Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn

NATO, the military alliance originally formed to defend Europe against Soviet Russia, has formally adopted its own national anthem-style hymn. At this early stage in the article we find it necessary to assure readers that this is not a windup, nor is it April Fool’s Day. In a statement, NATO said that the NATO Hymn (catchy …

[Anonymous Coward]

They could have had,

How Great Thou Artillery.

[Hollerithevo]

or, for Christmas

festas natovidad

[macjules]

Could do worse than the official hymn of Ankh Morpork (“We Can Rule You Wholesale”):

When dragons belch and hippos flee

My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee

Let others boast of martial dash

For we have boldly fought with cash

We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes

We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose.

[Aladdin Sane]

#gnuterrypratchett

Obligatory request for a Sir Pterry icon.

[Voland's right hand]

Sounds more like a funeral march

This ditty has the distinct sound of a funeral march. Just wondering whose casket is being carried.

[Frederic Bloggs]

Re: Sounds more like a funeral march

It's the way you play 'em

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Sounds more like a funeral march

Well, if they wanted something rousing, they should have secured the rights to Ron Goodwin's "Ace's High". Or Barry Gray's tunes for Thunderbirds.

Then again, NATO's hardly a very impressive machine now is it? Back in the days of detente and MAD, perhaps, but now the depleted and threadbare militaries of Europe most appropriate theme tune would seem to be from Only Fools and Horses.

[John Smith 19]

Writing a hym acceptable NATO wide is a bit tricker than it sounds..

Given how many bits of it have fought/invaded//annexed/dismembered other bits of it.

But fair play to the writer for a nice bit of Rickrolling.

[Frank Marsh]

Re: Agreed on the Rickroll

Well-played. You got me.

[A-nonCoward]

Ich hatt' einen kameradden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyBiQaVyLMM

[Kernel]

Re: Ich hatt' einen kameradden

It certainly has overtones of (and seems to owe not a little inspiration to) "Ich hatt' ein Kameradden' - maybe they should have saved time and just gone straight for 'Das Panzerlied' - which seems to already be popular with a number of NATO and ex-Warsaw Pact country's military forces - although that might send the wrong message in times of international tension in Europe.

Not entirely sure why you have been voted down for pointing out the obvious - unless Captain Reichling and his friends are commentards here.

[Sanguma]

Re: Ich hatt' einen kameradden

I've an even better idea - this one's also been tested in combat:

Mademoiselle From Armentieres by J Charman 1915

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKzhQ4j9HD4

Again, it's bilingual ... the French should be chuffed no end!

[Anonymous Coward]

How about this one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCzH2tR6fEM

[MeRp]

To be fair...

Geez... that was only 1:32? I listened to it while I read the article and I thought for sure it had been playing for several minutes. So damn slow and depressing.

I think this fine piece would have been a million times better. Though, I guess, it might inspire my son to join up with the military and try to get into a NATO unit, so I guess it is best that they have a dank piece instead.

[Voland's right hand]

Re: To be fair...

A hymn is supposed to inspire. The only thing this piece of tripe inspires is dread. The PR idiots who commissioned it should face the music for grand treason under the respective NATO member country legislation (pun intended).

Just compare that to the (unofficial) ditty of the enemy du jour. The one they put on the tannoy before they get into "if you value your life be somewhere else" mode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7avPl6jB5w

Make your own conclusions...

[MeRp]

Re: To be fair...

The music for that is certainly way more inspirational... but damn those Russians love dire, moribund lyrics! The sound is all patriotic, but that video has subtitles so I get to see about how anxiety is spreading and they're going off to war to die.

I still think AC/DC's Thunderstruck, but performed with classical instruments (and without lyrics) is even better. :D

[Voland's right hand]

Re: To be fair...

but damn those Russians love dire, moribund lyrics!

Matter of attitude to war. War is not fun. That is why nearly all Slavic war marches are set to a minor key which is quite different from the "inspirational" drivel like the "Halls of Montesuma" which is set to a major key and is supposed to "motivate" you to fight.

It is not just Russians too. The same music with different (but on a similar topic) verses was used by Armia Kraiova in WW2. This is the music to which the Polish died in the Warsaw uprising. The same music with yet another set of lyrics (but once again similar meaning) was used by Israeli. This song saw the 6 day war. The same music with several other (again similar semantically) sets of lyrics was also used in the Russian civil war. To just to top it up it was not written about a Russian woman. It was written during the Balkan wars based on impressions from Bulgarians and Serbians.

In any case, I stand by my initial opinion. NATO is a military organization - its hymn is supposed to motivate one way or another. It does not matter if it is the Slavic (we are going to die, but by god we will take you f***ers with us) or the Anglo-Saxon (We are going to kill 'em all, gung-ho, gung-ho) way. A funeral march is not fitting.

[Christoph]

Re: To be fair...

the "Halls of Montesuma" which is set to a major key and is supposed to "motivate" you to fight.

That tune is originally the "Gendarmes' Duet"! Hardly a motivation to fight :-)

[graeme leggett]

Re: To be fair...

A too enthusiastic anthem sends the wrong message. Stately and determined is more fitting when defeated than gung-ho which is setting yourself up for hybris. (I think ancient Greeks paean sung on the march forming up the phalanx etc were fairly low key)

To look to similar with national anthems, God save the Queen (King) is a bit of dirge but doesn't set you thinking of immediately invading your neighbour or proclaiming sovereignty over all (a la "German, German overalls") unlike say Rule Britannia or Land of Hope and Glory. Which may be why the latter two are reserved for musical festivals and sports matches where no one should have sharp implements or projectile weapons and the blood is generally confined to the players.

[Lars]

Re: To be fair...

@ Voland's right hand,

If you want to choose something about the topic and from that part of the world, choose quality like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGiz_qbViE0

Good music has no borders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFsF_0tfiM

[Voland's right hand]

Re: To be fair...

@Lars.

Come one, at least post the FULL "with cannons" version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LxLSzzrplw

Concur otherwise.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: To be fair...

@MeRp: you must have trawled youtube for the slowest version of Прощание Славянки.

This tune is used whenever the young lads are off to do their military service - and consequently has been used for great comic effect in Russian films and children's cartoons.

However, before getting into racial theories, consider that Noel Coward wrote many upbeat songs during WWII (some which are very satirical). And G. K. Chesterton, in his bigotry wrote the following lines: "The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad."

[Mog_X]

Re: To be fair...

How about Iron Maiden's 'The Trooper'? It does involve Russians, but possibly not to the benefit of the song's protagonist...

[Spanners]

Re: To be fair...

I would have suggested "You're in the Army now" by Status Quo. Some versions sound like they have Billy Connoly as the NCO shouting at them in it!

[Frederic Bloggs]

Words?

Does it have any words?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Words?

Yes, crap and pointless spring to mind.

[frank ly]

Re: Words?

It's not technically an anthem if it doesn't have words. Can any commentareds suggest lyrics?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Words?

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears

It's a world of hopes and a world of fears

There's so much that we share

That it's time we're aware

It's a small world after all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Words?

Says who? The Spanish national anthem doesn't have any words.

[frank ly]

@AC re. Re: Words?

anthem

/ˈænθəm/

noun

1.

a song of loyalty or devotion, as to a nation or college: a national anthem

2.

a musical composition for a choir, usually set to words from the Bible, sung as part of a church service

3.

a religious chant sung antiphonally

4.

a popular rock or pop song

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Words?

"The Spanish national anthem doesn't have any words"

Isn't it a case of that it did have words but they aren't considered suitable any more. A few years ago I think they ran a competition for new words but think was an overwhelmning public resposes to leave it without words. Anyway, whenever I hear it add my own words ....

"our national anthem doesn't have any words so we just sing la la la la la la,

our national anthem doesn't have any words so we just sing la la la la la la,

la la la la la la la la la la la I think that this makes it much better than yours,

la la la la la la la la la la la I think that this makes it much better than yours"

[a_yank_lurker]

Re: Words?

Onward yellow cowards marching to the rear ...

[Alistair]

All things considered I'd suggest:

This ditty might suit things a little better at the moment.

[Anonymous Coward]

Or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UWTRnzKXG8

[Anonymous Coward]

Is NAOT a compromise between NATO and OTAN?

I like this anthem... naot. After Putin up with it for a minuteman, it could be Warsaw what.

an attack against one member* is considered an attack against all members

* excludes dependencies in South Atlantic

[Mark 85]

I was going to suggest this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXspsfoPX50. It's catchy but probably sends the wrong message.

[MeRp]

I think that sends, essentially, the exact right message. Unfortunately it does not send the message that NATO is likely to want to send. Of course, neither does their chosen anthem, so I guess, at least this one is catchy!

[James O'Shea]

Lookit

It's simple. In the words of an Englishman (okay, he was born in India, but let's just let that go by) who was NATO's first boss, the purpose of NATO is "to keep the Russians out, the Americans in, and the Germans down".

It's worked, do far, though Merkel needs a few slaps, she's getting upity.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Lookit

Cliff Richard said that?

Must of been on of his earlier hits.

[Paul Crawford]

@ James O'Shea

So are you volunteering to spank Angela then?

[James O'Shea]

Re: @ James O'Shea

yes.

[Lars]

Pehaps

Finland and Sweden would finally join NATO under this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iagm6-riUus

Porilaisten marssi / Björneborgarnas marsch

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bj%C3%B6rneborgarnas_marsch

And back to reality like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM3t-17Godc

[Anonymous Coward]

its own national anthem-style hymn

they (we) should have... I dunno, just do SOMETHING (for the money spent on that bloody tune).

[arctic_haze]

I propose Dragorborn from the Skyrim game

I am ready to defend any Article 5 country to this music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVVXNDv8rY0

A plus is the dragon language equally foreign to every Alliance member.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I propose Dragorborn from the Skyrim game

Yeah that works for me. As long as Hadvar can be secretary general.

[Allan George Dyer]

Re: I propose Dragorborn from the Skyrim game

That reminds me of this march https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtie6r27JeU

[Chairman of the Bored]

Warren Zevon?

Guns Money and Lawyers?

I went home with the waitress, the way I always do

How was I to know, she was with the Russians, too?

I was gambling in Havana, I took a little risk

Send lawyers, guns and money, dad, get me out of this

...

[Ken 16]

Is that what you really want playing?

As the massed tank divisions of Luxembourg face the invading Warsaw Pact?

[Anonymous Coward]

hymns?

It's 2017 guys.

[Chronigan]

No one has mentioned Hell March yet

I was sure someone else would of posted this before me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b5X69vREAg

[Anonymous Coward]

Does the Hymn mention the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch ?

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

[A K Stiles]

Re: Does the Hymn mention the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch ?

I was going to suggest a Sousa's "The Liberty Bell" - though more for the connection to it's popularised version

[Anonymous Coward]

Can't we just have a bit of fun?

Maybe Barbie Girl? Itsy Bitsty Yellow Polka Dot Bikini? Cha Cha Slide?

Lets face it, if the troops sang that when facing Russian troops down, they would spend so long working out WTF was going on, we'd have a huge tactical advantage.

[Trilkhai]

Re: Can't we just have a bit of fun?

>Maybe Barbie Girl? Itsy Bitsty Yellow Polka Dot Bikini? Cha Cha Slide?

A Little Less Conversation (A Little More Action, Please)?

[Aladdin Sane]

To be fair

Ever since watching The Hunt for Red October as a nipper, I learnt 2 things:

1. The Soviet/Russian national anthem is pretty damn good.

2. The average Russky, son, don't take a dump without a plan.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: To be fair

Clearly you have never been to Russia. There are very many disorganised people there, as there are around the world.

[Sanguma]

I think this might possibly be the one to choose:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECVGN4Bsgg

It's got all the right attitude required of its subjects and dejects by NATO member US of A ever since 9/11/2001 ...

But then there's:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9OSuy4e4HU

Or then again, considering the post-9/11 military adventurism religiously adhered to by said member, one should also consider this offering:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaGKxAgCguU

or this other one, which does have a distinctly military air to it, you will admit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgSPaXgAdzE

It's even bilingual!

(Alternatively, considering the attitude of the Head of State of said NATO member US of A, perhaps this one might suit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If9fC9aJd-U )

[M7S]

Given the new emphasis on "space" warfare

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIsv1YOFNys, although that might not strike the right polical tone

or for something with a very different sense of irony (and a very different kind of starship trooper...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kii8Zsuo3_c

[Joe Harrison]

THE blood-freezingest Russian military song evah

https://youtu.be/H8slqbNdacM

[Sanguma]

Re: THE blood-freezingest Russian military song evah

Top this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrgpZ0fUixs

It's the blood-freezingest USAmerican song EVAH!!!

Then this might also be considered suitable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fw0OvKFKhw

[uncle sjohie]

Red Alert Hell March

Red Alert Hell March https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b5X69vREAg obviously, has a nice reverse psychology to it..

[To Mars in Man Bras!]

NATO Anthem?

I thought they already had one; "The Star Spangled Banner"?

[Colonel Mad]

Link

I've been Rick-rolled, and I'm not happy!

[Jonathan Schwatrz]

More European waste in action.

It seems you just can't involve the Continentals in anything without them wasting time and money on frivolities. NATO was/is supposed to be a military alliance, not a party for "cultural" eejits. Guaranteed the proposed European Army will do half what NATO does with twice the budget and fifty times as much useless pomp and "culture". One can only hope Brexit keeps us out of another European money pit like their EU Army.

[Anonymous Coward]

I just posted about Boy George being an alien in new George R. R. Martin scifi series thread

Which brings to mind the idea of using "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" as NATO's new, more relatable hymn.

[Simon Harris]

An alternative anthem

Just to remind any adversaries that NATO has a nuclear stockpile and is prepared to unleash thermonuclear incineration should the need arise they could take an early Pink Floyd classic and drop one letter from it...

"Set the controls for the heat of the sun"

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Dad's Army

Take the theme song to Dad's Army, replace "Hitler" with "Putin" and "old England's" with "we are" or something suitalbe

http://dadsarmy.wikia.com/wiki/Who_Do_You_Think_You_Are_Kidding_Mr._Hitler%3F

[Sanguma]

Dear NATO SecGen

I also had a look at some other worthy songs on Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOgCx4Et48k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xZmlUV8muY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQMAGT-3wx4

As you can see, these contain much worthy rumination on the value of military service.

However, the following also contains hints as to the next NATO military uniforms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9AbeALNVkk

as well as a succinct statement of Western Europe's values. I am sure NATO's military tailors would appreciate the stylistic suggests in this video.

[AndersBreiner]

How about this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1mlCPMYtPk

[Pedigree-Pete]

Dambusters... Ooops.

Inappropriate...tho' I did find this looking for The Dambusters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFRDyHXCIdg

Same problem I guess. PP

>ICON. One for "the chaps"

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Dambusters... Ooops.

More dergy..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHylQRVN2Qs