I think I even have a script for that.
Awesome! simply divine!
Simon, have you ever thought of a series or film?
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns I’m on high alert in Mission Control. It’s 11:30am, I’ve not seen the PFY all morning and there’s a cold, half eaten chicken kebab sitting on the PFY’s keyboard. There’s a faint beeping noise from his desktop machine as the password field of his login is overflowing with H characters, …
"I was thinking more of a Young Ones meets IT Crowd... Viv as the PFY anybody?"
Indeed, as has been mentioned, Viv may well be
a bit a lot to old for the Y, however in the style of Edward from bottom, he'd make a good BoFH. Beer, violence and IT, the character is almost two thirds of the way there already!
Sadly, I don’t think Richard E Grant is quite “scruffy” enough these days to quite be the BOFH (back in the Withnail days, perhaps so, but a little too young then). Sadly, I think Peter Capaldi is just very slightly too old for this role now. I could see Simon Pegg as the BOFH, however?
Mackenzie Crook is very much the obvious (too obvious, typecast?) person to be the PFY, indeed.
Stephen Fry would definitely be ideal as the boss (but may be unamused by previous references to him in The Register!), or maybe Chris Barrie?
Plus numerous well known guests, who in acting the parts of various HR goons, finance ac*nts, management, sales guys, etc., demonstrate the practical uses of carpet, lime and a map of nearby forests, or how windows on second floors and above need proper locking mechanisms, or the use of over powered electric cattle prods on parts of the body.
You know guests like Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Nigel Farage, members of the Cabinet and government (How is she still PM TMay, BoJo the Clown, Precious JRM, Twinkletoes Fox, Hunt the C*nt, and many others) who wish to resurrect their political careers if, unfortunately, not in person.......
I've been trying to sell a TV series based on the BOFH for ages now - after getting the OK from Simon to draw on his stuff, I completed seven scripts and tried to get production companies interested. I even managed to get a couple of celebrity endorsements, including one from the actor who would be the ideal Simon.
And after spending a fortune on postage I ended up with enough rejection letters to wallpaper my lavatory. I did get a couple of nibbles along the way but no bites. I got the impression that commissioning suits didn't like the idea of a series where manglement were the butt of the jokes.
About that time, a few life issues intervened and I put it on the back burner. But I'm thinking that I should try again. I've got enough material and ideas for about 24 episodes, plus a Christmas special.
This post has been deleted by its author
"No unsolicited scripts. What a surprise."
Now think what the BOFH would do in that situation. He'd tell a Brit commissioning editor that Netflix were interested but taking their time and there was a small window of opportunity if the editor could make up their mind before the pubs open.
Oh don't ...
let a crew in for 'credits' and still haven't had the time to replace the load bearing wall that the set guy from LA said wasn't! [temp support only a year later when son pointed out the sag]
Producer/writer found out only so much good will out there when crowd-sourced financing maybe covered half of costs ....
Why did I expect that the cast/crew would be any better than government contractors ...
Damn sign painter stole my nice, big, golf umbrella to boot ... imagine her walking for the 'cause' under the Callaway logo ...
I've been trying to sell a TV series based on the BOFH for ages now - after getting the OK from Simon to draw on his stuff, I completed seven scripts and tried to get production companies interested
Ooh! Good luck with that. I wonder what level of cliqueiness you're up against with the production companies that have the ear of telly commissioners?
For me to make suggestions is probably a case of teaching granny to suck eggs, but ... have you tried thinking through your customer's mindset? For example, making Simon's alter ego a female would tick a huge box with the BBC in terms of representing women in central roles, without seriously impacting on the story lines. Just wondering!
"For example, making Simon's alter ego a female would tick a huge box with the BBC in terms of representing women in central roles, without seriously impacting on the story lines."
Very true, but - I spent a long time trying that out, and it just didn't work; as Steven is subordinate to Simon, it was difficult to get anywhere without overtones of sexism and bullying creeping in. Same with the KZEEEERT - the stories worked better with that strictly rationed. There are other outbreaks of violence to compensate, though :-)
There is a female central role, and she's on the same level as Simon. Similar attitude to corporate silliness too, which makes for a good relationship. She's just as intimidating as Simon, but in a different way.
Yeah but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts
Only after they hit the ground in an uncontrolled fashion.*
*I heard an old radio from the War, the smooth British presenter intones solemnly: "And there after crashing into the ground was a Messerchmit." Followed by loud laughter from the crew.
Yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for using the word Fokker in his presentation to the board.
Reminds me of an old joke with a radio interview of a WW II fighter ace nicknamed "Swede."
ANNOUNCER: So tell us about the day you became an ace, Swede.
SWEDE: Well,I was flying patrol, and I saw this Fokker coming at me from the right and above, so I turned toward him, and just then saw another Fokker coming up from below, so...
ANNOUNCER: Swede, just let me interrupt and let the audience know that a Fokker is a type of German airplane, right?
SWEDE: Well, ya, but these Fokkers were flying Messerschmits.
while working a weekend, set a machine to play music so I could find it out on the floor amongst all the desks.
one of the users who also happened to be in, and sat next to it, asked what the heck was going on, and how the heck did I do that.
he asked if I could make anyone's machine play anything. "yes of course", and I could see their inner child having fiendish ideas.
so I knocked up an excel sheet floor plan, some vba, and a few sound samples.
assign a sound sample from a drop down on each desk, and click on the chair to play.
sent to user. user very very happy.
didn't take long for the files in their audio folder to be modified and added to with various crude vocals.
it all came crashing down when one users machine, (who as it happened loved to take every single phone call on speakerphone in an open plan office - to show how busy and important he was), developed a case of turret's during one particularly loud long and tedious phone call, that started off with a few light cuss words and ended in a crescendo of expletives
turns out the guy had forward the sheet around to others.. "a bit..."
the sheet got tagged as a UDA or "user developed application", and as such prevented from executing within the corporate environment.
I visited BVE yesterday, I think that means Broadcast & Video Expo; anyway, there was a lovely air powered remote squib system on show. Can't help but think if BOFH got hold of a demo unit for that, what fun would ensue. The 6-hit programmable sequencer unit fitted with the American-style blood discharge heads was particularly impressive.
I find myself left with one burning question: Why is the Bastard doing this?
He's going to some pretty great lengths to, ultimately, protect the PFY from himself. Which feels a bit out-of-character for someone whose primary motivation is usually personal gain — whether it be in terms of financial benefit, reduced workload, or even just TEH LULZ.
I can't get a read on the motivation here, though. It could be a further sign that he's getting soft in his middle age, and genuinely wants to help his employee (even if he'd never admit to that reason). Then again, perhaps the PFY has some leverage against Simon that would make preserving his job a typically selfish act. Or, I suppose it could simply be that it's a chance to fuck with the standard-issue cast of company stuffed suits, something a BOFH generally seems to view as its own reward.
There is never a time to turn down an opportunity to engage and ensure the defeat of the enemy*. Is why.
*) identified enemies include, but are not limited to bosses, consultants, helldesk, users, legal, hr, security, the board, vendors, reps, programmers, salesdroids, visitors, software, hardware, bad kebab, empty cattleprods, other bofh's, and the landlord's uncanny precision at calculating your tab at the pub.
As for a BOFH production, wouldn't there be a different "boss" each episode. Kinda like _The Prisoner_ with interchangeable #2's.
As for beer, I remember a lunch break where four of us went to the local road house and we went through 3 pitchers of beer. I remember that I was the one that drank the least, and my head was spinning and the others "appeared" to be sober. Thankfully for all of us said road house (which is no longer there) was walking distance and they don't give WUI's (Walking under the influence) out.
Wait, wasn't there a Pub across the street ? Now its' Cafe in the morning ? Is Simon messing up his geography ?
From what I recollect, there's a Pub across the street, another pub at the far corner and a Kebab House that sells Tandoori Chicken / Tikka Masala at the other corner.
Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020