers. I re-watched it t'other day, and the plot, characters and actors are actually fine, but the dialogue is just awful.

    How many memorable lines do we have from the last six movies??


  40. georgezilla

    What did you expect .......

    " ... hoping for a satisfying conclusion to 42 years of cinema trips. ... "

    But that's the problem. You go see a movie with expectations. YOUR expectations.

    And when they are not met .....

    " ... stamp our feet like petulant toddlers ... "

    I saw it today. My reaction? .......................

    I will be renting the DVD to see it again. Yes I will be.

    Hell I may even buy a copy.

    Did I have expectations?

    Why yes. Yes I did.

    I expected to see a movie. Expectation met.

    I expected to see a Star Wars movie. Expectation met.

    I expected to be entertained. Expectation met.

    It cost me $30 plus effing US. Expectation met. ( Goodies from the concession stand included ).

    If you expected more, then I'm sorry ( actually no I'm effing not ). But it was you that was disappointed, and not the movies fault.

    Your expectations.

    Your disappointment.

    Own it.

    1. Martin an gof Silver badge

      Re: What did you expect .......

      It cost me $30

      At the risk of reviving a dead thread - if I'd paid that amount to see the film, I would have been (a little) disappointed. It was good enough, but probably not that good. Even the big chains around here don't charge that much, with adult tickets between about £5 and £12 depending on time, film, screen. There's even a rather good semi-independent that has a flat-rate £3.50 for any film, any time. It means that even if you're a little dubious about a film, it's pretty much a "might as well" purchase. Guess where we usually go?


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