back to article Oh Smeg! Hacked white goods maker resurfaces after system shutdown

The Brit limb of unfortunately named and reassuringly expensive domestic appliance maker Smeg is up on its feet again after being hacked. The firm said yesterday it was "back up and running" after an "unfortunate cyber attack" that hit Wednesday 12 September. Important notice for Smeg UK customers: …

  1. Korev Silver badge

    "They're all dead. Everybody's dead, Dave."

    1. Ochib

      What, Captain Hollister and what about Todhunter and Selby?

      1. Chronos

        Wait, are you trying to tell me that everyone's dead?

        Should never have let him out in the first place.

        1. davidp231

          "That, is catering officer Olaf Petersson."

          "I've been eating half the crew!"

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You see, I try sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect Rimmer and everything but it's not easy because he's such a smeg head!

  3. MJI Silver badge

    When I first saw a fridge freezer

    I burst out laughing.

    Why name a brand after a fictional swear word?

    Then I wondered if it was a marketing gimmick.

    Or did they pay GrantNaylor royalties.

    1. the spectacularly refined chap Silver badge

      Re: When I first saw a fridge freezer

      The company name has priority, dating from 1948.

    2. Natalie Gritpants Jr Silver badge

      Re: When I first saw a fridge freezer

      It's not a fictional swear word as this ditty shows:

      There once was a lady from Neath

      Did circumcisions with her teeth

      It was not for the meat

      She performed this feat

      But for the smeg underneath.

  4. iron Silver badge



    Smeeeeeeeg Heeeeeeeeeed!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No need to change the bulb.

  6. Chunky Munky

    Now I've got a yearning for a triple decker fried egg chilli chutney sandwich. I'm sure I've got one in my pocket---->

    1. Ochib

      the only trouble, is that you need to eat it before the bread dissolves

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "another great idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes!"

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'm waiting for Binging With Babish to do a episode on the TFECCS but maybe he'll merge it with other recipes to make a special Red Dwarf super-episode.

    4. Manolo

      Re: triple decker

      I actually make them occasionally. Surprisingly good.

      <fire ball icon because of the liberal amounts of hot sauce applied >

  7. Paul Herber Silver badge

    Do Smeg make toasters? Something you could *really* swear at!

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Yes they do!

      In many colours

      but as yet I don't believe you need a lumphammer

      1. Paul Herber Silver badge

        Re: Yes they do!

        Have you seen the prices? Sme...

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Re : Do Smeg make toasters?

      Ah... So you're a waffle man !

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Howdy doodly do!

    How's it going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?

  9. 0laf
    Paris Hilton

    I thought it was short for smegma or knob cheese for the more uncouth.

    But is it just cynical me that see's "targeted cyber attack" and thinks, Someone clicked on a phish for free [insert celebrity] nudy videos?

    1. Teiwaz





      noun: smegma

      a sebaceous secretion in the folds of the skin, especially under a man's foreskin.

      (also known as gentlemans cheese)

      I've not bothered to look up sebaceous, but doubt it has anything to do with the race of humans from Farscape

      It's always been my understanding smeg was short for it, but nicely disassociated to almost family friendly levels.

  10. MrRimmerSIR!

    Smoke me a Kipper

    Does SMEG do chicken soup vending machines?

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: Smoke me a Kipper

      Does SMEG do chicken soup vending machines?

      God I hope not, think of the crud your 14b* would need to be able to dislodge from the nozzle.

      * or is a 14a.***

      *** Yeah, I was a really sad uberfan in the 80's, exposed at a young and influential age.

      1. toxicdragon

        Re: Smoke me a Kipper

        Sorry but its a 14b and a 14f.

        1. Teiwaz

          Re: Smoke me a Kipper

          Sorry but its a 14b and a 14f.

          I was warned it rots the brain, and there's the proof.

          Excuse me, I've got something that needs inserted in a recharge socket.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Smoke me a Kipper

      Does SMEG do chicken soup vending machines?

      No, that's Klix. But to judge by the taste, Klix "chicken soup" appears to be a modestly diluted amalgam of reconstituted smegma and salt.

  11. Giovani Tapini

    We are down to cat milk

    even ran out of dog milk...

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: We are down to cat milk

      Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.

      1. Chronos

        Re: We are down to cat milk

        No bugger would drink it.

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge

          Re: We are down to cat milk

          I met Norman Lovett the other year & thanked him for his delivery of that line.

          A thoroughly nice gent & his comment to me while were up the Seattle Space Needle of "It's not a day out without an ice cream is it", is something I'll not swiftly forget, computer senility permitting.

          Icon - Lister: Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it?

          1. Chronos

            Re: We are down to cat milk

            Yep, it was never the same without Norman. Even the 8th series with its nonsensical nanobots recreation was worth watching just for "Gawd, I hope we don't get spotted by the rozzers. They don't like it when you're rat-arsed."

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was snootily informed when buying our hob that it's pronounced, "Schmeg". I bought elsewhere. Schmegheads.

    1. Chronos

      Indeed. I would have told them they can schtick their preschumtuous schite right up their schphincter.

      1. Alister

        Schurely Schome Mischtake?

  13. Rick594


    Smeg is not a fictional swear word it's a contraction of Smegma (Google it).

    1. VikiAi

      Re: Smeg

      It is also a fictional swearword. Grant Naylor claims he was unaware of any meaning when they coined it for Dwarf usage.

      1. Duffy Moon

        Re: Smeg

        The gestalt entity Grant Naylor?

        1. VikiAi

          Re: Smeg

          The two-and-same!

  14. Chronos

    It's a state of the art sarny.

    Holly: "It's the state of the floor that worries me."

  15. Hazmoid


    I think "Smeg" as a swear word has reached the penetration of "F*ck" but without the sexual connotations. I always assumed smeg was an alias for "Sh!t" as it seemed to have the same usage.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Everybody needs good Aaaaandroids....


  17. Michael H.F. Wilkinson

    At least they didn't name their brand


  18. An0n C0w4rd

    Will this go in the compilations of Smeg-Ups that accompanied the TV show?

  19. MJI Silver badge

    I hope Holly is OK

    As title

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022