Careful with this latest Microsoft release – tug too hard on the threads and it tends to unravel

Those whacky guys on the Windows team have taken time out from slapping plasters all over Microsoft's flagship OS to slip a special Christmas gift under the tree of the faithful. If you've been a good little fanboy, you may find yourself in receipt of a special jumper, harking back to the good old days of Windows 95. …

[Semtex451]

Look whenever I have my Apple jumper on

EVERYTHING JUST WORKS SO WELL

(icon for caps usage)

[spold]

...just sends data on who wears it and how often back to MS.

Prone to turning blue unexpectedly, at which point you have to take it off and put it back on again.

[Charles Calthrop]

why do i like xmas jumpers so much?

why do i want that jumper in particcular?

I'd love to be all hip and cool and sneer at it but I think it is great.

what is wrong with me?

last year we had our xmas meall in a really facy restaurant and I rocked up in this bad boy

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71vZ0HO9iLL._UX679_.jpg

was a bit awkward.

[Antonius_Prime]

Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

I've missed it's absence in some articles.

I'm fairly certain that the lads and lassies in Reg Central had Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie playing on repeat while drafting this gem of an article...

[#define INFINITY -1]

Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

Well that just took the fun out of the whole thing. Thanks.

I was coming here to express my thanks for the Linux comment, as I have always had the feeling that until I could compile all the binaries I had not completed The Linux Challenge (hats off to the founders of all distributions).

[Antonius_Prime]

Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

I laughed myself out of the chair at the Linux stuff!

That's why it brought TDTIAB to mind!

Ah well, it's Friday, it's The Reg, the article was BRILLIANT! (To clear up lingering doubt in the minds of the Thumbsxit block! :D

[#define INFINITY -1]

Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

I guess I'll need to recalibrate my sarcasm detection. My round --->

[Tigra 07]

"Kill it with fire" seems an appropriate response.

[Anonymous Coward]

Apple Jumper

Surely it's a black roll-neck, like St Jobs used to wear?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Apple Jumper

The High Priest of a cult always wears something distinctly different - and which is not allowed for the suckersfollowers.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Apple Jumper

> Surely it's a black roll-neck, like St Jobs used to wear?

An Apple jumper would be very shiny, very light, very expensive, very smooth to the touch, slips on and off easily, but has pockets that are too small to store everything in. The optional 'hanger' accessory is a thing of beauty though.

[Steve McGuinness]

WANT!

Just tell me where to send my money.

[Florida1920]

I had an Adobe Flash jumper

But it was pwned.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I had an Adobe Flash jumper

... but it had a hole in it and a rabid badger got in and changed my life forever!

Crossover tech: that made a great YouTube though!

[tiggity]

IT Angle

There's scope for a good article on programmable knitting machines (some of the top end ones are very impressive). Especially given Jacquard loom punch card (for "programming" the loom) was known to Babbage and he wanted to use them to store programs .. and I recall using punched cards to program on a PDP-11 when a schoolkid)

[Andy Non]

The Microsoft jumper will no doubt

quickly develop lots of holes and need regular patching. You may also need some skin cream for relief against all the resident bugs.

[Scott 29]

You'll receive a photo of a sweater

They only have one copy.

You'll get photos of a sweater with a Right To Use, which will disallow use in climates colder than 60F.

Photos will be of models in locations you will never have time or money to visit.

[Dippywood]

A special jumper to celebrate the delights of the October build of Windows 10

That would be in BSOD blue, of course...

[Ken Moorhouse]

I wonder if Hardware Manufacturers will follow suit...

...All those jumpers on the mainboard that do something.

When they produce jumperless mainboards then they will start flashing instead.

[Waseem Alkurdi]

"Proper Linux fans will simply get given the sheep and be forced to knit the thing with their teeth, because anything easier is for noobs."

No, one would hex edit the world and add Shears, and while you're at it, add a few Diamond Ingots and Redstone, lots of it.

[JJKing]

Appropriate attaire only

An Apple jumper would be very shiny, very light, very expensive, very smooth to the touch, slips on and off easily, but has pockets that are too small to store everything in. The optional 'hanger' accessory is a thing of beauty though.

It can only be worn in the Middle East because it has to hang on an iRack.

_{Mines the one that has a one way ticket out of Baghdad in the pocket.}

[Ken Moorhouse]

Re: An Apple jumper

Would have no hole to insert your head, particularly if your name is Jack.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Re: Appropriate attaire only

"It can only be worn in the Middle East because it has to hang on an iRack."

That only works if you usually mis-pronounce the name of the country (i.e. you're American)

[Ken Moorhouse]

An Azure jumper...

...is a jumper you rent and share with others. Look out for creepy crawlies when you wear it. Every so often you will get a bill for wearing it.

[Ken Moorhouse]

Samsung jumpers...

...check the garment tag beforehand to make sure it is flame retardent.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Wikipedia jumper

Spends every December hassling you for payment, and gives the money to the website 'Foundation' rather than the people who actually raised and sheared the sheep, made the wool, or knitted the jumper

[SVV]

lucky fans?

More woolly thinking from Microsoft.

[Doctor Syntax]

"Proper Linux fans will simply get given the sheep"

We already have the sheep here. Strictly speaking they're the farmer's next door but the gates are sometime subject to quantum tunnelling or something similar.