Apple's new 'spaceship' HQ brings the pane for unobservant workers Apple's $5bn Norman Foster-designed "spaceship" HQ isn't finished yet, but it's already taking out puny humans. Three calls reporting 911 medical emergencies were made about building-battered employees. The San Francisco Chronicle put in a FoI request to Santa Clara County and obtained the chilling details. One employee was …
Well, they could be simply treating the building like a modern UI/UX. Remember many modern UI conventions are to have totally flat interfaces with no real indication of what is a clickable icon/link etc. - the designers assume (and expect) users will simply click/touch everywhere until something happens - I think they call it "exploring" or "discovery", because having clearly defined buttons and menus that were readily understandable was so yesterday....
I was really confused one day to see a sign on a new glass fronting saying "GLASS AWAITING MANIFESTATION". Was elvis coming back? Is this some new, presently immaterial glass?
No, they were waiting for a professional to come by with some masking tape to do some frosting stripes. Very disappointing.
People did try sticking post it notes and so on - they were removed by the management for 'detracting from the building design'. So much like their products appearance is more important than function.
I'm glad I dont work there - I'd be unconscious before first coffee break.
I think I understand why Apple started their wellness program for employees. Maybe they could have a doctor stand in front of the glass to warn people about to walk into it.
I nearly did type that! I was thinking of Mr Burns in the Simpsons talking about his boweling at the time.
I stayed in a hotel in Italy on a school trip when I was about 13. The hotel had lovely glass doors overlooking the coastal views. There were very clear manifestations (great word, by the way) on the glass, but they were still walked into semi regularly, including by some in our group.
Told my parents about it when I got home, and my dad, to his astonishment, realised it was the exact hotel where he had run, full speed, into the exact glass door when on a family holiday as a child, probably in the late 50s.
Different manifestations, same defenestration.
I do hope these glass walls aren't going to cause problems for the notorious secrecy of Apple.
I worked somewhere once where the internal walls were mostly glass and they did indeed have "manifestations" on them. However this glass caused problems at a meeting I went to with an external firm in one of our meeting rooms. The bloke turned up and when we reached the meeting room he protested that what he was going to show us was top secret. It was their new proprietary flagship product and it was certainly not something he was happy to show in a glass walled room. There was one not so nice meeting room free where the only window was a small one in the door but the aircon didn't work properly. He agreed to this one and we sat there getting warmer by the minute as his laptop firstly needed power because the battery was dead. Then he couldn't connect to the wifi which was eventually sorted out. The allotted duration of the meeting passed and we were seeming no closer to seeing his presentation. So I made my excuses saying I had to leave for another meeting and got up and left. I don't remember what the product or even the firm was but I can still see the look of disgust on his face when he saw a glass walled room.
it was certainly not something he was happy to show in a glass walled room
For $5 billion no doubt Apple has the super expensive type of glass with liquid crystals embedded that can darken to opaque at the touch of a button for meeting rooms and executive offices where sensitive things will be exhibited, and piezoelectric vibrators on the external glass to shield from laser audio spying by drones outside the properly line.
"In backward countries like UKland the nanny-state requires that glass which can be walked into includes 'manifestations'"
The UK also seems to be the only place in the world where one of a pair of double doors is always locked, whether that be a building entrance or just internal doors. Why bother putting double doors in if you're not going to use them? And just to cap it off, not all doors have an indication that it's push or pull only so when you push and nothing happens, you pull, only to find still nothing happens. It's madness I tells ya, madness!
And just to cap it off, not all doors have an indication that it's push or pull only so when you push and nothing happens, you pull, only to find still nothing happens. It's madness I tells ya, madness!
A moment later, another guy slided open it. see icon ->
"And just to cap it off, not all doors have an indication that it's push or pull only so when you push and nothing happens, you pull, only to find still nothing happens. It's madness I tells ya, madness!"
Reminds me of an ancient ditty from my high school days. "The sign says push to slow the speed, of those that pull before they read." Though perhaps it was the other way around, high school was a very long time ago.
Each to their own - my partner prefers cranberry sauce (I indulge in neither bu she does get me to do the 'prep'). We have two killer cats who bring in 6-7 of the birds a year (the noise of one of them trying to drag the carcass through the cat flap is worrying). Remarkable there is very little damage to the bird, I assume (no post mortem) that they have strangled the animal - in the same way some other large cats do by compressing the neck.
Finding a dead seagull (Best kind) on the ground was mildly amusing on arrival at work one day at Somerset County Council, what was more amusing was it's greasy impression of the S.H.E.I.L.D. logo on the glass pane that it flew into.
It's probably still there even after 10 years - The imprint on the glass, not the dead bird which took facilities a few days to get around to removing it.
https://seeklogo.com/images/S/s-h-i-e-l-d-logo-F89847BD30-seeklogo.com.png
>Is this very expensive glass that is super-smooth and very transparent and always very clean?
No just new glass.
Give it a few years and the glass will warp.
Asdie: in the 1980's there was a new glass-faced building on the Euston road in London, much loved by photographers because of the mirror-like reflections across multiple panes of glass, I was passing a few years back and now the glass has warped the reflections don't impress.
The casualty toll is set to increase once the building achieves sentience
Think Pet Sematary .. big building no doubt built upon an ancient burial ground with the corpse of Steve Jobs in the middle. The next stage is for blood to be spilled and channelled to the grave.
"The casualty toll is set to increase once the building achieves sentience, and targets employees who have under-performed in their review."
I wonder if the building will achieve sentience before Apple Manglement? Perhaps the building can target the bean counter(s) that decided against increasing the Software Q&A budget first?
I wonder if the building will achieve sentience before Apple Manglement?
I would expect just about all buildings to achieve sentience before manglement manages that evolutionary step. Sentient buildings, heat death of the universe, all happening before that.
Paris, because she's a natural for manglement.
I wonder if the building will achieve sentience before Apple Manglement?
There is a weird Michael Chrichton type sci-fi thriller about an AI building management system that starts killing people - odd that it's by Philip Kerr who mostly does Nazi era Germany detective-noir
(Unless there are two Philip Kerrs and I'm being an idiot)
One day, about a month later than you'd have thought, huge lorries loaded with glass panes will arrive. Employees will be told to leave the building and stand around outside. A large tasteful off-white tarpaulin will then be raised to cover the building, then every single glass pane in the building will be replaced with a new glass pane which looks exactly the same as the old glass pane except for the addition of a fancy Apple logo. As this process takes a while, the employees will start to wonder if something has gone wrong, but they will then hear a bong sound and the tasteful off-white tarpaulin will then be lowered and taken away and the employees they will re-enter the building. Apple will never talk about what work was carried out and any questions about the new glass panes will be met with silence.
Suggestions that their software update team were in placed charge of this process is just a vicious rumour.
"surely every pane of glass will shortly have a giant frosted Apple logo on it, or will it need to be some sort of clever thing where the asymmetry in the chomp and leaf look correct whichever side of the window you are?"
Who cares as long as it's low enough for the large competitor's logo standing next to it to pi** all over ...
... I wonder if the big G will ever get allowed to do a street view in there?
A few years ago I visited a showroom that was still being fitted out before opening. The windows all had protective coverings on to prevent damage and stop nosy onlookers. So whilst I'm there one of the shopfitting crew walks into a glass door and bangs head. This is a door that has not had any permanent manifestation applied yet (or door handles for that matter) and the tape that was there had fallen off. Therefore this door is a threat to society! The 'gravely injured' man says to the foreman that he's going to get some more tape and (jokingly) then phone his lawyer. Foreman says please don't sue us (again jokingly) and then turns round and walks into one of the plate glass windows where the covering has just fallen off. Big difference was the foreman was wearing his hard hat as per regulations the other bloke wasn't.
Think it was back in the '80s I was working in a place where the front office had all the office walls replaced with glass, and glass doors. One poor guy managed to bang his head rather harshly on a closed door he thought was open. Half hour later someone noticed he hadn't been seen for a while, so they sent me out on my motorbike to cruise the streets looking for him. He was still dazed and confused when I found him.
Uo until about a decade ago the very old danish amusement park "Dyrehavsbakken" had glass maze named "Vinduet" (The Window). One side facing the street was entirely glass and all interior walls in the maze was glass. It was a lot of fun just watching from the outside when people walked into a glass wall, turned and walked into another while trying to backtrack their steps. You could win prices if you got through faster than a certain time, thus increasing the chance of hitting the glass walls even harder...
You can get IR-blocking glass. Lots of modern buildings have it - because the architects do just love glass.
Heaven forfend you should be able to actually read your screen when the sun's out. Far better to have uninterrupted views of the cityscape!
Relatives were in a rather posh bar in Hong Kong. It had just been re-done by some funky designer. Low lighting of course, as any self-respecting penthouse bar should be.
Meaning that the hotel have to employ staff to guide you out of the lift, as you can't see what's going on when you first get there. And more staff because there's a diagonal step running the whole length of the floor, which can't be seen as the floor is shiny black on shiny black.
I'm presuming Disaster Area's ship-designer just keeps on winning commissions...
Hypocrites. Apple is one of those Silicon Valley companies that shouts and rants about the environment all the time, but instead of occupying *existing* unused space they build a giant headquarters out of new materials on new land. What was the environmental impact of this building?
Did you use a stock photo of GCHQ, or is that a screen-shot from "The Circle"?
(BTW: IIRC, the Apple HQ is (sort of) built on a Pet Sematary, as the land was formerly occupied by HP buildings. I would indeed be afraid it was haunted by the ghosts of engineers formerly proud of their work and company)
Once in a kingdom of ancient times, a prince of the realm decided to build himself a home of unrivaled beauty and light, so he built himself a palace of glass crystal. This, naturally, attracted the attention of the leading ladies of the land, who pursued him with enthusiasm for his wealth and taste. He had no difficulty in securing the hand of the most beautiful and they settled into his glass palace and lived happily -- albeit transparently -- for some years.
But then came a day when his wife grew restive. Having an avaricious spirit, she told her husband she wanted to see him on the throne of the kingdom. Desperate to satisfy her, he stole the throne of the king and spirited it away to his palace, where he secreted it in the very center of the house.
However, the king's minions came in search of the throne. Easily espying it in the center of the great house (remember, it was made of glass), they made short work of recovering it for the king, and the glass palace -- and the wife's ambitions -- lay in ruins.
The moral of the story is, of course ... (wait for it)
.
.
.
.
.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Well, if we're resurrecting old jokes, and thinking of the Dutch poster and theme park above , i'm reminded of this one.
A Dutch brothel, looking for a USP, and being ahead of the times, instigates a scheme where you make automated choices about the erm company you like to keep.
At the ground floor entrance you pay your 50 Guilders (no clue what that'd be worth back then) and are offered a choice :
a) blonde b) brunette c) ginger
After that you pass through a door and are again offered choice :
a) tall b) medium c) short
Another door another choice :
a) very curvy and busty b) average and firm bust c) slim and perky
Yet another door and another choice :
a) intelligent c--t b) average c--t c) daft c--t.
I chose c) and found myself out on the street again.
Can you imagine the complexity of choices you'd be faced with today at the first offering? incl.
v) prospective parliamentary candidate for Rochdale.
& occasionally seagulls in addition to the one in Somerset.
I have had one wood pigeon (It sort of bounced off on impact) & I've had two gulls fly into windscreens while I was driving (including one that had forgotten to de-ice it's wings).
Nearly added two copulating bald eagles to the tally a few years back.
https://raptorresource.blogspot.ca/2014/02/do-bald-eagles-mate-in-flight.html
Perhaps a friendly robotic paperclip could be attached to each pane? A gentle tapping on the glass would alert approaching employees to the hazard. It could then offer unwanted advice on the best way to open the door, or make random guesses at the intention of the door operator. This could catch on.
Having had this happen a while back, it hurts quite a lot to walk at full speed into a previously-open sliding door.
It would make sense to put Apple logos at eye level on every single one of them.
How about laser or chemical etching?
Maybe they should call this phenomenon the "iDonk" ?
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