back to article Russian spacebot stranded outside the ISS as Soyuz fails to dock

Russia's robotic Soyuz MS-14 test mission hit a glitch over the weekend after a botched attempt to dock with the ISS. The uncrewed spacecraft (save for a vaguely terrifying robot) appeared unable to lock onto the orbiting outpost as it approached. The cause of the failure, the Kurs docking system, will have left some with a …

  1. Empire of the Pussycat

    revenge

    skybot: open the pod bay doors please, alex

    alex: i'm sorry skybot, i'm afraid i can't do that

    1. BebopWeBop
      Devil

      Re: revenge

      OK Dave, cocking gun (given previous reports)

  2. Sureo

    The current situation .... is "difficult, but under control."

    Is that the same as SNAFU?

    1. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker Silver badge

      Re: The current situation .... is "difficult, but under control."

      SNAFU sounds right to me; not a FUBAR or CF (Charlie Foxtrot) yet.

      MIR's collision (as referenced in the article) was a FUBAR, as was Skylab's orbit issue.

      1. IceC0ld

        Re: The current situation .... is "difficult, but under control."

        I was thinking it's more a TITSUP personally :o)

        1. Robert Helpmann??
          Childcatcher

          Re: The current situation .... is "difficult, but under control."

          Soon to be BOHICA.

  3. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    All these ports are yours, save Zvezda.

    Attempt no docking there.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If only they had TARS.

    1. OssianScotland

      TSARS, Shirley?

  5. Dave 32
    Coat

    Transporter

    What they really need is a transporter, so that they can just beam the supplies aboard.

    1. Muscleguy Silver badge

      Re: Transporter

      And a spare universe to do the necessary calculations. An assessment of the necessary information and processing came to the conclusion that you would need to use the rest of the universe for the calculation, ALL the rest.

      Also that was so you could make a local copy of something. Which isn’t really transporting it and would not solve the space station’s supply needs. Instead of a robot and supplies they would need al the raw materials to make them.

      Also considering a recent article on the station’s power problems it would seem they don’t have the power to do it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Transporter

        Non-FTL quantum teleportation might be possible. Those are strange sounding words, but could be condensed down to something understandable and non "magic".

        You basically make a kind of quantum scanner, that sweeps over an object (think lasters, or camera), and at the atomic scale, atom by atom, you turn the matter into energy/photons and project it (think lasers/radio transmission) to another device.

        The second device sprays those atoms back onto a plate to reassemble them (think inkjet printer/3d printer).

        If you get the laser/quantum teleportation correct, you get an exact atom by atom copy from one end of the system to the other end. Limited by the scanning time, transportation time and reassembly time. No "calculation" is needed, as the quantum entanglement/teleportation system is rather easy (on a single atom scale, we can already do this)...

        ... doing it for an entire person has it's problems. As while every atom is an exact copy, and reaches it's destination... you may not be able to glue them back together as easily as teleporting a watch! XD

        1. mrobaer

          Re: Transporter

          "... doing it for an entire person has it's problems. As while every atom is an exact copy, and reaches it's destination... you may not be able to glue them back together as easily as teleporting a watch!"

          Refer to Seth Brundle's fix: Teach the machine to be made crazy by the flesh.

    2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Transporter

      For a moment there I was thinking Transporter of the Eagle variety.

      Icon - For when John Koenig is flying one.

      1. Long John Brass
        Alien

        Re: Transporter

        +1 Internets for the Space-1999 reference :)

        But Wasn't Alan Carter the hot-shot pilot? Not Koenig?

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Mushroom

          Re: Transporter

          Carter was the chief pilot, the final tally was:

          John Koenig 7 Eagle crashes.

          Alan Carter has 4 crashes (2 of them as copilot to Koenig - A future Koenig and Carter were killed in an Eagle crash in Another Time, Another Place).

          Icon - Koenigs written off another one.

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Coat

        Re: Transporter

        Transporter? I was thinking Jason Statham. Wasn't everybody?

        [Note to self: Must remember to post anon.]

      3. Ken 16 Bronze badge

        Re: Transporter

        I was watching it again, not bad for it's era, especially in terms of diversity and equality - all crew wear basically the same uniform and there's a mix of gender and skin tone.

  6. Mark Exclamation

    I think the whole thing is Kurs(ed)!

  7. Chozo
    Terminator

    SciFi trivia teaser...

    Name one movie where having a giant robot on board went well for the crew...

    1. Geoff May (no relation)

      Re: SciFi trivia teaser...

      WALL-E

      Robots

    2. phuzz Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: SciFi trivia teaser...

      Pacific Rim (are they robots?)

      Interstellar

      Aliens (but not Alien)

      Futurama

      Star Trek TNG

      some Star Wars

      Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

  8. Securitymoose

    Siberia will be getting a few more visitors after this.

    Perhaps we could outsource all our software development to Russia too.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...

    Not great but not terrible.

  10. DontFeedTheTrolls
    Joke

    Why don't they give Donald J Trump a call, he's the smartest man on the planet, he knows these things, probably better than anybody. He'll tell them how to fix it in no time.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      He'll identify the cause of the fault.

      taking bets on it being a chinese plot with huwei thrown into the mix (just for the hell of it)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Why don't they give Donald J Trump a call, he's the smartest man on the planet, he knows these things, probably better than anybody.

        Well he's already on the Russian payroll, so it wouldn't be a problem

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The REAL reason

    A TSA jobsworth (ie - anyone employed by the TSA), wouldnt let it dock because it had liquids on board.

  12. Conundrum1885

    TSA

    Nah, it has lithium ion batteries, dangerous materials (hydrazine, N2O4) and also firearms. Of course its going to get blocked.

    On the flip side its all fixed now, only a slight maLffFffFfffffFunCtioN

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