2. Soup dragon's pot boiled over
On July 3rd, 2016 something unusual happened on Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko: a fountain of dust erupted out of a hole and spewed all sorts of stuff into space. As luck would have it, Earth's Rosetta probe had five instruments trained on the fountain as it started to blow. Better yet, the probe flew through the plume of …
"Evaporation of ice alone can't explain the energy required to shoot lots of dust up into space, leaving astroboffins wondering what lurked beneath the surface of 67P that could power a plume."
I am waiting for the barrage of 'Someone or thing that didn't want us there!!!'
(but using a lot more Caps)
Should it start with "THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS. WE KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAR US EARTHMEN. OUR RETALIATION WILL BE SLOW, BUT NONETHELESS EFFECTIVE. IT WILL MEAN THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF LIFE ON EARTH. IT WILL BE USELESS FOR YOU TO RESIST, FOR WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE SECRET OF REVERSING MATTER, AS YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED. ONE OF YOU WILL BE UNDER OUR CONTROL. YOU BE INSTRUMENTAL IN AVENGING THE MYSTERONS. OUR FIRST ACT OF RETALIATION WILL BE TO ASSASSINATE YOUR WORLD PRESIDENT. "
No, we don't have to go back, that was reaction mass being ejected from one of the steering jets. They are coming back, since being woken up by a primitive spy drone crashing into the outer hull camouflage, they have had time to study us and are coming back to destroy our governments. That will leave us leaderless as a punishment for disturbing their hibernation.
Don't be a fool! Of course they know this! But they want to keep all the Spice to themselves and not share. So they can live longer and see the future, and the rest of us can't!
Isn't this obvious to everyone? The fact that Philae landed perfectly and gave them pictures, then they pretended there'd been a malfunction and censored everything - Then immediately after the ESA GPS satellites that mysteriously didn't work, because they're actually probes to secretly go off and collect samples. All we need to do is look out for the ESA scientists with glowing blue eyes, and we'll have proof.
"It is bloody obvious that it was caused by a giant subterranean worm similar to those in the non-fiction epic, Dune.... seriously scientists, sort your shit out."
Nah, the Arrakis Sandworms were actually quite delicate, needing very specific conditions to live, survive and thrive in. Now, that one living in the asteroid Han Solo tried to hide the Millennium Falcon in...
No they weren't. Drop a sandworm in water, watch it shatter into sandtrout. In relatively short order they would sequester all your planet's water beneath the surface and convert the planet into a desert filled with sandworms.
Do not fuck with Shai Hulud. He will your entire planet.
"The paper says the plume originated from a a 10 m-high wall around a circular dip in the surface and continued for between 14 and 68 minutes. The event saw between 6,500 and 118,000kg of material ejected."
Those seem like pretty huge error bounds. That's akin to saying "I had the bath on for between 5 and 25 minutes. Also, the temperature was somewhere between 10 and 180 degrees...so maybe you shouldn't dip your toe in there just in case".
I assume this is because the probe was in orbit, and only got to see the plume when on the right side of the comet. So they'll have data from when it was overhead and didn't see anything and data from when it did, and that gives the time limits of the event, but obviously not very precisely.
Cant believe current establishment has not changed their description and still call comets "dirty snowballs" coming from the hypothetical Oort cloud...
Did they find their ice? NO. They found it is made out of rocks and it is extremely electrostaticaly charged if I remember correctly.
Some suggested that as soon as the probe gets close enough by there will be a measurable electrical fields which turned out to be correct. This type of fields eject the fine dust outwards and look like eruptions.
What bugs me the most is that NASA admitted their assumptions are way off and that they need to go back to the drawing board however here we are pushing the old theory again.
I always assumed theories should change / evolve but I guess that drawing board was covered in super-permanent marker...
Electric universe has some interesting ideas in case you are interested. I am not into this type of science but their explanation kinda matches what was recorded.