HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about My wife has a hairy tongue. At least, I think she may soon develop one. The source of this information is the package leaflet inserted into the box of capsules she's been prescribed for what the doctor reckoned was a bad case of Woman Flu. Fans of Japanese surreal fiction and body horror should spend more time reading these …
All evidence seems to suggest that Apple has gone full-DevOps and fired it's QA department. Much merriment will no doubt ensue.
N.B. Some folks might find a hairy tongue to be somewhat stimulating. Conversationally, of course. Although I suspect they'd be on the receiving end of the ol' hairy eyeball ...
Apparently it isn't uncommon and isn't serious (and isn't actually hair) but I don't recommend looking it up, because inevitably you will also get to read about black hairy tongue...which may be the same thing, but it's hard to read about it with fingers over my eyes. (As a defensive posture, not another alarming clinical condition.)
"Only the brave though read the notes that come with pills - given the list of side-effects a placebo would be preferable"
In fact placebos can have side effects too, especially if the patient reads the possible side effects of what they think they are getting.
Psychosomatic effects can be just as severe as straightforward diseases.
indeed.
Psychosomatic effects. Like my "catch 22 asthma".
Essentially I don't have asthma *unless* I don't own an inhaler.
The second the brain realises there are none of the relevant drugs in the household - it turns on like a switch has been flicked. Incredible thing, the brain.
the dreaded lamp post lick stick
I refer the honourable gentleman to the excellent episode of John Finnemore's Cabin Pressure titled St. Petersburg
M.
1) Don't buy it. Get a Sonos instead... Oh wait.. It leaves rings as well. Just don't bother with this POS and technology dead end.
2) Got a paper hanky? Put that under it and problem solved. Fanbois won't do that though. They'll spend thousands on new 'ring proof' furniture instead.
Wonderful! It's really about time microwave ovens start coming with off-putting lists of possible side-effects as well considering how wildly dangerous they truly are - such as: "...including severe adverse financial effects*, concussion-like swelling**, extensive third degree burns***, loss of your home****, cardiac arrest*****, asphyxiation******, irreversible loss of cerebral activity*******, violent seizures******** and general cessation of existence by spontaneous summoning of a quantum singularity from a parallel dimension*********". Scary stuff, I tell you!
* by electricity bill, if you keep melting the cheese on your sammiches with the grill heater for every single meal
** by contact with your neighbour's baseball bat when he finally realizes why his WiFi keeps dropping the connection on the other side of the wall
*** go ahead, look up that Youtube clip about microwaves and superheated water, then ever again dare to re-heat a cup of tea, I dare you...
**** by the fire caused by a shitty extension cord that starts arcing at the plug
***** by leaking enough EM radiation to reset your pacemaker into "firmware update" mode
****** assuming you fail to remove it quickly enough after you cement your head into it just for teh lulz
******* assuming your door interlock is faulty and you decide it's easier to see up-close when the food is done with the door open
******** by electrocution via the high-powered high-voltage transformer when you go "hold my beer, I can fix this even plugged in..."
********* impossible to conclusively prove it cannot happen so if it does guess who you won't be suing? Not us!
Our chief sub raised this matter with me and we discussed it at length. She suspected that I might be deliberately provoking pedants to add comments on these lines, and she considered adding a footnote to explain that Woman Flu is not a real ailment recognised by the medical profession but a joke name used in this column because it sounds funnier than "ear-ache".
I found a solution to the problem you described in your review of the iPhone X the other week.
Day 10: I think I’ve got the hang of transferring the photos to a computer. My choices are AirDrop (to a Mac, very fussy) or via USB cable and an import utility (again very fussy as I have to tick every image one by one).
Using the USB cable route, the answer is to click one of the photos and then hit Command-A, to select all of them.
(I did manage to get away with just a Command-A, but that first click on an image ensures that the right bit of the screen has focus.)
The humour would probably more rib tickling if I wasn't participating in the team game of "couple flu" at the moment.
My score sheet is not looking good (not looking very healthy?) so far.
Demerit #1 for catching the original infection and bringing it home.
Demerit #2 for recovering more quickly, possibly due to having a flu jab before Xmas.
Demerit #3 a possibility for removing the phrase "Oh, it was only man flu" from future discussion and analysis.
So more rib aching at the moment.
Off to do some active cherishing.
Oh, and a Dabbs demerit for even suggesting antibiotics for flu. Not funny when you know it isn't a cure. Also, Doctors across the nation will damn you to hell for all eternity when all the whingeing buggers turn up first thing on Monday demanding antibiotics because "they read it on the Internet".
All that is left for me now is the mind bleach as I contemplate how you might be assisting your poor suffering Lady Wife to partake of the medication "as big as a horse suppository". No, get me a bigger bottle!!
My heartfelt sympathy to her with wishes for a speedy recovery and less user agressive medication.
I don't know... my ex-wife insisted on having antibiotics whenever she had flu/cold/virus because once upon a time when she was a teenager she was prescribed some and it worked.
Every time I would insist she didn't go to the doctor for antibiotics, she would hold off a day or two then sneak over there when I was at work, insist on antibiotics (we must have had such a weak willed GP or she wore them down), then the next day after starting a course would be getting better and cured within 48 hours.
This, apparently, was proof that antibiotics cured viruses and that I, and the rest of medical science, were idiots.
We are now divorced. I cited unreasonable behaviour in the papers; not doing what she was told to by her husband mental and physical cruelty.
Given that a virus will usually clear in a week then by the time most people get to the stage of demanding and starting to take antibiotics they are starting to get better anyway.
You could prescribe almost anything from water upwards with equally effective results.
My Doctor is wonderful. He cured my flu with his special treatment of vintage champagne and rough sex with the pool boy. In a couple of days I was cured!
I wish the FDA would require chance of side-effects. You see a TV commercial for some new treatment for, say, Aardvark-Neurismo disease, and they tell you in a very cheery voice "side effects may include nausea, narcolepsy, sonambulism, depression, suicide thoughts, colonic reversal, loss of limbs, prostate cancer, male pregnancy, and rarely cardiac failure". Yes, but HOW rarely?
"Side effect of ibuprofen - headaches."
P.S. I know somone who has suffered those side effects, and as a result they are now on other drugs for the rest of their life.
I was once given a prescription for some heavy duty pain-killers.
After two nosebleeds in two days I decided to look at the leaflet that came with the pain-killers.
The list of possible side effects ran to about 3 foot of very small text. It was in alphabetical order.
Naturally I scanned down to side effects beginning with "N" (for Nosebleeds).
Sure enough "Nosebleeds" was listed, fourth one down on the list of side effects beginning with "N".
It was the first three side effects beginning with "N" that caught my attention though.
These were the first four entries beginning with "N":
No Blood Pressure.
No Breathing.
No Pulse.
Nosebleeds.
I'm pretty sure the first three should have been listed under "D". As in "Dead".
"Naturally I scanned down to side effects beginning with "N" (for Nosebleeds).
Sure enough "Nosebleeds" was listed, fourth one down on the list of side effects beginning with "N"."
You're lucky it wasn't listed as "epistaxis", as most people wouldn't know to find it as that.
"Mouse Balls" was written as a joke field service memo by a FSE at IBM Boca in roughly 1988, soon after the release of the IBM PS/2. Seems manglement were going on and on about the importance of the mouse with OS/2, and he was in the mood to poke fun at them.
The memo looked official, the original had the actual part number of the FRU mouse balls. It also had the tie-line number of the FSE who wrote the memo. It was never supposed to go outside his immediate office. He is embarrassed about it to this day.
The last time I checked (10 years ago (??)), P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls and P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls were still valid part numbers at IBM, with inventory on hand. No doubt the Chump administration will be purging the foreign ones shortly, with great fanfare and a televised EO signing.
In other news, grounded anti-static mouse mats were an actual thing. They were to ground the user, not the mouse. Seems the average secretary can generate upwards of 85KV walking down the hall to get a cuppa ...
Nice clip, Dabbsy - thanks. Haven’t seen it before, and I am mightily impressed by the special effects, since everyone knows special effects were invented by George Lucas several decades later.
For aficionados Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor (no, not the pathetic Eddie Murphy re-make) did equally entertaining conversions in what is a very funny movie.
How are Apple going to fix it? You can't fix an inappropriate use of materials with a software update.
Who was the person that decided that the communication between software and hardware required firmware? And do the programmers have to use viagra in order to get their software to become firmer?
The Register 
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright. All rights reserved © 1998–2024
