back to article Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

Within hours of announcing that he and his wife are divorcing, what's alleged to be Amazon tycoon Jeff Bezos' steamy texts to his new girlfriend were leaked online. Seeing as the billionaire tech CEO and his cloud giant, AWS, are mad keen on developing and deploying watchdog-worrying invasive artificial intelligence, we …

  1. Sartori

    Counts as reporting? El Reg creating a BezosBonkBot? It's the kind of reporting you do best! I guess Mr Bezos is wanting to play the field a bit, ya know, before he's past his Prime. I know......but it is Friday.....

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Having just read the instructions I think I can fix your AI bot:

      "of course I still love you" whispered the plutocrats new girlfriend, nonetheless mulling his diminished wealth. She feared he may now have a shortfall of gravitas

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "but it is Friday"

      Any special not-Black Friday offers?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "I guess Mr Bezos is wanting to play the field a bit, ya know, before he's past his Prime."

      Even Bezos is beginning to realize the value of Prime disappears once he's charged extra for his next day delivery of "love toys" and Prime and chime only has enough interesting content to last a couple of dates?

      At least he can put his savings on the Prime subscription into his divorce settlement I guess.

      Oh....that's not want you meant by past his prime...

    4. BlartVersenwaldIII

      Those of you in a friday mood and looking to be educated in that AI definitely definitely isn't just throwing random words together might enjoy the AI Weirdness blog;

      As an example of the delights therein, here's some ice cream flavours:

      Bloodie Chunk

      Goat Cookie

      Rawe Blueberry Fist

      Candied Nose

      Creme die

      Apple Pistachio mouth

      Chocolate Moose Mange

      Bubblegum Chocolate Basil Aspresso

      Lime Pig

      Elterfhawe Monkey But

      Kaharon Chocolate Mouse Gun

      Gu Creamie Turd

      Mocoa Pistachoopie

      Cookies nutur Coconut Chocolate Fish

      Peanut Butter Cookies nut Butter Brece Toasterbrain Blueberry Rose

      1. Richard 12 Silver badge

        Is it bad that I want to try Lime Pig flavour ice cream?

  2. Roj Blake Silver badge

    "will remain friends after their divorce"

    The lawyers desperate to get their slice will make sure that doesn't happen.

  3. mikepren

    Reg.. Funny but you are better than this. But funny...

    1. Gordon 10


      The Reg is better than this? Which alternate reality are you from?

      Poking fun at both Tech leaders and Tech Fads - this is exactly why El Reg exists.

      On a related note - some of the fake ML/AI bots on Twitter are hilarious. There are a couple of good Trump "bots".

    2. Andre Carneiro

      Better than this??

      I have not laughed this much at a Reg article in a long time!

      Pure gold! :D

      1. Mk4

        Re: Better than this??

        My snorting laughter is echoing down the hall at work. :-) The funniest thing I have read in a long long time. Absolutely fabulous!

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Andrew Moore

    Calling Mrs Merton...

    "So.. Lauren, what first attracted you to the multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos?"

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Calling Mrs Merton...

      "So... Donald, what first attracted you to the multi-billionaire MacKenzie Bezos?"

  6. Teiwaz

    I expect the experiment is lacking that human touch, and oh, insanely vast amounts of money as a social and romantic lubricant.

    1. A. Coatsworth Silver badge

      So, the expected result is a Zuckerbot?

  7. Locky

    New Skill Enabled

    Alexia, file for divorce

    1. Warm Braw

      Re: New Skill Enabled

      Alexa: I'm having trouble understanding you right now. Like your wife.

    2. P. Lee

      Re: New Skill Enabled

      Alexa: Who is Alexia? One-click divorce filed. You've also been divorced from twitter, YouTube, Facebook, patreon and MasterCard.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clearly this illustrates the problems of training AI with insufficient data as surely the input data "I want to hold you tight" is meant to produce the output "and get teenage kicks throughout the night"

  9. molletts

    Damn clever, those Chinese

    "I want to be shiny ways to be can want to get a brand in

    You work to be worst girl"

    Sounds like an extract from the manual for a cheap Chinese sex toy.

    Maybe they have had top-secret "advanced AI" for decades, using it to generate English documents, perhaps blissfully unaware of how impenetrable its output can be (or maybe they just don't care as long as we keep throwing money at them), and we're only just rediscovering the technology for ourselves.

  10. Chairman of the Bored

    Worst. Pickup. Line. Ever.

    So they met when Sanchez was doing a photo shoot of rockets?

    Did the line, "Hey, babe. Wanna make my rocket go up and fly?" actually WORK???

    Oh, FFS. I just give up.

  11. TRT Silver badge

    BezoBonking. Pass the mind bleach...

    "Ohhh! Ok, that's good. That's what you want, isn't it? Other sexual partners also enjoyed these positions: Do you want to consider these options or proceed with your lovemaking? Ok. That's placed correctly... Now, how soon would you like me to cum? I estimate standard delivery in 1-3 minutes, but you can try out a prime option for free... Ohhhh... OK. It's on its way. You can track the delivery using this mobile app. Oh! Just to inform you that I seem to have missed you, but the package was left in a safe place."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: the package was left in a safe place

      By the back door?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: the package was left in a safe place

        That's what she said.

  12. MudFever


    Haha, but how disappointing :( I was hoping, probably like you, that the 'bot would turn out to be some sex-starved bunny boiler. Oh well, better luck next time. Got any Boris texts...?

  13. Joe W Silver badge


    That's really more like a simple statistical model that I ran a few decades[1] ago, at least the output looks really similar. Basically, you make a lookup table on what is likely to come after either a certain word or a letter combination - the length of which is the epoch length. Great fun for a few minutes.

    Still, it's Friday, let's have a couple of cold ones! This reminds me: I'll need to drive to pick up some beer later.

    [1]And I do mean decades: one was written on a C64, the other back in school on a.... 386, I believe. I guess most of us wrote something like this. One of them even had a very rudimentary grammar module to actually construct sentences with subject, verb, object, but no sense... (module taken from an issue of the C64 magazine, I think)

    1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

      Re: AI?

      Sssssssssh, man, don't blow this for me. It's going to be worth millions, rudimentary or not ;-)


    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: AI?

      That's really more like a simple statistical model that I ran a few decades[1] ago

      There's a bit more to it but, yeah, that's basically how machine learning works. The main advances are in the NLTK for analysis and training so that more general purpose systems can be developed. But, personally, I think the Twat-O-Tron is all we'll ever need.

  14. Ima Ballsy

    Eliza anyone ?

    Ok, I went here:

    Looks like I had better results than El REg:

  15. Stevie


    I believe you have inadvertantly invented the AI William Burroughs. Add large quantities of Heroin and re-run for confirmation.

  16. Martin Gregorie

    Markov rules

    Just for giggles, I fired up my Markov chain implementation, in Java, and fed it El Reg's test data set. Here's the first 250 words:

    "I want to kiss your lips I love you.

    Oh, if only you I am in love with you is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I've never been happier in my day, I always know it will be a good one because at the end of it matters because I'll soon be in your arms.

    Thank you for being my vacation from the rest of the only ways to get out of a tight box is to have succeeded."

    From this and a few other runs that produced similar results, I reckon Ye Olde Markov Chayne beats the pants off AI, not only for readability, but especially in terms of cost per Kloc of code written (50 Java statements, 0.05 Kloc) not to mention run time and CPU used ( 84mS run time, 108 mS cpu for 250 words of output on a Lenovo T440).

    1. JetSetJim

      Re: Markov rules

      I woud hope that in the spirit of things, the article author built and trained the AI models on the AWS ML platform.

    2. Martin Gregorie

      Re: Markov rules

      Correction: I lied about the Kloc figure - should be 98 statements, 0.108 Kloc. The rest is good.

    3. Alistair

      Re: Markov rules

      oh dear god.

      I think we can conclude from your tests that Rudy Juliani is a markov chain implementation of his dead body. Perhaps he *was* in the twin towers.....

    4. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Markov rules

      I'm reminded of Edgar's (The AI) first attempt of a love song from Electric Dreams (1984)...

      I think it went something along the lines of

      "I want to kiss your tits I want to kiss...."

  17. disgruntled yank


    Let's stipulate that love makes one reckless. Still, how is the guy whose systems house all manner of sensitive data leaking texts and emails every whichway?

    1. Spazturtle Silver badge

      Re: question

      Yeah he is the CEO, he would just use his work devices which he knows are secure and pay people to manage and organise his affair.

  18. hammarbtyp

    "after she took aerial shots of his Blue Origin space rockets"

    Thought I had heard all the double entendre's, but that's a new one

    1. Jay Lenovo

      Sounds like she walked into an Austin "Bezos" Powers photoshoot.

      "Look at my Blue Origin space rockets"...Yeah Baby!

  19. Dr_N

    As someone recently said ...

    "What are you, a fucking 8-year-old?"

    1. earl grey

      Re: As someone recently said ...

      I think that would make someone a pedo.

  20. Scott 1

    "We think this counts as reporting, right?"

    By asking this question, you have demonstrated much more journalistic integrity than almost every other news source out there.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    $ cowsay | ...

    Should be the way this AI rolls.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Outputs reminds me of NIALL (Non intelligent AMOS language learner) on the AMIGA in the 90s.

  23. John 209

    Power doesn't corrupt, it merely expands one's scope for depravity

    He's acting out late, but had it in him all along - or so the wisdom goes.

  24. TwistedPsycho


    .... set OhMiBod to Insane."

    "Which OhMiBod Vibrator would you like me to set to Insane?"


    "Which - Mrs Bezos - vibrator would you like me to set."


    "I am sorry, I can not do that."

  25. Chronos


    His posts actually make sense if you read them all the way through and imagine it has been through online translate a few times. I'd imagine Go Ogle's Martian to English translator is a bit crap.

  26. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Fake or Not?

    Who cares really, I don't. Whether you are rich or poor, a divorce is a miserable process to go through but offers a chance of a better future once you recognise that change is inevitable in this life. If this demonstrates anything it's that being rich doesn't make you a better person.

  27. Anonymous Coward

    And your next challenge is...

    ...getting the output published as a Kindle book.

  28. Blitterbug

    A Man From Mars Bot?

    Do you suppose AMFM is actually writing cogently, but outputs everything through his own Markov chain implementation for entertainment reasons...

  29. SVV

    I love you, alive girl

    As this was alllegedly one of the genuine texts, it is far more disturbing than the output generated by that program (which is what it was, not an artificial intelligence). I have always taken it for granted that my girlfriends were in the "alive" category.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "You don't choose your smell, your smell chooses you."

    Created from the training data using the Mechanical Turk model.

  31. Andre Carneiro

    Still gold

    It's now nearly a month since this article was posted.

    It's still making laugh so hard I have tears in my eyes.


POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like