Russian-trained spy whale spooks Norwegian fishermen • The Register Forums

Monday 29th April 2019 15:51 GMT Kabukiwookie

Frickin' lasers

Please tell me they at least gave it a head mounted high powered laser.

26 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 15:57 GMT MassiveBob
  
  Re: Frickin' lasers
  
  I was waiting for El Reg to report this ever since I saw the article on BBC.
  
  I was not disappointed!!
  
  11 0 Reply
2. Monday 29th April 2019 16:38 GMT Mark 85
  
  Re: Frickin' lasers
  
  Lasers are for sharks not for whales. Do keep up.
  
  27 0 Reply
  1. Monday 29th April 2019 19:03 GMT macjules
    
    Re: Frickin' lasers
    
    Ah, but with Royal Navy cuts we are sadly reduced to mounting laser beams on angry seabass. Mind you, they are very angry seabass.
    
    30 0 Reply
    1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 00:49 GMT Frumious Bandersnatch
      
      Re: Frickin' lasers
      
      laser beams on angry seabass
      
      "To make sure we ate the most intelligent herring, he fished the estuary. He planted a notice: "Literate herring, this way" below the waterline, at the corner where it met the sea. The paint for the notice was made of crushed heads. Red-eyed herring (sore from reading) would round the corner, read the notice, and sense the estuary water, bland and eye-easing. A few feet brought them within the confining friendliness of his manila net... and a purposeful end."
      
      I'm off to play some (travel) Ludo...
      
      3 0 Reply
      1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 00:59 GMT Frumious Bandersnatch
        
        Re: Frickin' lasers
        
        (edit: porpoiseful!)
        
        2 0 Reply
  2. Monday 29th April 2019 20:14 GMT Stoneshop
    
    Re: Frickin' lasers
    
    As its harness apparently is for fitting a GoPro, it's likely to provide a video registration of the shark vapourising some target, so that the boffins involved can assess the damage.
    
    7 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 16:06 GMT OssianScotland

Was it done on porpoise?

Coat please..... before the lynch mob get me

28 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:42 GMT Korev
  
  Yes, you Orca
  
  11 0 Reply
2. Monday 29th April 2019 19:35 GMT John H Woods
  
  I sea what you did there
  
  7 0 Reply
  1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 09:42 GMT phuzz
    
    Ahem, I think you meant "I seal what you did there"...
    
    5 0 Reply
3. Monday 29th April 2019 23:39 GMT Anonymous Coward
  
  porpoise?
  
  what are you carping about?
  
  6 0 Reply
  1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 09:07 GMT Huw D
    
    Re: porpoise?
    
    For cod's hake...
    
    5 0 Reply
    1. Thursday 2nd May 2019 09:13 GMT Anonymous Coward
      
      Re: porpoise?
      
      I've haddock enough.
      
      1 0 Reply
4. Thursday 9th May 2024 10:57 GMT KayJ
  
  On baleen it seems likely.
  
  0 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 16:24 GMT Anonymous Coward

Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?

11 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 16:36 GMT Stoneshop
  
  Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
  
  That could well be a red herring.
  
  37 0 Reply
  1. Monday 29th April 2019 16:46 GMT OssianScotland
    
    Re: Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
    
    Possibly an Act of Cod?
    
    Alright, alright, I'll go quietly....
    
    13 1 Reply
    1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:22 GMT Stoneshop
      
      Re: Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
      
      Fishing for upvotes, are you?
      
      (the oilskin one, thanks)
      
      11 0 Reply
      1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 00:44 GMT Frumious Bandersnatch
        
        Re: Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
        
        Ooh, slick!
        
        4 0 Reply
    2. Monday 29th April 2019 17:36 GMT Swarthy
      
      Re: Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
      
      A blaspheme like that risks your sole!
      
      8 0 Reply
      1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:57 GMT OssianScotland
        
        Re: Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
        
        Its OK, I've been prawn again....
        
        6 0 Reply
2. Monday 29th April 2019 17:33 GMT Swarthy
  
  Why show the country of origin on your spy equipment?
  For the halibut!
  
  10 0 Reply
  1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:45 GMT Stoneshop
    
    For the halibut!
    
    Was it good enough for Jehovah?
    
    6 0 Reply
3. Monday 29th April 2019 18:59 GMT Korev
  
  Especially as the gear is clearly from Wales
  
  8 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 17:15 GMT Anonymous Coward

In Soviet Russia...

Whale lives by hunting man!!

9 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:26 GMT Forum McForumface
  
  Re: In Soviet Russia...
  
  I was going to go with:
  
  In Soviet Russia, whale research you!
  
  23 0 Reply
  1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:28 GMT Anonymous Coward
    
    Re: In Soviet Russia...
    
    Also good!
    
    4 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 17:18 GMT just_me

Russians under every bed?

Last time I checked... Russians speak ... um Russian, not English. The harness is in English, and there is a St. Petersburg, Florida in the United States. St Petersburg, Florida is also the location for several marine research institutes.

Suggestion; Pause, take a deep breath.. install brain.. get a cup of coffee or tea.. and think about it. No there is not a Russian spy hiding under your bed, in your closet, in the attic.. or..?

25 1 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 17:25 GMT Anonymous Coward
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  You're harshing my Cold War nostalgia. And I was just about to break out my Duran Duran albums...
  
  15 0 Reply
  1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 12:08 GMT Killing Time
    
    Re: Russians under every bed?
    
    'And I was just about to break out my Duran Duran albums..'
    
    Frankie's Two Tribes or Nena's 99 Red Balloons would be a bit more on the pulse of the politics at the time don't you think?
    
    Duran Duran didn't exactly fire up the youth of the day with their incisive political insight.
    
    They just about normalised the idea of eyeliner for boys!
    
    5 0 Reply
2. Monday 29th April 2019 17:26 GMT martinusher
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  Russians also write funny....its all (somewhat) Greek to me.....
  
  12 1 Reply
3. Monday 29th April 2019 19:08 GMT macjules
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  Ah, but this is good old Soviet 'maskirovka'. Put in a nameplate saying "Made in the USSR in the Glorious People's Whale Harness Factory of ~~Leningrad~~ ~~Petrograd~~ St Petersburg". Decadent Westerners will never work it out.
  
  10 0 Reply
4. Monday 29th April 2019 23:28 GMT thames
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  Well since the media have definitely established that it's a military while, then obviously it must be an American military whale. He's just returning from a dangerous special forces mission behind enemy lines where he infiltrated the Russian herring fishery and uncovered their devious plans.
  
  Medals, book, movie rights, and line of sports clothing to follow after his hero's welcome in Washington.
  
  6 0 Reply
  1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 12:40 GMT baud
    
    Re: Russians under every bed?
    
    I think it was a Russian red herring fishery
    
    3 0 Reply
5. Tuesday 30th April 2019 10:14 GMT Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese
  
  Russian or American?
  
  "Mr President, we must not allow a whale gap!"
  
  5 0 Reply
6. Tuesday 30th April 2019 13:42 GMT GreenPideon
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  Does anyone know what accent it had? That will tell us.
  
  2 0 Reply
7. Wednesday 1st May 2019 13:27 GMT Marcus Fil
  
  Re: Russians under every bed?
  
  "Equipment St.Petersburg" and the accompanying logo (see video link in article and stop frame at the appropriate moment) will be familiar to those who have encountered Russian military equipment particularly packs and webbing made by SSO/SPOSN. Go fact check yourself if you do not believe me.
  
  Occam's razor says Russian.
  
  1 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 17:57 GMT Anonymous Coward

Jones?

Was Keanu Reeves spotted in the vicinity?

4 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 19:56 GMT Killing Time
  
  Re: Jones?
  
  Then it wasn't fish he was trying to score...
  
  1 0 Reply
Monday 29th April 2019 18:24 GMT Morten Kristiansen

Not Exactly

Media in Denmark report the whale is not begging for food. It seems to be rubbing against the fishing vessels the get the harness of.

4 0 Reply
1. Monday 29th April 2019 18:39 GMT Chris G
  
  Re: Not Exactly
  
  " rubbing against the fishing vessels"
  
  Sooo, it's a HumpBoat Whale then?
  
  27 0 Reply
2. Tuesday 30th April 2019 01:29 GMT Anonymous Coward
  
  Re: Not Exactly
  
  Likely so and that harness arrangement was just cruel. There's a few people now added to my "best use for a fish-gutting knife" list. I'm not an animal rights type, but damn!
  
  2 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 00:53 GMT Frumious Bandersnatch

Why-a Russia?

It's-a not-a going anywhere!

2 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 01:05 GMT Sgt_Oddball

Seems more like a defector to me

Handing over it's spy kit and seeking asylum.

Hope it manages to stay that way and that it doesn't get caught in a Russian drag-net...

Mines the one with the topless Putin fishing photos in the pocket.

6 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 01:29 GMT SVV

Meanwhile, in the Murmansk whale pen........

"That arsehole never shut up about his new GoPro camera before he went on holiday, but he hasn't even posted a single photo on his Facebook page yet!"

7 0 Reply
1. Wednesday 1st May 2019 08:33 GMT OssianScotland
  
  Re: Meanwhile, in the Murmansk whale pen........
  
  Blowhole, Shirley?
  
  2 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 04:14 GMT Anonymous Coward

" The US navy also uses the mammals for mine detection and rescuing divers."

I am sure I have seen something about training them to assassinate the president - possibly after addicting them to heroin.

This was from the internet, so it must be true.

Could this possibly be The (smack addicted, ocean dwelling echo locating) Hero Your Country Needs.

2 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 10:05 GMT RRJ

Do they call him..???

I guess it's James Beluga

4 0 Reply
1. Tuesday 30th April 2019 11:15 GMT Bonzo_red
  
  Re: Do they call him..???
  
  Or if female, Nicola.
  
  1 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 10:43 GMT Anonymous Coward

Holy Russian Vampire Zombie Cetaceans!

Might be Beluga Lugosi

4 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 14:18 GMT Richard_Sideways

From Blubber, with love

In fairness, theres no reason to think its the Russians... maybe this particular Beluga was into bondage... check his blowhole for a ballgag.

0 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 15:07 GMT Clive Galway

In Soviet Russia, you don't hunt whales, whales hunt YOU

Niet

0 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 18:07 GMT Ken Moorhouse

49 posts in...

...and no mention of phishing?

1 0 Reply
Tuesday 30th April 2019 19:12 GMT Danny 2

Dangerous stuff

It's good the Norwegians found it before cooking the whale, it's a choking hazard.

3 0 Reply
Friday 3rd May 2019 01:10 GMT Ken Shabby

Scope...

Will it scale?

0 0 Reply
Friday 3rd May 2019 06:41 GMT Stoneshop

There is now

a competition to name the friendly cetacean

DefectyMcDefectorface doesn't flow that well.

0 0 Reply