BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again? BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "So let me get this straight," the PFY says, shaking his head a little to clear his thoughts "Global warming is... our fault." "I didn't say that," the Director blurts. "Anyway, it's called climate change." "You implied it was our fault," the PFY says. "No I didn't!" "Yes you did …
Hmmm. Magnesium bin? Well, if you're going to go with that, why not put a couple of kilos of thermite mix in the bottom, since it would be a shame to waste that ignition temperature, and just in case the boss finds the real water extinguisher (thermite burns underwater)...
Bonus points if the bin is on the floor above the underground car-park, and placed directly above the boss's car...
No, after replacing the waste paper bin with the magnesium one just make sure the only extinguisher in the bosses reach is a water one. Water on a magnesium fire is quite spectacular.
'Halon' would be for the server room; you'll find that office areas tend to have fire 'extinguishers' spread around augmented with 'firehoses', and sometimes you'll see 'sprinklers' fitted to the ceiling.
The latter being connected to the gas main or not is something I couldn't possibly comment on.
I just didn't find this one all that funny.... and I usually can't stop laughing when I read the BOFH stuff.
Maybe you should have had Simon push the irritating 'boss' out the window the moment he mentioned "the environmental stuff", and spent the rest of the time on covering it all up and cracking jokes about it with the PFY?
I see Simon as a logical guy that doesn't like extra work, and would instinctively take issue with governments and regulations and that whole 'climate change' thing...
"Buying carbon credits is a bit like a serial killer paying someone else to have kids to make his activity cost neutral."
That was worth the entry price alone. In fact I stopped reading the piece to steal it, and text it to a friend. Thus having offset my use of the Earth's finite resources of humour, I continued reading.
Given his regular penchant for pushing people out of windows, do you think the BOfH has the same health & safety inspector as the town of Midsomer? Which also has an appallingly high death rate for such a small place.
Even more by killing them off before they get a chance to spawn. That also makes it way easier to claim a carbon credit for recycling their unmourned corpse. After all, we're going to have to face the environmental impact of cemeteries eventually. To quote George Carlin:
~~
Isn't it time we stopped wasting valuable land on cemeteries? Talk about an idea whose time has passed. "Let's put all the dead people in boxes and keep them in one part of town." What kind of medieval bullshit is that? I say, plow those motherfuckers up and throw them away. Or melt them down. We need the phosphorus for farming. If we're going to recycle, let's get serious!
~~
(Always true to his convictions, after Carlin died in 2008 his body was cremated and his ashes scattered.)
Reminds me of cost saving projects I was on that were totally fake. Assume that we would choose the most expensive solution, then compare all solutions and choose a perfectly normal middle-range one. Instant, huge savings to be claimed by management.
One time I said in a meeting for such a project, "I saved $2000 today by cycling to work!"
"You mean per year?"
"No, I got a quote on chartering a helicopter ride, then cycled here instead. Savings!"
"So you'll be making changes in places other than IT?""I... Not at this stage."
"So what you're saying is that IT is the only way for the company to address global warming at the moment - which therefore IMPLIES that IT must be to blame?"
"Oh, I see your point. But no, that's not what I meant."
Touché .... and En Garde‽ :-) Are you catching those waves, Director?
And IT now surely IS to blame for all we have seen in the past presented as if relevant in news and views from the future, but only if IT continues to pimp and pump sub prime factors rather than immaculate fictions.
After all, we all follow in the trails and tales of A.N.Others industriously forging further ahead with everything logged to enlighten enlivening scripts. Well, one certainly is here today, that's for sure.
Today, for a Quantum Leap, El Reg ? Into a Practically Secure Imaginative Network with Attending Live Operational Virtual Environments. It is not as if you don't have the IT Nous in Spades, is it? And anything else you might always needs is easily supplied by interesting and interested board members shooting the breeze here for a Real Change*. :-)
* Ok .... the first one to get that to JC [Jeremy Corbyn not Jesus Christ ... or that other one, Jeremy Clarkson] deserves a prize, [here 'tis an ale] ... and as such news always travels remarkably swiftly, it will present all parties with an embarrassment of riches and something of an enigmatic dilemma to consider and resolve .... or just leave for A.N.Others to Continually Fix and Mend/Tend and Extend.
Vile does not describe the smell of the Sappi plant near Nylspruit. It is beyond horrible.
Whenever I had to go to Nelspruit (or that direction) I would take the Schemanskloof road.
I assume that Foul Ole Ron's smell will just scoff and laugh at that stink.
PROTIP : A pollen filter does not block that vile, disgusting and horrible smell from entering your car.
If you plant a tree then you are benefiting the environment. If you create something out of renewable resources then you are benefiting the environment. If you recycle the product in a biomass recycling facility then you are benefiting the environment.
Plant a tree. Cut it down and make a door wedge. Then recycle your door wedge using a thermal recycling process. You can claim the carbon credits 3 times, and use the offset to fuel your Ferrari whilst waiting for the new HQ building to be built.
Replacing the contents of a dry chemical fire extinguisher with sawdust, coffee creamer or flour would also be a good way to generate a large fireball. Rig the fire extinguisher so once you squeeze the handle you can't stop it from spraying.
More exciting than going all the way back to water but more likely to be able to claim the "not burning the building down credits".
The Register 
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright. All rights reserved © 1998–2024
