back to article Xerox woos HP stock owners with talk of layoffs, selloffs and cash payouts post merger

Xerox is taking the gloves off to launch a hostile takeover bid for HP Ink, er, Inc – by courting its shareholders with a 33-page document explaining why the pair will be a corporate match made in heaven for investors. The presentation, including slide decks, was filed with the US Securities and Exchange Commission on Monday. …

  1. dnicholas

    Savings

    Start with the management please.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: Savings

      Xerox promises all of this for after the merger :

      "On the $2bn of "synergy savings" promised, Xerox said it will consolidate from 8,000 to 3,000 suppliers to cut costs; slash its own IT bill to 1 per cent of revenue from 4 per cent; simplify stock keeping units and beef up inventory management, as well as rationalise (ie sell off) real estate in 555 locations to cut property owning down to just 261 sites."

      Why wait ? Go ahead and do all that stuff, it will help you survive a little bit longer.

      1. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

        Re: Savings

        You'll also note that everything proposed = a reduction of actual corporate ability. It is headlinenumber-driven rather than desiredoutcome-driven. Selling the taxi will lower costs wonderfully, but longer-term it doesn't help a taxi driver earn money.

        e.g., "slash its own IT bill to 1 per cent of revenue from 4 per cent" == sacking 75% of staff and/or deleting 75% of outsourced machinery+services. Going from 4%->3% would imply some serious fat in the org'n -- to suggest that 75% of a function is complete bullshit, strikes me as... bullshit.

    2. yarik745

      Re: Savings

      "It seems that someone has already adapted to the system from police searches, or simply to support NGINX!"

      https://pari-match.club/

      https://monosnap.com/direct/JM4VGPga3PaV7Z4pQEdQgiMEIwi0ub

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Undisputed strategic logic"

    What's the term for a triple oxymoron?

    When someone trying to sell you something using words like "undisputed", this means they are lying.

    When they use the word "strategic" you need to ask precisely who or what this war is directed against.

    And logic? Logic is tautological by definition.

    ...unless the "strategic logic" is that Icahn aims to beat Ellison by buying his own carrier fleet.

    1. FozzyBear
      IT Angle

      Re: "Undisputed strategic logic"

      What's the term for a triple oxymoron?

      Fucking idiotic

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Some persons are positionning

    to make humongous loads of cash for themselves from this transaction. They are already enalrging their bank coffers.

    This is the sad truth here.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

    HP is still capable of weathering the storm. Xerox would only serve as a lead life-preserver.

    1. Imhotep Silver badge

      Re: I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

      They have a cunning plan to transmute that lead in to gold.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

        Great. Now all I can think of is Tony Robinson (AKA Baldrick) in the board room with a 1 page presentation....

        "I have a cunning plan My Lord...."

      2. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

        Re: I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

        Sir Edmund, it would be much more amusing if they could transmute that lead into... into... purest green!!!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

          Instead of purest brown - which is the usual outcome, and not at all amusing!

      3. Roland6 Silver badge

        Re: I'm having problems swimming too, lets hold on to each other.

        They have a cunning plan to transmute that lead in to golden parachutes...

  5. Imhotep Silver badge

    Until The Twelfth Of Never

    Money will start flowing to investors after the "initial deleveraging period"

    Well, that sounds suspiciously like never. I have a feeling the real payoff is going to be for the people financing the takeover - there probably won't be any assets left after the "deleveraging".

    1. yoganmahew

      Re: Until The Twelfth Of Never

      Hmmm, it sounds like Icahn has two lemons and is hoping to make lemonade with them and the sugar of staff cuts.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Until The Twelfth Of Never

        I think Icahn has a lemon squeezer and some peel , someone else has the lemons and the sugar, and he is planning to get them to give them to him.

  6. AdamWill

    ah, takeover math

    "Visentin and Co have bid $33.5bn for HP, inclduing $17 per HP share in cash, plus 48 per cent of the merged company worth $14 per share, or an implied/aggregated value, by Xerox's estimates, of $31 per share – HP's stock is changing hands today for just over $20."

    Of course this only works if you accept their $14/share valuation of the extremely highly-leveraged post-buyout entity. Or, more to the point, if you believe the *market* will accept their $14/share valuation of said now-debt-ridden legacy duck attempting to swallow a legacy turkey...

    1. CrazyOldCatMan

      Re: ah, takeover math

      legacy duck attempting to swallow a legacy turkey..

      Hmmm.. reverse-turducken!

      (John Maddens' favourite Thanksgiving treat A turkey, stuffed with a chicken that's stuffed with a duck.)

      1. AdamWill

        Re: ah, takeover math

        yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of. :)

  7. Dave K Silver badge

    Pretty typical. Try to woo the shareholders by promising more cash, meanwhile it's the workers (of both companies) that will ultimately be shafted.

  8. Joe Drunk

    "run-rate cost synergies" "resource action"

    The accountants show lots of creativity with management-speak euphemisms. Too bad they can't get creative enough for long-term profitability planning.

    1. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

      Mgt, not the accountants

      Having played at that level in that industry and country, I recognise the behaviour and the language patterns: accountants have no contact with this ; it is entirely the self-insulated upper "management".

      You'll note, for example, the random jamming together of non-sequitur terms which to an incompetent :

      a) seem to be related,

      b) seem to be important.

      .

      e.g.: "run-rate cost synergies" is initially baffling then snortingly funny

  9. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    $1bn to $1.5bn of potential growth opportunities only realized through a combination

    I can only see this occuring by them raising prices for consumables

  10. adam payne

    "synergy savings"

    Management speech for lay off all the staff

  11. Ugotta B. Kiddingme

    If it's good

    for Carl Icunt then it's probably bad for most everyone else.

  12. luis river

    Hp inc demise

    After split hewlett packard in two on 2015 year, the autentic spirit successor company of Dave and Bill it is HPE, the other dont count and shall be disappear

  13. yarik745

    "It seems that someone has already adapted to the system from police searches, or simply to support NGINX!"

    https://pari-match.club/

    https://monosnap.com/direct/JM4VGPga3PaV7Z4pQEdQgiMEIwi0ub

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