back to article Blue Monday: Efforts to inspire teamwork with swears back-fires for n00b team manager

Good Monday morning, dear Reg readers. If you were faced with doing overtime this weekend, rather than going out for beers, this episode of Who, Me? might be right up your street. This time, in El Reg weekly column of readers' trips down memory lane, we meet "Kenneth", who tells us of a time he learned a valuable lesson about …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    On the fence here

    I do not agree about "when to not". It was his idea, so he should have taken responsibility for it. On the other hand, he should also have been told about the data-skimming, so taking responsilibility and pointing that out could have saved him.

    Not that there was much fallout on the whole affair anyway, it seems.

    1. Nick Kew

      Payee Mc PayeeFace

      I think I'd've gone for a halfway house.

      Admit, "sorry, yes, we got a bit carried away". But point out that this was about morale: having a bit of a laugh being an antidote to tedium and depression. And that, as you say, noone knew it had any consequence.

      Not that I'd've gone sweary in the first place. My imagination would more likely have veered off into nature or literature or fantasy worlds for inspiration.

    2. MrXavia

      Re: On the fence here

      You need to know when you can bend the rules, not break them...

      could have been fun by suggesting they try to work around obvious swearwords and use innuendo...

      1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

        Re: On the fence here

        Absolutely, a Simspons, "Moes Tavern crank call" naming policy would almost certainly have gone unnoticed. By the way, has anyone seen Mike Rotch?

        1. Stevie Silver badge

          Re: On the fence here

          In a bar in Montreal I once saw the "Mike Hunt" crank call successfully played on the attractive young female barkeeper.

          She yelled out "Mike Hunt! Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?" and was rewarded with bilingual catcalls from the regulars.

          I'd only been in town a few hours and this was a bar I had just ducked into as it looked like the least likely to get me thwacked with a billiard cue for being English.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: On the fence here

            You can always use medical terms, they aren't sweary.

            Mr Anal Discharge is obviously going to be fun at parties :)

      2. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: On the fence here

        Reminds me of the time we were all allowed to name our own PC's on the helpdesk. Being a big fan of the wombles I chose Orinoco, which went well with my little stuffed toy version sitting on the monitor.

        For some reason I'd pissed off the manager and she suddenly decided that we all had to choose names of rivers. Fortunately for me she was a clueless ding-bat and I was fairly smug when challenged on why I hadn't changed the name of my PC :)

  2. chivo243 Silver badge

    Opportunity missed

    He should have owned up to his "out of the box" thinking. Told the higher up about his magical moral booster and gotten *mgmt* brownie points.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Opportunity missed

      Manglement looking for someone to blame for their own ommission are not likely to hand out brownie points having found a victim.

      1. Fatman

        Re: Opportunity missed

        <quote>Manglement looking for someone to blame for their own ommission are not likely to hand out brownie points having found a victim.</quote>

        But, I bet, they have uses for something brown by rubbing his face in it.

  3. Steve Kerr

    Managament (another name for donkeys beginning with A)

    Worked for an investment bank once, had a manager that would take all the glory but none of the blame. Basically, anything that went well, he would crow from the rooftops that it was him that made it happen, anything that went wrong, he would throw to the wolves. I discovered this when I had a rather irate head of European settlements screaming obscenities at me down the phone.

    There was a major issue and every day we had a meeting in a seniors manager room for updates, so round the room we would go where everyone would update on their tasks, he would always say "Not done it yet, getting right on it" - for 2 weeks. In the end in the middle of the meeting where he said it yet again, when it came to me I said, "Oh, I've done that". I was moved team the following week!

    I got pushed a couple of years later (which I was happy about), I heard he got pushed at some point too.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "would take all the glory but none of the blame"

      That's how you usually become CEO in a company you didn't create.

    2. macjules Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Managament (another name for donkeys beginning with A)

      Recently parted ways* with a company where the head of project management was exactly like that. Every time we asked for an update on any particular project his response was "I'll have the relevant project manager to brief you on this" with no follow up. Eventually we started referring to him as 'Foxhole Norman", after the shirking officer in Band of Brothers.

      * I was asked to nominate staff to be subjected to stack ranking (©GE, Microsoft and Goldman Sachs), couldn't find anyone whose performance in my department was under par so put myself on the list .. unfortunately they accepted.

  4. revenant Silver badge

    "Part of the training for new recruits was to muck in with any and all jobs ..."

    I reckon that should be part of the training for new Managers and Team leaders as well. Just so they appreciate the crap that ordinary folk have to deal with.

    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: "Part of the training for new recruits was to muck in with any and all jobs ..."

      A friend was on such scheme in finance for a very large drug firm and did exactly that. One day her colleagues found she was earning over twice as much as them for the same job and then pretty much shunned her.

  5. ColinPa

    Managers looking good!

    In a large multi national we had a development team manager, lets call him Andrew who would report. "yes, on target, my team will be on time with the deliverables", when every other manager in the bear pit status meeting was saying they were having problems with the tight schedule.

    When Andrew went on vacation, the team leader came in with the true picture - they were at least 6 weeks late etc. Needless to say Andrew went on to become a senior manager.

    As a senior manager he did not like being told bad news. So people did not tell him and his projects were late and had poor quality. What the techie reported as "a pile of horse manure", became "it makes the roses grow"

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: Managers looking good!

      [QUOTE]

      What the techie reported as "a pile of horse manure", became "it makes the roses grow"

      [END-QUOTE]

      I usually reported it as "the end product of an adult, uncastrated, male head of cattle, aka rose fertilizer". For some reason it took managers always a couple of weeks to translate that to the correct eight letter word (junior devvers got it immediately).

      1. Amos1

        Re: Managers looking good!

        "For some reason it took managers always a couple of weeks to translate that to the correct eight letter word (junior devvers got it immediately)."

        Management is the same the world over. As I'm nearing retirement I've been using www.timeanddate.com a lot. It has a date-to-date calculator and will automatically subtract weekends and US federal holidays, leaving "work days". I then subtract out unused vacation (holiday) and expected sick time leaving me the days I'll need to report to work.

        When I finally got below one year I had this exchange with my manager, a company senior manager who had asked me for a year's notice (I was there a long time, understood a lot of the IT history and had a lot of tasks to transition):

        Me: "I only have 300 days at work remaining before retirement."

        He: "What? You only have 300 work days left?"

        Me: "No, I have 300 days at work left. There is a difference."

        He just looked very confused whilst all of the non-managers in the room immediately broke out laughing.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Managers looking good!

      During my time in one team, we developed our own terminology which endured.

      One example was "PV"; the term used for either a promised undeliverable, or something said that born of ignorance and basically wrong. It came from the term "proctoverbosic" or "proctoverbosity" which we used when someone persisted in talking out of their arse.

      1. Swarthy

        Re: Managers looking good!

        I grew up calling that a "Rectal-Cranial Inversion" or RCI. RCIs frequently lead to "Non-linear waterfowl issues."

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Managers looking good!

          Ah! Yes. Duck-fups.

    3. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      Re: Managers looking good!

      As a senior manager he did not like being told bad news. So people did not tell him and his projects were late and had poor quality. What the techie reported as "a pile of horse manure", became "it makes the roses grow"

      Sounds like a quote out of "Mushrooms) (https://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/Steve_Savitzky:Mushrooms)

      1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

        Re: Managers looking good!

        More like the SNAFU Principle:

        In the beginning was the plan, and then the specification; And the plan was without form, and the specification was void.

        And darkness was on the faces of the implementors thereof; And they spake unto their leader, saying: "It is a crock of shit, and smells as of a sewer."

        And the leader took pity on them, and spoke to the project leader: "It is a crock of excrement, and none may abide the odor thereof."

        And the project leader spake unto his section head, saying: "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it."

        The section head then hurried to his department manager, and informed him thus: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

        The department manager carried these words to his general manager, and spoke unto him saying: "It containeth that which aideth the growth of plants, and it is very strong."

        And so it was that the general manager rejoiced and delivered the good news unto the Vice President. "It promoteth growth, and it is very powerful."

        The Vice President rushed to the President's side, and joyously exclaimed: "This powerful new software product will promote the growth of the company!"

        And the President looked upon the product, and saw that it was very good.

        After the subsequent disaster, the suits protect themselves by saying "I was misinformed!", and the implementors are demoted or fired.

        1. Shooter

          Re: Managers looking good!

          And that's how "shit happens".

  6. hugo tyson
    FAIL

    Management omission...

    If only the bosses had said they were going to abstract from the database to make training examples, then the workers would have known why the guidelines on cleanliness of made-up names. That's the root cause of the problem right there.

    Reminds me of test software I wrote for the very first ARM CPUs at (troubled Cambridge micro-maker) Acorn in the 1980s. Testing that the silicon actually did the ISA, as it were. It was for use only within our small friendly team. So one of the fail messages was "Shifter fucked". But later ARM span out, became a monster success, and was shipping that test suite as binaries. You can guess the rest.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Error message which should never see the light of day

      Back in the mainframe days ICL's VME O/S had a kernel error which had the test hidden in the kernel source code verbatim is said 'I'm running at ACR2 now but have no idea how I got here so I better crash the system'. (ACR2 was privileged kernel access, 1 level above the hardware). At that stage I was shown the error message by our rather weird Kernel expert who was giggling at a paper kernel dump. Three years later I was doing the same although at least the dumps were digital then.

      IBM's VM O/S of the same period had the beauty 'there is an error in your program, correct the error and try again'

      1. Alien8n Silver badge

        Re: Error message which should never see the light of day

        My first engineering role the company software (green screen job running on an AS400) had a 4 letter limitation on custom functions. We needed to write a function that did a count. Unfortunately CONT had already been used, so no prizes for guessing what we named it...

        A later job and I'd often have to reboot the SEX Service on the machine. To make matters worse one of their previous clients was an online seller of adult toys.

    2. Stratman

      Re: Management omission...

      Or it could be said the bosses instructed them not to swear and were ignored. The root cause was instructions not being followed.

  7. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
    Flame

    Have you ever let your subordinates take the flak for something you did?

    I wish. I've never been deemed suitable to be in charge of anyone.

    Unlike Kenneth , who appeared to achieve that milestone on day 1

  8. PM from Hell
    Flame

    Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

    The data will always be re purposed for something you didn't consider. It sounds like the guidelines were sensible, I've done similar things but set the challenge for identifying as many characters in a book or series, the Simpsons, the Hobbit etc.

    But be aware anything entered into the test system will end up being projected in a senior stakeholder meeting at a crucial demo or will be used in training systems which will usually be cloned from test to save time. If there is anything you don't want them to see that's what will pop up.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

      Mr P I Staker.

      Mr Ivan Callot.

      Master Bates.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

        Oh dear. You need to google Ivor Biggun. Suitability for work depends on $work environment.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

          And Wayne Kerr.

          I believe he works in the banking industry.

          1. Grant Fromage

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            No, not banking, he actually used to make TV and RF signal generators.

            1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              He definitely had a stint in banking. I met him there several times.

            2. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              I had to call Wayne Kerr once. The telephonist was very precise in their pronunciation when they picked up the call which rather took the edge of what I was hoping to hear.

          2. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            Gus Ettepyste.

            Robin B’stard.

            Miss Anne Thrope

            Jenny Talia

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              I kid you not...

              My Wife used to teach a Jenna Taylor.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

                > I kid you not...

                I felt sorry for Alex Seary...

                https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/alexa-seary-siri-waking-nightmare_us_58c80b02e4b081a56def9415

                My mother once taught a boy named Russell Hobbs.

                1. TRT Silver badge

                  Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

                  Poor woman! She should change her name. Cortana, perhaps. Or Hey, Google.

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

                One of my sons old teachers was called Mrs Vagg....

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

                  Middle school teacher named Tina Dick.

                  That one was interesting...

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            Somebody in my customer's organisation has that surname; he's more than a little bit "troublesome" to say the least. His given name is something else, but he's generally just referred to as Wayne.

            1. TRT Silver badge

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              Really? We do have a Mrs Josephine Kerr here. Aka Jo.

              And a Mrs Poly Gunn.

          4. KittenHuffer Silver badge

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            I actually went to school with him! I'm surprised he managed to get a job in the banking industry though cos I seem to remember that his IQ was even lower than that of his parents!

            1. TRT Silver badge

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              I went to school with a Master Myles Arway.

              He was frequently the butt of the teacher's little jokes. Poor chap.

              "You, boy. Yes, you. Are you listening to me? What's your name, boy?"

              "Sorry, sir. Myles Arway."

              "Well pay attention in future."

          5. Alien8n Silver badge

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            The guy who used to supply all our stainless steel tooling was a Wayne Kerr Engineering.

            Time to bring this gem out again: imagine a company that has at least one new starter every week, and the R&D manager decides to test the recruitment process. Shortly afterwards a new PC, name badge, login with email, etc for their latest engineering hire, a Mr Hugh Janus.

            Hugh is now working here as a Brexit consultant. Strangely his name badge looks remarkably like Nigel Farage...

          6. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            But given that the rules said celebrities were fine surely you could get away with the likes of Euan Kerr and maybe even Hugh Farquhar.

            1. Cynic_999 Silver badge

              Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

              Most of us in hardware development have at least heard of Wayne Kerr instruments even if we don't have an example on the benchtop, so the joke's pretty stale ... http://www.waynekerrtest.com/about.php

          7. ICPurvis47 Bronze badge
            Devil

            Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

            There used to be a piece of electrical test equipment called a Wayne-Kerr Bridge. Caused much sniggering when I was at college. At school, we also had a young lad called Warren Peace, poor boy.

      2. Cynic_999 Silver badge

        Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

        Hugh Jardon

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

        I remember coming across a Sue Ridge as a customer. I was never quite sure if it was her real name.

        My sister went to school with a Justin Case.

    2. Down not across Silver badge

      Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

      But be aware anything entered into the test system will end up being projected in a senior stakeholder meeting at a crucial demo or will be used in training systems which will usually be cloned from test to save time. If there is anything you don't want them to see that's what will pop up.

      Source code/test data is sometimes the last resort when all other avenues have been exhausted. No, it probably doesn't help resolve anything, but lets you vent your spleen.

      There will be a time when you are past caring about repercussions.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Use of Swear words in test / demo systems is never acceptable

      "The data will always be re purposed for something you didn't consider..., I've done similar things but set the challenge for identifying as many characters in a book or series, the Simpsons, the Hobbit etc."

      The trouble with that is that as you don't know where the data will and up being exposed coupled with the litigious nature of big media these days you could be heading for a copyright claim.

  9. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I took over a database which had been running about a year. Before I took over someone had created a table for the engineering team's cars. One of the columns was colour and one of the rows had the value "Baby-shit yellow".

    1. ricardian

      There is an authentic medieval dye colour called "goose shit green"

      http://www.gutenberg-e.org/lowengard/B_Chap01.html

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        There is an authentic medieval dye colour called "goose shit green"

        Given medieval dye recipes that could have been a component.

      2. TRT Silver badge

        Also...

        A place in the Falklands, IIRC.

  10. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Sanitized data you say?

    Little Bobby Tables I say!

  11. Sequin

    As a programming exercise I once wrote a windows program that would monitor my Outlook inbox and pop up a message when a new message arrived. To make it fancy, I incorporated the Microsoft Agent, which would pop up an animated figure (Magician, robot, dog etc) and read out the message When testing it I used headphones and got it working really well.

    One weekend I took my headphones home for some reason. On the Monday I came back in to find my inbox full of emails with the filthiest of subject lines - hundreds of them. Some of my team were doing overtime over the weekend and one of them sent me an email and was surprised when my machine read the subject out to him - I had not muted the speakers!

    They had great fun that weekend, as you can imagine.

  12. Sequin

    A boss of mine once asked a customer what the system should do if someone tried to access part of the system they did not have rights to use. "It should tell them to bugger off" came the reply. My boss took him literally and then was the subject of a complaint when the system went live and was demonstrated to the directors!

  13. Gil Grissum

    Hmmmm

    Ever worked someplace where on second shift, the shift lead is late to work every single day, does online shopping, personal e-mail, and social media on her PC, there's more socializing than work being done by her and her backup, and only one person (Not her or the backup) is being assigned all of the Service Desk Tickets, and doing most of the work (ME). When the one guy who's actually doing his job on his shift is no longer there to do all the work, things will get interesting...

    1. David Neil

      Re: Hmmmm

      Could you narrow it down to a specific decade, only i've had that for over 25 years in IT?

  14. KittenHuffer Silver badge

    What's wrong with a good spoonerism?

    Billy Sastard?

    Mary Hinge?

    Cupid Stunt?

    1. Swarthy
      Coat

      Re: What's wrong with a good spoonerism?

      Indeed, avaoid the swears, and go for the cunning linguistics!

    2. ricardian

      Re: What's wrong with a good spoonerism?

      Betty Swallocks

    3. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      Re: What's wrong with a good spoonerism?

      Simone Stane? (remembering an - apocryphal? - British (ish) IT industry telephone greeting)

      1. Alien8n Silver badge

        Re: What's wrong with a good spoonerism?

        That would be Siemens, I'm led to believe that was made up for the comedy :)

  15. ma1010 Silver badge

    This sort of thing can seem amusing but can really bite you

    True story of what happened at [large company] where a friend worked. A team of testers set up tests that displayed messages like "[large company] sucks!" and so on for various test conditions in the program. The testing team thought this was hilarious and was sure nobody else would ever see it, so no problem.

    On a weekend their boss, who did NOT know about the content of the "test messages," came in with HIS boss who had asked to see how the testing was proceeding. The boss started the tests running -- and you can guess what happened next.

    On Monday, cue wailing and gnashing of teeth as the whole test team were called on the carpet by the big boss. "So you think [large company] sucks? Not a problem for you now because none of you work here anymore!"

    After I heard that story, I've always limited my foolish impulses to something more subtle, like printing up test name badges with "Herman Goering," "Atilla T. Hun," "Tamarlane" or something like that. I've gotten a few funny looks at times, but never actually got in trouble.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: This sort of thing can seem amusing but can really bite you

      "Not a problem for you now because none of you work here anymore!"

      There's an implication that management decided a test team wasn't important for their product quality. It sounds like the test message was genuine customer feedback.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: This sort of thing can seem amusing but can really bite you

        There's an implication that management decided a test team wasn't important for their product quality. It sounds like the test message was genuine customer feedback.

        This seems to apply to a large number of companies these days who should have the slogan: "Our customers are our testers."

    2. Alistair Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: This sort of thing can seem amusing but can really bite you

      I have a script out there in my past. It was still active when I left. There is an edge case that should never happen. I say *should*.

      The error message is "The database has shit the bed royally this time."

      I was young. Foolish. And somewhat pissed at the DB vendor that week.

    3. The Real Tony Smith

      Re: This sort of thing can seem amusing but can really bite you

      'After I heard that story, I've always limited my foolish impulses to something more subtle, like printing up test name badges with "Herman Goering," "Atilla T. Hun," "Tamarlane" or something like that. I've gotten a few funny looks at times, but never actually got in trouble.'

      I worked at a remote office of a large services company once. Often we had to go to head office and because we hadn't done the induction course were given hand written visitors badges to wear. We filled these in ourselves......

      Over the years I wandered round the offices with name badges such as 'M L King', 'F Domino', 'J F Kennedy', 'J Hendrix', 'W Churchill', 'E Clapton', 'W Gates' etc

      7 years, and nobody noticed

  16. Eddy Ito
    Coat

    That's the wrong frequency Kenneth.

  17. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Handy list of UK swearwords

    courtesy of UK telecoms regulator, Ofcom...

    https://www.ofcom.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0022/91624/OfcomOffensiveLanguage.pdf

    Full list of words - Figure 3.2, Page 18

    Non discriminatory language - Page 47

  18. Stratman

    While covering a world-famous dog show for a world-famous broadcasting corporation many years ago, we had to rig quite a bit of extra gear in a couple of portacabins. We named them Additional Recording and Sequencing Empire and Field Editing and Compilation Kit.

    Nobody who thought they mattered spotted it.,

  19. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Happy

    Yorkshire Bank plc Are Fascist Bastards

    After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to “Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards”. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name.

    https://www.theguardian.com/money/1999/nov/05/workandcareers1

    https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/typographical-errors/

  20. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    James May/Autocar

    "So you think it's really good, yeah? You should try making the bloody thing up; it's a real pain in the arse"

    James May's acrostic effort when compiling the 1992 Autocar end of year "Road Test Book" got him fired

  21. Strebortrebor

    The name is Bissell

    Hugh Jim Bissell.

    Credit: The Capital Steps

  22. the.spike

    Testing in the not quite non live test system

    Then there was also the time when a colleague was testing our in house incident system. They were on the test system and raised a P1 stating that "<other colleague> is a C**t" unaware that P1s automatically emailed to a list of people. That list contained the live emails of a number of the very senior managers.

    Yup, bad system design and all that, but quite amusing when it happened.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We have a piece of software that has been in maintenance mode since before I started. Every so often we track down another bizarre string handling bug and fix it, but beyond that it sits there doing its thing. It's very niche and we license it to a few places that do similar work to us.

    One of our people who was trained on this software left to work for one of these other places (we're on fairly good terms). They were keen to expand their skills, and when they moved they became responsible for liaising with us about bugs and building updated versions from source.

    So one day I received an email out of the blue. They'd been reading through the auto-generated developer documentation (which nobody has ever read because it's partial), and come across this, basically the only comment in about one hundred colour map definitions:

    "Hot pink # if you like your presentations a bit gay."

    They saw the funny side (luckily, as they happened to be gay), but suggested we should change it...

  24. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    In every GANNT chart..

    I make sure there is a Software Hardware Integration Task (SHIT) job for someone. Why? It becomes immediately flaming obvious whether anyone bothers to review the artifact. On the rare occasion I get caught off base I pull a innocent, "Oh, damn. Thanks. Don't know where my mind was, after squeezing out several hundred lines of tasks..."

    Written in honor of a man I went to basic training with, Mr Richard Holden. I will never forget the look on my DI's face when he realized he now had a recruit he could scream "HOLDEN, DICK...!" to. The possibilities were endless.

  25. PTW

    Whilst testing an e-commerce solution....

    One of my subordinates thought it hilarious to place an order with the customer's email address as: P@PTWblowsgoats.com

  26. GtBFilms

    Always best to be on the safe side and use silly made-up names when testing.

    I used to stick to Michael Mouse, Donald Duck, Ronald McDonald etc.

    Then I'm demoing a change to my manager. "Why did you pick that name?" she asks, pointing out Ronald McDonald.

    "Oh it's just a silly name, I picked a bunch of silly names at random"

    "What's silly about it, my husband's called Ronald McDonald" she says.

    I just use 'firstname lastname ' now.

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