back to article The gimlet gaze of Azure to be turned upon UK footpads thanks to cop-friendly analytics

Britain's criminals must be quaking in their boots after hearing the news that tools to help UK plod solve crimes have been added to Microsoft's Azure servers. Scene of Big Ben and Palace of Westminster seen from South Bank, Dramatic cloudy Sky in the background. UK government's cloud spending hits saturation: Love of …

  1. BigSLitleP

    Not sure what the point of this is.....

    British Police don't actually turn up anyway. Even if you hand them evidence, CCTV footage and the address, name and admission of guilt of the scoundrel.

    They're not interested in break ins and thievery, only "real crimes". (Still waiting to find out what defines a "real crime")

    1. C Yates

      Re: Not sure what the point of this is.....


      Toerags were on site breaking in in broad day light in full view of our caretaker. He phones the police and tells them that they are still onsite and that if they come now they will catch them.

      20 mins later someone turns up. Caretaker tells them that the crooks are still on site and asks if they want him to show them around. "No thankyou sir, we've seen all we need to see."

      Monday morning, I confirm on CCTV that they were indeed still on site...

      I know there have been cutbacks and it's a hard job, but it'd be nice if they actually did the work occasionally...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not sure what the point of this is.....

      A real crime would be foreign funding used to subvert an election or similar. That's where Big Data would make a real difference.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not sure what the point of this is.....

        Well according to the last big cases we've seen it's been miss rendering and questioning foreigner's praying rights in Parks... When the Cops show up (3 of them) at your door because of a Tweet but won't during a robbery, you know it's time to put on a yellow vest.

  2. Korev Silver badge

    CPU type?

    Will they feel the long ARM of the law?

    1. Death_Ninja

      Re: CPU type?

      In an Intel lead operation?

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

        Re: CPU type?

        It depends on the RISC

  3. MericanMan

    Different across the pond

    Living in your most-loved ally across the pond, I can say things are generally different here. Our police will show up for (just about) any reason that you call them, and generally relatively quickly. Granted, if it's a busy time and they're receiving too many calls for service, they will prioritize and it may be quite some time before you'd see them about a call for, say, graffiti on your building. But an active burglary, with the perpetrators still on-site, gets treated as a fairly high priority in most jurisdictions around here (though, as I'm sure is the case everywhere, calls from upscale, low-crime neighborhoods may get answered faster than those from poverty-stricken, high crime ones, but that may simply be due to those jurisdictions being better-funded).

    While every jurisdiction is different (and we have a crazy mix of state police, county sheriff departments, city police and sometimes specialty forces like university campus police here), from all of the articles I've read from Vulture Central over the last few years, it sounds like ours generally do a better job of showing up and investigating. Whether you'll enjoy the experience may be a different story, as the reports of questionable police activity seem to be higher here (just read a story this morning about a poor fellow who got tased 11 times, including directly in the twig and berries). Personally I've always been treated.. well, I can't necessarily say "professionally", but at least "as reasonably as I feel you can expect from the police" in my few encounters with them, but then as I'm a reasonably affluent white guy I don't think most people would trust my my experience to be representative..

    1. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Different across the pond

      Yeah, I made a call "I'm watching a guy trying to steal my motorcycle"

      In about 3 minutes he was on the ground with a pistol aimed at him. I was most impressed.

      I've seen the BBC articles on London crime... you guys sure don't get your taxes-worth in police!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Different across the pond

        I think we probably do get out moneys worth... we just don't spend much money so we don't get much in the way of service. This is compounded by having a government who clearly see policing priorities in a different way to their citizens......

        On the plus side wee seem to have less chance of innocents being shot by the police, less corruption and a better chance of some kind of justice if we get caught up in the legal system. But not to worry our government are trying to fix most of these things by:

        Making it harder to get legal aid

        Lowering the bar to make it easier to get a prosecution

        etc. etc.

    2. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: Different across the pond

      I'm not sure where the aggrieved commentators above live, but I've never heard of them failing to turn up promptly, or to sod off without at least doing something.

  4. N2 Silver badge

    Why does the word

    Crapita come to mind?

    What cold possibly go worng?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020