back to article Capita unfurls new consulting arm. Hmm, what shall we call it?

Capita is launching a consulting arm called ... err ... Capita Consulting - at least we can get behind the sensible name it chose instead of going with something like Indigo Egret or Seventh Wave. The UK's largest integrator is in the middle of a turnaround challenge as it deals with perception issues and a hefty debt burden, …

  1. DJV Silver badge
    Happy

    "perception issues"

    Is that because they themselves cannot see just what a complete bunch of useless tossers they are?

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: "perception issues"

      No, the issue is that their potential customers are too perceptive, and are choosing to hire other companies who are (somewhat) competent.

  2. Blockchain commentard Silver badge

    But look at the possibilities ... Capita Insulting, Capita C*ntsulting, etc. Ideal for jaded hacks looking for click-bait headlines ;-)

  3. sal II

    Polished

    Polished turd, eer Crapita

  4. Mr Dogshit
    Headmaster

    There is no such verb as "to ink"

    Repeat after me: There is no such verb as "to ink".

    Or "to helm", or "to author".

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

      Indeed. This site is a UK based publication and we should resist those silly US Imports especially 'inked', 'shuttered' (when closed is actually less characters) and 'slated'.

      As for the last one, if someone has actually agreed to do something then they can hardly be 'slated' which in its originaly meaning meant 'lined up'.

      I managed to resist these americanisms despite working for US Companies most of my working life. If I can do this, I am sure that El Reg can... How about a new years resolution then?

      For every 'slated','inked' etc, El Reg donates £20 to Great Ormond St... Are you up for a challenge?

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

        actually less characters

        Fewer

        1. Maximum Delfango
          Thumb Up

          Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

          The number of characters has been fewerised.

          1. phuzz Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

            fewerized

      2. Steevee

        Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

        I'm "inked"....and I have the tatoo to prove it.

    2. _Charles_

      Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

      "to helm"

      yes there is but the Solent doesn't look very inviting at the moment, thanks.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

        I had a great time on the Solent today. It was a bit wet but why else do we sail ?

    3. Kubla Cant Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: There is no such verb as "to ink"

      I'm afraid verbing nouns is a standard feature of English on both sides of the Atlantic. The thing that's annoying about "inked a £46m deal" is that it's a classic example of the journalistic version of elegant variation.

      1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: journalistic version of elegant variation.

        Is that in some way connected to the Enigma Variations?

  5. alain williams Silver badge

    ConCrap ?

    That would seem about accurate.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ConCrap ?

      How about their version of a yearly ComicCon?

      CrapiCon.

      You get to buy comics about their escapades (I think others might call it Marketing Brochures)....

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: ConCrap ?

      Current governing party in UK claims prior art to that name.

  6. Alister Silver badge

    Indigo Egret

    I thought it would be a great name for a band, but apparently it's a colour combination for Converse trainers...

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Indigo Egret

      Don't get me started on Converse ... apparently the adorable Burgundy Glitter doesn't come in a UK size 8 and when I asked, the assistant looked me up and down and shook their head.

  7. Stoneshop Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Capita Consulting

    Of which two utterly appropriate anagrams are Capitulating Cons and Copulating Antics.

  8. localzuk

    Perception issue

    I don't get that. Company has a problem with thinking they're crap, so they launch a new business with the same name. Why!? Everyone will just think "eugh, more of the same".

    Just like Natwest launching their app only bank "Bó". Great. Nice fresh name (even with the hilarious connotations of BO from the name). But, no, they advertise it as "Bó by Natwest".

    Why do they think Natwest, the brand linked to the bank that has major IT outages constantly, would be a great way to advertise this new service? Come, use our new IT only bank...

    1. Manu T

      Re: Perception issue

      Probably because the world (AKA the leading people in this world) are a bunch of monkeys (or Apes if you will). The Planet of the Apes is already upon us. Just look around they're everywhere.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Perception issue

        The Planet of the Apes is already upon us. Just look around they're everywhere

        OOK!!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Perception issue

        I'm still paid peanuts, does that make me one?

  9. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    And the reason we put them in the B-Ark is:

    they're bunch of bloody useless loonies!

    Please embark just beside the telephone sanitizers

    Doffs hat (black fedora today) the late, great Douglas Adams

  10. WallMeerkat
    Thumb Down

    Elephant in the room?

    Used to work on a street a few buildings up from a Capita office where they judged people for the PIP.

    The horror stories I've read in the news - the paralysed man who got less than full credit points (how disabled does one need to be?), and walking past truly dispondant folks on the footpath afterwards. Awful.

  11. Chris G Silver badge

    What I can't understand

    Is how so many of these serial failures of companies are able continuously to raise more and more funding.

    They rarely post a profit and usually the only winnersare those on the board who receive absurd annual bonuses.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What I can't understand

      How many years was it before Amazon made a profit?

  12. Maximum Delfango
    Facepalm

    They should name it Clusterfuck.

    Because Capita Clusterfuck has a nice ring to it as well as being pithily accurate.

  13. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    How about naming the consulting arm Cap Advice?

    Which of course could then be changed by snarky Regenistas to Crap Advice.

    1. Steevee

      Re: How about naming the consulting arm Cap Advice?

      Like "Cap in Hand"??

  14. BebopWeBop Silver badge

    Crapsulting? (I am sure there will be other and probably better suggestions)

  15. jigr1969

    Isn't is wonderful that a company with a revenue of £1,850,000,000 makes only £31,200,000 profit - a mere 1.6% of the revenue stream. They took over a company I use to work for that had £12,000,000 revenue and £2,500,000 profits, which had over 20% of revenue being turned into profits.

    This surely has to be a tax avoidance scheme since tax is only payable on the profits that a company makes. If they buy a new company using profits, that amount is treated as "investment" and therefore not taxable. (I seem to remember being told by someone from Capita management when I asked them.)

    1. katrinab Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Sounds like typical Crapita tax advice.

      If you book it as an investment, it doesn't reduce profits. You would only get tax relief against any eventual sale proceeds from selling the company.

  16. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    It is not as if there are not Free Key Challenges Available and ACTive.*

    The key challenge will be for Capita Consultants to convince the world that they will do more than just recommend punters buy services from the rest of Capita.

    Any consultant worth anything at all to Capita Consultants needs only to provide, mentor and monitor for clients, in an additionally more private and perfectly practical capacity, the advantages they offer to others, [in this case Capita Consulting] with always greater use of any of their very own particular and peculiar attraction ..... that which has Capita Consulting consulting one on.

    That sort of service and those types of opportunities always abound constantly in the Deep Minded and AIThinXTanks..... with Formatting AITXT for Future Virtual Machine Use ‽

    And only as a question posed there for those who would choose to fail the Penultimate Belief Test for Leading Almighty Tales.

    * One probably just doesn't know about any of them, before the colossal catastrophic runs that rush to start all over again ahead of the game with a distinctly unfair overwhelming advantage in Prime Time AI Play Spaces with Live Operational Virtual Environments.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Capita Punishment

    Seems to be a better brand name.

  18. spold Silver badge

    Capitulating?

    "Capitulating"..starting from "Capita Consulting"... all it needs to do is spend a shit load of money on a nice logo from some arty marketing consultants. Sure fire way to fix your financials... well maybe...ish...not.

    1. quxinot Silver badge

      Re: Capitulating?

      "Crapitulating"

      FTFY.

  19. steviebuk Silver badge

    Sad to hear about....

    ....national trust. Heard about that earlier so need to force myself not to renew next year in protest.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sad to hear about....

      National Trust renewing contract with Capita....... Not at all surprised. Probably a case of 'better the devil you know...." It is just a pity that all those megabucks that NT can afford to pay Capita cannot be directed into the properties - especially those properties that keep on >repeatedly< missing out on funding (along with the mega salaries some of the senior NT execs are walking off with.....) . Did NT >actually< shop around for anyone else to do the job?

      1. steviebuk Silver badge

        Re: Sad to hear about....

        Probably not. I believe the CEO this year gave lots of people pay rises. Lots of us object in the yearly AGM meeting but not everyone bothers to vote so their votes just get used as an agree.

        1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

          Re:not everyone bothers to vote so their votes just get used as an agree.

          Many shareholders buy through a broker that pools shareholdings, with the result that the owner of the shares is oblivious of such events, unless they proactively monitor RNS feeds, etc.

  20. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Maybe it's an attempt to capitalise on the fall-out from the new IR35 rules.

  21. Christoph

    Good name

    The name makes it easy to remember to avoid them.

  22. Twanky Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Those sultana scones...

    ...don't order themselves, do they.

    This demonstrates a total lack of vision which is precisely why you need high-value consultancy. With our input not only can they order themselves but self destruct on their sell-by date too.

  23. SME Integrator

    Rubbish AND don't pay tax

    £4B turnover, £270M profit and no tax?

  24. Mike 137 Silver badge

    A prediction

    Expert specialist contractors that were squeezed dry by IR35 may sign up and be forced to [a] do everything the Capita way regardless of their own expertise and experience, and [b] as always in the big consultancies, serve as surrogate salesmen for further engagements.

    If I were cynical (and I'm not saying I am), I might have a horrid feeling that the big consultancies could possibly have had something to do with the introduction of IR35.

    1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  25. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    What in the world would you consult Capita about?

    How to screw everything up?

  26. EnviableOne Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Crapita to the core

    Crapita Insulting, we promise to charge you the earth to deliver your projects just as badly and over budget as we deliver our own

  27. SVV Silver badge

    Crapita Consulting?

    I think I remember how this story goes. Expect a future rebrand as Cackcenture.

  28. halibut

    Tinted lenses

    Any improvement in their perception will be just that, perception only. Capita has no intention of maintaining anything but their image

    https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/all/2019/12/12/capita_revenues_benefits_bug_bonfire/

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Missing three little words

    "Our new consulting business will challenge the established companies in this market, by offering practical, hands-on expertise drawn from 30 years of designing, building and running the processes of hundreds of organisations."

    "into the ground"

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