Think you could deliver a Register lecture? Tell us why

We’re planning an ambitious series of Register lectures for next year, and we want to hear from you if you think you’ve got what it takes to fascinate and amaze our audience...or simply know someone who does. Over the last few years we’ve had a series of brilliant speakers covering everything from the rise of sex robots, new …

[Pen-y-gors]

These are not the speakers you are looking for....

I have a selection of talks that go down very well with the local WIs - problem is they tend to be on 19th century Welsh history, so not much of an IT angle. Although the one on 19th century pubs of Cardiganshire may be of interest to our readers...

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: These are not the speakers you are looking for....

Yep. Same here.

I did a talk a few weeks ago to a Local Natural History group about Life in Madagascar.

Again, not an IT angle but it seems to go down well.

TBH, In recent years, talks on anything IT related tended to send me to sleep in a matter of minutes. That might even be a few seconds after a few beers... Hic.

[Haku]

Re: These are not the speakers you are looking for....

I once did a best man speech, in a completely packed pub, I was nervous as hell but it went down a storm and I ended it with "By Grabthar's Hammer, what a wedding." which I only wrote for the bride & groom to understand

[kain preacher]

Ahem I give lectures about how aliens control our every day lives.

[Pen-y-gors]

Doesn't everyone?

[kain preacher]

But do you give lectures about how they revolutionized the porn industry ?

[I ain't Spartacus]

No. You only think you give lectures on how aliens control our every day lives. In fact the audience is just a hullucination, generated by the aliens, in order to stop you from actually telling people.

Just as I only think I'm typing this post, and in actual fact when I hit post it will simply disapper from my computer, never to be seen again.

The trick I've discovered is that if you throw away your tinfoil hat and replace it with a teacosy, they can no longer control your mind!

[Pirate Dave]

"Just as I only think I'm typing this post, and in actual fact when I hit post it will simply disapper from my computer, never to be seen again."

Your error is in assuming that the computer is actually there...

[Commswonk]

Erratum...

The only other requirement is to be able to hold the attention of a roomful of very switched-on, occasionally invariably argumentative people...

FTFY

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: Getting the attention

is easy. JUst tell them to switch their effing phones off for the next two hours.

That's the touch paper lit...

Rioting will ensue.

[Warm Braw]

What's the fee?

I'd be happy to put it behind the bar and then noone is going to care what I say...

[Nick Kew]

Re: What's the fee?

And would it cover expenses for travel to Vulture Academy? Train fare alone being into three figures nowadays. You'd'a thunk a techie rag could conduct lectures online!

[Alistair]

Re: What's the fee?

If it were me, I get the feeling they'd make me swim it. But then I'd have a hell of a subject to discuss....

[I ain't Spartacus]

I've got a seminar on the backflow prevention as part of the Water Regulations if anyone's interested? I've got the Powerpoint done and everything.

Anyone...

Anyone...

Anyone?

_Anyone?

_{...sniff...sniff...sniff...}

[Mystic Megabyte]

Gi'sajob

I could talk for 2 to 3 hours on how stupid the USAian (*New York City) musicians were that I had the misfortune to tour Europe with.

*Apologies to non New Yorkers

[Anonymous Coward]

Bar?

Bar? Did someone say bar? Hmm, I might be tempted, except that train trip across the Atlantic would be a bit less than desirable.

[Anonymous Coward]

What about a lecture on Wormholes? Specifically those in the subclass of Oligochaeta.

I'm sure I could dig something up.

[Anonymous Coward]

Not a lecture

I can give a neo-luddist prognostication of our impending digital dystopia.

I'm going to post it anyway, but if you want me to appear in person,

[russell 6]

I can give lectures on this and do group discussion after on these subjects. Yes I was in Syria to document the war. I'm fascinated by economics and the future global economic system, am currently working with a company that is designing and building cutting edge automated production lines.

https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/documenting-syria/

or this

https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/economics/

or this

https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/the-rise-of-the-machines-how-they-will-change-your-life/

For travel and hotel expenses am open to discussion

[Anonymous Coward]

Boo, get out neoliberal technocrat

[Will Godfrey]

Probably not

I've been able to talk for over an hour on the softsynth I work on, but it's a rather narrow field and not really IT related. Besides, someone's bound to ask a question I don't know the answer to - there's plenty available!

[Anonymous Coward]

I'd be terrible...

Unbelievably poor. I've got away with knowing f**k all about technology or indeed anything much for years now, and received a good amount of cash for my ignorance, mainly because I don't talk much and certainly don't offer opinions. I just agree with whoever my manager is that week, then return to my usual state of blank calm, whilst they get stressed.

For enough cash I'll give it a go, of course, who wouldn't, but don't say you weren't warned.

Why not pick that Russel 6 chap above? He seems eager to please and has documented the war developing systemd or enveloping Syria - I forget which.