CEO: 'Claying the ongoing continuous chaos of info into one logical masterpiece'

We start this week's collection of storage news with the marketing buzzwords of the month award, which goes to startup Panoply for outstanding excellence. Panoply emerged from stealth in late 2016 and now wants to announce general availability of its data warehouse product. It exclaims that, after four decades of stagnation in …

[Anonymous Coward]

I love the term "frictionless"

.. because that always prompts the question if it involves lube, mainly because I love the look of panic on marketeer faces when they realise what they set themselves up for.

I suspect this must be one of the reasons why I don't get invited to branding meetings anymore. I clearly don't smoke enough weird stuff.

[Steve the Cynic]

don't see the contradiction

"self-serve" and "no human intervention" is not contradictory.

Or, at least, not the way I read it. I read it as "no human intervention from the supplier needed, you can just press buttons and it works automatically."

[Rich 11]

Re: don't see the contradiction

I read it as "no qualified human intervention". In other words, yer standard unqualified bloke will be able to cock it up all on his own, as happens sooner or later with most software flexible enough to be able to do anything really useful and original.

[Hollerithevo]

I revel in this stuff

Marketing-speak can sometimes be poetry. Daft poetry, but if you remove any will to buy anything, you can float forever on metaphor.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I revel in this stuff

"Float like a metaphor, sting like a ... clay?"

[Stevie]

Gah!

I googled "claying" and then threw up in my desk drawer.

Your work here is done, El Reg.

[Alistair]

Frictionless revelations in contradiction.

@ Stevie -> I hope you have a cleaning staff and left them a good tip.

@Hollerithevo -> I suspect your joss sticks have been swapped out for something a little more potent. May I have some, please?

"an autonomous machine learning data warehouse that doesn't require human beings to either manage or tune the database".

This concerns me greatly. I know what my 21 year old considers "organized". I know what my 11 year old considers "organized". I've seen what machine learning can accomplish with almost 5 years of training and close to 3Pb of source data. I have no wish to discover what this will do to data organization. I suspect I might suffer a stroke or three.

"It's a learning machine, forging the rules of its universe, claying the ongoing continuous chaos of information into one logical masterpiece."

Yaniv has a fetish, and mistyped clawing. At least I *hope* that's what this is. Otherwise I'm not too hopeful for the staff of Panoply. Unless they have killer benefits, and big red "kill it now, with fire" buttons handy.

[Anonymous Coward]

Kaminario guy going to Violin?

Wait what? He ran channel at Kaminario; they had a channel? All I saw was direct. Now he is VP sales at Violin. That makes sense. Leave a sinking ship to jump on a sunken ship that is going down for a second time..

[Anonymous Coward]

I was wondering if we'd finally tagged where amanfrommars 1 actually works.