back to article Praise the lard! Police hook up with Microsoft to school us on National Phish and Chip Day

Today is National Fish and Chip* Day, and tech giant Microsoft has wasted no time wading in with the police to school the UK about phishing scams. In what must be one of the industry's most tenuous links, the City of London Police has urged internet pond life to "mullet over" before falling victim to a phishing email on …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We just wish we'd come up with it first...

    That must have left you feeling distinctly crabby. Still, you managed to winkle out a few puns.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. GnuTzu Silver badge

    Hungry

    Headlines like this are hard on us dieters.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: Hungry

      You poor sausage. El Reg, are between a rock and a hard plaice over whether to publish. Cod knows they fry their best to please their readers, as they don't want their reputation battered. But I'll wrap up now, so as not to rub salt in the wound.

      1. Caver_Dave
        Coat

        Re: Hungry

        "Rock and a hard plaice"

        Shouldn't that be rockfish and a hard plaice?

      2. GnuTzu Silver badge

        Re: Hungry

        Well done.

    2. The Nazz Silver badge

      Re: Hungry

      As a dieter you should go to my local chippy. I went in their last Wednesday and the following occurred.

      Me : "Haddock and chips twice, please."

      Chippy : "Sorry mate, we've run out of fish."

      Me : "But i'm hungry, Haddock and Chips twice, please."

      Chippy : "Told you mate, we've no more fish left to fry."

      Me : "I'm starving, i suppose we could share a portion, Haddock and Chips just the once then, i've got all the right change."

      Chippy : "Look matey, i'm getting annoyed now, i've told you we've no fish left. Here, spell Haddock for me with an F."

      Me : "But there is no f in haddock"

      Chippy : "Precisely, that's what i've been telling you, now go away."

      Except he wasn't so polite.

  3. big_D Silver badge
    Pint

    Puntastic way to end the week

    Shame we don't have any chippies over here. :-(

    Have a beer and think of me as you scoff your cod and chips!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Puntastic way to end the week

      There's at least one chippy in the old US of A. On the Florida coast near St Augustine. The guy who owns it said his Dad was from London, and went over there to go somewhere warmer and ply his chip-tastic trade.

      Fish was lovely and fresh and the chips were good. What was odd was sitting on a beach eating fish and chips while actually being warm - with a gentle breeze and gorgeous sunset. Not an accustomed feeling on a British seaside. Which involves a biting wind and psychotic seagulls trying to nick your chips.

      Also that chippy sold wine. So we shared a lovely bottle of it. I've never seen wine in a british seaside chippy - and it would take a braver man than me to drink it, if I did...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Puntastic way to end the week

        There's even a chain (at least, there was) - I came across Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips when I was working in Atlanta.

        Nowhere near as good as the local chippie (It was sliding towards the MacDonalds end of the spectrum), but a valiant effort, none the less.

        1. Thrudd the Barbarian

          Re: Puntastic way to end the week

          Tried AT and it was better than most found state side. My local mini chain Heritage Fish n Chips is as close as you can get without hitting the coast or crossing the pond to the isles.

          They even import decent crisps.

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Re: Puntastic way to end the week

            I bought fish and chips in the Harry Potter dining hall in Universal Orlando.

            What I received was battered fish fingers and chips. No huge cod fillet overhanging the plate.

            So no real fish and chips experience, which is to be tempted in by the smell and then fell a bit dirty after you've eaten it.

      2. big_D Silver badge

        Re: Puntastic way to end the week

        Here, in Lower Saxony, I've never seen a chippy, let alone a traditional English one.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Pint

          Re: Puntastic way to end the week

          big_d,

          Oops. Sorry! I thought you were one of our American commentards.

          No chips. But at least you have nice beers.

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Puntastic way to end the week

        "I've never seen wine in a british seaside chippy"

        I was in a posh UK chippy once that used wine that had gone off. They called it vinegar (as opposed to the "non-brewed condiment" most use. :-)

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          Shame!

          Anything less than industrial grade acetic acid is anathema.

      4. Paul Crawford Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: I've never seen wine in a british seaside chippy

        Not quite seaside, but L’Alba D’Oro in Edinburgh has a good wine list, and any of the sit-in plaices like The Ashvale in Aberdeen, or most Harry Ramsden's, offer decent wines to go with your supper.

        Yes, I like my wine in pint glasses =>

        1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: I've never seen wine in a british seaside chippy

          I was in a Chippy last night in Inverness (the one in Scotland) and it even sold a 'wee dram' as well as bottles of St Andrews Ale. The latter went down a treat with a 'fish supper' (Haddock and Chips. Cod was extra!). Too bad that is was on an industrial estate but you can't win them all.

          Hoping for even better tonight as I'll be in Ullapool.

        2. 0laf Silver badge
          Childcatcher

          Re: I've never seen wine in a british seaside chippy

          The Fishmarket at Edinburgh Newhaven Harbour is licenced and you can get wine or craft beer to go with your fish and chips.

          They do some posh stuff too like crab claws, squid or battered monkfish rather than your normal haddock. I opted for a pot of mussels when I was there and they were tasty. On the expensive side for a chippy but very nice.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stinks

    I'd say something about fishing rights in British waters being handed over to brussels bottom-feeders for eternity but hopefully that shocking 'deal' will get torpedoed.

  5. John 110

    There's something fishy about this whole story...

  6. OssianScotland Silver badge

    Sorry to keep carping on...

    … but all these fishy puns are out of plaice, and are giving me a bad haddock. An act of Cod is needed.

    1. CustardGannet

      Re: Sorry to keep carping on...

      But for us lovers of bad puns, it's a bream come true.

  7. Colin Bull 1
    Pirate

    better still

    Out in the sticks in rural Cornwall there are not many chippies. But better still the St John Inn have a fish and chip night with beer as well as batter. You cant get batterern that :-) Just leaving now.

    1. Colin Bull 1

      Re: better still

      Update

      The choice of beer was Tavey Porter 5.2%, Longman Long Blond or Bass 4.5% all at £3 a pint.

      ** SATNAV WARNING** You may be directed over a ford which is impassable at high tides.

      You should also be comfortable reversing long distances because all roads are single track for long distances.

  8. Chris G Silver badge

    Eel be sorry

    Writing that many puns in an article, Cod will judge him, eel be going down with a grouper soles to the depths.

    There he can think about his sins of trawling the net.

    1. Swarthy
      Facepalm

      Re: Eel be sorry

      The puns got out-of-hand, without a trout. Adding more feels like gill-ding the lily, they should be fin-ished by now, but the commentards will flake out and keep carping along, just for the halibut.

      1. Denarius Silver badge

        Re: Eel be sorry

        Puns on that scale, sword point ! I am gutted that I cannot reel in so many, bar a Monday

  9. Muscleguy Silver badge

    A Kiwi writes

    In Kiwiland it's the same except the crinkle cut in a foil packet variety are usually called chippies (not to be confused with the purveyors of fried goods). Either that or context renders which variety you mean. For example you would not, ordinarily, put a hot chip in a home made dip whereas home made dips for chippies are legion in NZ. The classic one takes a packet of brand onion soup, mixes it with a can of reduced cream, adds a modicum of vineger, mixes and refrigerates for a period and you have an onion dip ideal for the crinkle cut variety or some crudities.

    Sadly since I became gluten intolerant in about 1990 this delight has been denied me except in very small amounts. Flour in the onion soup. The reduced cream should be okay with my lactose intolerance.

  10. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Pint

    Praise The Lard

    Wot no mention of Mark Radcliffe...

    Still. Musn't grumble.

  11. sitta_europea
    FAIL

    But the SPF record for the DVLA _still_ exceeds the permitted number of DNS operations so it can't ever give a 'fail' result.

    And the SPF record for the Land Registry exceeds it by even more than the DVLA's does.

    And I've been trying to tell them both, every way I can, for literally YEARS.

    So to all you phishers out there: Quick! Forge DVLA and Land Registry mail right now! Your chance might be gone in - oooohhh - less than a few years!

    You can try forging mail from the BBC too - they send mail from servers which aren't listed in their SPF record, so you'll probably get away with it!

  12. Death Boffin
    Angel

    Different 'round here

    On the west side of the Pond it was National Doughnut Day. Icon for as close as I could get to a golden doughnut.

  13. Michael Habel Silver badge

    Can't you just call the Freedom Fries? Or in the case of Surrender Monkey Toast... Freedom Toast :D

  14. FlamingDeath

    I just want to effing scream!

    When will these muppets at Microturd realise they are part of the problem, not the solution

    Microshit are hosting phishing pages on their Forms platform and they literally couldnt give a fucking shit

    Why are they giving lessons?

    Fucking unbelievably arrogant

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