back to article DXC Technologies mails another corp message (gulp)

Repeated redundancy programmes and the imposition of penny pinching measures can make a workforce glum, no matter how many fancy dress days a company offers: DXC Technologies might have realised this. The outsourcing provider has this week informed its grunts in the UK who don’t qualify for existing bonus schemes that one is …

  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    “We recognise that our people are essential to DXC Technology’s $ManglenebtSPeak”

    Better late than never.

  2. HmmmYes

    I wish youd list the old names in brackets.

    It gets hard to follow all these rebrandings.

    1. TakeTheSkyRoad

      As an aside it makes it hard to write a sensible cv as well

      1. Miss Lincolnshire

        I should imagine anyone that worked for CSC is relieved to be able to take that particular carbuncle off their CV.

  3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    “It’s good internal PR for not a lot of money"

    Well if it's that cheap, make it a raise then. Might be even more "good internal PR".

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    yeah, "Top Performers", that'll be like 3 people per country, for everyone else, the beatings will continue as normal.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Translation

    Good boy! Sit! Beg! Awww, biccy gone away...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    The cynic in me already know the outcome...

    "For FY18, if DXC exceeds company-wide earning before interest and taxes target "

    Due to tough trading conditions, fantastic creative accounting and deliberately unachievable targets, we are 1p short of target, so you'll get fuck all. Don't worry the Directors have achieved amazingness and will still get their £1m bonus.

    Love The Times Rich List Nominees

    1. paulf
      Holmes

      Re: The cynic in me already know the outcome...

      And that's exactly how it will be - they'll worm out of it any way they can as I know from recent experience.

      About 14 months ago, to try and stem the increasing flow of departures, a bonus scheme was hurriedly implemented for all Business Units. If a BU met its budget a bonus would be paid to all within that BU.

      Guess what? My BU drastically improved its financial performance thanks to a lot of hard work but didn't pay out because it didn't meet its budget. The response from Manglement said it all: your performance was "phenomenal" but, hey, you didn't make the target so fuck you. Two things are instructive here:

      1. They didn't properly explain how the scheme worked until after the end of the performance period.

      2. Despite everyone working like mad we only made 2/3 of the target because we are so under staffed we couldn't complete any more work, so didn't stand a hope in hell of meeting the target in the first place.

      Needless to say that caused a lot of bad feeling so it was staggering when, a month later, we were reminded of the importance of our current project to the BU. The heat was turned up a week later when the recent closure of a team in another BU was used as motivational material i.e. get this project completed or you'll all get the sack.

      I heard, "If you're not already looking for another job, you should be." I'd be surprised if that wasn't the result in 12 months at DXC - perhaps that is their ultimate intention...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The cynic in me already know the outcome...

      I'm sure there was a Dilbert where Wally asked for his bonus to be linked to the performance of a different company.

      Can't find it now. Have to settle for:

      http://dilbert.com/strip/2013-04-28

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The cynic in me already know the outcome...

        Aha:

        http://dilbert.com/strip/1999-11-09

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    [self] appraisal system...

    ... Dunning-Kruger reward system

  8. Miss Lincolnshire

    Snake Oil

    They replaced the old 5 level HPE ES performance markings with 3 just prior to CSC. The new ones were "Stalled" - you're expensive expect the bullet, "Driving" - we are making money from you but will still sack you when it suits us and "Accelerating" - don't expect a payoff to go yet as you are making us a profit.

    Prior to the switch I had 7 consecutive "exceeds expectations" makings, the second level down and considered as a strong perormer. After the change, despite taking more responsibility for no extra salary, I was dropped back into the middle tier pot under a new system that makes it statistically more difficult to be a "top performer".

    An ethical system would say, "If you achieve A you will get £x". The system they employ doesn't. It's all about talking up airy fairy notions with no objective measure. 5% is derisory when you consider that middle managers and above are on a far better promise than that and payment doesn't even depend on their individual performance. I got an unexpected £9k in 2015 purely by my boss switching my job code on promotion.

    Finally anything you do get won't be consolidated into salary so it's a one-off and bonuses are no longer pensionable so you won't even get any benefit that way. As usual this is good for the headline but the reality is 95% will get bugger all. And we all know who the 5% are.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Re: Snake Oil

      "After the change, despite taking more responsibility for no extra salary, I was dropped back into the middle tier pot "

      That's because you'd already set the expectation quite high. You can't exceed expectations if they are always expecting more. It's just a con (as you are obviously well aware).

  9. Sir Runcible Spoon

    you *may* be eligible to receive *up* *to* five per cent of your base salary

    Even if by some miracle you do qualify, you'll probably be made redundant before you receive it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ....good point.

      When I left I asked for the bonus I was expecting the following January. I was told no but if I was due owt I'd get it at year end. Yeah. Right.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "you'll probably be made redundant "...

      I wish! They keep turning down my reasonable offer to take myself off their hands... luckily, there's a new chance to enter the Freedom Lottery ever 3 months now.

      1. PaulusTheGrey

        Re: "you'll probably be made redundant "...

        Ah, the "not in scope" ploy.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "you'll probably be made redundant "...

          How would you describe the ploy?

          My try; whatever may be your preferred choice, they'll deny it to you, so you will see that your only left option is to comply, whatever may be the associated duration, with whatever terms they may dish out, hoping that the what and the when of when they may dish it out, might just be that option that suits you. Are they just buying time, so I will leave out of my own?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You know you need to get out of your job when you realise that DXC are offering a better bonus scheme than your current employer.

    1. Tim #3

      What are these bonus schemes that they speak of?

  11. HmmmYes

    Reading the report again, this looks like they are are down on software bodies but dont want to pay for them.

    Id guess the are fucked and have lost a lot of software heads.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't hold your breath

    1) The EBIT target set will be hopelessly unachievable

    2) From the actual policy- "Employee must have superior performance as documented in the annual performance process, including as it relates to an individual’s goals and consistent demonstration of DXC CLEAR Values. *****DXC Management’s identification of such superior performance is at its sole discretion****." - in other words there is no predefined success criteria, they can and will twist your performance review in order to meet their own targets for how much they pay out by making you not eligible... just like they always have in CSC.

    I predict at the very best a small handful of people will get an absolute pittance.

    Besides which, what is the point of an incentive scheme if I cannot directly contribute to it? If it was the number of widgets I made in a day, I'd work harder to make more widgets. Nothing I can do will make the EBIT higher - I'm not a salesman, I just fix broken computer systems...

    1. Blotto Silver badge

      Re: Don't hold your breath

      @ac

      "I just fix broken computers"

      Take longer to fix them and your employer gets to charge more, (may need more ram or disk etc). More charge = more revenue = more pay for them and if your lucky 5% for you for increasing customer engagement leading to increased sales.

      It's stupid but the worst performers seem to get the best rewards.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Don't hold your breath

        @Blotto

        "It's stupid but the worst performers seem to get the best rewards."

        Yep - the incompetent have to work overtime to get their job done and then get praised for working the extra hours - the competent get the job done in the normal hours and don't get rewarded!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Don't hold your breath

        @Blotto... if only it was that simple.

        The client is on a fixed price deal. We don't get to charge any more than the agreed monthly price.

        I'd be more efficient and fix them quicker if DXC would invest in what it takes to do that... like having kit that didn't need fixing in the first place.

  13. HmmmYes

    Basically, the plebs need to all resign en masses.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Strike

      Or strike if we could get organised, but it's never going to happen. Just wish people would have courage and realise how much power they have, again it's never going to happen, don't hear a peep from PCS these days.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shouldn't be too hard

    It shouldn't be too hard to be a top performer there, anyone with actual skills should be long gone to greener pastures. The writing was on the wall 15 years ago.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tut tut tut, no news for you

    LOL - Another internal memo ends up on The Register, poor old Nicky must be doing his nut right about now.

    Excellent, keep up the good work!

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

      Maybe if Nick realised how bad morale is within DXC and did something about it then he wouldn't have this particular problem.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

        What morale problem? Working at DXC is Fun! It must be true it was on Nick's last presentation.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

          What morale problem? There is no fucking morale!

          1. CSS

            Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

            There was an outbreak of morale in 2016, a full investigation was carried, but no explanation was ever given - thankfully it hasn't happened again, even after free pens, rulers and a mug with the name of the fourth different company name on it since I started working there. :)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

      Yes 3 cheers for who ever posted this. The thought of Nick's reaction to yet another email on here is the only bright spot in yet another miserable day at DXC.

      I can't decide if he's not announced the next all employee call because he's too angry or too scared. Either way I can't wait to see if he tries to tell us again that working at DXC is Fun!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tut tut tut, no news for you

      Yeah nice one El Reg and whoever provided you with the story.

      Here you go Nick, you poodle haired twonk, you've done a good job, let me bounce a chocolate off of your head.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: Snake Oil

    When I went through these appraisals based on your ongoing 'goals and objectives' it was always your supervisors expectations that you had to live up to and where therefore subjective, but were probably based on their own 'goals and objectives', one of which I know was around cost savings, and guess what the easiest way of saving money is whilst still being able to achieve all those operational targets?

  17. CSS

    Does anyone believe it?

    Is there one single person (apart from those just through the door with brand new Degrees) that actually believe this bullshit?

    You can't even get a pen or ruler to do ones work, let alone a bloody bonus!

    Maybe now there's a few quid around Nick the dick can change the sweets he throws at people, I'm sick of Jelly Tots!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Earned my own bonus

    The team I'm on long ago gave up with this nonsense. We make our own bonus by working less and less hours, we cover the job and look after each other, we always keep the customer happy too.

    There is always more than one way to skin a cat, some weeks my hourly rate is astronomical, we play these tossers at their own game, it's the only way, just like they play us!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Got I Done

    This comes a week after UK&I initiative...

    The DXC UK&I leadership team is delighted to announce the launch of a new quarterly employee recognition initiative called—Got It Done—designed to recognize the hard work and achievements of UK&I and Israel employees.

    ...

    You can nominate a colleague who has demonstrated one of the CLEAR values. The communications team have created an employee recognition committee, made of up the UKI leadership team and employees, who will assess the nominations, each quarter.

    There will be three winners announced on a quarterly basis; Gold, Silver and Bronze.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It continues to astound me that Nick and his ilk don't get the message that objectives and appraisals are a worthless piece of shit. If he wants to save money, get rid of it all, and the myriad of layers of management that he employs to maintain it. The cost savings can be passed on to the staff that actually earn the money off the customers. Everyone wins, the staff are happy, they serve the needs of the customer, the customer is happy, they pay their invoices and the share holders are happy. Except the idiots that set meaningless objectives and skew the results. But they deserve what they get.

    The money wasted in employee dis-engagement nonsense must be staggering. Just-leave-me-alone-to-do-my-fucking-job.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Also recently received...

    "You have been chosen to participate in the Motivational Quotient (MQ) Survey for the .... The survey will be open until September 25th, 2017. Your participation in this survey is critical to gain an understanding of the areas we're doing particularly well in and of the ones where improvements are needed."

    If they feel the need to ask by survey...

    And if you away for just over a week you miss the opportunity!

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