Re: If you were a chef...
"Who are these dumb-f**ks who expose private infrastructure to the internet anyway?"
Everybody who wants to run a business online but knows fuck all about computers. Individuals or small groups of individuals who want to make money, but not hire IT experts or learn stuff themselves. Or they hire IT "experts", with quotes included, who throw up a WordPress with a Memcached plugin (for performance or something), take the money and go.
I had an epiphany about such a scenario quite recently. My software developer veil is preventing me from even thinking of lots of things "normal" people do without blinking (e.g. write your e-learning content in PowerPoint and attempt to put that online by "embedding" it in WordPress because it works on your computer like that).