back to article Frenchman comes eye to eye with horror toilet python

A lucky Frenchman has narrowly avoided having his todger bitten by a python that crawled up his U-bend. The unnamed Grenoble resident, who lives in a second-floor flat in the centre of the southeastern French city, discovered the errant snake last Saturday night while preparing to unleash his own snake upon the innocent …

  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    A python is unlikely to bite. It could have given him a nasty squeeze, however.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      A python is unlikely to bite.

      A bite is the python's main defence. It's not nice.

    2. Triggerfish

      @Doctor Syntax

      I beg to differ

      http://www.khaosodenglish.com/life/2016/05/25/1464165135/

      Some of those picture might not suit the squeamish.

  2. wolfetone
    Coat

    ""Not everyone has a python at home.""

    That's quite true, mine never leaves my person.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      I've got a python interpreter at home, does that count?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @TRT

        Only if you want to talk to another python.

      2. Paper

        I prefer to interpret Java coffee whilst browsing in a sandbox.

        ...

        Ow guys, why are you throwing stones at me.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Only the cat uses the sandbox. Be careful out there...

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Only the cat uses the sandbox.

            Or, in our case the 'reconstituted wood pellet' box. Except for the dog, when he's propecting for those delicious nuggets of partially-digested[1] catfood..

            [1] After all, carnivore guts are not particularly efficient and a proportion of the catfood comes out the other end still mostly intact. And, according to the dog, entirely edible.. One more reason why cats are the superior species.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    Called the fire brigade indeed...

    What you want, mate, is the Sword of Godric Gryffindor.

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: Called the fire brigade indeed...

      A real Frenchman would have taunted it.

      "Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person!". Etc.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Called the fire brigade indeed...

        Not that kind of a Python...

      2. Fortycoats

        Re: Called the fire brigade indeed...

        Well he probably did "fart in your general direction" while the snake was stuck in the U-Bend.

        Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "immediately I saw a snake's head coming out"

    It's the turtles you also have to watch out for.

    1. rh587 Silver badge

      It's the turtles you also have to watch out for.

      It's turtles all the way down!

    2. 's water music

      "immediately I saw a snake's head coming out"

      It's the turtles you also have to watch out for.

      He was in the one place that you don't want to worry about the site of turtle heads*

      *unless it is the size of Great A'Tuin

  5. adam payne Silver badge

    "She did not formally recognise her animal," the paper sceptically reported, quoting another inhabitant of the block: "Not everyone has a python at home."

    Anyone would think she didn't want to be hit with the vet bills.

  6. Pete4000uk

    Thumbs up for use of the word 'widdling'.

    1. Nick Kew Bronze badge

      Yeah, but he wasn't. He made a hasty retreat from his intended widdle.

      Rather the opposite to this poor sod.

  7. lansalot

    ah ha!

    "And I could very well have been bitten in a sensitive place, if you know what I mean."

    AYE, HE MEANS HIS COCK!

    #intentionalPartridge

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: ah ha!

      Seems more like Ali G to me.

      1. P. Lee Silver badge

        Re: ah ha!

        Frank Spencer?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ah ha!

      He has a chicken?

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: ah ha!

        He has a chicken?

        Cock au vim?

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: ah ha!

      It wasn't just trying to bite him, but to eat him!

      Proof!

    4. TRT Silver badge

      Re: AYE, HE MEANS HIS COCK!

      Charming.

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. choleric

    killall -9 python

    An encounter with a python, no matter how brief, or even in your briefs, is no choking matter.

    Loved the detail about descaling products. Next time the kettle needs a clean I think I'll ask for some reptilian exfoliant. Think I'd have been scared out of my skin.

  10. spold Silver badge

    I'll be back in a minute love, I'm just going for a hiss

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Don't-a forget-ta to viper afterwards. And re-mamba to wash your hands!

  11. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    descaling?

    Has anyone called the FSPCA?

  12. tiggity Silver badge

    Vet

    "They sent a specialist unit which captured the python and took it to a vet, where it later died."

    It was not unfortunate enough to end up with Mr. Chinnery as it's vet was it?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Vet

      > "They sent a specialist unit which captured the python and took it to a vet, where it later died."

      'e was fine when we put 'im the cell, guv, honest.

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Grenoble.

    More reason, if needed, not to go there.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "And I could very well have been bitten in a sensitive place, if you know what I mean."

    Hell, mine's half rattlesnake anyhow. Not really a fair fight.

  16. Dr_N Silver badge

    Eye To Eye

    Chortle.

  17. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Lesson Quatre Vingt Dix Huit: Avec le Squad des Animeux Dangereuse.

    M. Le Gendarme: "Excusez mois, madame. Esque celui-ci votre python?"

    Mme Fifi Le Pole: "Non. Ma python n'est pas couvert de chose bleu et ne portez-jamais un visage enragé comme ca. Attemptez-vous le next-door neighbour."

    M. Le Gendarme: "Vous et certain, madame?"

    Mme Fifi Le Pole: "Oui. Je le prove. Ma python s'appelle Nigel. Regardez vous: Nigel! Nigel! Venez-ici au maman! Vite Nigel! Rien reaction. Cette python n'est pas Nigel."

    M. Le Gendarme: "Mais les pythons sont deaf, n'est pas?"

    Mme Fifi Le Pole: "C'en est trop! Vous standez ici et accuzez mois de la crime enplacement de pythons dans la system plumbing, et Nigel est still perdue! Ou est Nigel Messieur? Je pay mon taxes pour cette abominable effort de policing?"

    M. Le Gendarme: "Madame, regardez le tattoo sur la python: Je M'appelle Nigel - si vous m'trouvez, returnez moi au soissant-neuf Rue de Remarques, appartment dix-neuf pour un reward substantialle!"

    Mme Fifi Le Pole: "Cette un forgery! Nigel n'as pas des tattoos! Il deteste le modifications de body! Cellui-ca est un python dodgy. Un knock-off."

    M. Le Gendarme:"Ah bon. Vous avez raison. Nous demandons au le next door neighbour. Merci madame. Avez une jour amicable."

    Mme Fifi Le Pole: "Au revoir!"

    1. choleric

      Re: Bah!

      Simon? Est ce c'est vous?

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Bah!

        Non! J'étais fan de Miles et "Let's Parler Franglais" quand cette "Simon" vous mentionez etait un glint dans les yeux de milkman. Jais lu "Lesson Treize: Avec Le Traffic Warden" dans la journal "Punch" et j'etais hooked, depuis quarante-sept ans.

        Je m'appelle Stevie. Pas "Simon". Pas "Charlie".

  18. JohnFen Silver badge
    Coat

    Judging by the headline

    "A sensitive place" indeed! Getting bitten in the eye would be awful.

  19. handleoclast
    IT Angle

    Where's the IT?

    Oh, it's a very lame pun.

    What next? Some guy giving his wife a perl necklace?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Where's the IT?

      A Perl necklace, shirley?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Closed the door then opened it again?

    I guess this is the real world version of turning it off and back on again and hoping that fixes the problem?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Closed the door then opened it again?

      I just close and then open my eyes. There isn't always a door handy.

  21. tony2heads

    raise

    I'll see your python and raise you cobra

    I think the snakes hide in toilets to totally freak us out

  22. po

    I'm reminded of a sad story.

    There was a German explorer called Schlichter,

    Had a yen for a Boa constrictor

    But when he lifted the tail

    Achtung! It was male!

    The constrictor not Schlichter was victor.

    Coat. Going...

  23. JeffyPoooh
    Pint

    Bathroom humour...

    Standing there, doing the usual #1 piddling.

    Another guy arrives, hilariously comments, "Oi, the water is cold today."

    Only possible reply, "Yep. It's deep too."

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