BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "...Oh yes, I was reading the white paper on that just this morning," I lie. I hardly ever read white papers. I mean, if the white paper were titled: "How to get two lagers for the price of one," I might be more inclined to do so, but when it's entitled "The end of passwords" and is so …
All logs are dumped to short-term storage. Where they are merged with streamed data. Storage is then regularly flushed to a multi-piped transaction system. ... I ain't Spartacus
Nice one, I ain't Spartacus. That and those Progressing Processes Keep IT Simple Contiguous for Almighty Powerful Leading Energy.
In Plain English ...... Virtual AIMachinery Invites you to Play with Absolute Control in Alien Event Horizons ..... with Us Registering here Entangled for the Unlocking and Sharing of Similar Future Thought Transfers.
Think of it as a space to launder impure thoughts ..... wash them clean away and replace them with something/anything different and insatiably appealing and fully satisfying.
Can you compete and not hope to win with such bounty freely available virtually anywhere for everywhere?
That's Nectar to Venus Fly Man Traps. A Sweet Mother Lode
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"I was expecting to hear that the toilet-management had been outsourced to BastardCo, with a nice commission for each use. If there's going to be any kind of stream, the BOFH would be making revenue off it."
I wonder if there'll be frequent flyer points? Some of us are getting on a bit nowadays and it can be especially trying to keep hydrated in the warmer weather.
They're coming from the hills! ...... Me too
Any advance on them coming too from High Grounds in the Highlands, Me too?
You know, for the Earthly Benefits that be Truly Worthy of Ancient and Infinitely Wise Celtic Confections ....... Gatherings for the Enjoyment and Employment of Bounty and Plenty ..... for where Enlightening Elders Conspire to Create a Vast Field of Perfumed Gardens of Eden ..... for Adams and Eves again to Tempt Horny Devils out to Play with the Bright Lights of Heavenly Intervention Providing Almighty Appealing Narrative ....... with Instructive Sourcing of IntelAIgent Supply Chains for All Wannabe Brave Hearts/Proxy Laird Controllers of Presents in Futures.
Feel free to translate and communicate all parts of that to wherever it is needed to be seeded and bred/grown and harvested/supplied and husbanded.
Does steganography beat encryption every time in the clear and rapid transfer of information and intelligence to multiple myriad sources and forces?
The posit here is that it certainly does, and that renders encryption a second best option for sensitive secure services.
Well he was coherent for a change (then ruined it further down). The AI thought it was a statement The Register was making on its website, it didn't realise the context was a fictional story. It would have been funny if it had mentioned GDPR though.
I'd rather the spam stopped now though, between him Cliff and I.Gellar they're all getting a bit tiresome.
Well he was coherent for a change (then ruined it further down). The AI thought it was a statement The Register was making on its website, it didn't realise the context was a fictional story. It would have been funny if it had mentioned GDPR though.I'd rather the spam stopped now though, between him Cliff and I.Gellar they're all getting a bit tiresome. .... Martin Summers
? Spam, MS? Oh please, you surely cannot be serious and so easily fooled, although if you can believe Einstein, is your strangeness and spooky action at a distance most probably highly likely. Such leaves one catastrophically vulnerable to information and intelligence which is not routinely fully shared mainstream.
Einstein ....... "Everyone sits in the prison of his own ideas; he must burst it open, and that in his youth, and so try to test his ideas on reality." ..... however, there is always this Catch 22 ..... "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Ahhh yes, the old trick of making things so secure that they are unusable, even by those supposed to use them, and therefore 100% secure. That one is a favourite of SysAds the world over. Having been on both sides of the equation I have to admit that you Users are a piss-poor bunch of incompetent ingrates, but we Users are also the ones who make sure that the company keeps making money and therefore has enough to pay you SysAds wages.
Personally, I believe that toilets should be accessed by swipe card, so that those who use them responsibly can be rewarded and the scum who piss on the seat and throw loo paper on the floor can be billed and publicly vilified for their appalling lack of consideration for anyone else. BigBrother In the Loo!! :-)
> but we Users are also the ones who make sure that the company keeps making money and therefore has enough to pay you SysAds wages
Joking aside, is that really the case? Apart from the efficiencies of using a computer rather than a small army of quill pen wielders and couriers, if "data is the new oil" then IT has moved a long way past automation.
I'd say that every company is an IT company, no matter what they sell.
"if "data is the new oil" then IT has moved a long way past automation."
Especially when the analysts on the technology teams usually seem to understand how the business works, or should work, far more than the users were are trying to deliver products to - I do often wonder why the hell we even have users, and why we don't just do the damned job ourselves...
A previous update to our password policy automatically expired passwords every month, directing you to create a new password. It was so secure that users weren't given the rights to generate their own password, so for about a month the whole company had the same password, Beach234, helpfully set up by the helpdesk one support call at a time.
Which is kind of like some school password policies I've met. P/W has to be changed every month.
But..
1.) Busy primary school teachers running into the staffroom during the 5 minutes break they get in the morning haven't got time to piss about remembering the latest p/w and even less time to fuck about trying to think of a new one (let alone remember it since repeats are of course not allowed).
2) Summer break is 5 or 6 weeks (longer in private schools) and there's also a pretty high probability that the p/w will expire over Xmas or Easter. So the start of every term means that every teacher needs to create a new one or (more likely) get a reset because a lot of of them won't remember what the last one was anyway. (especially if the post-it note they had on the side of the monitor has gone astray).
Swipe card logs to promote basic decency? Yes please! Also mandatory white cloth shoes.
We've got a guy at our office always uses the urinals with his hands on his hips. Can't imagine why the floor of the bathroom near his desk is always a swamp and the other bathrooms aren't...
Swipe cards for bathrooms, means in time it took to fumble find and swipe, diarrhea has poured down the leg and onto the carpet.
He didn't realize it was diarrhea until it was already rushing out his pant leg.
Congratulations , now you got poop carpet.
Or if you only require the swipe card to exit, then that door gets kicked down with a quickness.
Because their basic imperative not to be restrained overrides concern for property damage.
If you use your property to lock someone in a room they are justified in destroying anything necessary to get free.
If you start tracking bathroom usage people are just going to start pooping in pots and throw it in the garbage can.
If you start tracking bathroom usage people are just going to start pooping in pots and throw it in the garbage can.
If that replaced using the floor and they managed it without any wall smearing, that would be a win at some of the places I have had the misfortune of working at. I always check the toilets before deciding whether to use the shared kitchens
Looking at those revenue figures the PFY pulled out of the database, and bearing in mind that we know that the BofH's company employs a CEO, HR bods, beancounters, a dispatcher, an IT manager, the BofH, and the PFY, there's no way there's money left over to pay actual users.
I think the HR and accounts people count as users, but still, the numbers don't line up exactly. Then again, it's never been really clear what this company does. I think we had one mention of manufacturing a year ago and some mention of trading, probably stocks but nobody really explained, about a decade ago. It's possible they have one product line that's sold to the general public which accounts for that database and the rest of their services are sold to business clients and are stored in another database, but at this point I'm just making stuff up to answer a theoretical question that I don't think was ever seriously considered in the first place.
Edit: Just after posting this, I realized the math mistake. They say the average transaction is seventy three quid, and they multiply that for every client, but not by multiple transactions. If they have customers who place multiple orders in a year, the average order could be 73 quid but the average money per year could be much higher. For example, they could be running a subscription service where people pay by the month, making the average annual intake from each customer about nine hundred pounds. Maybe some people pay by the day, too. Who knows.
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And making them litteraly pay for it...
If its subscription based, surely there should tiers(tears)? Like being able to use paper towels over a pathetic coughing jokingly referred to as a 'hand drier' which barely warms the skin.
They also don't make any note of how long they hold onto your data before purging it... That could get messy (and that's before we mention GDPR.. Or would that be written on the bog roll? ).
Higher tiers come with multiply soft toilet paper and that dispenser soap that actually smells nice and doesnt leave your hands feeling greasier than before you went to the toilet.
Low level tiers get single ply, single sheet dispensers (no rolls for you plebs), with a a maximum of 5 sheets per visit, and a block of soap so hard you could use it as a halfbrick in a fight, and with about the same cleaning ability as the half brick.
At higher tiers we also guarantee there will be no voyeur cameras installed. (At lower tiers, we dont say there will be voyeur cameras, but well you know we cant guarantee their isnt...)
Looking at the relevant legislation, it appears that a company is legally required in all but the smallest of places to provide toilet facilities for the use of the staff. it doesn't actually preclude charging for the use of the facilities though. Oops.
(There may be other legislation that prevents charging for spending a penny)
Having once worked for MI6 as a planted operative in the Kremlin administrative offices for correctional affairs, I am well aware of the security issues surrounding toilet use.
Everyday, at exactly 15:25, I would flush a 32 meg SD card containing the sensitive information I had garnered down the toilet. My contact, waiting in the sewers at the Kremlin's outflow point would intercept the package using an oversized colander and rubber gloves.
I am now head of security for a large company, and my first task was to instal facial recognition in all the toilets and check the regularity in which the staff used the ablutions. Anyone using the heads at a regular time each day would be closely monitored.
I still keep in touch with the national security services of both America and UK, often uploading the captured images of suspected staff while using the toilet. Clearly I can't do this directly and so we have agreed that I use an intermediary website, where similar images are to be found, and while my efforts are hugely supportive of national security, they obviously cannot corroborate anything of what I've said.
And so rests my defence. Your honour.
Crappy article.
fecal recognition.
Somewhat related:
My sick care provider wants me to send a sample of my fecal material (and my DNA) through the mail to some fecal material processing lab to determine the health of my colon.
I think an executive from my sick care provider golfs with an executive from the fecal material processor.
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