back to article Uncle Sam to strap body sensors to hackers in nuke lab security study

The US Department of Defense is funding research into how hackers hack, with an interesting twist. It wants to wire them up with body monitoring equipment to measure how they react while hunting down and exploiting security flaws. The study is running this month and next at what's described as a high-security nuclear science …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where do I sign up?

    At the moment I'm "between jobs" and could use a few days of R&R. Food trucks, lodging, travel, what's not to like.

    Of course, I may not have the most elite h@xor sk1lls (I probably didn't even get that right) that others might have. It may not even matter given that the people wanting the warm bodies are the US Government.

    Then again I might have better luck getting on Survivor (which I've tries many times).

  2. Alister

    It's a Trap!

    Hi, Welcome to the Department of Defense Hacking Study.

    For your comfort and convenience, please wear the orange jumpsuits provided at all times.

    Free transport to our Caribbean paradise testing area is included in the program.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's a Trap!

      It is. See what the US did to the UK person who stopped Wannacry. The cretins locked him up.

      If you are involved in cybersecurity, stay the fuck away from the US and its government.

    2. defiler

      Re: It's a Trap!

      First you will be baked. Then there will be cake.

  3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    So they'll find various levels of stress

    And then what ?

    Some of the contestants will be cool as ice, some will be bouncing off the keyboard, and there's likely no correlation with the efficiency of their hacking skills.

    As usual, it's for these useless studies that they put the money in. Over 15 hundred bucks for a wristband ? That's a hell of a piece of kit right there.

  4. Nolveys

    You may like nudity, but...

    ...the nude lab security study may turn you away if you are dyslexic.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Monitored hacker study--If you paw at the left button

    A handful of Cheetos will come down the chute. The right button pours you a glass of Mountain Dew.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Uh-oh

    They obviously don't really care about the hacking, they seem to actually care more about the physiology of the people doing it. So, are we testing hacking-enhancing drugs to fuel America's future "cyber-warriors"?

    Several clues point in this direction: Of course the astonishingly expensive device to check vitals. The fact they don't use some cheaper device shows that the precision of this information is most important. Also nobody can talk to the research team: Obviously, else they would notice those are medical, not computer specialists. Last, any comments or queries should go to the US Department of Energy's "Human Subjects Protection Program": That's clearly in case one of the guinea hackers mutates into something unsavory...

    Sorry, someone's knocking on my door -

  7. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmm

    Anon because I used to work with for Sandia's previous prime contractor via subcontract.

    Sandia is not owned by Honeywell. Nor was it owned by Lockheed Martin up until this year. The lab and its two campuses are owned by the US Department of Energy via the National Nuclear Security Administration, but operated by a contractor like most of the NNSA's National Lab system.

    Now what I wonder about is why Sandia's doing this themselves and why it wasn't farmed out to Lovelace Respiratory Research Institute as they're co-located with Sandia on the Kirtland Cantonment in Albuquerque, they usually handle any kind of animal (including human) biological or behavioral testing relevant to Sandia's mission.

    Its kind of unusual for SNL or the Prime Contractor to do something like this themselves, and to involve uncleared civilians, especially since they have the NSA and Service Cryptographic Elements at their disposal.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmmm

      Check your secure mail.

  9. Stevie

    Bah!

    "Perhaps the top brass are hoping to install security defenses on production networks that will literally give miscreants a heart attack while attempting to break in from afar."

    Been reading a little too much Neuromancer, Mr Thompson?

  10. Black Rat
    Mushroom

    I call dibs on the W-87 warhead...

    If you see me running you can keep the green card ;)

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