back to article 300,000 edgy folk pledge themselves on Facebook to storming supposedly UFO-tastic Area 51

Even though your nan's on Facebook now posting "minions" memes, it's still the internet. And the internet is a big dumb place. And it seems the antisocial network, despite its normcore outward appearance, is no less immune to stomach-churning tomfoolery than 4chan. The "viral fake Facebook event" is by now a time-honoured …

  1. Persona Silver badge

    Anyone for a swim?

    I'm thinking of organizing a swim in the Sellafield cooling ponds. Any one else "in"?

    1. FrogsAndChips

      Re: Anyone for a swim?

      Why not? There's nothing to worry about the radioactivity. The security guards, on the other hand...

      1. Persona Silver badge

        Re: Anyone for a swim?

        Depends if it's a nice clean one or an old one where the "stuff" in it has been corroding for the last 50 years and no one recalls what the "stuff" was in the first place an. In some the water is as opaque as milk of magnesia.

        1. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Re: Anyone for a swim?

          "no one recalls what the "stuff" was in the first place"

          Yeah, that's a good cover. I find it more likely that rumor is circulated rather than listing specifically what IS in each storage pond by element, quantity and percentage.

    2. smudge

      Re: Anyone for a swim?

      I'm thinking of organizing a swim in the Sellafield cooling ponds. Any one else "in"?

      Since Dabbsy isn't around, I'll be the one to tell you that Bill Nelson once recorded a track called "A Dip In The Swimming Pool Reactor".

      1. Robert Sneddon

        Re: Anyone for a swim?

        I met someone who had once fallen into a swimming-pool reactor -- the rail around the top gave way when he was leaning over the edge to hook a sample of [information deleted, Official Secrets Act 1911 as amended] onto a pulley line to be lowered down to near the core for irradiation purposes. He didn't go in all the way, just his leg and foot as he grabbed for the rail supports but Health Physics had a field day with him nevertheless.

        Cherenkov radiation is like nothing else on Earth when you see it with your own eyes, by the way.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Anyone for a swim?

          "Cherenkov radiation is like nothing else on Earth when you see it with your own eyes, by the way."

          Well, it's certainly like nothing in a vacuum.

  2. b0llchit Silver badge


    ... where is my face?

    Ah, yes, hit it right in the middle <nosebleed>.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They'll move Elvis before they get there so no problem for the American government.

  4. chivo243 Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Location, location, location

    Area 51 is just below the center of nowhere. If even a few non standard vehicles approach it, I'm sure there will be some action...

    1. a_yank_lurker

      Re: Location, location, location

      Somehow I do not think map reading is much skill for the vast majority of these idiots. Nor is critical thinking a skill either. The location was chosen because it is remote, difficult to reach, and easily defended. Unless you like camping in the desert, there is very little in amenities in the area.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Location, location, location

        They'll be a load of fast food joints open before they even get there and a shed load of Instagram influencer photo ops.

      2. Clunking Fist

        Re: Location, location, location

        Wrong! Have you not watched Paul? You just take your amenities with you.

  5. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    ...the military is also said to reverse-engineer alien tech...

    Indeed, they did. And after years and years of reverse engineering they found -an re-engineered- Farcebook and Zuck. Unfortunately, the alien translator service wasn't that quick. And only thereafter deciphered the accompanying letter: "This is a serious risk of hugely dumbing down our society. Remove and dispose of as far away as alienly possible!".


    1. m0rt

      Au contraire. They did find alien spacecraft tech and tried their hardest to understand it and failed. Didn't stop them trying to use it.

      Misunderstood techology far too complex for the average human to even begin to understand: F-35

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        See also F22.....

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Oh great, we have a nutter in our midst

  6. Blockchain commentard

    Since the aliens have their own Facebook group, they'll go on an awayday trip, probably to Las Vegas, so all these morons will find is alien poop - not to be confused with the Area 52 Unicorn poop which powers the inner Earth world.

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Space Whales

      Proximity to Vegas is why Area 51 is where it is, and discrete flights transport the alien whales from the Area 51 spaceport to the casinos. It's also where the term 'High Roller' comes from, ie the wheeled environmental containment systems some visting gamblers use for their life support.

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: Space Whales

        "discrete flights transport the alien whales"

        That would be Janet Airlines. Of course they say it's just carrying workers to the Tonopah Test Range, but they would say that wouldn't they?

  7. Dwarf

    Looks like one way to find Darwin Award candidates

  8. smudge

    ... an incredibly stupid idea

    So it goes without saying that the Facebook event is an incredibly stupid idea.

    You mean it could lead to a mass handout of Darwin Awards? :)

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: ... an incredibly stupid idea

      Maybe someone should go and offer free Tide Pods to participants as a "challenge"? It could add a few more to the Awards.

  9. bpfh Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Maybe it’s true...

    The Illuminati actually created the event. And they will use the “visitors” to feed the local aliens...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe it’s true...

      The Illuminati created WiFi light bulbs to control your thoughts. The remote control is an illusion to make you feel you are in control. If you only knew Hue they are.

      1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser

        Re: Maybe it’s true...

        Those people don't HAVE thoughts. They leave all the tedious business of thinking to other people.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

    They'd be unable to stop them from storming the base. Sure they have armed guards etc. but they have enough ammunition to put down 300,000 people. Of course you'd need some sort of mass hypnosis to convince that many people to be willing to sacrifice their lives to storm Area 51, but it would be interesting to see what happens (from a safe distance)

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

      Well yes, probably. Also in all likelihood the guards would refuse to open fire with live rounds on such a large crowd of civilians. And the officers would refuse to order it.


      But it's not going to happen anyway, because ticking boxes on the Internet is a lot easier than driving out hours from nowhere into the Nevada desert. And of the maybe 30 people who do turn up, at least 28 will decline to risk their lives because the crowd won't be big enough to make them feel safe.

      So that leaves the potential for an incident involving maybe a couple of people who will either be swiftly and non lethally overpowered, or more surprisingly will be allowed to wander round a few warehouses and see nothing. Unless of course the base commander has a sense of humour, and gets some nice props ready for them to find.

    2. StargateSg7

      Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

      As person well-experienced within the areas of military activity, TWO BILLION ROUNDS of 7.62 rifle ammo is quite ubiquitous, so 300 000 people to wack at is just child's play to just that Area-51 base. Not to mention the .50 CAL they would have NO PROBLEM USING on those stupid enough to continue!!!

      Don't underestimate those soldiers at A-51. It ABSOLUTELY IS an US (soldiers) vs THEM (Civvies) mentality! THEY ABSOLUTELY WILL SHOOT FIRST and ask questions later! Anyways, they won't bother with the guns first, their ADS (Area Denial System - aka microwave weapons) and Acoustic Area Denial (i.e.sound weapons) will be used first and THOSE can easily disperse crowds from many km away.

      AND if by any small chance, the crowds DO get through or continue, a bunch of Longbows (AH-64) or Pave Low choppers and some .50 CAL rounds fired just before those crowds will ensure their dispersal AND if that doesn't work, an AC-130 gunship and it's 25 mm Gatling gun will do their tricks of showing just how much firepower is available from ONE SINGLE AIRCRAFT !!! and the onboard 105mm howitzer will ALSO show what can be done to people as they get BLOWN UP REAAAAL GOOOD !!!!

      See this:

      Good luck!


      AND just two weeks ago, they shot a person DEAD for crossing over into the base during a pursuit!

      The signs SAY UNEQUIVOCOLLY --- Lethal Force Authorized! --- They ABSOLUTELY WILL and HAVE ACTUALLY DONE SO --- quite recently too --- SHOT PEOPLE DEAD for crossing into the base!!!


      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

        Ineffectual troll. You owe each of us a cookie.

      2. FrogsAndChips

        Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

        BOMBASTIC Bob, is THAT you?

        1. Bronk's Funeral

          Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

          Stay AWAY from Area 51's BINS.

        2. jake Silver badge

          Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

          No, not Bob. Bob is an adult and quite sane, even when he's trolling political crap and bad-mouthing Microsoft's current direction at the top of his lungs.

    3. Mike Moyle

      Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

      Considering that Area 51 / Groom Lake is attached to the Nellis Bombing Range Test Site, they probably have lots of experimental munitions that they've just been longing for an opportunity to test under realistic conditions and, if not, there are probably tons of UO in the area just waiting for unwary woo-hooers to come along and shout "Oooh! Alien tech! I'm gonna take it home!"

      1. bpfh Silver badge

        Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

        Casts a new light on the phrase "Tourism is booming"...

    4. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

      Re: If 300,000 truly determined people really did show up there

      'Of course you'd need some sort of mass hypnosis to convince that many people....'

      They've posted it on Facebook!!

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm seriously concerned that there won't be enough Darwin awards to go round, meaning we'll have to dip into next years allocation...

    The Irony is that most are awarded to Leftpondians, somewhere Darwin never visited.

    On the bright side, if any do make it through, they can always escape Earths tender clutches using the captured alien 'B' Ark

  12. Nick Kew
    Black Helicopters

    Meanwhile in the real world ...

    Don't laugh until you've checked out Mark Thomas offering hot air balloon trips over the top-secret US military base at Menwith Hill. Can't check out videos just now (wouldn't get away with my 'puter making a sound here), but I'm sure if you google "Mark Thomas Menwith Hill" something'll show up on youtube or similar.

    1. Kane Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Meanwhile in the real world ...

      I remember that when it first aired on Channel 4, it was hilarious! Something to do with when the US built the listening posts inside Menwith Hill they didn't apply for the correct local planning permissions to restrict the airspace above the base, so up rolls Mark Thomas, flying a hot air balloon right across the middle of it whilst on the phone to his dear ol' mum saying things like "bomb", "terrorist" (or some such, it was a long time ago) and his mum responding, "Mark, are you back on drugs again?"

      I miss the Mark Thomas Comedy Product.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Meanwhile in the real world ...

        I also remember the various bods pointing firearms at him, lucky someone didn't get trigger happy "accidentally"........

        Now mod plod would have him under the terrorism act or something similar.

  13. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    naruto run,

    OMG! That video looks like a bunch of 5 year olds playing Thunderbirds!

  14. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Let's say they do this and then come out and report not finding aliens. That'll prove there were aliens because how else would their minds have got wiped so they can't remember finding any?

    1. jake Silver badge

      No, no, no, no! "They" somehow[0] got advanced warning of the naruto runners and spirited the aliens out of the base at midnight in the Black Helicopters before the NRs got there!

      [0] Using advanced alien technology, no doubt.

  15. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Instead of building a wall....

    ...maybe they should just get the people who defend Area 51 to do same for the US-Mexico border?

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Instead of building a wall....

      Why? Is Lockheed doing sooper-sekrit projects in Mexico?

  16. Long John Brass

    Evil idea

    If google et al set their maps app to divert people to a carefully prepared alternate "Area51", complete with spaceships, aliens etc...

    Watch the Internet collectively shit its pants :)

    1. Clunking Fist

      Re: Evil idea

      Oh, good pint. (Add actual paper maps to list, and notes: don't trust the government GPS...)

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: Evil idea

        It's not like you 'need' GPS to get to Area 51. There aren't so many roads that it's easy to miss.

  17. StargateSg7

    ".... Well yes, probably. Also in all likelihood the guards would refuse to open fire with live rounds on such a large crowd of civilians. And the officers would refuse to order it. ..."


    YOU ARE VERY VERY VERY VERY WRONG ON THAT !!!!! ---- Those soldiers ABSOLUTE without ANY DOUBT FIRE UPON YOU !!! They did so just two weeks ago! They Shot the guy dead! 300,000 people will be considered a BASE existential threat and since the base guard soldiers/contractors have the US vs Them (soldiers vs civvies) mentality ingrained into them, they DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM with firing upon even 300,000 civilians!!! In fact they would call out the Pave Lows, Longbows and AC-130's likely to first them the crowds a fireworks show up-close and up-front BUT if those crowds KEEP COMING the base commander (WHO DOES NOT NEED the authorization of the President!) will say the equivalent of "Fire Away - Lethal Force is Authorized!"

    The media will NOT HEAR a damn thing! Cell phones and streaming devices will be jammed and the bodies taken away for burning/cremation on-base!

    Don't go professing FALSEHOOD when the REALITY IS VERY VERY DIFFERENT !!!! They absolutely, unequivocally WILL SHOOT YOU as the EG&G /XE on-base guard contractors are almost all ex-special forces personnel USUALLY upper level Rangers, SEALs, and other Spec-Ops personnel!

    They don't have the same mentality as civilians! They are PAID TO DEFEND a place! That is their JOB! If it means they have to kill 300,000 people then that is THEIR JOB TO STOP THEM from over-running a base!


    Don't go there !!!! THEY ABSOLUTELY WILL FIRE UPON YOU WITH LETHAL FORCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    1. jake Silver badge


      Enough already. Once was funny, almost. But that was two years ago.

      1. StargateSg7

        Re: ::yawns::

        Because as a civilian, you pretty much know DI^^ SH&&* ALL about an active and real operating base!

        You really are clueless just how defensive base operations work! AND what the working orders are that govern those daily operations. If you DUMB EFFS are stoooopid enough to go to THAT base where the signs actually SAY "Deadly Force Authorized" and continue onwards .... then you will find out what being burned by kilowatts of millimetre wave technology feels like (ADS - Active Denial System). I've done it! It ain't a nice feeling you have no choice BUT to move out of the way! I've also felt the effect of Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD) which can blast you with 150 DB at 1.5km away! It HURTS!

        AND if you KEEP COMING, you WILL FEEL what 200 feet per second rubber bullets feel like. AFTER that .... THEN you get to see that Base-Ops DO NOT USE flash bangs or tear gas! They use 7.62 NATO rounds from then on! I can well assure you that they make fairly big holes in humans! The bleed-out rate from a multi-shot wounding is only about 30 to 60 seconds, which I have ALSO seen quite personally!

        The AECOM/EG&G Technical/Academi "Cammo Dudes" can carry everything from an M4 to Shotguns and the odd Long-Rifle. And YES they WILL SHOOT YOU if you are "Felt" as being a threat. The base commander doesn't even NEED to authorize those actions. The "Cammo Dudes" ALREADY HAVE that Deadly Force authorization.

        If you KEEP coming then the Black Hawks come out and some .50 CAL salvos get blown out 50 meters in front of your group. After that and your group STILL keep coming, then those salvos get closer and closer until the front guys eventually find their guts hanging out from their torso and their legs blown off five metres behind them!

        Keep coming and the AC-130's come out and the 25 mm cannons and 105 howitzer starts making short work of 300 000 people within 10 minutes! Nobody will see a damn thing as the local area of operations get saturated with jamming to prevent phone-based live streams and any non-EMF/RFI proof electronics (i.e. audio recorders or video cameras) from working. The bodies get collected by base personnel, cremated on-site and no-one is the wiser! AND the base commander makes a statement to media that Deadly Force was authorized and carried out with no other details being shared from that day forwards.

        AND THERE IS NOTHING that will be done on the civilian side from the parents/relatives/friends of those who went! They can scream ALL they want. NOTHING will be said or done about it!


        Base personnel / Cammo Dudes DO NOT THINK like Civvies !!! They think only two things:

        a) Threat or No Threat

        then they think:

        b) Disable or STOP threat completely!

        If they get to "B", I would be running quick. The next action will be PUT DOWN THREAT PERMANENTLY using all means available and NOT just by any means allowed! They will use ALL MEANS AVAILABLE to stop an ongoing threat which usually means VERY LARGE APPLICATIONS of active and mostly lethal force!

        The results look like this:


        and this:,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/khwsxovjwoqcujkoslpj.jpg

        THAT is what very real firepower can do to humans!

        It ain't a pretty sight! AND THE SMELL of all that death is EFIN unbelievable!


    2. veti Silver badge

      Shooting at one guy, who was given plenty of warning, is one thing. (If that even happened. Can you link to a report?) Shooting at a huge crowd of people who might, for all you can tell, include your brother and your mother, is something else entirely.

      If nothing else, it would guarantee a one way ticket to federal prison for everyone concerned. Even in Trump's America, you can't just turn military weapons on a crowd of unarmed civilians - not without starting a real war, anyway.

      1. StargateSg7

        Boy are you EVER WRONG !!! Have you ever been to an active police operation or war zone ???

        If you are in a NON_CIVILIAN area and you are offering up a THREAT ... we damn well WILL SHOOT YOU ---- An operating base even INSIDE the USA is an ACTIVE BASE with standing orders to protect it! if 300,000 people show up and THREATEN US .... We're DAMN WELL GONNA STOP YOU !!!

        Those are OUR ORDERS--- We don't NEED no stinkin' word from the President! We ALREADY HAVE that authorization to STOP INTRUDERS of ALL KINDS !!! Non-combatants? Other Civilians? Military personnel? insurgents? We will use ALL AVAILABLE METHODS !!! Not just SOME METHODS to stop base infiltration! ALL AVAILABLE METHODS will be used!

        Those are OUR orders! Don't like it ? Tooo bad!

        First come the ADS and LRAD's!

        Next are the Rubber Bullets!

        What comes NEXT will NOT be tear gas or flash bangs. THEY WILL BE 7.62 and .50 CALs or 25 mm rounds or 105 mm salvos !!! It's your choice to TEST US !!! We know what to do and what we WILL DO IT PERIOD !!!! -- Be it 2 persons or more !!! If it's 300,000 I can assure you WE WILL TAKE THAT WAAAAAAAAY MORE SERIOUSLY than just 2 people! We'll just call in the AC-130's FIRST because that is a VERY REAL DEMONSTRATED threat (i.e. large numbers of trespassing/massing people!) which is so high that FULL FIREPOWER will be trained as a FIRST ACTION !!!!!

        To put it mildly, we DO NOT GIVE A RATS A*& about what the parents or public will be saying afterwards! A large scale threat was present in an active Area of Operations. The threat was ORDERED to be STOPPED !!! We DID stop it! Tooo bad !!! Cry us a river!


        Ya STILL don't BELIEVE US???

        TRY IT and see what happens !!!

        Get ready for a 7.62 bleed-out coming your way!

        Keep coming... we'll call the Black Hawks and the AC-130's in:

        This is the result:


        Yeah! try it! See what it gets you! A bunch of 25mm rounds and a howitzer up your sorry hiney!


        THIS IS NOT SOME EFIN JOKE TO US !!! 300,000 people ARE a REAL THREAT whether it's in Afghanistan OR in Nevada!!! A mass THAT BIG WILL be STOPPED with FULL EFFORT by base personnel !!! There is NO KIDDING OR JOKING AROUND ---- IT WILL BE SHOOT FIRST AND ASK QUESTIONS LATER !!!

        Again this is the result:



        AND iraq war.jpg


        That is what's gonna happen!


        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          i recall one of our (UK) ex-military speaking bitterly about US troops eagerness to shoot first and then find out later what it was they were shooting at. So I don't doubt for a moment that at least some US troops would just open fire because they had potential targets in front of 'em.

        2. Mooseman Silver badge

          @stargate whatever

          Please stop with the exclamation marks and capital letters.

          A) It hurts my eyes

          B) it makes you look like a moron

      2. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

        'Even in Trump's America, you can't just turn military weapons on a crowd of unarmed civilians - not without starting a real war, anyway.'

        I do hope that this isn't what the masterminds of this folly have in mind.

      3. Robert Sneddon

        Even in Trump's America, you can't just turn military weapons on a crowd of unarmed civilians - not without starting a real war, anyway.

        White civilians, maybe -- the Kent State shootings caused some tut-tuttings among the tut-tut set but not much more. Non-whites, well, the Tulsa race riots and a number of other massacres of black American citizens didn't result in a war either and hardly any tut-tuts were given. As for massacres of native Americans well, those land rushes out West weren't going to get done if those peksy Injuns were hanging around getting in the way and waving those solemn treaties they had signed about who owned what.

        White Americans have a wonderful capability to self-delude about the sorts of actions that made White America soooo white.

        1. jake Silver badge

          It's getting kind of old, you Brits trying to lecture the US on the evils of racism. How long ago, exactly, did Robertson's stop using the Golliwog to sell jam to children? 2002, wasn't it? Think that the memory has evaporated with the advertising campaign? Think again ...

          Get off your high-horse and put your own house in order.

          1. Mooseman Silver badge

            you have a president, and I use the term loosely, whipping up racism against elected members of congress, and you resort to whining about an old advertising gimmick that wasn't used for decades instead of going, hang on a minute, this is actually quite bad. Good to see the Trumpistan mentality in action

    3. Wupspups

      7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

      Tell me oh wise in the ways of the septic military why in the name of George Smith Patton Jr would Area 51 guards be all shooting 7.62mm ammunition? ( I am assuming that you are refering to 7.62mm x 51mm aka .308 Winchester and not the commie stuff at 7.62mm x 39mm). Considering the standard ammo for yea goode ol boys in the US military (and the rest of NATO too boot) is 5.56mm X 45mm and has been since 1963 for US and 1970 for NATO.

      Are you saying they are all armed with SCAR-H, M240, even possibly some die hard dudes with M14s and M60s, or are they all running about Predator style with M134s strapped to their muscley bodies blurting out 6000 rpm (thats round not revs by the way). Or perchance they are all super select snipers and they are using .300 Lapau (they must be very speical to use that and not .338 Lapau). Instead of the much beloved products of Colt the M4 and M16.

      We need to know

      1. StargateSg7

        Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

        M4's actually use 5.56 rounds but they are really low velocity compared to a 7.62. I've seen 5.56 bounce right off automotive windshield glass, so higher end rifles TEND to be given to the base guards and they will usually be .308 rounds.

        I specified 7.62 NATO so people understand that HIGHER VELOCITY with HIGHER KINETIC ENERGY rounds WILL BE USED of base infiltrators! You want to STOP your base infiltrator from a distance. An M4 is short distance weapon. You need long rifles and more automated weapons systems to stop an entire crowd!

        Base guards REALLY LIKE this one:

        HK MR762a1/a2

        I can easily hit a target dead-on at 700 metres or more with this baby!

        1. StargateSg7

          Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

          I personally TEND to use this specific one:

          Barrett Model 82A1 .50 BMG

          I can pretty much do up to 1100 metres on Centre-of-Mass or Better on a continuous shot-after-shot with NO PROBLEMS! World record is 2475 metres but i'm nowhere near that good. 1100 metres is my consistent distance day after day on the forehead!


          And if ANYONE thinks different about what base personnel OR any local sheriffs will do if you even TRY to go onto ANY active base, try this report:

          YES it was January 29, 2019 where the man was shot dead but there are other even MORE recent incidents on VARIOUS bases where people were stopped by ALL means necessary!

          DIRECT QUOTE:

          "...Deputies and site officers fired at him when he ignored their verbal commands, Morgan said.

          The man died at the property formerly known as the Nevada Test Site. ..."

          This base is a bit of a distance away and is NOT as security sensitive as Area-51

          So you better be COGNIZANT at a TRULY security sensitive site such as Area-51, the guards ARE VERY trigger happy and 300 000 people massing up WILL AND WITHOUT QUESTION ASSUMED to be a GRAVE THREAT to the operational status of the base. Those people WILL BE STOPPED !!!

          And as a tactical person, here is how we do it. Right now they use light trucks (i.e. Ford Raptors) for patrol but mobile squads on all sides of the mass crowd will be confined to a pre-defined roughly rectangular area called a KILL BOX !!!

          I put about four Squads (i.e. 4 groups of 3 teams of 4 rifle men each) on both SIDES of the insurgent mass. I then put multiple mobile squads in front and behind the crowd. We start simultaneous firing on both sides first so that the insurgent group panics and concentrates into a denser mass into the middle of the kill box. Then I start the multiple mobile squads firing in front so the crowd panics even more and back-pedals towards the rear. Then my mobile and multiple rear squads CLOSE the kill box and we pretty much wipe out the insurgents from then on! Those are TACTICS !!! And they WILL be followed!

          300 000 people ARE a threat! It is NOT a perceived threat... IT IS AN ACTUAL THREAT !!! That threat WILL be stopped!


          Try it and see what happens! What a surprise when you find out that soldiers will be SOLDIERS which means they WILL WAGE VERY REAL WAR upon a mass crowd that large that IS considered an actual threat to base operations!!!

          THIS IS NO JOKE !!! THEY ___ WILL ___ FIRE UPON YOU !!!!!!


          1. Wupspups

            Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

            Wow really amazing what skills and knowledge you can learn from playing "Call of Duty" and watching Jack o'Neil and his happy little gang from under Cheyenne mountain save us from all the bad people.

            By the way 7.62 Nato velocity higher than 5.56 Nato I dont thinks so

            7.62 Nato = 2800 fps

            5.56 Nato = 3260 fps

            If you are going to bullshit at least get your facts right mate.

            1. StargateSg7

              Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

              Technically, YOU ARE CORRECT in terms of actual velocity where the 5.56 is greater than the 7.62, but penetration quality, bullet tumbling characteristics, and wound characteristics tend to be more severe with the 7.62 round. It's why the guns I previously outlined tend to get used. They are more lethal to humans!

              AND the 5.56 is really only good and accurate to about 250 metres and the 7.62 is a bit of a wet rag after 500 metres. For max "Wounding Power", the 7.62 is the better size and you get a tiny bit more range than 5.56 round.

              For the most part, your technical characteristics are correct, but it's a matter of wounding power vs PDW carrying lightness vs range. It's also a matter of economics. 7.62 is not cheap! 5.56 is for military forces! AND based upon some of my own preferences, it's also a matter that 7.62 weapons TEND to be larger and MORE COOL LOOKING for personnel who have that option of choosing a personal weapon. So those are ALL a factor in base operations and choosing/use of specific firearms.

              Don't get me wrong, the M4 is a fine PDW! I just like the H&K rifle much better!


              1. StargateSg7

                Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

                The basic issue of 5.56 and 7.62 rounds is that one is cheaper than the other (5.56 is cheaper!), you can carry more ammo with 5.56 than 7.62, and the tendency of the 5.56 to tumble and flutter more at 250 metres makes it a more effective SHORT distance weapon (i.e. for local spray and pray scenarios!) because it's wounds are more horrific on insurgents than the clean pin-prick low-level body armor piercing abilities of the 7.62 rounds.

                AND a stupid economics decision was made decades ago where the MOST EFFECTIVE penetrating longish-range rifle round (i.e. British .303 in my opinion!) was tossed in favor of the CHEAPER and more manufacturing-friendly 5.56 round!

                Which to use? I would say the British .303 is best for killing your insurgents and base infiltrators but those 7.62 H&K rifles LOOK SO MUCH MORE COOL than that short barrelled M4!


                NOW AGAIN .... for the love of your sorry hineys, DO NOT MASS INVADE Area-51 .... I can assure you that base personnel WILL FIRE UPON YOU !!!!!

                Your videos WILL NOT BE GETTING OUT because the AO will be signals and RFI/EMI jammed AND your recording gear WILL be confiscated. Your parents WILL THEN have to find up to $500 000 US for the lawyers and court costs to defend the inevitable FEDERAL FELONY CHARGES your sorry-tush baby-kins will find themselves saddles with IF they happen to actually survive the LEGAL ORDER AND APPLICATION OF LETHAL FORCE upon an invasion of an ACTIVE U.S. military base!


                Ergo, DO NOT TRY SUCH A STUPID ACT !!!!!!!


                WHAT YOU CAN DO THOUGH ... is get your sorry hineys out to the VOTING BOOTH and elect a President of your choosing who can BY DECREE DE-CLASSIFY ANY AND ALL data, systems, personnel, operations and bases that contains security sensitive information and objects! That President can FORCE a media tour to be made and force the opening-up of said facilities for public inspection.



                1. Mooseman Silver badge

                  Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

                  Can we block this garbage please? If you want to go wank off about your supposed sharpshooter skill go to a military forum, nobody, but nobody here is impressed. We don't care about whatever you claim is Area 51 defence (how would you know anyway?). Guns are used because they look cooler? Really? OK....

      2. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: 7.62mm isnt that a bit old hat?

        Dont be silly - they'll use the alien technology they've accumulated. The 300,000 will just turn around and walk off looking for the nearest burger emporium drooling slightly more than on their way in!

    4. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge

      And this is how it's done, folks

      From the article:

      'Shitposting is defined by internet culture news site The Daily Dot as "aggressively, ironically, and trollishly poor quality" posting'

  18. solinmoon

    Area 51 Alien Center or Area 51 Alien Travel Center

    Make sure you get on the north side (US-6) where the gate is and not on the south side (US-95) with the Area 51 Alien Travel Center and Alien Cathouse brothel. The gates on that side are to the Nevada Test Site. They no longer test nuclear swords at the NTS, they now test only nuclear plowshares. Too bad for the NORKs that they did not think of marketing their program as peaceful.

    The first three search results from DDG(Bing) for "Area 51 Alien Center" are for the travel center/whorehouse.

  19. solinmoon

    Area 51 Alien Center or Area 51 Alien Travel Center

    Make sure you get on the north side (US-6) where the gate is and not on the south side (US-95) with the Area 51 Alien Travel Center and Alien Cathouse brothel. The gates on that side are to the Nevada Test Site. They no longer test nuclear swords at the NTS, they now test only nuclear plowshares. Too bad for the NORKs that they did not think of marketing their program as peaceful.

    The first three search results from DDG(Bing) for "Area 51 Alien Center" are for the travel center/whorehouse.

    I live across the street from the travel center I have marked the date/time on my calendar to see the people on the wrong side.

  20. Totally not a Cylon Silver badge

    Wrong base

    Typical trendies they've got the wrong base.

    Area 51 is where the Earth stuff is built, the actual research with the aliens happens at 29 Palms.

    That's where they ought to be going and its not guarded by the AirForce.

    /sarcasm (or is it?)

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I lived in Las Vegas for several years. If you drive North on the 95, you've driven past Area 51. It's the home of Groom Lake AFB.

    As you continue North on the 95, you'll get to Tonopah, where other weapons are tested, such as howitzers. The town has an interesting history, including a haunted hotel about 100 years old that is sealed off to the curious. Continuing North you'll pass Hawthorne, which is a US Navy weapons armoury, if you include several hundred (or more) acres of bunkers in your definition of an armoury.

    Nevada has lots of barren and remote land to hold secrets. Not all of them are in a shallow grave outside Vegas.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing to see here folks

    Regards, Al Ian

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Also - when you're at McCarran airport in Vegas and have the opportunity to look out the windows South to Las Vegas Bvld., take note of the 737's with an orange stripe down the fuselage. Those are the buses for the employees working at Groom, Tonapah, etc. The aircraft were known as the Julie or Juliette flights - perhaps someone can correct me on this as for some reason it doesn't come up with a GIS search - it used to.

    1. Mine's a Large One

      Janet - sometimes referred to as Janet Airlines.

      Apparently the name came from "Joint Air Network for Employee Transportation", but the USAF guy that told me that years ago admitted he wasn't used to "Briddish ales" but had drank rather a lot of them...

  24. Big_Boomer Silver badge


    Nah, the military will warn the idiots, warn them again, then fire warning shots. Then they will give up and let them wander into the active minefields and watch the anti-personnel mines do the dissuading for them. Later on during the inevitable inquest/investigation they will point to the warnings given and state that there was a problem with the circuit that disabled the minefield.

    1. Martin-73 Silver badge

      Re: Warning!

      Yep that seems more likely than mr stargate's random ranting upthread. Maybe they'll even disable the minefield and let the lack of aliens and the desert environment force the people back

  25. not.known@this.address
    Black Helicopters


    Please correct me if I'm wrong - and no need to shout if you do, by the way - but don't American weapons fire those dinky little 5.56mmN rounds, not 7.62mmN? I guess a few units might have the odd M60 or Stoner M23 laying around but I didn't think they really bothered with anything between the SAW/Minimi and the Ma Deuce these days...

    Besides, why bother with silly old projectile weapons when they have all those alien-supplied laser weapons and Man-Portable Fusion- and Plasma Guns?

    1. StargateSg7

      Re: @StagateSg7

      M4's use 5.56 rounds which is the usual rifle (in my opinion a mere PDW aka Personal Defense Weapon) in most U.S. armed forces.

      I personally use THIS ONE:

      HK MR762a1:


      Barrett Model 82A1 .50 BMG:

      and the REASON i'm shouting is a bunch of IDIOTS are going to get themselves KILLED because they DO NOT UNDERSTAND the concept of an "Active Base" and "Already Authorized" !!!

      Area-51 (aka Dreamland) is a national security sensitive area in the USA! The signs say "Deadly Force Authorized" -- That means the personnel ALREADY HAVE the authorization from the base commander AND their superior officer(s) to allow patrollers to use ALL AVAILABLE MEANS to prevent ingress onto the well-delineated facilities!

      Normally, for 2 to 10 people, you will see 2 to 4 Ford F-150 Raptor Trucks (i.e. Lorries) coming from all sides to box you in so they an EFFECT a normal County Sheriff's style arrest mode where they point their weapons at you, ask you to stand down and get on the ground like any other normal (if a bit rough!) U.S.-style arrest. They then cuff you and hand you over to the local county sheriff where you get a felony trespass charge (up to 6 months in jail) and fines UP TO $10 000 (or more!).

      So far. So Good! ...BUT ... if you show something in your HAND though, and/or don't stop and follow orders, then base guards DO NOT USE TASERS, they use their weapons on the suspect(s) which can be an M4, a Shotgun or a police Glock-style 9mm Handgun. Like ANY OTHER police officer, they do not shoot to kill, they shoot TO STOP which means their discharge of firearms can be lethal or non-lethal depending upon their aim. And in MANY CASES within the USA, the assailant dies in a hail of Base Guard gunfire because they showed something in their hands, didn't stop and follow orders. That's just normal STUPIDITY on the assailant since the guards WERE DOING THEIR JOBS to defend the base from intruders!


      BUT ... add in 300 000 mass intruders and the base commander takes things A WHOLE LOT MORE SERIOUSLY !!!

      IT DOES NOT MATTER that the group LOOKS unarmed! They are automatically ASSUMED to be an existential threat to the base because of their sheer numbers. First the LRADs (microwave) and ADS (sound) weapons come out to try and disperse the crowd. Usually that works GREAT!

      However, if the crowd keeps coming and even even a SMALL number show arms, then the game changes into pure military force application since the crowd is now deemed a true area-force threat to the base/facilities. The Kill Box method I outlined above gets used and a WHOLE LOTTA PEOPLE DIE from those 7.62/.308 rounds coming from the better equipped on-base squads who will fire from afar (usually greater than 500 metres)

      If the crowd is deemed too massive to control from normal ground-forces Kill Box techniques, then the AC-130 gunships with 25 mm rounds and 105 mm howitzers, Longbow (AH-64) helicopters (with .50 CAL guns) and, if they have them still, the A-10 Warthogs will make devastating runs with their 30mm cannon fire, etc.

      The Base F-16's would probably have air-to-surface ordnance and there may be other aircraft with 250 pound bombs they will drop. They WILL NOT DROP Napalm! BUT they will drop very real small form factor bombs which may include fragmentation bomblets (i.e. cluster munitions).

      Sorry to bring this to you, but THIS IS NOT EUROPE !!! America is very very different in its attitude towards property security and base defense operations. If 300 000 people show up at Area-51 and keep coming, half will be dead at the end of the day! And the rest will require a mass casualty response by Military (NOT civilian) personnel and a LOT of parents will be mourning their dead and severely injured loved ones and they will be able to DO NOTHING in terms of a LEGAL DEFENSE or lawsuit since those loved ones were deemed to be on an ACTIVE base with well delineated area of operation(s). Ergo, it was a PERFECTLY LEGAL RESPONSE by base personnel to kill ANY OR ALL those intruders! No War Crimes trial will be enacted or enforced since the intruders committed a legally definable crime against a military installation where a legally allowed military response IS ALLOWED !!!

      You people watch waaaay too much TV (telly) !!1 You goto Area-51 en-masse posing a perceived existential threat, you will come out in a glass or plastic cremation jar! AND there is NOTHING your parents/loved one will be able to do about it from a legal or even political standpoint!

      AND FINALLY, will base operators fire upon civilians? ABSOLUTELY YES THEY WILL !!!!

      There is NO ands, ifs or buts about that !!! They did it in Iraq and Afghanistan and the 100 other police actions (see above photos!) the USA has partaken in AND they ABSOLUTELY WILL DO SO in Nevada! Base security AND the Warfighters WILL DO THEIR JOB !!!! They WILL FIRE UPON YOU if you try to infiltrate Area-51 !!!!!!

      In fact, the survivors of this base defense operation will face the HIGHER LEVEL FEDERAL FELONY charges of inciting/partaking in a civil disturbance/riot and causing injury to others. Those survivors once they recover from their gunshots and bomb wounds will be facing up-to 25 year prison sentences and $250 000 fines! And those charges WILL BE FILED at the federal level! I hope their families have the $100 000 to $500 000 it will cost to mount a good legal defense of those court cases! If they DON'T have that sort of money, I say take the pre-trial federal attorney guilty-plea deals and serve your 10 year prisons sentence and $50 000 fines. It's a LOT better than going to trial costing your family/parents up to half-a-million dollars in lawyer fees/court costs but still getting 25 years in prison, a $250 000 fine AND the 10 years of restricted movement/probation afterwards!

      I DARE YOU !!! No! I double dare you! Say WHAT one more g'dam time?

      See what happens when you TRY to en-masse invade Area-51 !!! You will get the WELL-DESERVED SHOCK of your now cut-short life!


      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: @StagateSg7

        Jesus - my mouse wheel is getting worn out scrolling past this shit!

        1. StargateSg7

          Re: @StagateSg7

          Cuz the base issue is STUPIDITY !!!

          Stupidity on the part of a whole whack load of Dumb F&*(s who are gonna get themselves killed because THEY THINK base personnel will NOT fire upon them when past experience tells me SH(*^ Yeah! we're gonna shoot you and bomb you with NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER !!!!!

          This is not some effin video game we here there's a reset button and you get back up again. I'm gonna be 500 metres away and enact a Kill Box scenario and we're gonna CLOSE that Kill Box and WIPE OUT ALL THOSE in that Kill Box zone! 300 000 people means there's an existential threat to OURSELVES and to the ACTIVE base facilities. Yo THINK we're not going to shoot ???

          Good luck on that !!! Give it a try and see what happens! Better bring along some body bags! No! Wait! Don't! There's crematorium facilities available. The bodies will be collected, identified, cremated and the ashes sent to relatives in plastic jars. The wounded will be triaged and sent out for mass casualty response (i.e. base MASH units) and eventual federal felony charges once they get well again in the year or two it takes to recovers from 7.62 fire and large scale air-to-ground ordnance blast injuries!

          Like I said earlier! Play with fire! Ya get Burnt! And in this case pretty badly! 30mm cannon fire and blast injuries from 105mm howitzer fire is nothing to laugh at! When your blood and guts are spilled out from all those 7.62 rounds that hit you in the chest and stomach (we fire at centre of mass usually), you'll sing a waaaay different tune!

          And it doesn't matter if you turn and run! We is gonna CLOSE that Kill Box and wipe out whoever is in it whether they are running or not! You didn't disperse the first time so you DO NOT GET A SECOND CHANCE !!! We keep firing no matter what! We're not stopping! Real world warfighting DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY !!! The enemy is fired upon continuously UNTIL FULLY STOPPED and/or ERADICATED !!!


          TRY MASSING AT AREA 51 or anywhere else for that matter !!!

          SEE WHAT HAPPENS !!!!!!!! --- YOU'LL FIND OUT THE HARD WAY !!!


        2. Anonymous Coward

          Re: @StagateSg7

          Witness the mindset that has given us massacres through history. Though I'm struggling to think of a historical massacre that has been on quite the scale of Stargate's imagination here: even the greatest slaughters of the 20th century weren't hundreds of thousands in a single event (by comparison, the worst slaughter in the British army's history was 57K, July 1st 1916)!

          More interesting is the sheer zeal: the clear desperation to frighten people off. An extreme paranoid mindset that is scared s***less by the prospect of an event. On the positive side, I can't imagine anyone representing US officialdom would spend so much time and energy ranting in this forum.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: @StagateSg7

            I suspect that the ranting comes about from his fear that the .fed won't react in exactly the manner that he has invented. This will have the effect of bringing down the entire house of cards he has built up for himself, leaving him with nothing ...

            We (TINW) should probably invoke Formosa's Law and ignore him.

            1. StargateSg7

              Re: @StagateSg7

              YUP! Batsh&^*^ Insane I am ... but also smart enough to know that Stupid Is as Stupid Does!

              On a realistic basis, even when half a million people have SAID they will storm Area-51, far too many are mere keyboard/armchair warrior and if they EVER get a close-up look-see at my H&K they would SH&*^ their pants and high-tail it the opposite way.

              When they see a bunch of guys on Ford Raptors/Humvee/JTLV surround them and loading out some belts of .50 CAL onto a ground tarp and a GAU 19b Gatling Gun setup on a big ground tripod or on a vehicle such as below:


              OR any one of these:


              me thinks the crowd will get second thoughts!

              The only problem I see is such tactics may actually ENRAGE those crowds where MANY will ALSO likely be high on pot and meth, etc and then GROUP-THINK takes over and yes they WILL be stupid enough to charge to try and take out the guards even IF they are firing live .50 CAL rounds.

              It would be BETTER to bring out the LRADS and ADS systems first and just sweep the crowd until they move back off-base. Then a large force of deputies from BOTH Clark County and the Local Sheriffs office can start doing the felony trespass arrests. Enough 12 gauge shotguns up-close will PROBABLY be enough show-of-force to enforce an orderly retreat/surrender to local police.

              I personally think about up to 500 will show up and another 200 media personnel and a simple sheriffs roundup will occur. What is the UNKNOWN UNKNOWN is the militia and/or armed anti-government community who IN THEMSELVES HAVE EQUIVALENT WEAPONS to the Area-51 base force, MIGHT show up as a part of a WE THE PEOPLE movement. In many cases, they are actually BETTER ARMED than the on-base personnel!

              THOSE are the ones to be FEARED GREATLY !!! MANY have NVGs, Thermal imagers, auto-targeting systems, BMG's H&K's, Gatling Guns, even RPGs, etc. AND they have the actual training to make EFFECTIVE USE of them. They KNOW the weakspots to take down a Longbow from 1500 metres. They can KILL a Kiowa 's Nightvision Turret and take out the base turret mount Humvees AND SOME can do 2000+ metre head-shot takedowns of base personnel with their BMG .50 cal or their 20mm anti-materiel rifle!

              THOSE are the Bad Boys that base personnel NEED to worry about!

              The Nurato Run millennials have the brains of worms and can barely walk (let alone RUN!) 400 metres without getting out their asthma inhalers. They aren't really the problem! Any LRAD/ADS system will take care of that! ... It's the Militia CRAZIES are are BOTH Well-Armed and Well-Trained who will be the big problem AND some of them are SO GOOD AT TACTICS and LIVE FIRE TRAINING that they have the ability to UTTERLY DEFEAT the base guards and other security personnel !!!

              THAT is what I foresee !!!!!


  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Area 51 is not that interesting

    I've been to the gates, down the unmarked dirt roads, in a minibus full of jolly English tourists (+ one South Korean 'builder' who was sh!tting his pants).

    No-one even bothered to come out of the bunker to tell us to turn around.

    I've visited MUCH more intimidating places in the UK! Places where the fear is created by psychological means, not overt guns and rhetoric.

    1. Martin-73 Silver badge

      Re: Area 51 is not that interesting

      Indeed. Just that odd sign that says photography's prohibited and by reading this notice you're legally obliged to blah blah. And the fact that the security seems so relaxed but you know it's not...

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like