back to article Facebook: Who needs millennials? The cops love us more than ever!

Facebook says police and government agents' requests for users' information as well as takedown demands are increasing. The social network's latest transparency report, published Monday and covering the first half of 2017, noted that, compared to the back half of last year… Law enforcement requests for account data climbed …

  1. benderama

    Hard to see how it would chase people away, with its forcing a stupid timeline structure on us, telling us we want to be friends with people 7degrees of Bacon away from our actual friends, the massive amount of ads scattered everywhere, the required separate apps for separate functions with stupid update notes that don't say anything... yeah it's a real mystery why people are moving away...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      At the A/C, ""Re: It's a mystery why it's failing.

      I was applying for $Something and had to give the counter lady all my PII in order to open the account. She asked for my "FaceBook, Twitter, or other Social Media account information" & I calmly told her I don't have any. She looked at me like I had suddenly revealed myself to have two heads atop my shoulders, four arms down each side of my torso, six legs, wings & a tail. "None at all? How is that, like, even possible?" *Sigh* YES it's possible, because I never bought into that whole fustercluck. No FarceBook, no Twatter, no MySpace, no Instafart, no Pintshit, nada. No. Social. Media.

      She sat there dumbfounded for a minute or two absorbing this strange concept then smiled as if she "got it". She says in a bright & chipper voice "Oh, because you're old? Like, you can't figure out all that 'newfangled technology' stuff, right?"

      I nearly went over the counter to beat the bint to death with her own fiendishly foul tongue.

      No, it's because I have a brain in my head. I don't need to spaf every aspect of my every waking moment to the world in an online diary for all to see just to validate my sense of self worth.

      "What's a diary?"

      *LUNGE*

      The world is doomed. If she's representative of "the youf of today" then we're all screwed, blued, & tattooed.

      Too old for this tech? Listen you c*nt, I was going online before you were even BORN, you brainless bimbo. I've built individual computers & constructed entire computer labs in educational environments, I've worked in a global telecomms provider, I've designed websites, I've optimized Windows machines to run better/faster/more securely than they did when they were brand new, and I've done things with and to computers it would take too long to explain to your pedestrian little pebble of a mind. I may be old but if you claim I'm too stupid to figure out FaceBook I'll come across this counter & it'll take six cops in full SWAT riot gear to pry me off your corpse.

      *Deep breath*

      Damned whippersnappers. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all.

      Anyway, my whole point of this ramble was to point out that social media is stupid. There's nothing you can do via your FarceBook page that you can't do better via email. Got a long list of friends & relatives with whom you want to update? We call those "CC Lists". It gets the job done, notifies everyone in said group, & (here's the kicker) doesn't annoy the fuck out of everyone else on the planet! Nobody else has to see that you're about to go on vacation & leave your house full of expensive xmas goodies unattended for a week, perfect for the inquisitive burgler to read on your page then show up to relieve you of said stuff. Oh look, is that a new car in the garage? !YOINK! Mine now you fool! Hahahahahahaha.

      *Cough*

      Social Media: Just Say No.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        I was applying for $Something and had to give the counter lady all my PII in order to open the account. She asked for my "FaceBook, Twitter, or other Social Media account information"

        Okay.

        - AshleyMadison - account name **********

        - iHookup - account name ********

        - Pornhub - account name **********

        Woh what a shocking impression she has on her face! Is she always like this?

      2. Long John Brass
        Flame

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        I was applying for $Something and had to give the counter lady all my PII in order to open the account. She asked for my...

        How and why is this even a thing? I had the unpleasant experience on when during the last round of applying for a new job, they asked for a look though all my social media accounts. I asked if they were serious (Yes they were). If it wasn't for the fact I was desperate for a gig I would told them to go fuck themselves.

        There needs to be a law...

        Now get the hell off my damned lawn.

        1. Moonunit

          Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

          Had that about 3 years back when looking at a contract gig. They were utterly nonplussed when I responded with "Firstly, no. Secondly, no, and finally ... no. Thanks for the interest shown but I must decline the offer. If you truly have reason to consider me a sociopath or other sort of danger to squirrels and little old ladies, at least have the backbone to say so. Yes, yes, I know this will probably harm my future prospects ... ".

          No, no working with vulnerable individuals, no SC-related gumpf, no sensitive fin data ...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Fake accounts

            Several years ago when I first started reading about governments / companies wanting access to social media accounts I created a fake Facebook and fake Twitter account just in case.

            If anyone ever wants to see it, I can say "oh yeah I created them a while back because everyone else was but don't ever use them". The fact they're fakes isn't obvious like ones created a week ago would be. I can even give out the password if someone wants to be particularly snoopy, also to the email address used to create them. Nice and clean that email, no spam because it has never been used for anything else!

          2. BebopWeBop
            Facepalm

            Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

            No, no working with vulnerable individuals, no SC-related gumpf, no sensitive fin data ...

            Never been asked for that for SC clearance. I have been for a higher level security clearance, and while they were not nonplussed when we were reviewing it (in one of the interminable meetings), I was asked whether I was sure :-)

        2. Steve K Silver badge

          Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

          In this instance, how would they know whether or not you had any Social Media accounts (or even if you had given them a complete list thereof?).

      3. Moonunit

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        You read my mind, my emotions ... it's ... it's as if you know me on social media!

        No, wait, wait wait wait ... you have a life! A sense of self-worth!

        Here, have a bewery on me :-)

      4. Spanners Silver badge
        Big Brother

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        She asked for my "FaceBook, Twitter, or other Social Media account information"

        My first thought would be "Am I sure that I want to shop here?". That sort of thing is nobodys' business but my own. Anyone who wants it, is either intending to spam me or nose around in places that do not concern them.

        I presume she was bot asking for passwords etc. That would be a sign of criminal intent such as when known criminal organisations require them upon entry to a country.

      5. Sherminator
        Thumb Up

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        So it's not just me that feels like this?

        When these sub humans are unable to communicate with others of the same species......It's like they've all got whiplash and their neck muscles are unable to lift their heads into the vertical position from the horizontal app interaction position.

        We're in danger of wiping ourselves out as a species....

      6. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        "Social Media: Just Say No."

        Sounds like a Tee shirt to me.

        I might get one printed up.

        This thing about wanting a peek into your social media accounts is like the old thing of needing reference letters but on a much larger scale, I don't really do anything that is likely to get the question asked but should that happen, I think FECK OFF!! would probably be the most barely adequate answer.

      7. Tigra 07

        Re: At the A/C, ""It's a mystery why it's failing.

        I had this happen a few months back in Burton. I was attempting to buy a button-up shirt and the woman on the till asked for all my social media details. I refused since i only have Twitter and didn't want their spam.

        She then asked for my email address for the receipt - which i also refused, and earned a dirty look.

        Just sell me a shirt and stop trying to spam me

    2. FuzzyWuzzys
      Happy

      Not mention the random fake friend requests from young women offering something called "wet vagne"?!! I don't like foreign food thanks very much!

      1. Tigra 07

        RE: FuzzyWuzzys

        "Hi, i see you're also from anonymous proxy. Would you like to meet up?"

  2. Teiwaz

    Like a green sticky thing

    Those slimey-sticky things that are all vogue among children for a month or two, once in a generation - the ones that you can throw at a wall and they'll stick for a while before sliding-tumbling down to splat on the floor.

    That's Facebook.

    We're all waiting for it to finally go splat.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Like a green sticky thing

      I used to work at my son's K-6 school as their IT Guy. I found it interesting, amusing, & vaguely disturbing where the kids could shove those damned "Sticky Walkers". It only got worse when they realized you could slingshot them via a stretched rubber band. Suddenly the ceilings & upper balcony levels were no longer safe from the scurge. *!ZING!* That was a StickyWalker zipping past your head & squealching into the wall behind you. *Sigh*

  3. cantankerous swineherd

    Facebook and the internet more generally are the greatest aid to detection ever invented.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Facebook and the internet more generally are the greatest aid to detection ever invented.

      At a police station, 2017-future:

      "There's been a murder reported! Here's the report, quick log on to Twitter!

      "Nothing there Sarge."

      "Then check Facebook!"

      "Nope, nothing there about it either."

      "Reddit?"

      "Still drawing a blank."

      "Google?"

      "Nada."

      "[Sigh] Then mark it Unsolved and file it then."

  4. Winkypop Silver badge
    Meh

    But I don't got none

    I have documented my entire social media presence in the space below:

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I see this as a problem.

    If requests for information are up and rising it means stupid criminals that post pictures of themselves with their "swag" or live stream doing a "job" or even post their nefarious intentions are being collared.

    Which means all we will be left with are the not so stupid criminals. Then where will we be?

    1. J.G.Harston Silver badge

      A week or so ago our town Christmas tree got vandalised. Within an hour the ponkers who did it had uploaded video of themselves doing it, *with* *their* *names*. The local Plod went and yanked them.

      And this was "kids" in their 20s, not teenage scroffs.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We must support Facebook. If we don't then poor little Timmy will never get all the likes he needs to cure his cancer.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      At the A/C, Re: Little Timmy.

      Fuck Timmy. The little bastard keeps falling into the well & driving Lassie bonkers. Then we have to rush out, rescue his worthless ass from the well AGAIN, & give Lassie another sedative to calm her down.

      Fuck that. Next time Timmy falls down the well I'm dropping a boulder in on him, nailing the well head lid shut, & telling my wife we'll try again later.

      /Sarcasm.

  7. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    " If a request appears to be deficient or overly broad, we push back, and will fight in court, if necessary"

    He, he! Good one!

  8. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    I accidentally watched a bit of the car crash that is Googlebox (or similar name) on TV.

    Have any of you here seen what we are up against?

    Just saying...

    1. FuzzyWuzzys
      Facepalm

      We need to get cracking on building those Ark ships and just dispose of a large chunk of our society who are nothing more than oxygen thieves!

      1. Steve K Silver badge
        Alert

        Careful what you wish for

        Recall that the remaining (i.e. non B-Ark) inhabitants of Planet Earth were wiped out by an infection acquired from an unsanitised telephone handset ;-)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Googlebox is fake TV, they aren't in their front rooms, this is the level to which TV has now arrived at. The next level is when we have TV shows showing when people fart then the celebrity fart specials with celebrities you have never heard of dropping air biscuits with hilarious consequences.

      1. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

        Their own rooms or not, they certainly don't seem to be all there. And it's hard to believe English is actually their mother tongue.

  9. David Nash

    I thought facebook made you use your real name...so what "details" are they asking for? I assume they have your name.

  10. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Coat

    In defense of Facebook ...

    ...

    Nah, never mind, can't be bothered, or think of a really good reason, for that matter

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was asked for all my SM accounts yesterday when dealing with the SS (aka DW&P). Although 'allegedly' just a trial I had apparently "volunteered for" (WTF? had been in touch for over 4 years), I was told they could not process any claim further until such time I could provide them.

    A former colleague who now works for them said they are still seriously looking at forcing this and related phone apps on people (using 'Block-Chain technology') with real time tracking enforced on those with Job-seeker claims.

    Can't see it myself, they'll use the tagging system currently used for criminals et al.

    WTF is this world coming to?

    Don't worry though it wont pass parliamentary scrutiny so it will be covered by the Glorious Leader Tzarina May using the Henry 8th Powers she intends to grab to MGBG(A) (Make Great Britain Great (Again))

    AC for a bloody good reason!

  12. Tim99 Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Eben Moglen - Quotes about Facebook

    “Mr. Zuckerberg has attained an unenviable record. He has done more harm to the human race than anybody else his age... Everybody needs to get laid... He turned it into a structure for degenerating the integrity of human personality, and he has to a remarkable extent succeeded with a very poor deal. Namely, ‘I will give you free Web hosting and some PHP doodads, and you get spying for free all the time.'”

    Facebook, Google and Government Surveillance: YouTube Link.

  13. IGnatius T Foobar
    Mushroom

    Can't wait for Facebook to die.

    I am looking forward to the decline, and hopefully complete failure, of Facebook. Facebook is a cancer on the Internet, and like any cancer, it should be eradicated.

    Yes, it's snooping on you. All the time. Even if you aren't a member. EVERYONE should block FB cookies. Or if you do insist on using FB, then install "Facebook Blocker" extension which prevents Facebook content and cookies from appearing on non-Facebook sites.

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