back to article TSB boss: We know everything's working, you just can't see that

In the latest update from TSB about its continued web wobbles, the British bank has told us that while it knows everything is working, punters might not realise that fact because... internet banking still isn't entirely working. Paul Pester, chief exec, said in a statement: The challenge we are facing at the moment is that …

  1. Ktsecful

    1. Throwing his IT staff under the bus live on TV

    2. Repeatedly issuing overly optimistic ETAs that his company then failed to meet

    3. Laughably claiming everything is fine...While I haven't been able to login for 6 days.

    Paul Pester is an absolute bloody cretin, and unfit to run any company larger than a cornershop.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Paul Pester is an absolute bloody cretin, and unfit to run any company larger than a cornershop.

      Which is exactly why he runs TSB. As the News Of The World lawsuit proved to everyone, being utterly clueless to how your company is run has become an C-suite job requirement in this country.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      > 1. Throwing his IT staff under the bus live on TV

      One assumes they're getting seriously large bonuses, or have given their notice.

    3. Dan 55 Silver badge

      This morning Pester has sent for a crack squad of IBMers as if they're going to rock up and magically wave a wand to fix it all, especially after the layoffs, and is now blaming his provider (i.e. the parent company, Sabadell).

      So I guess he's decided it's best to go down in flames with lots of glorious publicity showing how hard he tried.

      If it were me with an account I'd be going to a TSB and not leaving till I have £1000 in cash and a banker's draft in my hand, then I'd cross the road to another bank.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "We're bringing in IBM" hardly inspires confidence IMO. It's not 1968.

        I thought the new system was nothing to do with them - wonder why IBM were chosen (only link I can see is that they run the Lloyds platform)

    4. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese

      RE: Ktsecful

      unfit to run any company larger than a cornershop

      I believe the standard unit of measurement is fitness to run a whelk stall

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: RE: Ktsecful

        Everytime I see a newspaper headline addressing the PM by surname, I keep thinking its James May who can run a whelk stall.

        http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xzbwvw

    5. AJC

      >Paul Pester is an absolute bloody cretin, and unfit to run any company larger than a cornershop.

      Remember Dido Harding of TalkTalk fame?

  2. Crisp

    And the farce continues

    The "It's all ITs fault, honest" excuse was wearing thin last week.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paul Pester is an absolute bloody cretin, and unfit to run any company larger than a cornershop.

    Running a cornershop is actually pretty demanding - there's no fall back, no administrative or professional support, long hours, customers whining that they can get Product X for 40% less in Asda. Anything and everything is down to the owner to organise and make happen, likewise any problems, nobody else to solve them. All commercial risks are with the owner, and they take the flak from customers when other people let them down.

    I can't think of a less suitable person to run a corner shop than a former McKinsey consultant and banker. And I really can't see how his doctorate in mathematical physics qualifies him either for banking or running a corner shop.

    And anyway...what have you got against cornershop customers that you'd want Pester to be in charge of one?

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      "And I really can't see how his doctorate in mathematical physics qualifies him either for banking..,"

      No, I can't see why someone skilled in maths would be any good at banking, either. We really should have more classics graduates running our banks.

      (And if we'd built more particle colliders, launched more space probes and funded more physics professors, then maybe fewer post-docs would have gone over to the dark side and used their higher-order maths and statistics skills to engineer the great financial crisis. Who'd've thought cash doesn't behave quite like electrons?)

      1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: We really should have more classics graduates running our banks.

        TSB, or not TSB, that is the question:

        Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

        The slings and arrows of outraged customers,....

      2. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "Who'd've thought cash doesn't behave quite like electrons?"

        The problem is that cash is driven by people and people are herd animals prone to panics, stampedes on bogus triggers and fixations on irrelevancies,

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Kim kardashian

      3. Crisp

        Who'd've thought cash doesn't behave quite like electrons?

        First, let us consider the scenario where we have a perfectly spherical ball of cash in a vacuum...

        1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

          Re: First, let us consider the scenario where we have a perfectly spherical ball of cash in a vacuum

          Things can go awry even with that scenario...

          https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1554632/Thief-stole-90000-from-supermarket-tubes.html

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      And I really can't see how his doctorate in mathematical physics qualifies him either for banking or running a corner shop.

      From what I've read of the man... having him running (or even sweeping the floor) some nuke lab would be very scary.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. kain preacher

    So if IT is incompetent hire a firm that is not . But first lets see if IT was receiving funding and ongoing training needed to do the job.

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      if IT is incompetent hire a firm that is not

      Since banking these days is almost nothing but IT, why would a bank outsource almost its entire business?

      And the same question goes to almost every other service industry and government...

      1. Hawkeye Pierce

        Banks == IT Companies

        I read an article some time back (Cringley perhaps?), the premise of which was that there are many companies around who are IT companies but don't realise it.

        This particularly applies to banks and quite frankly if you view them as being an IT company and they screw up on the IT, you wouldn't look to use them again.

        1. d3vy

          Re: Banks == IT Companies

          I think I read that same thing.

          Wasn't it based on one company who sold financial products and were floundering but realised that their primary focus should be IT and switched internal focus so that they were an it company who sold financial products and did really well?

          I'd be interested to read it again now if anyone has a link.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Banks == IT Companies

            I don't think it's the same company, but once worked for a payment processing house who had decided that they wanted to become a 'fintech' company (ie. IT), changed names to reflect this, were doing technical things with their payment terminals that the hardware vendor didn't even think possible etc.

            Last I saw they were doing pretty well and had gotten bought out, the founder made a nice little earner.

            AC just in case.

      2. kain preacher

        Well lets start at the top

  5. DaveB

    Missing statistic

    "Currently, internet banking is operating at around 50 per cent capacity and mobile banking is at over 90 per cent capacity, TSB claimed."

    And our account switching service is running at 110% capacity

  6. Chrissy

    I suppose this guy has an MBA or equivalent useless bit of paper?

    The MBA definition of "working".

    Organisations continue to function DESPITE the actions of their senior managements, not because of....This is proof of that.

  7. Roger Ramjet

    It's fine....

    I can log in, but once in I can do bugger all amid the fog of errors....

    Then it kicks me out.

    On the upside, my mortgage has disappeared.

    1. Camilla Smythe

      Re: It's fine....

      On the upside, my mortgage has disappeared.

      I was a bit pissed off that it had appeared in my account but I see you just have two years to go before it is paid off. Expect the eviction notice sometime tomorrow.

  8. Deej

    Will be moving my business account just as soon as I have access to it...!

    1. DaveB

      Just go to your new bank and instigate a switch. TSB are required to provide all your details to allow this.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "TSB are required to provide all your details to allow this."

        Being required to do something and being able to achieve it are two different things.

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Doing it yourself manually would be faster and more reliable I would have thought.

  9. Chris G Silver badge

    One thing's for sure

    If I had a TSB account it's days would be numbered.

    I would not trust them any longer for internet or mobile banking and to have a lying sod announcing that a 'few' customers are affected when over half according to some reports are affected would be the nail in the coffin.

    I banked with them in the early '90s and quit when they went into Lloyds, Sabadell who owns them now is notorious for high charges even when your account has thousands in it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: One thing's for sure

      Banked with their GB successor Lloyds TSB who screwed me over when they realised I had no money.

      Then banked with their NI successor First Trust (TSBNI + AIB) who were a bit inept (why did I have to carry a separate card for ATMs and a debit card?), when they closed the local branches I closed account (and First Trust managed to balls up one of my direct debits by transposing a digit) and moved to a Leicester based bank who themselves transitioned to Santander (who had minor teething problems when moving to their systems, nothing on the scale of TSB though)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the balance?

    If half of TSB's customers have been affected and they all move their accounts, at least that will solve the load-balancing problems at a stroke.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm a realist, and an IT guy. This thing hasn't really impacted me as such and I imagine behind the scenes this upgrade was a big deal.

    However, I would like to know, in detail, IT guy level detail, what happened.

    1. tin 2

      "However, I would like to know, in detail, IT guy level detail, what happened."

      I imagine, being as it's clearly such a fuckup, that nobody who could tell you knows, and the people that do know are too stupid to both realise it, nor explain it.

  12. katrinab Silver badge

    A useful tip:

    If your debit card is working, you can use monzo.me or Starling Settleup to get your money out, or maybe both, as they have daily transaction limits.

    TSB was my first current account when I started my first job. I don't use it any more, but I kept the account with some money in as an emergency back-up. I figured it would be better to have that somewhere else, in case an emergency happens before they sort things out.

    1. anothercynic Silver badge

      @katrinab

      Smart girl! ALWAYS keep money in another bank (preferably another banking group), so that when things go TITSUP, you have access to money elsewhere.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TSB branch on Working St.

    The address on the branch shop front in the header picture is priceless, unlike TSB which is fast becoming worthless.

  14. ariels-again

    You heard it here first

    My excuse calendar today says: "the system is working but has issues with legacy clients". Specifically, I'm sure it will start recovering as soon as all you stragglers start using IPv6.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ready But Not Able

    Your cab has arrived. Unfortunately the doors are stuck shut. However we are ready to serve.

  16. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Sisyphus is busy with this job. Please be patient. Now serving customer...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What a balls up

    So on one master card

    19 Apr 2018 AN ADJUSTMENT TO YOUR ACCOUNT -75.00

    19 Apr 2018 AN ADJUSTMENT TO YOUR ACCOUNT 75.00

    Which they must of done because I did not.

    Then I transfer 60 from my current account the the credit card, it leaves my current account and does not turn up on the credit card!

    I can confirm this account will be shut shortly and a new bank found.

    Very unhappy bunny

    1. ThePieMan

      Re: What a balls up

      Isn’t that normal for a credit card payment though? Takes a day or two to show up?

  18. TheMeerkat Bronze badge

    By the look of it the old legacy part of the bank is running, it is the new fancy one, probably written by some contractors, thar does not?

    1. d3vy

      The "old legacy part" is lloyds which no longer has anything to do with TSB.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Coffee/keyboard

    Not being a TSB customer and having not been a Java dev for a decade or so, it did make me smile seeing all the bean-based error messages people have posted. And as to the array index out of bounds one: Priceless! What on earth does the non-IT person think when they see this sort of nonsense? My honest and deepest sympathies if you are a customer, though.

    There’s no rigour in software development any more - so this sort of thing is going to happen more and more and more.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Functionals vs Non-Functionals

    It's obviously "working" functionally but not meeting the capacity or performance requirements. It's still a fail but a different category of fail. I've been operational architect on a number of big projects and it's usually the performance and stress test that gets pushed to last (no point doing it before the code is finalised, says the PM) and then dropped to meet a deadline. I've no involvement with TSB (now or ever) but I'm sorry for both the customers and, to a lesser extent, the ops guys.

  21. TheBorg

    Not surprising .... half cocked project managers, lot's of pressure to deliver in timescales not achievable ... time for Mr Pester (great name!) to walk and give another clueless overpaid half wit a chance :)

    1. FlatSpot

      Cute that you blame project managers when I think you mean the project sponsor and service team signed off the risk of going live without due diligence.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021