back to article Southport: Come for a round of golf, stay for the flesh-eating STIs

The first British case of a rare flesh-eating sexually transmitted infection has been diagnosed in Southport – England's golf capital and home of The Register's financial and HR office. The Lancashire Evening Post reports that a woman between the age of 15 and 25 was found in the Merseyside town to be suffering from …

  1. james 68


    Donovanosis infection menaces Brit home town of El Reg's HR department

    Flesh eating disease found in the same location as an HR department? Correlation or causation do you reckon?

    1. VikiAi

      Re: Coincidence?

      The Flesh-Eating STI is eager to move to a less icky neighborhood now.

      1. Danny 14

        Re: Coincidence?

        Southport is a shithouse. Apart from Ho Lee Chows on rotton row, that place is a gem.

  2. Zog_but_not_the_first

    El Reg's HR department???



    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: El Reg's HR department???

      By human resource they mean food for Killer Flesh Eating Bugs(tm)

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: El Reg's HR department???

      If this is where El Reg's MARKETING department is based, we'd have had a DevOps angle on it

  3. Chris G

    Mellow Yellow

    So nothing to do with the British version of Bob Dylan? The song Mellow Yellow had something to do with electric bananas. The suffix 'osis' in medical terms means 'state of' so the disease is named after a Donavan who had it , preumably.

    Always carefully check a space that may require insertion of any of your valuable appendages.

    1. DJV Silver badge

      Re: Mellow Yellow

      Sounds like it would be better to try to catch a dose of the wind instead...

  4. cantankerous swineherd

    big Frank's sausage unavailable for legal reasons. haven't tried the genital eating ulcers owing to a castration complex.

  5. Frenchie Lad


    You are really hard-up to find materal on the Donavan to be fishing around for titbits from Chicago. In sum lousy journalism which is really breathtaking considering the journalistic potential of STI.

    On the latest GCE or is GSCE results scoring system a 1 and that's being generous.

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: Chicago

      STI Journalistic Potential Exhibit A:)

      "before your todger starts acting like it just saw the Ark of the Covenant"

      Sheesh - some people are difficult to please.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I was expecting some twee comment about a Donner kebab shack and the subsequent knee-trembler round the back with a loose morals local bike at 3am after 15 pints.


    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: ???

      I was expecting some twee comment about a Donner kebab shack and the subsequent knee-trembler round the back with a loose morals local bike at 3am after 15 pints.

      In Southport?

      1. Immenseness

        Re: ???

        With the Dorset horse fetishist fair in town?

      2. TRT Silver badge

        Re: ???

        Yes. Very probably in Southport. There's bugger all else to do round there. I know. I spent 3 of my teenage years there. The most exciting things to happen in Southport were the annual flower festival, Red Rum and a shooting star once in 1979.

  7. davemcwish

    Kielbasa Fest

    "451: Unavailable due to legal reasons

    We recognize you are attempting to access this website from a country belonging to the European Economic Area (EEA) including the EU which enforces the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) and therefore access cannot be granted at this time. For any issues, contact or call 800-589-3331."

    FFS - Another reason to use a VPN. S***e GDPR blocking.

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: Kielbasa Fest

      "451: Unavailable due to legal reasons

      Well, if you will follow a link to an amateur-hour U.S site

  8. Elmer Phud

    Big Frank?

    "Why does it hurt when I pee?"

    another Frankie song.

  9. Elmer Phud

    Thanks for the iimage

    " before your todger starts acting like it just saw the Ark of the Covenant."

    Having seen a few pickled dicks in a Naval Hospital museum --- some might not believe the number of different ways a todger could disintegrate in their very hands.

  10. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

    Re : Indiana Jones...

    "The rarity of the disease in most countries means long odds that a doctor could identify and begin treatment of the condition before your todger starts acting like it just saw the Ark of the Covenant..."

    But surely only if the aforementioned Ark has had the lid lifted, and only if you decide look directly at the pretty lights... and, as an aside, I guess similar to choosing the correct holy grail, you should always be choosing your sexual partners... "wisely"?

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Re : Indiana Jones...

      Wearing a condom would probably help as well.

    2. Little Mouse

      Re: Re : Indiana Jones...

      If I remember my RE correctly - The Ark had holes for inserting special poles for carrying it around.

      Maybe you could just pop your nob into one of those instead?

  11. GreyWolf

    Hey, it's Southport ...

    ...well known in t' North for uninhibited behaviour at the sleazier end of human depravity...

    1. defiler

      Re: Hey, it's Southport ...

      How did you know I was there once?

      It surprised me, though. It's not in the South, and there's no port. What's the game?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hey, it's Southport ...

        "It surprised me, though. It's not in the South, and there's no port. What's the game?"

        I've had a look and I can't find any particularly good reason for the place being called Southport. The town is apparently named after the South Port Hotel, an 18th century bathing house built in South Hawes. After all, anywhere is south of somewhere unless you're at the north pole.

        The thing that surprises me is that Southport's honestly in the metropolitan county of Merseyside. I thought that was a mistake by the article's author, but no, it really is. There's a slim bit of Merseyside creeps up the coast nearly as far as Preston.

        I live on Merseyside so I'm not going to make any sort of joke about the fine upstanding folk of Merseyside's biggest city stealing Lancashire's coast because that would be reinforcing an offensive and untrue stereotype. Oops! I didn't say that out loud, did I?

        1. Pedigree-Pete

          Re: Hey, it's Southport ...Merseyside.

          and as a former local, I can tell you they were not best pleased with not being Lancashire anymore. Birkdale and Ainsdale are rather nicer if you like Golf but the Snotty Dog in S'Port could always be relied upon to be "lively".

  12. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    cabbage and noodles,

    What do they mean by Noodles? My wife watches US cookery shows and they describe anything long and floppy as a "noodle", including spaghetti!!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: cabbage and noodles,

      Anything long and floppy? Even something that looks like it's just seen the Ark of the Covenant?

      At least you know it'll be well cooked I suppose. Even if the suppurating ulcers might be a touch off-putting. Just call it "hot sauce".

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not allowed to

    Discover a new GU disease and call it "Bluewaffleosis"

    (gets coat, lead lined and latex wrapped)

  14. Flakk

    Poor Donovan

    How'd you like to be this poor guy? Can you imagine the discussion he had with his doctor?

    "No! Please don't name my willy-eating disease after me! Is there a disease that makes you crap your pants three times a day? Could that be named after me instead?"

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So the UK is finally catching up with the third world..

    "The diagnosis, made within the last 12 months, is the first in the UK for a disease that is normally only seen in Papua New Guinea, southern Africa, Brazil, and southeast India. "

    I'm kidding of course but wasn't there a similar report just a few months ago?

  16. StuntMisanthrope

    Chicago Deep Thought.

    Its magnetically cold, gloves in every shop and thirty people get shot each day. I have a confession. Compiles at dawn, plus the John Hancock building. #fiction #gorobot

  17. Chairman of the Bored


    Gotta ask it... wtf did you eat? You don't know where that thing has been....

  18. Shadow Systems

    I'm not sure which is more frightening...

    A flesh eating sexual disease or having an HR department.


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